Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes, and focused on World Mental Health Day (which is today) and how to be kinder to ourselves, especially when you have mental health problems.
It discussed why people try to hide their mental health illness because of the concern for being rejected by others and be shamed for this weakness. It addressed seeking acceptance in ourselves for the issues that we have to deal with, in the same way you find acceptance for when you have a cold, or diabetes, or any other medical issue.
The guided meditation encouraged the listener to challenge their self judgements and find a path to a better acceptance of the self and your own personal struggles.
This is something that I had to struggle with early in life. In fact, I had undiagnosed depression as far back as my early teens or perhaps even earlier than that. When Z realized what was going on, she advocated with me to my parents, pushing them to allow me to seek treatment, but it wasn’t until I was emancipated at the age of sixteen that I had the freedom to do so for myself. In my family, mental illness was treated as something to be ashamed of. A fatal flaw even worse than being gay (which was my father’s main issue with me from childhood on in life).
By accepting that I needed help and going to GET that help, it was clearly understood that I was not just casting shame upon myself, but upon my family as a whole. Obviously, this is NOT something that bothered me as much as it might have, because I was so far down that rabbit hole with my sexual preferences and independence by that point that what was one more log on the fire, right? Still, the shame -did- ride me for quite a long time. Especially the shame of needing medication.
It wasn’t until I found a medication that took away my suicidal thoughts and urges that this shame began to lift. Because… how can you argue with that benefit, right? Now, when I see judgement, I advocate. And I hope that others will learn, as I did, that it’s okay to need a little help.
Today’s draw is another double without a jumper, which means that they both came out of the deck together. The cards in today’s draw are the Emperor card of the Major Arcana, and the King of Bats (Swords).
I know what it’s saying, and I’m just SO resistant to it today. Silly, I know. But there you have it.
The message in today’s cards is to “Be the Boss”. In other words, do your work, do the responsible thing, take charge and get your shit done. I know it’s supposed to be an energizing and empowering message, but all I really feel like doing today is loafing off.
Unfortunately, that is a luxury for another day if i want to ship out orders tomorrow (which I very much do need and want to do that).
Traditional meanings for the Emperor include dominance and authority, structure, and a projective alpha energy that is instilled into the “big picture”, rather than into one specific aspect of the human experience.
Traditional representation for the King of Bats (Swords) are on the theme of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of the mind, thought, intellect, communication, and instinct. This includes themes surrounding mental clarity and intellectual power, as well as (you guessed it) dominance and authority.
Deck Used: Halloween Tarot
Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt again today. I’m definitely going to try to do the bonus readings every day (or near to it) for the rest of this month.
Question: How can I more fully love and accept myself?
Reading Summary: Set the spark (Ace of Wands) and carry that spark forward (Knight of Wands) into the things that interest and challenge you (King of Swords). Sometimes it’s okay to need to be alone (intuitive hit off the imagery in the Three of Cups).
Take Away: If I want to more fully love and accept myself, I need to not just respect and take note of those inner sparks of ambition and inspiration, but go after them. And not just the easy ones, but the ones that really make me work for that sense of accomplishment. Most of the time, these types of projects, aspirations, and ideas require buckling down and focus, which is not something I can do in the company of others. Alone time is valuable in these pursuits, IF I use it productively.
TL:DR? Stop using alone time to loaf off, and instead use that time to get to work on the things that spark my ambition and challenge my intellect.