To say goodbye to October, I decided to do an extra reading today for self. I used a spread made by Reine in a Discord server that I visit.
1) Who I Am Now – Death and Skull of Flowers – There is a lot of endings and change going on, and the Death card indicates this. I’m struggling with a new level of emotions right now. A depth I’ve not experienced before. The Death card is indicating this is the new norm, and that I will adjust. The Skull of Flowers is an assurance that in the ashes of what I’ve left behind, this new level of emotion will develop into a new level of creativity and skill.
2) Forces Protecting Me – King of Wands and Herbs – There is strength in my passions and acting upon them in ways that foster their growth. The key words here are “foster their growth”… which indicates the ability to take the lead and assist these passions and interests in coming into fruition.
3) Forces Opposing Me – Justice and The Pact – I need to examine my promises, responsibilities, and the contracts (verbal and otherwise) I have entered into, and make sure that they are not just serving me in the moment, but will continue to do so into the future as well.
4) Who/What I’m Running Away From – Four of Wands and The Serpent – A situation that includes someone on a power trip using selfish motivations to get their way. This relates to one of my employers at the moment, or rather one of the new managers at this place of employment. I have been considering moving on and finding another job to replace it in order to avoid this situation. The job itself is very steady and comfortable, so I have been hesitant to move on from it.
5) Who/What I’m Running Toward – Queen of Wands and Revenge – This also refers to the situation in #4, as my other option in this situation is to discuss the situation with the owner in a collected way and appeal to his love for his business and how the new manager is a detriment to it.
6) Negative Experience of Past – Six of Cups and The Hermit – The inability to let go of shit that happened in the past is making it difficult for me to remain open and approachable. I feel that this ties into my shadow reading from yesterday, and the contact within it from my father. It brought up some negativity that made me want to close off. We managed to get through this hurdle, but that past experience is still there lingering under the surface and looking for opportunity to surface again.
7) Positive Experience of Past – The Lovers and Apple – This ties in with what I was saying about #6 and the relationship we have with each other. The choice that I made to pursue a relationship with you was a huge risk, that provided huge rewards. My past could have influenced me to pull away and, essentially walk away. Instead, I made a choice to let you in and to pursue what we have together.
8) Future Warning – Eight of Wands and Ancestors – I need to remember to take what resonates with me from the past and the lessons I’ve learned, and move forward with them, leaving the rest behind me where it belongs. There is plenty I have learned along the way that I can bring forward to enrich my life without bringing the pain and negativity with it.
9) Future Opportunity – The Empress and Skull of Light – It’s time to shine a light on my more nurturing qualities, not just directed outward, but also within myself. In doing so, I will provide myself with an encouragement strength that I cannot obtain through external sources.
Realms of Existence
Top Row – The Spirit World – There is a lot of strength to be found in connecting with my roots and learning from those that came before me. Just make sure to do so from a safe place of understanding and with nurturing energy. Don’t linger so long in thoughts of the past that the experience turns negative.
Center Row – The Mind’s World – It’s time to channel that pessimism that lives in my head into a creative endeavor. Letting it sit and stew will only allow it to fester and come out in ugly ways. Instead, direct it into my drive for creativity and it will transform into a positive.
Bottom Row – The Known World – I’m going to have to work on balance between retreat and togetherness. It’s important to keep that balance, even during times when my responsibilities are at their height and I feel incapable of untangling myself from them. ie: Don’t let the holiday rush create an imbalance in myself or our relationship that will be difficult to recover from.
Lean into my creativity and my strengths, listen to my moral compass, and do what is right for me right now. Don’t worry so much about if it’s right for others, your moral compass will ensure no one gets hurt.
Make sure you are leaving the negatives from the past in the past for now, and using what you’ve learned along the way to deal with the present in the best ways possible. Shadow work will come later. Now is not the time to dip my toe in that pond.