The “Your Universe” Spread by Reien

To say goodbye to October, I decided to do an extra reading today for self. I used a spread made by Reine in a Discord server that I visit.

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1) Who I Am NowDeath and Skull of Flowers – There is a lot of endings and change going on, and the Death card indicates this. I’m struggling with a new level of emotions right now. A depth I’ve not experienced before. The Death card is indicating this is the new norm, and that I will adjust. The Skull of Flowers is an assurance that in the ashes of what I’ve left behind, this new level of emotion will develop into a new level of creativity and skill.

2) Forces Protecting MeKing of Wands and Herbs – There is strength in my passions and acting upon them in ways that foster their growth. The key words here are “foster their growth”… which indicates the ability to take the lead and assist these passions and interests in coming into fruition.

3) Forces Opposing MeJustice and The Pact – I need to examine my promises, responsibilities, and the contracts (verbal and otherwise) I have entered into, and make sure that they are not just serving me in the moment, but will continue to do so into the future as well.

4) Who/What I’m Running Away FromFour of Wands and The Serpent – A situation that includes someone on a power trip using selfish motivations to get their way. This relates to one of my employers at the moment, or rather one of the new managers at this place of employment. I have been considering moving on and finding another job to replace it in order to avoid this situation. The job itself is very steady and comfortable, so I have been hesitant to move on from it.

5) Who/What I’m Running TowardQueen of Wands and Revenge – This also refers to the situation in #4, as my other option in this situation is to discuss the situation with the owner in a collected way and appeal to his love for his business and how the new manager is a detriment to it.

6) Negative Experience of PastSix of Cups and The Hermit – The inability to let go of shit that happened in the past is making it difficult for me to remain open and approachable. I feel that this ties into my shadow reading from yesterday, and the contact within it from my father. It brought up some negativity that made me want to close off. We managed to get through this hurdle, but that past experience is still there lingering under the surface and looking for opportunity to surface again.

7) Positive Experience of PastThe Lovers and Apple – This ties in with what I was saying about #6 and the relationship we have with each other. The choice that I made to pursue a relationship with you was a huge risk, that provided huge rewards. My past could have influenced me to pull away and, essentially walk away. Instead, I made a choice to let you in and to pursue what we have together.

8) Future WarningEight of Wands and Ancestors – I need to remember to take what resonates with me from the past and the lessons I’ve learned, and move forward with them, leaving the rest behind me where it belongs. There is plenty I have learned along the way that I can bring forward to enrich my life without bringing the pain and negativity with it.

9) Future Opportunity – The Empress and Skull of Light – It’s time to shine a light on my more nurturing qualities, not just directed outward, but also within myself. In doing so, I will provide myself with an encouragement strength that I cannot obtain through external sources.

Realms of Existence

Top Row – The Spirit World – There is a lot of strength to be found in connecting with my roots and learning from those that came before me. Just make sure to do so from a safe place of understanding and with nurturing energy. Don’t linger so long in thoughts of the past that the experience turns negative.

Center Row – The Mind’s World – It’s time to channel that pessimism that lives in my head into a creative endeavor. Letting it sit and stew will only allow it to fester and come out in ugly ways. Instead, direct it into my drive for creativity and it will transform into a positive.

Bottom Row – The Known World – I’m going to have to work on balance between retreat and togetherness. It’s important to keep that balance, even during times when my responsibilities are at their height and I feel incapable of untangling myself from them. ie: Don’t let the holiday rush create an imbalance in myself or our relationship that will be difficult to recover from.

Take Away

Lean into my creativity and my strengths, listen to my moral compass, and do what is right for me right now. Don’t worry so much about if it’s right for others, your moral compass will ensure no one gets hurt.

Make sure you are leaving the negatives from the past in the past for now, and using what you’ve learned along the way to deal with the present in the best ways possible. Shadow work will come later. Now is not the time to dip my toe in that pond.

 

Boundaries

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and I started a new series to work through as the regular daily meditation was a repeat from a couple months ago.   The new series is “How to Meditate” with a different narrator than my regular, so we’ll see how it goes.  I did very much like the very basic way that they broke down what meditation is, though, and so I’ll probably stick with it for a while at least, regardless of the voice not being the best.

Nine of Wands - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Nine of Wands, which is a representation of resilience, defense, and good boundaries in the area of one’s passions, drive, and ambitions.   After the day I had yesterday, it’s not surprising that this card would come up.

Today’s draw is a reminder to keep my boundaries strong.  They are there for a reason and even with the awakening of new levels of emotion in my life, they need to hold firm. That new depth of emotion I’ve been feeling lately leaves me feeling a bit disoriented and as if I am fumbling in the dark.  Now more than ever it is important to ground myself in my values, as well as in those boundaries I’ve put in place for my own personal and emotional safety as well as the safety of what (and who) I hold dear.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I encourage continued growth moving forward?

Skele-TarotReading Summary:  When you’re feeling a bit lost in the dark (The Moon) remain calm, thoughtful, and decisive (Queen of Swords) rather than letting choices overwhelm you (Seven of Cups) and create conflict (Five of Wands).

Take Away:  A lot of times when I’m dealing with uncertainty, I let things get overwhelming because I feel powerless in those moments.  The cards are reminding me that to move forward and grow from these experiences, I can’t give in to those feelings of being overwhelmed, but instead strive to stay calm and collected within the storm.

Deck Used: Skele-Tarot

Hope, Comfort, and Growth

Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long, and was a healing light meditation that I used to focus on my wrist injury.  It was very relaxing, despite the fact that the guide’s voice wasn’t the best.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that both cards came out together as one. The cards in today’s draw are The Star card of the Major Arcana and the Nine of Bats (Swords).

This message has to do with vulnerability and inner struggle, and after the evening that I’ve had, I definitely understand where it’s coming from.   The message is that there are going to be times when you’re feeling vulnerable in a very not-pleasant way.  Between the shadow reading I received today and the phone call from my mother, my unpleasant vulnerability is at a high, and as the Nine of Bats indicates, it has definitely caused me some distress.

What I also see in these cards though is the shining sun on the bed and comforting concern of the cat in the Nine of Bats… and the brightly shining star combined with the growth of new green in the Star card.    To me, these factors speak of comfort and hope.

What this means is that yes… it’s been a hard day.  YES, the last few hours have sucked.   But I have right before me the gifts in my life that will help me through it and allow me to grow from the experience rather than letting it drag me down.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What accomplishment of mine should I give myself more recognition for?

Golden Age of Horror Comics TarotReading Summary:   The work that I’ve been doing in an effort to better balance my spirituality (The High Priestess), my newly uncovered level of emotions (Page of Cups), and my responsibilities (King of Pentacles).

Take Away:   This has been a real struggle for me of late and a lot of the time I feel adrift in uncertain waters.  For a while, I was starting to think that I’d dipped my toe in too deep of a pond with the emotion digging, but what I really think is that this new level is just new and makes me feel uncertain.  Balancing that uncertainty with the familiarity of my spirituality and the rigid demand of responsibility has been difficult and… honestly?  I always feel like I’m failing when in truth?  I’m probably not.

Deck Used: The Golden Age of Horror Comics Tarot

Shadow Work (The Less-Than Whisper)

Tarot Shadow Work by Christine Jette, (the first 1/3 of) Tarot for Troubled Times by Shaheen Miro and Theresa Reed, and Tarot For Your Self by Mary K Greer

I went to the storage unit over the last week and dug out the shadow working books and resources I have that I will be using in this journey.   I’ve begun re-reading one of those books, and am in the process of making a plan on how I want to go about the shadow work involved in this issue.

The picture of the books to the left are the three books that I dug out.  I will also be working with a variety of sources from online, and some notes I have taken over the years from previous shadow work and methods I’ve come across and/or done. One (very brief but informative) site that I discovered recently and you may also want to check out to better understand some of what shadow work entails can be found here.

On Thursday, the question for the TarotforGrowthOctober was how to better connect with the shadow self.   What I got from that reading was a warning that now is not the best time to do my shadow work, and I had to sit back and think about this for a while.

Trick or TarotIn all honesty, I think that the reading is right, and so I’m going to adjust my plan a little bit.  The holiday rush is looming large in the very near future, and in order to do shadow work safely, I feel it needs to be done at a time when I’m less at risk for overwhelm than that time of year provides.   I put a lot of strain on myself during those six (or so) weeks.  Not just mentally, but physically as well.

So between now and the end of the holidays, I am going to spend this time not in shadow work, but in brushing up on techniques and creating a more thoroughly thought out plan of action.   This will keep the task fresh in my mind without putting the extra strain on myself that very probably could exacerbate the stress that the holiday rush puts me under in the first place.

I AM still going to use a Wednesday post to keep me on track, though.  I want to make sure I don’t just shove the planning and preparation task off into a corner and forget about it.

 

Appreciation and Gratitude

Today’s meditation was a little over ten minutes long, and focused along the thread of yesterday’s pull of the day and bonus reading.   It focused on the practice of kintsugi, which is a Japanese practice of using liquid precious metal (gold, silver, or platinum) and/or lacquer dusted with powdered precious metals to repair broken and cracked pottery.

It discussed how even when you are feeling at your most broken, it is possible to pick up the pieces from these experiences and create something beautiful with them.

Ten of Cups - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Ten of Cups card, which is a representation of completion, ascension, regeneration, and renewal in the area of creativity, emotions, relationships, and the intuition.  This theme often portrays itself as harmony and bliss in one’s relationships.

Today’s card is a reminder to acknowledge and consciously value the good times.  Be grateful for them, because like all cycles, that time of bliss and harmony doesn’t last forever and should be wallowed in and celebrated while you have it in your grasp.  I have very much enjoyed all of the extra time I’ve been able to spend with you lately.  I know that the holiday rush is about to start, and that is going to change for about six weeks or so, but I want you to know… spending this time with you is amazing and I am grateful for every single moment we have together.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I better release self-doubt?

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Reading Summary: Be active in focusing on what you really want (Four of Wands and Knight of Cups), don’t allow yourself to get bogged down by material concerns (Four of Hazards), because when you focus to hard on financial concerns it puts you in a bad place emotionally (Page of Hazards and Five of Cups).

Take Away: There are times when I get really wrapped up in my finances and how I feel things -should- be going.  I lose track of what’s really important to me as my focus narrows down to numbers, bank accounts, bills, and my drive to pay off my mortgage.  All of this focus on these areas creates a good deal of stress and self-doubt concerning my capabilities to thrive and my self worth.  If I want to release that self-doubt, I need to let up on how hyper-focused I become on that area of my life.

Deck Used: Zombie Tarot

Spooktober Quiz Reply

So, this question is a few days old, but I liked it and think its a fun one, and so I decided I wanted to include it here as a post.

Spooktober Challenge Decor – Decorating is a must. I love Halloween decorations, so on October first, they come out and get put up. Some years are more involved than others, but you can always bet I have some decorations up on the first and often more will follow along the course of the month.

Candles – In the summer months, I have the windows open and I’m getting all the fresh air I can. Once it starts getting cold, though, I have to limit that, and I start using candles inside, usually charged with intentions (for example, I have the Bath and Body Works Leaves scented candle at my front door. I have added cedar tips to the candle and charged it with a protection spell for the entry and front door).

Incense – I change up my inscense from season to season. Usually it’s NagChampa mixed with something else. In the summer this year, I used Nag Champa and Frankincense. For Autumn I’m using Nag Champa mixed with the “Purification of Sage” incense that came in the September Witches Moon box.

Tarot – I pull out all of my Halloween themed (and spooky themed) decks and usually use some sort of monthly challenge to give me more time with my cards so that I get a chance to work with them all a bit.

Personal – I spend a LOT of time in liminal spaces during this time of year when the veil is thin. This means I do a lot of hiking (and meditating, and napping, and just overall spending time) in the deep woods and rainforests, in the space between sleep and awake, and in other places I feel the veil is at its thinnest. These places feel very welcoming and good to me, and I get energy and nurturing from them.

Family – Throughout the month, my sister and I work together to plan our Samhain ritual. This and Beltaine are the only rituals that we dependably do together every year.

Samhain – After the trick-or-treaters are gone and the partying (if either of us go to any) has come to an end, my sister and I get together to perform our Samhain ritual.

Nov 1 – We have a mum supper together to reflect on and respect our ancestors and those we have lost and spend time with their energies.

So there you have it!  All the different little celebrations I do in October to celebrate the season.  I’m sure there are a few more I’m forgetting to list, but I think I did pretty good at bringing it together for the most part.

Ready… Set…

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was another body scan that finished with a long period where I focused upon my connection to the liminal and the growing intensity of that pull to it that is a part of this time of the year for me.    To that end, I did some quiet visualization of hiking in the woods, as today is not a day I can manage to get out there.

Wheel of Fortune - Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is the Wheel of Fortune, which is the tenth card in the Major Arcana.  This means that it deals with an overall message or life path situation rather than a single aspect of the human experience.

The Wheel of Fortune card is a representation of luck (good or bad, depending on the reading involved), turning points, and destiny or the resistance thereof.

When the card came up in today’s reading, I saw it as a reminder to “fasten my seatbelt” for what’s coming ahead.   That is to say, the shift is coming between the slow time and the busy period, and I need to make sure that I’m prepared for it.  Don’t let it take me by surprise.  It’s time to get all my ducks in a row, all my supplies and product in order, and everything set and ready.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What good thing in my life deserves celebration?

Halloween Magick Tarot Reading Summary:   I choose to make good decisions (Two of Swords) which includes working with others when needed (Three of Pentacles), and taking the steps to heal from the past rather than letting it weigh me down (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  This message is about my independence and how I move forward in my life set to my own moral compass.  Whether I’m doing things on my own or working with others, I allow my experiences to educate me and assist me in making the choices that are right for me.  The cards are telling me that this quality is something that I’ve possibly fallen to the wayside on acknowledging, and that should be celebrated.

Deck Used: The Halloween Magick Tarot

Inner Strength and The Past

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was not a guided meditation.  Instead I put on some YoYoMa and settled in to a lazy body scan that started at the top of my head and worked slowly down to the bottoms of my feet.   I then switched over to a few minutes settling into sounds as had been practiced in a previous guided meditation.

On the whole, it was very relaxing.

Six of Cups - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Six of Cups, which I pulled an intuitive hit off of that deals with taking some time to not just examine my memories, but appreciate how my past has created who I am today and the life I have.

This is something that I think a lot of people take for granted.  I personally never wish that anything I’ve experienced had happened differently.  I’ve gone through a good deal of bad experiences, and a significant amount of trauma.  But, each of these things in my past has made me into the man I am to day, and I am proud of the man I am today.

Yes, I am hard on myself, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel I have good ethics and good moral values, and that I follow those guidelines and live them every day.   I am also very happy with my life.   Yes, things could be better… but they could also be a lot worse.  One small change to my past and my experiences, and maybe I wouldn’t be where I am now.  Maybe I wouldn’t have a wonderful partner, a loving sister, a trusted friend.  Maybe I wouldn’t be in a stable home that I’ve created for myself.

So when looking back at your past and experiences, be sure to remember that these things are a part of what make you who you are.  Without them, you might have turned out to be an entirely different person in an entirely different position… and not necessarily a better one.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I better navigate through fear?

Ludy Lescot Tarot Reading Summary:  Sink into your inner strength (Strength card) and value the trials you have gone through and recovered from (Ten of Swords), and you will find yourself in a better place to deal with what comes (Nine of Pentacles).

Take Away:  This is a continuation of the daily draw from above, which surprisingly fits in really well with the question for today’s challenge. (Surprisingly because I wasn’t expecting them to correlate.)

The fact is that I am strong.  My strength is built up over all of the things I have survived and moved on from, whether that’s my father and family’s treatment of me growing up, the attacks I have survived through, the car crashes I have been in, the cancer and treatments for it, and the physical damages from everything I’ve mentioned that I have sustained along the way.   All of these things have built up my strength, and taught me how to survive and thrive in difficult (or seemingly impossible) circumstances.

I am proof that you can survive through things you did not believe were possible, and I’m proof that you can adapt to the changes that these experiences create, and learn to thrive because of and despite them.   Remembering this when fears get the best of me is how I can (as the question asks) better navigate through that fear.

Deck Used: Ludy Lescot Tarot

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

As I’ve mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

SCS

EarthThe World, Necessity, Desire – In order to grow and “level up” (as I put it in a previous blog post) with concerns to my business and finances, I need to take some time to examine, and also possibly re-evaluate and restructure, my priorities.

AirThe High Priestess and Reality – There needs to be an anchor when delving into the liminal, no matter how comfortable and welcoming it feels. Don’t let intuition and inner urges run away with your sense of reason. To dip into that pond safely and comfortably, you have to have a balance of both. This is a good reminder at this time of year, as with the veil so thin I always feel a huge urge to throw caution to the wind and dive in and get lost there in those liminal spaces. This message is about moderation.

WaterSeven of Pentacles and Respect – Long term friendships and relationships are built upon respect. Make sure this week that you pay attention to what others contribute to your life, especially on an emotional level, and what you contribute to theirs. If there are imbalances, approach them respectfully in order to allow things to flourish moving forward.

FireJudgement and Opulence – The message here echoes back to the Earth part of this reading and reinforces the message there. It’s time to evaluate spending habits and finances. (ie: Do I really need those fire opal beads right now? Or can they wait until the New Year?)

WaningThe 9th Mirror – Harm caused by others and the lasting marks that it leaves behind on the self and the psyche. Recognizing, understanding, and accepting that harm are vital to healing, but in the next week it’ll be a time to step away from that “less than” whisper that was recently unearthed and focus on other things.

WaxingThe 5th Mask – Lack of authenticity and difficulty in communication. Mercury goes into retrograde in a few days, and that is the theme for Mercury retrograde. That said? I’m not usually affected by Mercury retrograde, so the fact that this card is coming up to warning about these issues is interesting considering the timing. I’ll have to be careful with how I communicate over the next week and take special care to pay attention to how others communicate with me.

Decks Used: Talking To The Moon Tarot, Lucky Potion Oracle, Tarot of The Inner Mask

 

Perfectionism

Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long and the last installment of the Managing Stress series.  The focus on today’s guided meditation was about taking a step back and approaching distressing emotions and thoughts as an observer rather than as a participant.

This distancing is something I’m very familiar with and used to work for me quite well.  Over the past few years, though, as you have helped me become more and more in touch with my emotions, I’ve found that I’m not as successful as I used to be at compartmentalizing my emotions and looking at them in a purely objective way.

Sometimes I think that is a bad thing… other times I think it’s a good thing.  Maybe it’s both.

Today’s draw is the King of Ghosts (Cups), which is a representation of a projective alpha energy in the area of emotions, intuition, relationships, and creativity.  This manifests itself in areas of emotional balance and diplomacy, as well as compassion, yet can also portray a depth of inner emotions and come across as moodiness or emotional manipulation.

When  I saw today’s draw this morning, what really stuck out to me was the curl of the king’s arm around the tail of the ghost. Even when the king is looking away in another direction, the ghost is still happy.

The message in today’s card is that sometimes you have to make peace with not having everything perfect.  It’s okay to be happy and celebrate regardless of the fact that perfection is not the result.  Enjoy the imperfections.  Celebrate them.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: What is it time to forgive myself for?

Reading Summary:   Passing up potential opportunities (Ace of Pentacles) that could lead somewhere lucrative (King of Pentacles) in pursuit of new ideas and creativity (Ace of Swords and Knight of Cups).

Take Away: Okay so, I have a LOT of ideas… all the time.  As a part of my business I often spread myself too thin because I have so many creative ideas that I want to do and try, and not enough time to do them all.  I then try to do them all, and things get dropped (or delayed) as a result.  I could be focusing more on the business side of things.  On the advertising and drawing in new customers, etc.  Instead my attention is pulled again and again to those new ideas and creative endeavors. 

At times, I am really hard on myself about this, because IF I could just focus on the business side more, then I could probably draw in a good deal more profit. The truth is, though, it would feel more and more like a chore and less and less like a passion… so maybe I shouldn’t be quite so hard on myself about it.

Deck Used: Ghosts & Spirits Tarot