Wealth Comes From Gratitude

Today’s meditation was again… skipped.  I know it’s not a good idea to skip my meditations. I also know that even if I feel like they’re not doing me any good?  They are.  The fact that when I meditate daily my resting heart rate drops nearly ten beats per minute is proof that they do in fact make a difference. But I skipped… just sayin’.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Ten of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is traditionally about sharing your success and satiation with those around you.  This isn’t charity, but rather the next step after wallowing in your success, where you reach out to those you love and invite them into that good feeling of security and completion.

What I see in the message for this card today has to do with gratitude for what you have.   Not everyone is wealthy in monetary ways, but everyone is wealthy in some sort of way.  Sometimes it is good health, or they have a wealth of luck, a wealth of love, a wealth of friends… all of these are ways to be wealthy and there are so many more.

The thing about wealth is that if you do not see it as wealth and feel gratitude for it… then it’s not wealth.  It’s just another “thing” in your life.  The message in today’s card is to acknowledge those things that make you wealthy.  Acknowledge them and be grateful for them.

In my own life I am wealthy in many ways.  Although I am not monetarily wealthy, I’m no longer destitute as I was a decade ago.  I have a home that I own, a mortgage that is over half paid off, a twin sister who loves me fiercely, family and friends that I cherish and who love me, a partner who’s love borders on obsession in the best possible ways, and the freedom and independence to pursue the things that I enjoy and that interest me.  These are only some of the many things I have to be grateful for each and every day.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I asked to relax a little more or take a break?

Insight Tarot

Reading Summary:   Ease off on the “balls up and keep moving” (Strength) even when you feel like everything has turned to shit (Nine of Swords).  Your plans will wait until you’re in a better place (Three of Wands).

Take Away:  It’s okay to take the time I need to recover.  No one is pushing me forward but my own unrealistic expectations that I move forward at the same pace now in the middle of an MDE as I would when not in the middle of an episode.   Plans will wait, everything will be fine.  Just take a breath and slow down.

DECK USED:  INSIGHT TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: Pull your most and least favorite cards from your deck and explain why you feel that way.

Zolar's New Astrological TarotMost Favorite – The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man reminds me that each hurdle I come upon (of which there have been many, and will surely be many more) is an opportunity for betterment in some way, not a road block.

The card says to me that it’s okay to have a life filled with struggles and hurdles, strife and discord, woe and adversity. These things are lessons in life that teach me how to become better. Better at the things I want to do… Better at the way I find my joy… And, just an all around better person as a whole.

The Hanged Man is a reminder that these things are there not to drag me down and make me miserable. Instead, they are there to create perspective, wisdom, and strength, as well as to foster deeper roots within myself and my life with which to anchor me through the hardest parts, like a tree standing strong in a storm is anchored deep within the soil.

Learning lessons and learning different perspectives is not always pleasant. It’s painful and uncomfortable and extremely awkward. To me the Hanged Man is a representation of how these struggles hold immeasurable worth, if I’m willing to look beyond the discomfort to see what’s waiting there for me to learn.

Least Favorite – The Wheel of Fortune

So… my reason for loving the Hanged Man was long and I really waxed poetic.  But, my answer for the Wheel of Fortune is much shorter and more succinct.   I dislike the Wheel of Fortune because it represents to me the unpredictability of life.  Ups and downs, fast times and slow… it’s never stable, never still, always moving and changing, always one shift away from the next imbalance, the next turn, the next change.

Even for those that see the Wheel of Fortune as a luck card, the fact is that it is a luck card that represents both good luck… and bad.  There’s no dependability and no stability there.  And that just sucks IMO.

DECK USED:  ZOLAR’S NEW ASTROLOGICAL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Today I allowed myself not to work.  I did do a couple of client readings that were due to be sent out, but other than that, I stayed away from work entirely.  And I’m not beating myself up over it.  Instead I played with Gid and trimmed the borders down on the Magical Tarot by Arisa Chibara for L.

There’s More Waiting

Today’s meditation was skipped.  No excuses, I just didn’t end up doing it.  I was entirely and utterly unmotivated to the point of actual avoidance. 

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - The SunToday’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally a representation of joy, success, fun, and play. 

I love the representation of the May Pole on the sun card, as the May Pole is a celebration of the sun’s reign in the sky and the first stirring of energy that rises up within the first breath of summer.

The card and it’s imagery is a message to remember how much I’m missing while I’m wrapped up in the darkness of my depression, and how much is waiting for me to enjoy and celebrate once I manage to pull myself out and back to even ground.

Although I can’t just “pull myself up by my bootstraps” and force the depression away, remembering that there’s fun and play and joy out there to return to helps in keeping the depression in perspective.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: Ask the cards to tell you about something funny that will make you smile.

Tarot de Marseille Anima AntiquaOkay so, a few years ago my friend J and I were hanging out and the guy said the most rediculous thing.  In the middle of talking, I sneezed.   I have horrible allergies, and I have a habit of holding in my sneeze a bit when they happen because otherwise I often end up with a sore throat or snot everywhere.  Neither of those experiences are worth letting the sneezes loose, so I suppress them just a bit.

When J saw this, he turned to me with fully earnest expression and told me that I shouldn’t hold in my sneezes. That it’s important to let them out so the pressure doesn’t build up in your head during the sneeze and result in your eyeballs popping out.  And that that’s why when people sneeze they close their eyes, but it’s not enough and you have to let your sneezes out too.

It was so hilarious that I laughed for a good five minutes, and for months later every time I thought about it I’d start cracking up again.  Thinking of it now still makes me chortle a bit. The look on his face was just so earnest and guileless.  He really believed it and was so worried for me… and all I could do was laugh.

DECK USED:  TAROT DE MARSEILLE ANIMA ANTIQUA
 

Daily Self Kindness

Today I managed to actually do a bit of play with Gideon even though I had to do orders.  It was really nice and something I haven’t been able to do in a really long time (work on an orders day).  It wasn’t a long play, but I really enjoyed it a lot.

Personal Reflection

IMG_8910Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for the piriformis stretches.  As a side note, I’ve done a number of different types of meditations through the Calm app, but somehow keep going back to the ones narrated by Tamara Levitt.  I like her voice, which is unusual since I usually find voices somewhat distracting.

The topic of today’s meditation was about resisting change, and it really had a good point.  Everyone says that they struggle with change, and yet when the change is something good like getting a raise at work or moving into a nicer neighborhood and a bigger, safer home?  There’s no growing pains at all involved, and no resistance.  It’s only when the change is uncertain or bad that we fight… and in fighting cause the ride to become that much more bumpy as a result.  It makes me wonder what would happen if we didn’t resist the negative changes quite so fiercely or fear them quite so much…. just how much smoother would things be as a result? Would we recover quicker?  Adjust more easily?

Heaven & Earth Tarot - JudgementToday’s draw is the Judgement card, which is traditionally an interpretation of how you feel about how your life is going and what you’ve done along the way.  It’s about ascertaining the worth of your life, your moral compass, and your integrity.  Where the Justice card might ask “what have you done lately?”, the Judgement card asks “what have you done with your life?”

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the open arms that reach not up, but outward as if to embrace the Archangel Gabriel above and the judgement taking place.

This, to me, speaks of needing to be willing to open up and look at yourself openly and honestly.  It means taking off the rose colored glasses and self-delusions and really look at what is going on with you, what you’ve done with your life, and where you can improve upon yourself moving forward from this point. 

This can be a hard process, and one that a lot of people can’t deal with… but what I see here is a call for honesty.   Honesty with the self.  Honesty to confront those things that we are uncomfortable with or ashamed of in ourselves, embrace those things, and begin the work towards something better.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How/where can my journey benefit from a loving approach?

Ink Witch Tarot

Reading Summary:  In finding a better balance (Two of Pentacles) between the running of my business (King of Wand) and my home life responsibilities (The Emperor)

Take Away:  Ahhhh, yeah.   I’m a motherfucking slave driver when it comes to both of these aspects of my life and I have very little understanding or tolerance for slacking, falling behind, or not keeping things on target and on track in both.  This cutthroat attitude is not always healthy, and a bit more of a loving approach could definitely help in this area.  It might be a good idea to draw some cards at some point on just how to go about instilling a more loving approach to these topics at some point, but I definitely acknowledge that doing so would benefit me and my journey forward.

DECK USED:  INK WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: Do Spread 2

Mystic Masters TarotWhat we see here between the cards in this reading is the carry over of pink through the three cards in the spread.  In this case, the Temperance card speaks the loudest here due to it’s greater saturation of pink, and then spreads it’s influence to the other cards in the spread to highlight the aspects that carry the most weight in each of the other two cards.

Where am I in my journey of depression right now?

The Magician – It’s about the table… not the tools. Before you can start the climb out of the pit, you have to sit down and take stock of where you’re at.

How can I be proactive at climbing out of this depression at this time?

Temperance – Patience.  This isn’t something you can push or force, but rather something you have to have patience about and let run its course.

Page of Cups – It’s important to make sure that you are vocalizing your emotions and getting them out there. This is still a learning process for you and it can make the speaking about your feelings a struggle sometimes.  Just keep trying.

DECK USED:  MYSTIC MASTERS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took the time to clean my keyboard and work table today.  It’s been a bit groady for a while now, but in order to get it really clean it needed to have a hot wet cloth lying on top of it for a bit and then a scrub brush scrubbing… and honestly?  I’ve been putting it off for some time.   I also have been doing a bit of smart-boy work throughout the day while in play with Gideon so that I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed and pushed on orders day tomorrow.

Reaching For The Light

IMG_8900Today’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with an added interval timer for my piriformis stretches.   Again, I was tempted to skip my meditation today, but I managed to push myself to do it anyway.

The topic of today’s meditation was about distancing yourself from your thoughts during your meditation practice so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of their sticky grip.  Instead, the guide offers the technique of labeling your thoughts when they arrive.  Essentially catching yourself and saying “thinking” and then allowing the thoughts to drift off.  Doing this each time so that you do not become emotionally or otherwise invested in the thoughts, but instead see them just as thoughts and then set them aside.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Nine of CupsToday’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of wallowing in one’s “feel good” feelings.  It’s about contentment and taking pleasure in one’s good fortune, as well as feeling emotionally satiated.  It can also be an indication of gluttony.

What stands out to me the strongest in this card’s imagery is that there is more than one person in the card and the figure on the stump appears to be sharing her wealth of goodness with those below.  Normally, this is a theme that I would expect to see in the Ten of Cups, as I usually consider the Nines of each suit lean more into solitary themes.

In absolute honesty, though, this looks a lot more like the Six of Pentacles to me.  But that’s just me.  It’s just that the imagery seems to lean so very heavily into sharing and generosity.  What is being shared here, though, is not money or resources.  It’s happiness, pleasure, positivity, and the sweetness of hope.  Those below reach for it, seek it out… and that is where the message lies in today’s card.  It’s not really about the figure on the stump… it’s about the people below.

Today’s message is about reaching for the positivity.  Don’t wallow in the dark.  Don’t sit on the sidelines and allow the negativity to have its way with you.  Instead… reach for the light.  Reach for the good, the positive and the hopeful.  It may seem out of reach, but it’s closer than you think.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question
: In what area am I asked to nurture myself right now?

Zolar's New Astrological Tarot

 Reading Summary: The anxiety and depression that you’re feeling (Nine of Swords) requires some nurturing (The Empress) and  that you seek out the positive as much as you can (Mercury) instead of focusing on the negative and letting it drag you down (Justice Rx).

Take Away: I’m currently struggling with what is starting to become clear is a clinical depressive episode at the moment. The cards here indicate that this is exactly the area where I need nurturing at the moment, and I need to make sure I’m leaning into self-care and self-kindness, as well as focusing on the positive and the light as much as possible in order to help in combating the darkness of the depression’s influences.

DECK USED:  ZOLAR’S NEW ASTROLOGICAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What is a very positive thing in your life you are overlooking?

Mundane Magick TarotReading Summary:  You’ve done this before, again and again (Seven of Coins Rx atop The World).  You have all the skills, all the knowledge, all the tools that you need (The Magician) to make it through your depression and come out the other side (Death).

Take Away:  *Takes a breath.*   Yeah.  That’s true.  This is not the first time, and I can do this.  It’s not permanent, nor is it even especially long lasting.  It just needs to be worked through so that I can get to the other side of it and then move on from it.

Once the depression is over, perspectives will shift, experiences will shift…. life will shift.  And a whole different and lighter reality will take the place of where darkness currently exists.

DECK USED:  MUNDANE MAGICK TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I made a new character to play with Gideon instead of trying to burrow into myself and take a (not really needed) nap.  It’s something new so I don’t feel the pressure of trying to fit into the skin of an established character during a time when am barely fitting into my own skin.