Nosce Te Ipsum

Today’s meditation has not yet happened yet, as I overslept and had to pop out of bed and get my ass moving this morning when the housekeeper showed up.   I will do it before bed, but I really need to start doing it in the morning rather than putting it off.  I just feel like I’m getting more out of the process when I do the meditation in the morning as a part of starting my day.

The Sun - Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is The Sun card, which is a representation of fun, positivity, and the inner child.  But honestly, that is not what I see when I look at The Sun card in this deck.

What I pick up from today’s card is a message about individuality and strength.  It’s about being genuine.  Being yourself.  And standing up for what you feel is right and your own personal values.   That is what I saw this morning, and it turned out to be a theme in my day as well.

I am well aware that my own personal moral compass and ethics are not entirely on line with those of the world around me.  I get that.  I don’t like favoritism.  For me, it smacks of lack of fairness and creates imbalance.   And for me, much of life is all about balance.  I feel it is important to look at situations from an unbiased perspective.  I feel it’s important to strive to be fair in all things, even when that fairness may not be to your own advantage or the advantage of your own personal opinions and goals (thus the importance of being able to look at things from an unbiased perspective).

The feeling I got from today’s card is that it’s okay to be different. It’s okay to have no interest in conforming.  It’s okay to march to your own drum, and it’s okay to see things differently than others as long as you’re willing to entertain their perspectives.  Know yourself.  Be yourself.  Stand tall.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: Something that I was right to let go of this year.

Wayhome Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being so quick to judge myself (The Chariot) by my father’s standards (Father of Swords) instead of celebrating who I am (Daughter of Wands).

Take Away: My father was an extremely harsh man who spent the entirety of my youth making sure that I was fully aware of just how much of a disappointment I was to him, and just how much of an embarrassment I was to my family, due primarily to my sexual preferences and lack of interest in most “traditionally male” pursuits.  Although I never felt the least bit of an urge to conform to his standards, I did spend a good deal of my time mimicking his tone in my own self talk.  This year I have been diligently working on being kinder to myself and letting go of that asshole in my head that judges everything I do so harshly.




I’m posting this a day late, and honestly?  I don’t remember what yesterday’s meditation was about.  I know that I did it just before taking a nap once I’d made it home from the post office trip, I just don’t remember what the guided part of the meditation was focused on.

Page of Cups - Tarot of the Little Prince Yesterday’s draw was the Page of Cups, which is a representation of a receptive omega energy in the area of emotions, relationships, and creativity.  This card was really fitting for the day, considering that I knew that the drop was going to start to creep in but I was still in a good place and able to breathe.  I worked really hard on making sure I gave myself some self care and comfort yesterday, and it helped me find a place of peace and quiet that was sorely needed.

I feel like any time that I can touch upon my emotions, especially the negative ones, from a place of calm and understanding instead of the “oh shit” of feeling vulnerable, it’s an excellent learning experience for me.  It gives me a chance to explore those feelings without the usual defense mechanism response trying to step in and push them into a box.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: How can I honor that newly discovered relationship with myself? (Building off yesterday’s read.)

Tarot of the Hidden Folk

Reading Summary: There is a whole LOT of receptive energy in these cards, speaking of the need to be open both mentally and emotionally (Queen of Swords and Queen of Cups), and making sure that I am being kind to myself (The Empress) while ignoring the positive to focus on the negative (Five of Cups).  Also, be sure to trust you to keep me safe during the drown (Two of Cups).

Take Away:  During the drown, I become extremely vulnerable and it’s easy to close off.  This becomes especially so during the days after a drown when I am working through a drop.  The cards indicate that in both cases, it will serve me better and create an improved sense of stability to focus on a receptive and open attitude while remembering to stay positive and be kind to myself.  Going to you for help with this is a healthy way to work on this and ensure it will hopefully become habit over time.



Flipping the Table

Today’s meditation was once again not done in the morning, as I was again waiting for the helper.  She did actually show up today, but she was late.  I hate when the phone jerks me out of my meditation and was expecting her earlier, thus… no meditation.   I will do my meditation before bed again tonight, and like last night, probably fall asleep part way through it.

Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, which means both cards dropped out of the deck together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Emperor and the Chariot cards.

These are both very strong cards that represent forms of dominance and control.

I had thought, when I pulled the cards this morning, that this was about work.  But after this evening, I know that it was a push for something else. A push to find some time for you… and for us… and for the time we’ve had tonight and the “tension relief” involved.

I know that we were trying not to allow me to drown during the holiday rush, but I think I needed that release of control and the giving it over to you for a bit.  I did drown, but it was just beneath the surface rather than deep within the depths, so hopefully the drop won’t be too bad.   Honestly?  If it is…. it was worth it.  I needed this time with you and that dynamic between us, that control and intensity that is an integral part of you and us.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What relationship evolved the most this year?

Darkness of Light Tarot

Reading Summary:  At the beginning of the year I went through a severe depression (Five of Coins) and was very apathetic about the idea that my therapist had concerning a daily affirmation (Four of Cups). I decided, though, to to adjust the activity to something I could connect with (Death) which brought me to a place where I was more attuned to my emotions (Seven of Cups) and began to discover a new level of emotional depth within myself (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  The relationship that has evolved the most over the past year is my relationship with myself and my emotions.  Thanks to the mental health card of the day activity that I do here on the blog every day, I have been able to not just heal and recover from my depression much faster than I have in previous MDE experiences, but I have found a new outlook as well, which as helped me in discovering and beginning to explore, and even accept,  a depth of emotion that I quite honestly didn’t think that I was capable of.



Avoiding Overload

Today’s meditation has not yet happened yet, as I thought I was getting up early to make sure everything was ready for the helper to arrive this morning.  Then, she didn’t arrive, so I ended up lying down for a couple more hours of sleep rather than staying up.   I will do the meditation before bed tonight, and have plans for it to be a self-directed visit to the cabin in the woods.

Three of Wands - Tarot of the Little Prince Today’s draw is the Three of Wands, which is a representation of

What I see in this card today is the dangers of becoming too  self-reliant.  The young man has a fire going on a windy day, and he is distracted by other tasks and not paying close attention to the potential danger of the fire’s sparks being set loose through the carry of the air.

It is yet another reminder that I need to be sure I’m asking for help at the moment.  And it’s a good one, because I nearly told my helper to forget about coming this week.  After standing me up for two days in a row, she says she’s coming tomorrow and I honestly wanted to turn around and say no.    But I DO need the help… so I’m going to let her come.

I’m definitely going to be looking for a new helper come the new year tho.  I don’t mind her flaking out now and then through most of the year, but I made it very clear that this time of year is the major focus of why I hired a helper in the first place.  The rest of the year her help is appreciated… but at this time of year it’s needed.  If she can’t hold up to that part of things, I need someone that can.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: How can I honor that discovery? (Building off yesterday’s read.)

Herbal Healing Tarot

Reading Summary: Take this new perspective (Ace of Swords) and open myself up to it (Two of Cups), because trying to charge ahead and do everything myself (Knight of Wands) is a recipe for disaster (Five of Pentacles).

Take Away:  Usually, this lesson is about work and pushing myself too hard.  In this case, it is a very similar lesson, but it has to do with allowing others in to be a support system to my emotional health.  This defense mechanism doesn’t really serve my well being, and if I want to honor this realization about myself, I need to consciously take steps to avoid allowing that defense mechanism to take control.



Sharing Creativity with Others

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was focused on auditory input during meditation.   That is to say, it focused on letting in external sounds and incorporating them into your meditation rather than trying to block them out.   I’ve done this meditation before, and it’s been very relaxing.  Unfortunately, I had a hard time staying focused today, so I guess that leads back to less serenity and more “mental bench presses” for today’s meditation as a whole.

Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is the Page of Cups, which is a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of emotion, creativity, relationships, and intuition.  This often comes across as the spark of new creative opportunities, curiosity, and learning through intuition.

When I saw today’s card, what I saw was the opportunity to share my creativity with others.  This is something I do through my jewelry design all the time, and through our literary RP as well.  The appearance of the Page of Cups in today’s draw is a reminder of the pleasure that I receive in the sharing of my creativity with others.

During this time of year I have a habit of closing down, my focus narrowing in tighter and tighter until I am blocking out everything else.  The message in today’s draw is to be aware of this tendency and take care to not allow my focus to narrow too much.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What did I discover about myself this year?

Light Seer’s Tarot

Reading Summary: In times of struggle and healing (Ten of Swords), no matter how chaotic things are if I make the choice (Two of Swords) to work with others rather than retreating into myself (Three of Pentacles), the end result of those moments is better (Judgement) than when I try to ride it out on my own.

Take Away: As mentioned earlier in this post, when it comes to times of stress and struggle, as well as the healing that comes afterward, my natural defense mechanism is to close myself off and retreat inward.   One of the things I have discovered, though, is that this is not healthy for me.  A better route, that is healthy and healing, is to fight that urge and make the choice to reach out to others for support instead.

This doesn’t, of course, negate my natural defense response… but it does give me perspective on a healthier option to explore once I realize I’ve begun closing myself off.



You Have What You Need

Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long, and focused on… to be honest?  I don’t remember.  I do remember that when I started the practice that my anxiety was up, and by the time I finished with the meditation my anxiety was back under control, which was really nice.    I just don’t remember whatever the topic was.

Tarot of the Little Prince Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, which means both cards came out of the deck together.  The cards in today’s draw are The Magician and the Five of Swords.

The cards in today’s draw are a reminder that I have all of the skills and tools that I need in order to deal with struggle and conflict.  I just need to remember to utilize my resources in a way that is to my best advantage.

Sometimes when the shit hits the fan we forget that we have what we need to take control and come out on top.  Today’s draw is a reminder that these tools and skills are available to me any time I need them, especially when in the middle of conflict or crisis.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: How can I improve my relationship with my spirit in the coming year?

Forest of Enchantment Tarot

Reading Summary: This is an interesting repeat of a previous theme that speaks of taking what you need with you (Seven of Challenges) and removing yourself from difficult situations (Six of Challenges), in order to find a new path and method moving forward (Ace of Challenges).

Take Away:  I have a number of new methods and paths coming up in the coming year including shadow work that I plan to work on, and beginning to explore the mediumship ability that is no longer allowing itself to be ignored.  It will be important in keeping a healthy relationship with my spirit that I don’t forget the lessons and skills I have already learned, as well as keeping in mind that the purpose of these things changes is a positive one, when moving forward into this new beginning.



Me and You and You and Me

Today’s meditation was meant to be ten minutes long, but I doubled up today because it felt so good, so it was actually just over twenty minutes in length.   The focus of today’s guided meditation was how the bad can make the good feel so much more precious.  Whether this is difficult experiences, or even death.   When the bad is in focus, it makes the good feel that much more precious.

Hierophant - Ostara TarotToday’s draw is my birth card, the Hierophant card, which is a representation of authority, structure, and the essence of providing guidance to others.

Interestingly enough?  When I pulled this card, it brought to mind for me our tarot lessons.  I have been very much enjoying teaching you about my path, and especially teaching you tarot.  You teach me so much every day, and it brings me a huge amount of pleasure to give back to you, even in this small way.

Gideon… my love.  You are the message in today’s card. Your strength to provide guidance and stability, and your openness to learn from me in turn.  Your intelligence and your open-mindedness.  Your ability to allow me to take the lead, even while you are very much the more dominant party.

I love you.  Thank you for being you.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: How did I treat my spirit this year?

New Era Elements Tarot

Reading Summary: There is more to learn in the area of stability (Daughter of Earth) and in actively allowing my emotions to have a say in things (Son of Water), but overall I have learned a lot in how to better walk my path (Eight of Earth), especially in finding a better, stronger path through times when things are difficult (Seven of Fire).

Take Away: Delving back into a more active role in my path has benefited me greatly over the past year, and has taught me new skills to help me get through the hard times and scary moments.  That said, I still have a lot to learn, both in creating stability in myself and in learning to better incorporate my emotions into my life.


Even Flow

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on tolerance, which is a very fitting subject for today’s meditation considering the card I drew for today.   The meditation guided me through a breathing exercise while discussing how when you find that mindfulness of being centered in your practice, irritants in the environment cease to become disruptive aggravating irritants, and instead become simply another part of the environment around you, and you detached from an emotional response to them.

Temperance - Tarot of the Little Prince Today’s draw is the Temperance card of the Major Arcana. This card is a representation of…. well… temperance.  Duh, right?  Okay so what IS temperance then?  Temperance is moderation and self-restraint, and through those traits the creation of balance.

In order to create this balance, that self restraint requires a purpose, and that is the message of today’s card.  It is a reminder of my goals.  Not just of my goals, but of what I need to do (and not do) in order to achieve them. Sometimes my “addictions” can get the better of me.  Sometimes my emotions can get the better of me too. And, if I’m truthful, sometimes even my creativity and ambitions can get the better of me.

In all these cases, moderation is needed, and self restraint is required.  Otherwise, things fall out of balance, chaos reigns, and my world begins tumble out of control.

Funny side note?   Every time I see a Temperance card lately?   The chorus of the Pearl Jam song “Even Flow” starts playing in my head.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: How can I improve my relationship with my body in the coming year?

The 5-Cent Tarot

Reading Summary: More exercise (Page of Buttons), preferably some of it outside (The Sun) is needed, but so is giving myself the rest that I need (Four of Needles). Take time to bond with others and take them on my journey (Three of Needles atop Three of Cups).

Take Away:  So, the thing that I have NOT been doing to up my self-care over the past year has been in the exercise department.   I know that to gain weight, I need to get back to the gym, because I need to build muscle in order to create that bulk I lack.

I don’t know why I’ve been so avoidant on this, but I do know that part of it is my discomfort with how lean I have become and…. a sort of self blame for all of that, even though I know a lot of it was from the cancer.   I need to forgive myself and involve others in my self-care to benefit from it the most.   And, as always… I need more rest.




Charity… It’s Okay to Let Go

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and entailed a thorough body scan from head to toe and then a brief guidance through the topic of self-competition and going a bit easier on  yourself when you are pushing for your best.

Tarot of the Little Prince Today’s draw is a double without jumper. The cards in today’s draw are the Seven of Swords and the Eight of Swords.   And isn’t it strange how they came out together like that?  But I have shuffled this particular deck a few hundred times now, so… it’s just meant to be.

What I see in the message of these cards is a fully intuitive hit based off the imagery and how the imagery of the two cards play of each other.   It speaks of the importance of leaving behind what no longer serves you in order to find a better place.  And, that leaving something behind means you are releasing your stakes in it entirely.  Who cares who comes along and picks up those things you have chosen to leave behind?  Perhaps those things will serve another better than they have you.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: How did I treat my body this year?

This Might Hurt Tarot

Reading Summary:  I got in touch with my inner self and found a new perspective (The Hanged Man), but I struggled with a lot of difficult choices as well (Seven of Cups) and might have made a few missteps along the way (Two of Swords).  All in all, though, I’ve done a spectacular job of caring for myself (King of Pentacles) and ensuring that I am nurturing and nourishing my body (Queen of Pentacles) this year.

Take Away: I stepped up things on the self-care front this year, and have stuck with it since I first started with it in the spring.  This has really paid off in keeping me healthy this year, even if I’ve occasionally “slipped up” in my self care here and there along the way.



Don’t Break… Take Breaks Instead

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on finding a pathway to peace in the middle of chaos.   Honestly, I’m writing this about fourteen hours later and I can’t remember a damn thing about what was said in the guided meditation, but I do know that my stress level felt better after those ten minutes than it did before.

Tarot of the Little Prince Today’s draw is a double without a jumper.  The cards in today’s draw are the Six of Cups and the Knight of Wands.   What I see here is a reminder to breathe.

I am the Knight of Wands right now, but you can only charge full speed ahead for so long before you need to breathe, eat, drink, ground, and center.

Although I know I need these things, it feels like it’s wasting time.   I feel like I am wasting time now, just writing this out. But, I also know that I need this time.  I need to step away and take a breath now and then.   I need to give myself space, no matter how swamped I am and how desperately I’m trying to catch up.


Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What challenge did I overcome that I deserve to be proud of?


Reading Summary:  PTSD (Eight of Swords), and the emotions that were spawned (Ace of Cups) by that and by the experiences with my ex and his influences.  Despite all of that, I continue to reach out to others, share my feelings and seek out others and include them as a part of my life (Three of Cups).

Take Away:  Rape is ugly.  Home invasions are ugly.  Dying on my kitchen floor was ugly.  The scars left behind are ugly. All of these things are ugly. Any of these things on their own could have been devastating to my life as a whole.  And yet, I survived them all and more, and I am stronger from them.  Not only did I survive, but I did not allow them to stop me from caring… from loving… or from reaching out to others and allowing people into my life.

DECK USED:  Ancestral Path Tarot