Paws Off The Mixing Bowl and Whisk

Today’s meditation was… extended into an impromptu bathtub nap.  I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but it happened and I woke up in cold water, so I was asleep for at least a half an hour or more.   Fortunately I did not end up snorting water, and I clearly also did not drown. Both very good news.   I also realized part of the reason that I don’t soak in the tub more often.  It’s because I hate getting out.  I absolutely love being in the water and seriously?  My skin is super soft afterward… but I hate getting out.

Tarot of the SidheToday’s draw is the Maker Ten (Ten of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of completion, fulfillment, and “spreading the wealth” of your accomplishments among others close to you in the areas of finance, resources, home and health, and manifestations.

The imagery in this card reminds me far more of a King of Pentacles than the Ten of Pentacles, primarily because what stands out to me in this card is that everyone appears to be bringing offerings to the Fae on the throne in the process of being crowned.

When I think of the Ten of Pentacles, I think of a more “share and share alike” atmosphere, although I see the message clearly in having changed the imagery up like this.   At least the message that is there for me today, at any rate.

The message here is that I’ve made it to a good place and it’s okay to feel comfortable and fulfilled.  It’s also okay to be in that place and let people do for me now and then.  I don’t have to have my fingers in every pot.  I’m so uncomfortable with letting other people do things for me that sometimes I forget I don’t need to take it all upon myself.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: How does devaluing my needs harm those around me?

Odd Hand Tarot

Reading Summary: If I’m spending so much time focusing on the distraction tactics (The Devil), then I’m not moving forward with my goals (Knight of Wands)… not even at a slow pace (Knight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  Yesterday’s reading established that my method of devaluing my needs is by misdirection through use of addictions and bad habits.  By doing this, I don’t just slow down my progress, but halt it entirely.   When this happens it hurts more than just me, but those that depend on me to lead the charge as well as keep things stable and moving.

DECK USED:  ODD HAND TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #2
 Why is it so hard for me to not procrastinate on even the simplest of self-care activities?

El Gran Tarot EsotericoReading Summary: Emotional cracks in the bedrock stemming from childhood experiences create an opening for roots that dig deep (Ace of Cups Rx and Six of Pentacles).  These roots give life to an apathetic lack of enthusiasm (roots in the Six of Pentacles giving life to the flowers in the Five of Cups) and a self destructive desire to turn away from those self care activities (The Hermit Rx).

Take Away:  So essentially… self destructive apathy stemming from daddy issue related self loathing.  I have a bit of an issue with how so much shit seems to fall back to childhood trauma and parental crap.  I get it.  I understand it.  I fully grasp the concept that what happens in your formative years becomes a big part of your personal foundation, therefore affecting everything from personality to reactionary responses, to how we act, etc.

The thing is though?  I want to feel I have more autonomy than that.  I want to feel I have more control than that.   I understand that the control I want in these areas can only be won through self reflection and inner healing… I guess I just wish… I dunno.  I appear to be trundling my way into a round of shadow work that I just do not have the capacity to deal with right now nor in the near future. 

DECK USED:  EL GRAN TAROT ESOTERICO

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Where can I unburden myself to support my inner fire?

Pride Tarot

Reading Summary: You’re allowed to have some time to yourself (The Hermit). Don’t worry so much (Nine of Swords) about having to babysit every move everyone makes (The Emperor). You’re fooling yourself (Eight of Swords) if you think that they can’t do it themselves without your supervision.

Take Away:  I have a huge “mother hen” complex when it comes to the business and delegating work to others.  Even when others are doing the work, I worry and stress and feel the need to check on the progress and the quality again and again.  The cards are making it clear that this hyper-diligence is not necessary and I can let it go in preference for giving myself a bit more alone time and self care.

DECK USED:  PRIDE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What makes me happy?

The Stunning Tarot

Reading Summary: When I’m feeling self-assured in my creativity (Queen of Wands). When I take charge of collaborations with others and they run smoothly (The Chariot and Three of Pentacles). When I get new perspectives that allow for an expanded view (The Hanged Man).

There is a connection (via color) between The Hanged Man and The Chariot indicating that although I like to take charge, I find it essential for others to contribute their opinions and ideas to the task at hand.

There is also a color connection between The Chariot and the Queen of Wands indicating that I like a good deal of control and a bit of smooth sailing in my creative endeavors… not to mention success (Queen).

There’s a third color connection present between the roots of the tree in The Hanged Man and the Queen of Wands alongside The Chariot, which indicates that in my driven endeavors, I require a bit of stability.

Take Away:  Success, taking charge, and true collaboration between myself and others.   Both control and stability are extremely important in these matters, which extend beyond my business and into a variety of different endeavors that kindle my inner spark to flare up brightly.

DECK USED:  THE STUNNING TAROT

Hyunta… Yeah, You Heard Me

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and one of the harp strings meditations.  I had a bit of a problem getting still and staying that way.  I’m not sure why I was all fidgety today, but I just really struggled with staying still.  Not just in meditation either, but through my card drawing time, as well as the first hour or so once I finally sat down at the computer.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances and resources, home life, health, and manifestations.

This card screams hyunta to me. You’ve worked hard and  finally gotten what you so dearly have strive for and wanted, and now you’re stuck wondering… That was it? Is this it?  That’s all?  It’s a blend of both satisfaction, and keen disappointment.  (Actually, the term originates from that post masturbation glow of having stroked one out and achieved your pleasure but then being on the other side of it you find yourself feeling like something’s missing…. but the sense of accomplishment and disappointment is very similar.)

The message here in this card for today is that goals are something to aim for, but not something to kill yourself over as you try to get hit them. Because once you get there, then you have nowhere further to go.

This is why it is so often said that life is about the journey, and not a destination.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: How does devaluing my needs harm myself?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary:  It’s self limiting (Eight of Swords) to my ability to get a fresh start in going after my dreams (Page of Wands), taking control out of my hands  so that I lose my way (The Chariot) along life’s path (The World).

Take Away:  Devaluing my needs creates a cycle of destruction that is directed at my autonomy. It influences both my ability to see clearly and make good decisions concerning the direction I want to go in, as well as my ability to actually control my trajectory as a whole on my life’s path. 

DECK USED:  GYPSY PALACE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Weed Out / Replace With

Tabula Mundi in Minima TarotWeed OutSix of Cups Rx – I need to let go of my fear that continuing in the path of allowing myself to have more rest and less burden is going to fuck up everything I’ve worked towards.  This fear is irrational and is not based in reality, yet my fear of shifting away from that mentality of being overburdened equals accomplishment and getting things done is holding me back from fully embracing my new path.

Replace WithPrincess of Disks Rx – Continue to work at embracing a releasing of “industry”.  It’s okay to take some time for yourself, and it’s okay to enjoy that time.  Own your ability to relax and acknowledge that the world isn’t going to fall apart if you’re a bit selfish with your time and attention by directing it towards the self and self care rather than the business or the greater good.

DECK USED:  TABULA MUNDI IN MINIMA TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: What am I asked to create for myself starting this week?

Big Things In Small Packages Tarot

Reading Summary:  Get your shit together (Nine of Cups) and put your thinking hat on (The High Priestess) so that you can seize the reigns (The Chariot) and get moving at going after that new vision of the same dream (Knight of Wands).

Take Away:  The new vision of the same dream mentioned here is about my business, and about how I have been trying to restructure how I do things so that I’m not so overwhelmed and overburdened all the time. In order to accomplish this new version of the same dream, though, there’s still some work that needs to be done.  Especially as we now head toward the end of summer and slip into the time to prep for the holiday rush.

This prepping process requires planning, but it also requires a lot of doing… and it’s that dynamic that needs to be picked up and run with this week.

DECK USED:  BIG THINGS IN SMALL PACKAGES TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is working for me right now?

Tarot del Fuego

Reading Summary: Taking things slow (Eight of Wands Rx) and letting my new emotional growth (Ace of Cups) have the time and space it needs to reconcile with my past and find the value in what has happened in my history (Ten of Swords).

Side Note: This is really interesting imagery for the Eight of Wands.  I understand the representation in the imagery, though.  The fact that sometimes?  Things just move too fast.

Take Away:  Although I fully accept the experiences I have been through, the new emotional depth I’m experiencing due to the growth I’ve been exploring this spring and summer has needed a bit of a reconciliation with those experiences. Because I closed all of these emotions off during those events in my past, I did not really emotionally process these things.  I understand that and the cards indicating that this process is both healthy and ongoing.

DECK USED:  TAROT DEL FUEGO

Conquering Pessimism

Today’s meditation was forgone for sleep.  A lot of sleep.  Like… way more sleep than I usually get or need.  Between pulling an all nighter last night and then sleeping away a good part of the day… and then taking a nap later in the evening that slept away a lot more of my day, I didn’t have a lot of time for much else and meditation did not make the list when weighed against food, pulling my daily cards, and spending some time with you before sleep once again took over. So… no meditation today and I’m not even going to try and fool myself into thinking I’m going to try at bed time because I’m tired and it’s not going to happen.

The ChariotToday’s draw is The Chariot card, which is traditionally interpreted as being all about controlled progress and triumph.  When I say “controlled progress” I mean that it is not about just control or just progress, but about the combination of both.  It’s about moving forward with your hands firmly on the reigns.

That said, what stands out to me in this card is the position of the Fae on the back of the pegasus.  Arms outstretched, head thrown back, to me this card speaks more about the triumph aspect of The Chariot than it does about the strength of one’s control or willpower along the path.

I see abandon here and the “Fuck YES!” of exultation.

The message in today’s card is to turn my attention to my accomplishments and take pride in those things.  Too often I find myself focused on my failings and struggles, but the truth is that I have just as many accomplishments as I do failings, and just as many things I do well and excel at as I do struggles.  It’s time to take a bit more control of my pessimism and negative self talk by turning my focus in a more positive direction.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: What role does guilt play in my struggle to create and enforce boundaries?

Hero Analysis for the Future #79 MHA Tarot

Reading Summary:  Theft of what doesn’t belong to me (Seven of Swords) leading to others feeling without what they want or need (Page of Swords Rx) and turning to me with judging eyes (Six of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  Sometimes when I create and enforce the needed boundaries that are healthy for me, I feel like I’m stealing away time or space that belongs to someone else, leaving them feeling bereft which I then worry will turn into judgement directed my way.  So really, the influence here is twofold.  It’s about the guilt of taking from someone else, and the insecurity of having their feelings about that turn people against me.

DECK USED:  HERO ANALYSIS FOR THE FUTURE #79 MHA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to work through my frustrations at this time?

MonstarotReading Summary:  Delve into my creative curiosity (Page of Cups) and allow it to carry me away (The Star) rather than focusing on only (Eight of Swords) the negative aspects and pessimistic views of what I don’t have or that isn’t working (Five of Pentacles).

Take Away:  It’s okay to have a little bit of pessimism, but not when it blinds you to all the good stuff and holds you back from connecting with your imagination and creative spirit. The thing is that pessimism is like a parasite.  The longer it’s allowed to survive and thrive, the more it grows, until it permeates your life and influences everything within it, creating blinders as it goes, so that the longer it thrives the narrower your view becomes.   Escaping that grip takes conscious choices and determination to embrace the more positive and lighthearted aspects of life.

DECK USED:  MONSTAROT TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Earth, how can I further support my personal well-being?

Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Reading Summary:  The balancing of your obligations and responsibilities (Two of Coins) requires the help of others (Three of Coins).  Be the boss rather than the slave (The Emperor).

Take Away:  This is all about taking charge and delegating.  Don’t just allow things to build and pile up, delegate some responsibility to others to make sure that you aren’t left doing everything yourself.  It’s your nature to take on all the weight, but it’s not all yours to bear.  Take charge and show how you want things done, how you want them to go, and then hand over the task to others to complete for you.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I be more grateful?

Magic Tarot

Reading Summary:You need to look at uncertainty (The Moon) from a different perspective (The Hanged Man) that involves you in a place of balanced security (Four of Wands).

Take Away: So a lot of times when I (or anyone really) looks at their insecurities and uncertainties, instead of looking at them from “the outside” in a place of safety, we try to look at these things from inside the chaos and uncertainty.   This then tinges our perspectives.   If you can take a moment to pause, and step outside of the situation, it’s often much easier to see what’s going on more clearly.   This clarity allows for you to not just understand what’s going on, but identify the good and be grateful for it.

DECK USED:  MAGIC TAROT

Abandonment vs With Abandon

Today’s meditation was curtailed a bit short, as the girls came home from the store and needed help putting things away. Apparently as much as they love Costco, they are not really prepared for the weight of putting away bulk items on their own. It was fine, though.  I’ll fit in another meditation before bed tonight.

Update (as I’m finishing this post next-day):  I didn’t get a bed-time meditation in because I ended up pulling an all-nighter to make sure that I got all the order ready before bed.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is traditionally interpreted as a representation of emotional withdrawal, rejection, or abandonment of something or someone due to a sense of disappointment or need to get away.

This card actually gives me a whole new perspective on the Eight of Cups than I’ve ever actually considered before.   Usually, when I see the Eight of Cups, it is about abandonment. It is about walking away from something. But I never considered that this walking away from something could be a walking away from constraints or restraints.

And yet, when you embrace abandon, that is exactly what you do.  You set aside those things that would drag you down or hold you back, and move forward unrestrained to embrace the freedom of having shed those restricting elements.  So in essence, this card shows not just the “shedding” that the Eight of Cups so often represents, but also the result of that shedding.

Abandoning my constraints and restraints for a better, more healthy way of managing my responsibilities is something that I have been working on a lot this year. Today’s card is a reminder of the fact I’ve promised myself some days off each month.  Days off that are just for me.   I work seven days a week (okay, so it’s supposed to be six, but lets be honest here, even on Saturday, I still work… I just do very low maintenance and low stress stuff).  It’s nearly time for another one of those breaks, and the card today is a reminder that that time is coming… and that it’s okay to look forward to it without guilt.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: Why do I struggle with putting myself first?

Spark and Pen Tarot

Reading Summary: Because I worry about losing (Three of Heart) all that I have gained (Nine of Pentacles), and so instead I indulge in my addictions (The Devil) which then leads to uncertainty (The Moon) as a repercussions (Justice).

Take Away:  I’m being called out. This is about misdirection. I don’t put myself first in one area because I fear backsliding, instead I end up misdirecting that self care into a less healthy area that has the potential to create problems and, surprise surprise… causes backsliding.   If I put myself first in healthy ways instead, it is also possible I’d backslide, but without all of the uncertainty and mess that doing so in an unhealthy way causes.

DECK USED:  SPARK AND PEN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Where Are You Content / Where Are You Frustrated

Luminous Void TarotWhere Am I Content?: For a while when the protests and riots started at the beginning of June, I had a lot of restlessness going on.  A lot of discomfort in the fact that I felt like… I was dropping the ball with my community by keeping my distance.  Over the past two months, I’ve done a lot of self-educating, though, that seems to have helped allay that feeling. I no longer feel powerless or up in arms so much as I feel I have learned and am learning… which for me feels far more powerful than anything else I could possibly do.

Where Am I Frustrated?:  Communication with my mother has become fucking torture. I do very much ache for a new start with her… and yet feel defeated because I know a new start won’t change anything, just restart the same old path we are already on.  This repeating cycle is because I want something more… and she is unwilling (or perhaps unable) to give it.  And so a new start would provide nothing for me.

DECK USED:  LUMINOUS VOID TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: What part of me would benefit from nurturing at this time?

Vivid Journey Tarot

Reading Summary:  My faith in the universe (The World) and my passionate drive for the things I love (Knight of Wands) will be a nurturing balm for my fears of losing (Three of Swords) all that I have achieved (Ten of Pentacles).

Both The World and the Knight of Wands facing inward implies that they are a force to be applied to the central topic (center cards). The World on left represents looking at the past to see how everything always works out in the end. The Knight of Wands on right is in the position to lead me forward into the future, speaking of using my passions as my guide.

Take Away: You know that fear mentioned earlier about losing all I’ve gained? Here it is again. The cards here indicate that I need to nurture those feelings it by applying my faith in the universe to them, and allowing my burning enthusiasm for what I do to continue to be my guide. 

DECK USED:  VIVID JOURNEY TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is important right now?

Sacred Rose Tarot

Reading Summary: It’s nothing you can’t handle, no matter which way you choose to go with it (The World), but you need to be aware (The High Priestess) that you are procrastinating (Knight of Wands) and there will be consequences for that (Justice).

Take Away:  This… is true.  And reassuring.  I am aware that I am procrastinating on some things, especially in relation to the business and starting my preparations for the holiday rush.  The reassuring part, though, is in The World card.  There is a reassurance there that no matter what happens, it’ll be okay…. things always sort themselves out in the wash.

DECK USED:  SACRED ROSE TAROT