The Way Forward

IMG_2754Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and focused on taking time to value yourself and your contributions those around you and yourself.

This is something I struggle with on a regular basis.  It’s not that I don’t acknowledge that I contribute.  I love helping people, teaching people, guiding people.  I love providing that little nugget of something that clicks for them and helps them along their path.   I love making beautiful things and sending them out into the world to improve the lives of others.

I contribute to the world around me in many, many different small ways that (I hope) flit out into the world like the butterflies of chaos theory, changing the world one tiny touch of positivity at a time.

BUT…. I have a hard time acknowledging my own worth.  And that reflects sometimes on how much worth and value I see in what I contribute to others and the world.  I’m aware of this, and I’m trying to be kinder to myself as I keep that in mind.

Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is a double without a jumper, which is to say that both cards came out together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Four of Water (Cups) and the Ace of Clouds (Swords).

What I see in today’s card(s) is a reiteration and reinforcement of yesterday’s read on the Tarotholics prompt.  That is to say, the cards are telling me that it’s time to put my apathy away.  Now is the time to breathe fresh air through my mind and heart, and step forward with purpose.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve my relationship with creativity?

Baba Studios Alice Tarot

Interpretation: Currently, my relationship with creativity is in the shithole, as was indicated by yesterday’s read for this challenge’s prompt.   The cards here are telling me that if I want to improve my relationship with creativity, I need to find steadier footing with my emotions (Queen of Cups). This is going to require taking in some new perspectives (Hanged Man) and the process of getting there is going to feel a bit like being on a tiltawhirl (Eight of Wands with the Wheel of Fortune).


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: How can I better handle and/or respond to criticism?

Guided Hand Tarot

Reading Summary:  Look at all those cups.  Clearly I need to be more grounded in my emotions (Queen of Cups) when dealing with criticism and take the input as a jumping off point, both concerning the relationship of the one providing the criticism (Ace of Cups), and also for the learning experience it will give me so that I can move forward and do better (Page of Cups).

Take Away:  Sometimes we get stuck in a rut of our own making.  Criticism can often be the crowbar that pries us free of that rut.  It hurts, but if we can absorb the blow with grace, that criticism can provide new perspective and open you up to a new way of seeing and doing.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: When to be a hermit? / When to be people-y?

Dixit Cards 10th Anniversary Expansion PackWhen to be a hermit? : Sometimes self reflection requires grounding and solitude.  Make sure that you are not doing the latter without the former.

When to be people-y? :  You can’t learn how to better associate and relate with other people unless you’re willing to step out and spend time with them. The first step is not shutting out those closest to you.


Take Your Time

Today’s meditation was supposed to be twenty minutes long, but I ended up dozing off in the middle of it and it turned into a nearly three hour nap instead.   I’ll give it another go before sleep tonight.  I’m pretty sure I got at least ten minutes in, but I can’t be positive.  A second practice before bed won’t hurt anything.

Four of Swords - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Four of Swords, which is about rest and recuperation.

What I see in this card is the value of taking time to sit and think.  Not just the value of rest and recuperation, but in allowing your mind to roam and restore.  The allowance to mull things over and let time slide by as you do so, rather than demanding the answers now and pushing forward, always forward.

I’m always pushing forward, but today I took some time for myself.  I relaxed and watched some tv.  I meditated, and napped a bit more than I’d planned.   I loused about and played games on my phone.   Most of these things are not things I allow myself all that often, or at least I don’t openly allow myself to accept them without recriminations.   Today, though, I gave myself these small pleasures and did my best to not put myself down for them or the time spent with them.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: What is my current relationship with creativity?

Circle of Life Tarot

Reading Summary:  Stagnant (Hermit) due to a waffling on choices (Two of Swords) has left me feeling a bit apathetic and unable to see the good/joy of creativity (Five of Cups), which is swiftly (Eight of Wands) spiraling me down into feelings of scarcity (Five of Pentacles).

Take Away:  Usually, my creativity is very free flowing and constantly pushing through me like an inner light.   Since my issues with that letter came in, and the self doubt that letter and the fear it created sparked up in me, my creativity has been very much blocked, though.  It feels heavy and I’m struggling with it a bit, to be honest.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: What do I need to focus on for self-care for this new moon?

Dame Darcy's Queen Alice Tarot

Reading Summary: Now is the time to go for it (Knight of Wands) concerning those new ideas I have (Ace of Swords) about my financial portfolio and establishing more solid financial footing (King of Pentacles).

Take Away: There’s some taxes stuff I’ve been putting off and a few ideas I’ve had for directing money in a different direction, but I’ve been putting it off as it hasn’t felt like the right time.  From these cards, it sounds like now is the time and I should hop to it.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Wash Away / Invigorate

Prisma Visions Tarot v5Wash Away :  It’s time to wash away the energies of winter that have been dragging me down and holding me back.  These energies didn’t serve me then and are not serving me now, it’s time to allow a fresh clean breeze to blow through and clear them out.

Invigorate :  Invigorate the industrious energies of spring. It’s time to start moving forward instead of wallowing in stagnation.



Finding the Path Forward

IMG_2723Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon not allowing yourself to get so caught up in “following the herd” that you lose track of your own autonomy.

This is not something that I have a problem with, but it is a trap that I see people fall into all the time.  Peer pressure is a real thing, and just because it’s not something I personally find myself swayed by doesn’t mean that it’s not permeated in those around me.  I see people all the time do things that they readily admit are not right for them… but yet do them anyway because it is expected of them or they have been pressured into it.

Perhaps I am simply too stubborn?  It is not as if I haven’t experienced such pressures.  My father pushed them on me on a daily basis…. I just chose not to let them influence my choices.   Then again, I am the one that constantly thinks nothing I do is quite good enough, yes?  So maybe he managed to wriggle his way in there after all.

Three of Clouds - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is the Three of Clouds, which is the equivalent of the Three of Swords in the regular RWS tarot.

Although in this imagery I see the jagged rocks like ragged teeth chomping at the sky, a dangerous and deadly peril to all that try to pass through them… what I also see is the ripple of light upon the water.

The message in today’s draw is that even in the roughest of times, even when things look their darkest and the struggle is at its greatest, there is still hope.   There is still a light that will guide you forward, even in those hardest of times.  Like the rippling light on the water’s surface shows the way to shore, there is a path to freedom from these difficult times, sometimes you just have to be willing to take your time to get there.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve my relationship with my work?

Stretch Tarot

Reading Summary:  I need to spend more time looking at my work as fun (Knight of Wands) and allow the spark of joy creating can give (Knight of Cups) carry me away (The Chariot).

Take Away:  When I went through the month of January saturated in the effects of my buried fear tucked down deep within my gut?  I lost a lot of the joy that comes with my work and the creative process.  To have a better relationship with my work, I need to focus on rediscovering that joyful spark that creativity and manifestation of beautiful things can give me.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #2
How can I ease my recent increase in anxiety?’

Hush Tarot

Reading Summary: Let it out (colors flow from dark to light to red, speaking of a transition from mellow and murky to a chaos of… outburst.  This impression is further reinforced by the Owl that seems to protect and shelter, and then the one crow in freedom before the trio that are in chaos.   These patterns follow what it feels like to me to go from holding something inside, to deciding I need to let it out, to the chaos of actually allowing whatever it is out into the open to speak about it with others.

There is also the element within the first card that speaks not just of shelter but danger.  The mouse clings for dear life.  The skull is buried and embedded within the clock.  You can only box things up for so long.    In the second card the bird is among the weeds looking out at freedom.  In the third, freedom has been found, but in order to find it, there is a need to accept chaos and allow it to run its course.

Take Away:  If I want the anxiety I’ve been experiencing lately (especially in the morning when waking up) to ease, I need to stop suppressing the things that are bothering me and get them out in the open. It will feel uncomfortable and chaotic, but sometimes the calm of suppression is far worse for you.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: When am I a fish out of water? / When am I in my element?

WWI Propaganda Posters TarotWhen am I a fish out of water? :  Rivalry and competition cause me to retreat in exhaustion.  Although I am able to hold my own just fine, it brings me no joy or sense of accomplishment.

When am I in my element? :  When helping others.  I feel a deep sense of peace and accomplishment when I am able to help others and find ways to assist them on their path.



Ride It Out Instead of Fighting

IMG_2713Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was focused upon worrying and how it can so often be a useless endeavor.   I see worry spiral out of control all the time.  Somehow, I seem to attract people that have a worrier’s mind.  They pick up a worry like it’s a tiny little seed, and in their mind it takes root and grows like an invasive species until it fills up every nook and cranny of their minds.

This type of worry isn’t helpful, although some of those “what ifs” can come in helpful in preparing for the unknown.   But what it really does is raise anxiety and work the person up to the point that they can’t sleep and can’t get their mind onto anything else.

I have to admit, though… my own habit of ignoring issues is also not good.  The key is to find a happy medium.

Five of Wands and Six of Wands - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is a double without a jumper, which means that both cards came out together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Wands and the Six of Wands (and, yes, this deck is very, very thoroughly shuffled).

What I see here in the cards is that sometimes you have to surrender to the chaos.   I don’t really do “chaos” all that well.  Change?  Sure… it’s difficult but I’m okay with riding it out.  Chaos, on the other hand…. I do not ride out very well.  It causes a lot of stress and anxiety and is just all around unpleasant.

BUT… it happens.  It may actually even be necessary for human development and progress.  I just need to remember that when it comes calling, not to fight so hard against it.  It’s natural… it’s temporary… and it’ll be okay.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: What is my relationship with my work?

Oriens Tarot

Reading Summary: When I look at this spread, I see an undercurrent of the depths of the sea within the cards on either side, and the lifting up and surfacing of the center cards as being on a layer above.    Lower layer is cold, hard sea…. upper layer (center cards) is the rising to the surface and the light.

In juggling responsibilities (Two of Pentacles) and that inner spark of new inspirations (Ace of Wands),  I am working on rising above and letting go (Eight of Cups) of  what isn’t working and is holding me back from my aspirations (Ten of Pentacles Rx).


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is one of my least positive qualities?

Britt's Third Eye Tarot

Reading Summary: I’m a bastard about telling myself that I’m not doing well enough and or not contributing enough.  These cards are in reference to my self-judgement (Judgement) of my performance and abilities (Knight of Swords), and my inability to ever accept that I’m doing enough (Four of Pentacles).

Take Away: Accurate.  I’m actively working on being more accepting of myself and the products of my skills and abilities, and yet.. I am very much my own worst critic.  The cards are calling me out on this specifically in relation to my work and the product of my work.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Elevate this / Calm the fuck down here

The Hide TarotElevate This :  This card speaks of playing to my strengths concerning helping others.  This is something that brings me a lot of enjoyment and a great deal of pleasure.  I like helping others find what’s right for them, and helping them find their path.   This card speaks to that ability, and my enjoyment of it.

Calm the fuck down here :  Ease up on myself concerning my accomplishments.  The cards have told me this a lot lately, but I need to accept that I don’t have to do everything at once, and nothing requires being done right this instant.  It’s okay to take my time and take things slow.



Today’s meditation has yet again been non-existent.  I just didn’t sleep well last night and lying down to do it was a bad idea considering everything I needed to get home today.  Clearly that was the best choice, as when I took a “short nap” after getting home?  I overslept by a whole two hours.   I’ll try to meditate before sleep tonight when I crawl into bed, but I really need to get back on top of doing this first thing in the morning.

Nine of Trees - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is the Nine of Trees.  I have a hard time remembering the suits in this deck, but the elemental symbol indicates that this is the fire suit (wands).  That said, I did my read off of the card before my brain kicked in to work that out.

What I see in today’s card is a build off of yesterday’s message about keeping i mind the long term view and goals and not getting too caught up “in the moment”.   When I see that tree standing strong and tall on the cliff, it also makes me think of taking the long view.

It’s about the strength that is built over time and perseverance.  Struggles and strain happens, but by working through them you build strength.  Stress is not necessarily good for you… neither are car accidents, violent attacks, etc.   BUT, they do benefit you in building upon your strength and giving you a chance to grow and develop from these hardships.   That is true for communities as well.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve my relationship with the present?

Button Soup Tarot

Reading Summary:  Don’t allow moments of self doubt and lack of faith (The Star Rx) cause so much stress and strain (Nine of Wands) that I retreat into myself (Hermit) or you will end up feeling overwhelmed and burnt out (Seven of Wands Rx).

Side Note: I don’t usually read reversals, but with this deck… it just felt right.   So I left them in.  It’s something about how the imagery changed in the upside-down position.

Take Away:  The pattern mentioned in the cards is something that is very common for me and I need to watch out for it and make sure I don’t end up tripping over that pitfall.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: What in my life makes me feel the most thankful at this time?

Sola Busca Revisited Tarot

Reading Summary:  The opportunities presented to me to improve my way of life (Knight of Coins), and the help of my friends to assist me in that and uplift me (Three of Cups) when I am feeling overtaken and overwhelmed (Five of Wands).

Take Away:  I really do have an amazing support system of people who care about and love me to help me in times of need, whether those times are when I am pushing towards my goals, or in times when I am feeling things have gotten out of control.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Where can I be more creative? / Where am I being deluded?

Golden Klimt TarotWhere can I be more creative? :  I need to remember what the shrink said when I went to visit her. Maybe now isn’t the best time to restructure how I am doing the business.  With the fear thing and feeling overwhelmed, adding that other aspect and smothering out my creative spark is probably not the best course of action.

Where am I being deluded? :  This pretty much carries over from the previous card.  I’ve taken off a bigger bite than I’m able to chew and I need to step back and look at taking smaller steps… smaller bites… and not expecting everything to be done immediately.   Allow myself a longer time-frame for getting things done.



The Long View

Today’s been kind of a clusterfuck of a day, and I haven’t managed to meditate yet, although I did give it a couple of tries throughout the day.   I will try for it again when I go to bed here in a bit.

Seven of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Seven of Pentacles, which I felt was pretty fitting for today considering the drama that went on (and has been going on over the last few days) on the Discord server.

The appearance of the Seven of Pentacles is to remember to take the “long view” of the situation and the community as a whole.   Yes, there’s drama right now… but it’s temporary.   The building and maintaining of a community is more than just a moment or a few days.  It’s built over time and adaptation and it’s a learning process.   Over time, that community grows and evolves, develops and strengthens.  Part of that process is the times of drama and difficulty.

The card is a reminder that the drama is temporary, and the focus needs to lie on what’s ahead and what is being built, instead of getting too wrapped up in the moment.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: What is my relationship with the present?

Hush Tarot

Reading Summary: There is a resistance to change going on (Six of Swords), and although I’m longing inner happiness and trying to find the path to seeking it (Nine of Cups, I’m having trouble letting go and it’s making moving on a struggle (Five of Cups). I might need to look at balancing the negatives and positives of the moment, rather than trying to overcome the negatives involved (Two of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The reading is about roadblocks and hurdles.  It’s about struggling to find a way forward and having trouble with moving forward. I’m still feeling quite stuck, even after identifying the fear issue.  That struggle is reflected in the cards, along with the suggestion of a different perspective concerning it (ie: balance as opposed to trying to overcome).


Stepping Stones

IMG_2513Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long, and was a guided meditation on projecting loving kindness first to yourself, and then outward to others.  It starts out by projecting loving kindness to yourself, then to someone you care about, then to someone hateful and/or that you dislike or has hurt you, and then beyond them to everyone and the world.   You then reverse the process back the other way so that you end with again projecting loving kindness to yourself.

The first time that I did this practice, I had a bit of a numbing in the directing loving kindness toward myself, and I struggled a good deal when trying to project loving kindness to someone hateful. I wouldn’t have known this if it wasn’t that the projecting loving kindness to someone you love wasn’t mixed in, but there was definitely a stark contrast.

Interestingly, in doing the same method today?  I didn’t seem to have as much difficulty as the first time.  There was still a bit of disconnect with the self, and difficulty with the disliked person part… but it wasn’t half of the struggle that it had been the first time.

Steward of Stone - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is the Steward of Stone, which is the equivalent of the Page of Earth/Pentacles.   I’ve been getting this card quite a bit of late.  It is traditionally a representation of an omega energy, personality, or person in the areas of finances, resources, manifestation, and the physical world.  That representation often translates into themes of financial opportunity as well as skill development and manifestation through skills one already impresses that are improving.

The appearance of the Steward of Stone in today’s draw has to do with the meeting with my financial advisor this afternoon.  We did some restructuring of my finances, and there was definitely a great deal of learning involved as I did some adjustments in how I handle my money and where my money is being allocated.  Some of the changes I made and methods learned about today will further my goal of manifesting that stability I crave.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve my relationship with my community?

Queen Alice Tarot by Dame Darcy

Reading Summary: Continue to be generous with my contributions (Six of Pentacles) and providing direction (Two of Wands) to assist others in satisfaction and stability (Four of Cups atop The Fool).

Take Away:  Interestingly, the first two cards in this spread are the same cards that showed up in what my relationship is with my community yesterday.  I take this as saying that what I contribute is needed and I should keep going in that direction.  And perhaps stop looking down on my contributions so much, because they are effective even if not recognized by my own psyche as having worth.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: Draw or write something free form inspired by the card(s).

Dixit Cards 10th Anniversary Edition

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess who was constantly in the public eye and being told what to do (First Card).  One day she angered a witch (Second Card), who turned her into a cat in a cage (Third Card). But, little did the witch know that when the transformation happened this provided the princess with more freedom (Also Third Card) than she ever had before, as this allowed her to secretly escape into the night each night to have grand adventures out in the world (Fourth Card).


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: What makes me want to scream? / What makes me content?

The Binding of Elijah TarotWhat makes me want to scream? : Chaos.  The drop.  I think this is pretty common for most people.  I thought it was very apt that this card showed up for this question.  It doesn’t really matter what the chaos is about, any kind of chaos will send me into a mess of anxiety if I let it.

What makes me content? :  Independence and determination for those things that spark my passion and drive.  I was expecting a different answer here, but actually?  This is perfect.  Because when I don’t have that sense of independence that allows me to do as I want when I want?  I definitely am not content.  It is even the very first line that I drew in the sand within our relationship, that need for autonomy.  I never really thought about it before, but…. yep.  Perfect.


Spreading the Wealth

Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long, and was a full body scan that I did to music just after my yoga/physiotherapy. It was a really nice practice, but I think that I’ll stick to the music-free sessions.

It’s too distracting when even the gentle reactions from my synesthesia start to play into the music, and I don’t really have any relaxing music that I don’t react to  physically in some small way.

Six of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is about sharing and harmony as wealth and/or resources are balanced out rather than kept at an uneven scale.  Oddly, I always confuse the imagery on this card with the Seven of Pentacles, and when I read this card using this deck.

What I get out of this card for today’s message is that when you have a good harvest, be sure to spread the wealth around.  That can be financially or through resources, or even through the things you manifest along the way.   It’s about reaping the benefits of your hard work, and sharing those benefits with others.

It makes me think of J and L, and about those things I give without thought, and the people I give them to.   I know that sometimes you think I am too generous, sometimes with those that you feel are undeserving.  But to ME, that generosity is one of the ways that I show that I appreciate others, and sometimes also a way for me to to express that I care.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: What is my relationship with my community?

Tarot of the Lucid Dream

Reading Summary:  Although I often feel like I’m slacking (Four of Swords), what I actually provide is a sense of stability (Four of Coins) and direction (Two of Wands).

Take Away:  I drew these cards with my condo building in mind. I’m on the security board (which is so much nicer than just having a “security person” on the condo board) and we just had a meeting last night.  I don’t have a lot of specific responsibilities on this board, or rather… any.  Instead I step in when I can and when is needed.  It’s nice to know that my presence and contributions are providing something of value, because as usual… I don’t see my own worth or contributions all that clearly at all.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: How can I obtain more of what I love most in life?

Regretsy Tarot

Reading Summary:  Ten wands – six wands – ace cups

Stop overburdening myself (Ten of WTF) and being so damned defensive (Six of WTF), and open yourself up emotionally to deal with things from a different angle (Ace of Genitalia).

Take Away:  This is about you and I, and about dealing with those moments when you tweak.   It’s about not allowing that sense of overwhelm and feelings of defensiveness get in the way of trying to understand where you’re coming from and seeking the emotional support and understanding needed to work through these things… because what I love most in life is you, and that means all of you.  Even those possessive, protective, and sometimes zealously jealous parts.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Message for the day: Oracle / Tarot

Shakiti Wisdom Oracle and Guided Hand TarotOracle Message for Today: Listen to your intuition.  Sometimes this can be difficult when the drop is in the process of crawling up my ass, but it’s needed.  Especially in those times where my judgement can be compromised by the vulnerability and unsteady footing of the drop.

Tarot Message for Today:  Just hold on and ride it out.  It won’t last forever.


Don’t Shut Down

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon projecting a sense of gratitude, and how having a sense of gratitude in your live helps you to see the value not just in yourself, but in others as well.

It has to do with allowing yourself to notice how many good things and good people are in your life, and thus how deserving you are of good things on the whole.

The Fool - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is The Fool card, which is a representation of unrestrained possibility, spontaneity, and innocence.  It speaks of beginnings and starting anew.

The message in today’s card is one of opening up and speaking up.   The drop is coming and it’s reminding me that in that soft and vulnerable place, it’s not okay to close off, but a time for setting myself open and free in order to allow those wounded and aching feelings inside to be soothed and healed.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve my relationship with money?

Love Is In The Earth Tarot

Reading Summary: Take care that I’m not spending my emotions (Princes of Crystal Cups) because focusing on optimism (The Star) is a better path to getting what I want out of life (Four of Crystal Wands)

Take Away:  By “spending emotions” I mean as in how some people “eat their emotions”.  Buying things to feel better, yeah?   The cards say that for a better relationship with money, a better path than buying something to “feel good” it would be a better idea to find ways to lift my spirits through optimism and a better outlook, which will free up that money to assist me in creating the stability and security that I desire most of all.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: A positive message to carry with me throughout my day.

Majestic Earth Tarot and Gay Tarot

Reading Summary:  As this is the topic of my COTD, I added the COTD at the center and used this question (and the cards) to then build upon it.   Do this (Temperance), and not this (The Hermit).

Take Away:  Temperance and the Hermit are reinforcements of what I said above.  The drop can make me irrational, thus the arrival of temperance to remind me to stay calm.  The drop can also make me retreat into myself, and the Hermit is a warning about that, and an encouragement to keep myself from going there.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: What’s a distraction? / Where do I need to focus?

Lion's Gateway TarotWhat’s a distraction? :  Past resentments and getting mentally wrapped up in the chaos of inner conflict is a distraction that I’m dealing with at the moment.   Some of this is the approach of the drop.  Some of it is what happened with my visit at mom’s recently.  And some of it is that negative “down on myself” bullshit concerning taking things slow.  All of it is distraction that isn’t doing anything for me.

Where do I need to focus? :  I just made my yearly appointment with my financial advisor at the bank.  This card is about productivity and about getting things done.  I need to train my focus on my goals as I go into this week, and make sure that my actions follow through on my intentions and desires.


Organize First… Then Act

Today’s meditation is currently as yet to be done.  I tried to lie down and do it earlier this morning, but I couldn’t manage to get myself to settle.  Rather than trying to force it and make myself miserable, I decided to give it a try later on, which has turned into giving it a try at bed time.

Knight of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Knight of Pentacles, which is the most solid and down to earth of all the knights. The Knight of Pentacles is about responsibility and getting things done, which is honestly a bit in contrast to how I’m feeling these days.

I am making a concerted effort to slow down and take things a step at a time instead of plowing into everything headlong and submerging in it until I either sink or swim… and I always fucking swim.  But what I’ve found is that in taking my time and not giving myself that stress to go go go?  I feel like I’m slacking.

The appearance of the Knight of Pentacles is a reminder that it’s not slacking.  It’s self care.  It’s okay to take your time because you are progressing, just at a slower rate than you’re used to.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: What is my relationship with money?

Guardian Tarot

Reading Summary:  Look at that flow of flowers (no, they are not standard through the whole deck).  What really stands out to me in this read is the flowers.  They go from a few flowers sprouting from the earth in the first card, to abundance in the second card, and then abundance obtained in the third card.

Take Away:  As an intuitive hit from the perspective mentioned above, my relationship with money is one of fostering growth and harvesting the rewards of that endeavor.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: What do I need to focus on for self-care this full moon?

The Oriens Tarot

Reading Summary:  My inner conflict is getting the better of me (Five of Wands) and I need to work on centering and grounding myself (Queen of Pentacles) so that I’m not bouncing all over the place (Knight of Wands).  Ignoring my emotions (Page of Cups) is a foolish endeavor (The Fool).

Take Away:  We are actually talking about this right now in IMs. That is, we’re talking about that sense of shame and conflict I’m feeling concerning the feelings of stagnation and lack of accomplishment involved in taking things slow.  The cards (which were drawn this morning) are telling me that I need to not hold this in.  Instead I need to confront these feelings and deal with them, something that you help me with.

From our talk: “I think that your fear kinda held you back for so long that you’re unsure of those first steps and feeling like you’re never gonna reach them. You can do this, babe. It’s a lot about organization and you are GOOD at that… this is a first step at that… being organized will make you feel better. More confident and secure.”

You’re right.   Maybe the first steps don’t have anything to do with doing things at all, but rather with getting organized.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Connect with this / Find inspiration here

Alice Tarot by Baba StudiosConnect With This:  Finding direction. Wow. Okay.  So the majority of the reads this morning all deal with the same thing, as this read also ties into both the COTD for today as well as the Tarotholics Prompt above.   It speaks of needing to find direction and getting organized prior to trying to advance and ending up spinning my wheels.

Find Inspiration Here:  This is about realizing that this new, slower way of doing things should be seen as an adventure and not a chore.  I should take this new adventure with an open heart, rather than being down on myself when I occasionally stumble during the transition period.