Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation accompanied by interval timer. The topic of today’s guided meditation was about using the skills learned through one’s meditation practice to turn moments of frustration and irritation around into a calmer and less destructive response.
It’s about being aware of when this irritation and frustration begins to rise, and taking a moment to turn that awareness into action by stepping back and taking a deep breath, allowing yourself a moment just breathe and let your muscles relax.
In that action alone, we lower our blood pressure and thus ease our temper enough to keep it from boiling over, allowing for a calmer and more positive interaction with whatever has us irritated or frustrated in the first place.
Today’s draw is the Five of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, conflict, and hardships in the area of one’s finances, resources, hearth and home, health, and manifestations.
I’m very touched by the imagery of this card. What I see here is the drown… and the drop. Both captured in one image.
In the drown, all that intensity and intimacy that delves me under the surface of subspace and sends me floating in the limbo of weightless pleasure is peaceful. My trust as I am held down beneath the surface, my certainty that nothing will be allowed to hurt me so that I can fully open up and allow those vulnerable inner pieces of myself to hang suspended in that place of peaceful place controlled by you.
Where in the drown there is peace, in the drop there is agony. I used to revolt against it, thrashing uselessly in the cloying suffocation of the drop. I have learned that it is better to remain still and quiet, to not fight but accept the pain as payment for the pleasure.
Nothing is free, and the pleasure you give me when you float me into the drown and hold me there is so great… that it makes sense the ache that comes after as payment would be just as heavy. This stillness and ache is also something I see in the imagery of this card.
Today’s card is a reminder that pleasure and pain go hand in hand, and that those things worth having sometimes take their payment less traditional ways. It’s okay… just stay still and breathe, and the drop will pass.
DECK USED: HUSH TAROT
Reading Summary: Keep your eye on the prize (Tree of Life over Ten of Cups) and do your best to take what you’ve learned this year (The Hierophant). Don’t throw up unnecessary barriers between yourself and those lessons (Nine of Wands) is a better path to protecting what’s yours (Seven of Swords).
Take Away: “The Prize” in this case is my emotional growth (Ten of Cups) and turning over a new leaf in how I do things (Tree of Life). I’ve had a lot of worry about having to choose between that emotional growth and the lambasting intensity of the upcoming holiday season.
The thing is, though… I’ve earned the growth I’ve managed to accomplish so far over this year. I’ve earned it, I’ve learned from it and it’s now mine. A part of me. Instead of trying to put up walls to protect my progress, I need to accept that this progress is already a part of me.
Even if I backslide? Regaining my footing will not be the same as starting from the beginning all over again. I’ve already tread the path and climbed the cliff face, I know where the footing is best and where the handholds are. That means I will be able to regain that ground more quickly.
If I want to protect what’s mine… what I’ve earned and made a part of myself? I need to ease up on that normal reaction to construct walls, and instead take a breath and relax.
DECK USED: WILDERWOVEN TAROT
Amber – Nine of Wands – Where I need to work on my emotions to create more balance in my life is in the area of my depression and my hard flex to guard myself from emotional pain. Having spent so much of my life walling my emotional side off, I never really got used to and toughened up to the emotional pain people are dealt. Now that I no longer have a fortress of walls to protect those emotions, sometimes when I flinch in pain, I start building. This does not encourage balance, nor help me in getting used to this new state of emotional openness and growth.
Cedar – Five of Wands – I can use my present day fortitude to strengthen my future protections by remembering the experiences from my past and the times that I’ve had to fight for the growth and progress needed. The strategies, methods, and spark of willpower from those times can be carried forward through the present and into the future, to strengthen my position and my protection of those things that are important to me.
Marigold – Karmic Release – Where I should focus on my health in order to develop a happier outlook is tied in directly to my Karmic health and self actualization. In looking at the things I’ve done that I am ashamed of, feel guilt over, or know that are wrong… by examining these things and taking ownership of them, then letting go of them. By allowing this process of release to happen, I can then foster a greater sense of happiness in my life.
Lapis Lazuli – The Shaman – The inner truths that self awareness can bring into the light within my life have to do with my spirituality and my connection to the earth, the elements, and the metaphysical. By delving into this part of who I am, I am able to not just facilitate my own growth, but guide others in theirs as well. The more I delve into myself, my spirituality, and my unique abilities, then the more I grow and the more I have to offer others in turn.
Walnut – Knight of Swords and The Sage – In order to be more discerning in picking positive friendships, it is important to take a level-headed look at those friendships from your past in which you have bitten off more than you can chew. Take some time to truly ascertain which of those friendships were valuable and which were simply frivolous leaps into the unknown, and purge those experiences and energies left over from those that did not work for you, while retaining the lessons learned from them.
Sapphire – The Hierophant – I can best discern between logical thought and true wisdom by looking at these moments through the lens of inner truth. Only through reaching within yourself for the answers can you sort out the difference. Logic comes from the mind, but true wisdom comes from somewhere much deeper. Ask yourself if the information being offered is simply emotionless knowledge… or heartfelt inner truths being shared.
Yarrow – King of Swords – To move from a place of trauma to a place of healing, I need to take control of myself and the situation, clear my mind, and see things through a sharp and discerning eye. It is only by shutting down the clutter and creating a place of piercing clarity that you can cut through trauma’s influence to find a path to healing. When you are lost in the fog… the path is concealed from view.
DECK USED: EL GOLIATH TAROT 2ND EDITION
Question: Is there any karmic energy I currently carry with me that I should be aware of? Is it something I should deal with or act upon at this time?
You are not dealing with the effects of your mother’s influences on you. Ignoring those dark shadows she has created through her selfish, self centered words and actions over the year is not healthy, and as long as you carry this energy within you, you will never be entirely free of it’s affects upon your inner self.
Should I deal with it at this time?
Page of Swords
Go for it! It’s not going to be easy and it’s going to take some trial and error with a heavy dose of learning to get it right. But you can untangle the web of thoughts and emotions and rip off that blindfold. You have the intelligence and capability, as well as the opportunity, to take this challenge on one step at a time.
DECK USED: SASURAIBITO TAROT
#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Do I believe my opinion matters?
Reading Summary: I give good advice and have a lot of good input to give through past experience (Eight of Roots). When others choose to discount my opinion (Two of Arrows), I also am then later given the chance to say I told you so (Six of Wands).
Take Away: I’m always happy to share my experiences with others and offer opinions when I think they might be able to help or have been asked for. So very often, though, even those that ask for your opinions and advice then go off and do whatever they wanted to do in the first place no matter what you had to say to the contrary. At those times, I more often than not am not going to say “I told you so”, but you can damn well bet that I’m thinking it.