New Outlets and Old Habits

Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long, and once again I managed to fall asleep in the middle of it.  That’s okay, though.  I think it just means that it was super relaxing, because I wasn’t particularly tired at the time.

Funny thing?  I woke up with the labradorite stone still on my solar plexus and the smoky quartz still on my forehead.  Didn’t fall off or get knocked off in my sleep, regardless of the weird dreams I was having.

Ace of Cups - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Ace of Cups, and my immediate focus on today’s cards was on the dragonfly and the jewels in the cup. The meaning of the card in today’s draw is that I need to remember that my creative process for designing jewelry includes emotion. I need to acknowledge this, and work on moving more toward incorporating that into the designs, while taking inspiration from the emotions I feel, rather than trying to set them aside or push them away.

Emotions are not really my strong suit, and so this is something that’s difficult for me to incorporate into my work.  It does, though, create a greater depth to my pieces when I do this.  The appearance of today’s card is a ‘heads up’ that it’s time to start with this again with an open heart.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: Where may I be blinding myself to the truth of a situation?

Devil Card - Dark Grimoire TarotReading Summary: Well first off, I tried to get more cards for this reading, but the deck refused to give me anything more regardless of how long (or how sloppily) that I shuffled the cards.  So there you go.  The Devil is a representation of self-inflicted addictions, restraints and road blocks.  There are, of course, other interpretations.  But, today?  That is the one that sticks out to me for this card.

Take Away: I am limiting myself and I need to look at in what ways I am doing that, and in what ways that is affecting my life.  This is something that I need to delve deeper into, and take time to really think about.  Especially, I need to look at places where i am brushing off concerns as nothing to worry about.  These tendencies aren’t serving me and need to be dealt with.

Deck Used: Dark Grimoire Tarot

 

Personal Accomplishments

Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long, and was another continuation of the Managing Stress series that I’ve been following over the past few days.   Today’s focus was centered upon negative self talk, and methods to catch yourself in the act so that you can curtail these habits into a more positive direction.

The method specifically that was focused upon in this meditation was when you find yourself having negative thoughts, instead of interacting with them to either agree or disagree or reason through them, simply say “oh, look, that is a negative thought” and then set it aside.  In this way, it explains that you do not give these thoughts credence or lend them power through feeding them further attention.

Seven of Pumpkins Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is the Seven of Pumpkins (Pentacles) and spoke to me immediately. It said, “Don’t discount your accomplishments and the progress you’ve made.”

This is a valuable message and one that I need to work more on.  Like many, I’m often so focused on where I’m going and what I want to accomplish, as well as on where I need to improve, that I forget to look at what I have actually  managed to accomplish and how far I’ve come.

Against staggering odds and catastrophic road blocks, I have managed to come so far in my life and accomplish much of the things that really matter to me.  I’ve grown and learned lessons from these hurdles, and adapted to find what is right for me through it all.   This is no small feat, and I shouldn’t discount it as nothing, or just “shrug it off” as without value.

I say this now as I take a minute to appreciate these things, although I know that in the future I will need this reminder again.  And again.  Because my natural inclination isn’t to give myself praise or appreciation, but to push myself harder…. always harder.

The traditional meaning of the Seven of Pentacles involves progress (especially concerning leaps ahead), the entrance of spirituality into a situation, and the unknown in the area of resources, the physical world, manifestation, and finances.  This includes themes having to do with perseverance and focusing on long term sustainability, as well as the lack thereof in some cases.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: Where is it important for me to stand my ground?

XIII Tarot by Neko Reading Summary: These cards are an intuitive hit about my values, although I’m having a hard time articulating how I drew this out of the imagery.  Something about coming up against pushy people and knowing where my values truly lie and sticking to them even when it takes me on a different path than most. It’s all about imagery, as I haven’t even looked at the titles on the cards yet to figure out what they are (and I don’t think I’m going to, because this intuitive hit from the imagery is too strong for it to be anything else).

Take Away: Sometimes you run up against people that have a very strong and persuasive presence and in the interest of wanting to align with them or “fit in”  you can sometimes lose sight of what’s of most important to you. It’s important, at these times, to take a moment and connect with your personal values and moral compass and stand behind them, even if it means you have to leave these people behind and walk your own path on your own.

Deck Used: XIII Tarot by Neko

 

Connected and Open

Today’s meditation was fourteen minutes long, and a continuation on the managing stress series that I have been listening to for the past few days.  Today’s take on the topic dealt with sitting with discomfort rather than running away from it.

This is a technique I learned in pain management, but it works for emotions and other situations as well.  Most stresses will pass if given time to do so, and those that don’t, you will adapt to.  It’s difficult to sit with discomfort, though, rather than trying to fix it or run from it.  It takes practice and effort… and sometimes even then, it’s just not something that’s easy to accomplish.

Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is a double with a jumper, and it was very sneaky about it too (because usually if I get more than two? I put them back for a lesser amount).  The two jumped out together, but were so very aligned that they looked like one, then the third jumper came out off to the side.   When I then went to pick up the original card, I discovered there was another one hiding behind it.

SO…. the cards in today’s draw are the Ace of Cups and the World card, with the Hermit as the jumper.

And oh boy… this is all about our time together.  It’s about that new and budding depth of emotion  and how it feels all-encompassing, which is referenced in the Ace of Cups and the World card.  There is a connectedness and an other-worldliness that comes with the drown, and especially as deeply as I have drowned with you this time.  It creates a sort of sensation like a caterpillar wrapping itself into a cocoon, the inside saturated with the water of emotions bright and fresh and open and everywhere.

At some point that cocoon will open, though, and I will need to come out for air.   The Hermit is a reminder that I’m not alone, even if that is where my temptation to run and hide.   You create this space where my emotions are open and I feel connected to everything… I need you for what comes after as well, no matter how much my natural instinct is to retreat into myself.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I deal more effectively with change?

Twisted Tarot TalesReading Summary: Although my temptation is to self soothe through excess (The Empress) while lashing out at others (Justice), or hide from responsibility (The Fool) by running away (Six of Swords), often the best course of action I can take is to submit (Eight of Swords) and let that shit just roll over me, chew me up, and spit me out.

Take Away: Change is inevitable, and the temptations that I feel to self-destruct during those times are natural but not helpful.  It’s important to avoid falling into those traps, and instead focus on rolling with the change and letting it happen, rather than fighting it or thrashing against it mentally or emotionally.

Deck Used: Twisted Tarot Tales

Value and Balance

Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and was a continuation on the theme of managing stress.

Today, the guided meditation explored how a moment focusing upon your breathing, and on a careful body scan from head to foot where you train your attention on relaxing each body part individually one at a time, can assist in easing the physiological response to stress and anxiety.

That is to say that stress and anxiety cause physiological responses.  Your blood pressure goes up, your breathing shortens and shallows, your heart beats faster, your brain feeds your body a trickle of adrenaline, etc. These physical responses can be managed by taking a moment to do some deep breathing and focus upon the moment and relaxing your body.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is the Knight of Ghosts (Cups) which is a representation of an active beta energy, personality, or person in the area of the heart, emotions, relationships, and intuition.

What I saw when I pulled this card is a message about value.   Specifically, that those who manipulate others through use of emotion also have their value.  Maybe they are entertaining, or maybe they help in distracting those that would be in your own path without realizing that’s what they’re doing.

But the fact is.  Everyone has value.  Even those who follow a different code of ethics and a different moral compass than your own.  Sometimes it’s easy to look down on these people, but it’s important to remember that they, too, have a place in our lives, and in live in general.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I better balance personal time with the time I spend with others?

Carnival at the End of the World Tarot Reading Summary:  I need to inspire a time of reckoning and self examination concerning what’s important to me and what isn’t (Judgement).  Doing this will inspire me to better preserve those things most important to me (Seven of Wands), and let go of the rest in order to create space for what’s important to me to grow.

In other words, I need to do some trimming and weeding.

Take Away: I’m focusing on too many different things, and spreading myself too thin.  Sort of like trimming a tree in order to allow it to sprout new growth and produce a healthier dispersion, some serious evaluation of what I value is needed in order to par down the sheer amount of crap on my plate and create space in my life for what I need to be in it to dig deeper roots and flourish.

Deck Used: The Carnival at the End of the World Tarot

 

Be the Boss…. and The Better Man

Today’s meditation was just over nine minutes long and ended up in me dozing off into a much needed nap.   I know I made it almost to the end, because I remember her talking as I dozed off, and she really only talks at the end in most of the meditations.   But, for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you what the meditation was actually about.   It was obviously quite relaxing, though, as I dropped off to sleep without any difficulty at all.

Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Major Arcana’s Empress card, and although this card is not usually read this way, what came to mind when I saw this card this morning was “Be the better man.”   That is to say, taking the high road and moving beyond the behavior of others.

Sometimes, this can be hard, yes?  Although, I have to admit, becoming non-verbal has definitely made it a bit easier.  The fact is that without a voice, it is harder to react, and often feels that it is just not worth my time.  When you have a voice, on the other hand, it’s much easier to “pop off” when provoked.

Traditionally, the Empress is a representation of fertility, nature, and abundance.  She is the “mother nature” card, and represents a regal but nurturing energy that spans the scope of the human experience, rather than referencing any one aspect of it.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What message does my inner self have for me at this time?

Santa Muerte Tarot Reading Summary: Be the boss (The Emperor), tap into your strengths (Strength card), and do your work (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away: I think that the cards are pretty self explanatory in this reading.  They definitely jump out at me and are very clear in their message.  With the holiday rush less than a month away now, I’m down to crunch time when it comes to getting ready.   There’s a lot of work involved in the preparation for that time, and the cards are saying that I need to make sure I work hard at being prepared, because the more of the work I can get accomplished now in preparation, the smoother that rush will be once it arrives.

Deck Used: Santa Muerte Tarot

Courage and Encouragement

Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and focused on how you react to stress.  It was an introductory guided meditation that I’ve started which will run over the next seven days.   The focus of this series of meditations is “Managing Stress”.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is the Ace of Bats with the Ten of Ghosts as a jumper.

The Ace of Bats (Swords) is traditionally a card of new inspiration and seeds of beginning in the area of intellect, ideas, thoughts, and communication.  This includes themes concerning breakthroughs, mental clarity, and potential.

The Ten of Ghosts (Cups) is traditionally a card dealing with endings and completion, a cycle reaching its end to begin again, renewals, and regeneration in the area of the emotions, relationships, and intuition.  This card is often known as the “happy family card” and commonly includes themes that have to do with blissful situations, harmony, and alignment with others.

When I saw today’s cards, there was a bit of an easing in my chest, but it wasn’t until I sat down and thought about what  I saw in them that I understand what this is about.   It’s about finding completion… and about that new idea that I’ve been working on lately.  The one that the cards encouraged me to keep silent on and that I have slowly been working on over the past month or two.

I’m very happy with the progress I made over the past couple of days, and what I am finding in these cards is reassurance that I’m on the right path.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What is the root of my courage?

Reading Summary: The past experiences I have gone through (Six of Cups) have been a struggle that may at times steal my tranquility and require adaptation (Seven of Swords with Temperance), but in the end, these experiences are what allow me to grow and become stronger (Queen of Cups).

Take Away: Between the ex… and the ex’s friend.  The aspiring kidnapper of a stalker.  The car crashes and medical issues.   With each of these experiences, something within me breaks.  I am wounded by them.  Not just physically, but emotionally as well.    These experiences steal something from me, a little piece of me removed as if sliced away and spirited into the ether. 

And yet, it’s true what they say.  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  I am stronger for all these things.  I am stronger for surviving and choosing not just to survive, but to thrive.  These experience have created deep roots and a solid foundation on which to sit upon my throne.   Is there still more to learn?   Always.   But I am not fumbling in the dark as I may have been without each experience I have come through along the way.

And there you have it.  The root of my courage comes from the experiences I have lived through, and grown from.

Deck Used: Luis Royo’s Labyrinth Tarot

The Mystery Continues

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and I really feel like they’re beating a dead horse lately.  Just saying, but today’s focus was once again upon the journey instead of the destination and how that relates to meditation.

I know it’s a message that lots of people (myself included) need to hear now and then, but it seems like they’re in a little bit of a rut at the moment, because it feels as if all of the meditations recently have been on different ways of phrasing the exact same topic.

Maybe I need to take a break from the guided meditations and try another method for a bit.

Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which seems to be showing up quite a bit lately.  The Eight of Cups is about walking away, and about taking a new path.  I can’t help but think that this is a continuation on yesterday’s bonus reading, and you hit the nail on the head concerning what was missing from that reading btw.

I don’t know.  The answer to your question about yesterday’s bonus reading is that I don’t know.  But I’m again being prompted to make the choice of releasing myself from something that I’m not just intellectually invested on, but emotionally invested in as well.  The reading yesterday then spoke of returning to it with a new perspective and fresh ideas.

I’m still in the dark, although I think that the cards are definitely -trying- to help me realize what idea I’m hitting a brick wall on.  And the ‘out of sorts’ I’ve been feeling lately indicates that I am indeed hitting a brick wall.   I just need to figure out… on what.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: In what way am I stronger than I realize?

Tarot of the Sweet Twilight Reading Summary: Making positive (The Sun) choices concerning my passions interests (Two of Wands), and mastering the skills necessary to bring those pursuits into reality (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  Sometimes I lose touch with the joy that I feel in the creation of something new.  Something that is uniquely mine. My creation, my passion, my idea… something brought from nothing into reality.  I forget about the joy and the spark sometimes.   The reading today is a reminder of that joy.  My obvious strength is that ability to create, that skill at manifestation…. the hidden talent is in the joy I bring to the process.  It’s sometimes hidden even from me.  And I think it’s time to get back in touch with it again.

Deck Used: Tarot of the Sweet Twilight

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

As I’ve mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

SCS

EarthFive of Cups and Snake – The fear and temptation to feel that failure is afoot. This is not surprising to come up at this time of year, as it is the “lull” before the busy season and I am always super worried right before the busy season comes into being. Focusing on self care in this environment means doing my best to enjoy the free time I have while I have it, and doing my best not to “predict” what hasn’t yet come to pass. Don’t let my worries run away with me.

AirThe Magician and Dragon – On the intellectual side of the project I’m planning on working on this week, I have all the tools and knowledge I need to get it done. Now is a fortuitous time to do the work, so get going and do the work while the timing is good.

WaterSix of Cups and Moon – Sometimes taking trips down memory lane is a bad idea. I’ve received this message in some other readings over the past week or two. This is a reminder to stay in the present and let the dead and dying lie in my wake. Don’t stir the waters right now, as I may not like what surfaces if I do.

FireThe Lovers, Ribbon, and Spider – Plan carefully and lean heavily toward receptive “feminine” energies with my choices this week in relation to my passions and interests.

Moving Away FromGhost – Stop brewing over regrets and past mistakes. It’s time to look forward rather than over your shoulder. Find the new path instead of ruminating on the one left behind.

Heading TowardOwl – Thought before action. Make sure you are strategizing instead of just acting on instinct or what seems most appealing in the moment.

Moral of the Story – I have been sort of hesitating and holding back on finishing a project that I started earlier in the fall. I haven’t really understood why I’ve been holding back on it, but I know that part of it had to do with worries about my worth and abilities. This week’s spread indicates that the time is now upon me and I have everything I need to get the project done. I just need to remember to focus on a plan of action with solid strategy behind it and stick to it… and lean to the left.

Decks Used: Deviant Moon Tarot, Mildred Payne’s Pocket Oracle, Halloween Oracle

 

Loosen Up

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and I had a very difficult time focusing.  I can’t even really remember what she was talking about in this one, because my mind kept flitting off in different directions and needing to be pulled back in again.   I did stay through the entire ten minutes, though, and repeatedly brought my attention back to the now and my breath each time I caught my mind wandering off in one direction or another.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is the Six of Ghosts (Cups) which is a representation of harmony, vitality, and nostalgia in the area of the emotions, intuition, and relationships.

When I saw this card today, my intuition did not see nostalgia, which seems to be the most common interpretation of this card.   Instead, what I see is fun and harmony.

Today’s card is a reminder that things don’t have to be so serious all the time. It’s okay to lighten up and have some fun now and then.

This is something that I often forget.  I get so wrapped up in my goals and responsibilities, that I forget to step back and have a laugh and a lark.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.  I’ve surprisingly managed to keep this challenge going for twelve days now.

Question: Where may I need to release some control?

Deviant Moon Tarot Reading Summary: When you reach a dead end on an idea (Ten of Swords), sometimes you have to start fresh with a new perspective (The Fool), and work at making better choices the second time around (Two of Wands).

Take Away: When I run across an idea that I’ve reached a dead end on, the releasing of control referenced in the question for the reading has to do with letting go of the tight grip I have on that idea, regrouping with a new perspective, and then trying again from a place of discovery.    This is a process that is very difficult for me.  I hate letting go of ideas I get invested in, but like the an untenable position of the fellow in the box of knives on the first card, sometimes its the only way to progress.

Deck Used: Deviant Moon Tarot (Borderless Edition)

 

Get Motivated

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes, and focused on World Mental Health Day (which is today) and how to be kinder to ourselves, especially when you have mental health problems.

It discussed why people try to hide their mental health illness because of the concern for being rejected by others and be shamed for this weakness.  It addressed seeking acceptance in ourselves for the issues that we have to deal with, in the same way you find acceptance for when you have a cold, or diabetes, or any other medical issue.

The guided meditation encouraged the listener to challenge their self judgements and find a path to a better acceptance of the self and your own personal struggles.

This is something that I had to struggle with early in life.  In fact, I had undiagnosed depression as far back as my early teens or perhaps even earlier than that.  When Z realized what was going on, she advocated with me to my parents, pushing them to allow me to seek treatment, but it wasn’t until I was emancipated at the age of sixteen that I had the freedom to do so for myself.   In my family, mental illness was treated as something to be ashamed of.  A fatal flaw even worse than being gay (which was my father’s main issue with me from childhood on in life).

By accepting that I needed help and going to GET that help, it was clearly understood that I was not just casting shame upon myself, but upon my family as a whole.  Obviously, this is NOT something that bothered me as much as it might have, because I was so far down that rabbit hole with my sexual preferences and independence by that point that what was one more log on the fire, right?   Still, the shame -did- ride me for quite a long time.  Especially the shame of needing medication.

It wasn’t until I found a medication that took away my suicidal thoughts and urges that this shame began to lift.  Because… how can you argue with that benefit, right?  Now, when I see judgement, I advocate.  And I hope that others will learn, as I did, that it’s okay to need a little help.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is another double without a jumper, which means that they both came out of the deck together.  The cards in today’s draw are the Emperor card of the Major Arcana, and the King of Bats (Swords).

I know what it’s saying, and I’m just SO resistant to it today.   Silly, I know.  But there you have it.

The message in today’s cards is to “Be the Boss”.   In other words, do your work, do the responsible thing, take charge and get your shit done.   I know it’s supposed to be an energizing and empowering message, but all I really feel like doing today is loafing off.

Unfortunately, that is a luxury for another day if i want to ship out orders tomorrow (which I very much do need and want to do that).

Traditional meanings for the Emperor include dominance and authority, structure, and a projective alpha energy that is instilled into the “big picture”, rather than into one specific aspect of the human experience.

Traditional representation for the King of Bats (Swords) are on the theme of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of the mind, thought, intellect, communication, and instinct.  This includes themes surrounding mental clarity and intellectual power, as well as (you guessed it) dominance and authority.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt again today.  I’m definitely going to try to do the bonus readings every day (or near to it) for the rest of this month.

Question: How can I more fully love and accept myself?

Tarot of Haunted House Reading Summary: Set the spark (Ace of Wands) and carry that spark forward (Knight of Wands) into the things that interest and challenge you (King of Swords).  Sometimes it’s okay to need to be alone (intuitive hit off the imagery in the Three of Cups).

Take Away: If I want to more fully love and accept myself, I need to not just respect and take note of those inner sparks of ambition and inspiration, but go after them.  And not just the easy ones, but the ones that really make me work for that sense of accomplishment. Most of the time, these types of projects, aspirations, and ideas require buckling down and focus, which is not something I can do in the company of others.  Alone time is valuable in these pursuits, IF I use it productively.

TL:DR?  Stop using alone time to loaf off, and instead use that time to get to work on the things that spark my ambition and challenge my intellect.

Deck Used: Tarot of Haunted House