Mindful Gratitude

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and twenty eight seconds, and focused on listening. The kind of listening that engages more than just your ears, but also the mind and the heart. Often, people “hear” what others are saying, not just in passing but even in conversations, but they’re too busy plotting their next words or with their minds on something else to actually -listen-. This ability to focus and truly listen is important and even I am guilty of neglecting to do this from time to time.

Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is a card of within the suit of emotions, relationships, imagination, and creativity. The ninth card in this suit represents. fruition, gratitude, contentment, and the consequences that are involved with finding yourself at the end of a journey.

The Ten of Cups speaks to looking back upon the path that you have traveled, and being grateful for where it has brought you.

This is a theme that I have been working on in my life lately. Gratitude and self-care. I have to admit that there’s a bit of a struggle involved. Or… maybe struggle isn’t the right word. It’s more like trying to develop a new habit. You need to remember to mindfully rinse and repeat again and again until it becomes a habit over time.

For me, self-care and being mindfully grateful for the present are the habits that I am trying to instill. I see this card as an encouragement to keep at it, even when I feel frustrated or uninspired.

Hello Stalker Card – The Queen of Swords

Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 26 seconds, and focused on fostering patients and acceptance while tending to your chosen path. It discussed the importance of checking in with yourself regularly along the paths that you’ve chosen to take in life, in order to tend to your needs and ensure healthy growth.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which appears to be the lingering stalker card that followed me out of 2018 and into 2019. I see her often, not just in my daily draws, but also in my spreads, and even my random pulls when in the process of studying different decks. When I slip in the middle of a shuffle? She is the card that falls out of the deck to land face up on the table.

The Queen of Swords is a matriarchal-type authority figure, personality, or energy in the areas of thoughts, logic, communication, and intuition. She represents independence and truth, with a receptivity that indicates a seeking of (and discerning of) truth through a willingness to entertain the influence of added perspectives and a wider view that will then allow for cutting through the bullshit.

I have a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty when it comes to my skills of communication. Not just face to face, but just in general. Whether it’s in person or online, I seem to have an excessive amount of instances where things I say are taken the “wrong way” or twisted to mean something they did not.

Because of this, I’ve hurt people. I’ve been attacked by people. I’ve lost friends and made enemies. It happens, but it seems to -always- be because of my communication skills. And, over the years, I’ve withdrawn more and more over time from communicating with others. When I -do- communicate, it’s careful. It’s…. ugh, it’s like adding a bunch of fluff to the outside of a ball to make it softer for the other person’s hands to catch? I hope that made sense.

The repeated appearance of the Queen of Swords is telling me to knock it off. Cut the fluff and be the blunt communicator that I’ve always been. Those that know me know I’m not attacking them, just being blunt and to the point. What does it really matter what others think as long as I can communicate and be myself with the ones I care about?

Lifting the Veil

Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 34 seconds, and focused on the positive aspects of humility over ego, focusing on how one can enrich their lives by being grateful rather than with a mentality of entitlement.

I find this type of guided meditation not to be a focus for the day, so much as a “touchstone” of sorts. Something to view and absorb, agree with or contemplate, and in doing so these topics because a part of you. I like that.

Today’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is a representation of endings and transcendence (and occasionally excess) in the areas of emotions, creativity, relationships, and imagination.

This card’s appearance today is a reminder to be grateful for what you have. This is not necessarily something that is difficult for me to do, but what IS difficult is to realize today’s contentment, and in the process allowing myself to let go of that iron grip I have on pushing forward. It is as if with the drive to push, push, push onward and forward towards my goals, a veil drops over the present, hiding it from my view.

That is the message from the Ten of Cups in today’s draw. It’s okay to push ahead, but not so hard that you miss the things in your life right now that make you content and happy.

Lift the veil that ambition and drive use to obscure the present and be grateful for the road you’ve trod, and the lessons you’ve learned. Carry that knowledge forward with you, along with the contentment and pleasure you have within the present moment.

Exploration and Creativity

Today’s meditation was curtailed by the fact that I spent the majority of my day sitting behind a steering wheel in bumper to bumper traffic.  I didn’t have enough time to get it done before leaving the house and I’m pretty sure when I try before bed I’m going to doze off.

Today’s draw is the Page of Cups. Pages are the representation of an omega-type energy, personality, or person seated in the position of a learner or explorer. The suit of Cups represents creativity, emotion, instinct, and relationships.

The appearance of the Page of Cups in today’s draw is an encouragement to set my curiosity free and allow myself room to explore and experiment.

Although physically this didn’t really get much play, mentally I did a good deal of contemplation on ideas concerning everything from new jewelry designs and wire wrapping ideas, to additions and edits to my tarot journal, and roleplay ideas for our writing.

I didn’t get the chance to immerse myself in these ideas as the appearance of this card would suggest, but I definitely have a great number of ideas for exploration later.

A little off topic?   But I think the depiction on this card looks like C.  Different color hair, but there’s something in the face that just reminds me of her.

Changing Focus

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and forty four seconds, and focused on the concept of Pura Vida.  This is (apparently) a common phrase used in Costa Rica for all kinds of things such as greetings, goodbyes, saying how you are, wishing someone well, etc.  It embodies the mentality of living one’s life purely, gratefully, and joyfully.

Today’s draw is the King of Swords, which is a strong alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of the mind, logic, thought, and communication.  In other words, he is the representation of authority and intellectual strength, fairness and reason.

The King of Swords appearance today is a reminder to pull myself out of the creativity side of things that I have been immersed in this weekend (I’m finally fully caught up on my tarot journal!), and get back to business.

Surprisingly, for this time of year, I had really decent sales over the weekend while I was “on hiatus” from doing business work and have instead been wallowing in more creative endeavors such as finishing catching up on the tarot journal and doing a couple of deck modifications.   Today is the day I need to bear down and get to work, and set my mind to the business of running a business.

Being Kind While On Memory Lane

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and eight seconds, and focused on examining one’s habits, when you catch yourself in the middle of them, to see if they are really for you, and necessary, or if they are simply habits picked up over a lifetime.

The guided meditation explained that this is a part of mindfulness and getting to know yourself. That the more that you make decisions and choices based on what is authentically right for you, rather than what you’ve “picked up” along the way, The more mindful and “your self” you become.

Today’s draw is the Six of Cups, which is a card that deals with memories within the realm of the emotions and relationships, and provides guidance to view these emotions with kindness and understanding rather than judgement and condemnation.

The appearance of the Six of Cups in today’s draw is just that… a reminder that when I reflect on my memories, I am kind to myself rather than beating myself up with should haves and harsh judgements.

As you know, I can often do that.  I need to remember that while mistakes of the past can be learning tools for the future, that doesn’t mean you have to relive the emotional trauma again and again each time you touch upon those memories.

Intellectual Inspiration

Today’s meditation was eleven minutes and twenty two seconds, and focused on worry and discerning the differences between productive worry, and non-productive worry.  It also outlined the “pause and take a breath” method of centering yourself when your worries try to run away with you.

Today’s draw is the Ace of Swords. This card is a representation of potential and the seed of new beginnings in the areas of thought, logic, and communication.

The appearance of the Ace of Swords in today’s draw is an encouragement for me too do the studying and research needed to finish catching up on my tarot journal.

Starting my journal late in the year created a couple of hurdles I wasn’t expecting to come across. I managed to get quite a bit done with putting the journal together and the visual side of things, but then I stalled out when it came to filling in the pages with my writing.

This card is telling me that today is a good day to “fresh start” the intellectual part of this process.

[Update from later in the day, since I did my meditation this evening instead of in the morning. I spent a good chunk of my day working on my journal.  I changed a few of the organizational factors and did a good deal of research for my writing.  I then sat down and got some writing done and I am now about 3/4 of the way through catching things up.  If I can find some time to dedicate to it tomorrow I might be able to get it completely caught up.

Be Fierce

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty two seconds, and focused on a body scan where you start at the top of the head and slowly shift your focus lower until you end at the toes.  The focus is on your breath and relaxing each body part as your focus transitions to it.

Today’s draw is the Ten of Swords, which is a representation of completion and endings of a possibly painful sort.  It is also the representation of that moment just after the storm ends.  It is the chaos at the peak of the tornado, and the abrupt silence that immediately follows. Swords, of course, also always deal with the areas of thoughts, logic, and communication.

From a purely intuitive aspect of drawing this card, as this card’s imagery very much speaks to my intuitive side rather than my logical one.  Intuitively, it appears that my day might be filled with some difficulties, that I should be strong and fierce in my thoughts and words in order to bring things in hand and make sure they go my way in the end.

This card’s appearance tells me that I will need to be the voice that says “STOP.  This is DONE.” Sometimes, there is a need to be the one to take control and call halt to the chaos.

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, and the Ten of Swords is speaking loud and clear to let me know it’s time to finish with that and get my ass back on track once and for all.  That is the message…  Be strong and end the chaos.

Warm Fuzzies and Tears of Gratitude

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, And focused on one sense of space.

This is something that’s very familiar to me, and I have always excelled at. Essentially the guided meditation walks you through first sensing your personal space around you (that bubble of space around you) and then expanding your awareness of space outward to the room at large, and then beyond that to the earth and sky and surroundings.

It’s not about what’s going on in that space that’s the focus, but rather sensing that the space is there and being aware of it. Sinking into it, so to speak.

Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups… again. The suit of cups is the water suit, which deals with the emotions, relationships, and creativity. The ninth position in this suit represents fruition, contentment, gratitude, and sometimes the consequences that come with the end of a journey.

I believe that this is a direct reflection of yesterday. This card is a reminder to look back on yesterday and remember that it can happen again (because yesterday was a really good day).

I really enjoyed our time together, and like the day that I took to reconnect with my spirituality and do some creativity, yesterday put a balm on the ragged edges of my heart left raw by the depression.

I also want to say, and this ties into the contentment part of the Nine if Cups as well, that it feels really good to have you be a part of and accept this piece of me and my life. The fact that you are now a part of my spirituality in some small way has created an interesting sense of fulfillment to it. As if throughout these 11 years we’ve been together I’ve kept something apart from you, but now that part of my life is a little bit fuller and warmer with you involved.

(And… I’ve gotten a bit weepy in writing this for some reason.)

I didn’t expect this when I decided to include you in this journaling activity. I didn’t expect it when I change this activity from a daily affirmation to a daily draw. And yet it feels so good to have you now tied in to this part of my life.

Thank you.

The Truth Seeker

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and forty seconds, and focused on gratitude.

The meditation was a discussion on how it is important to be grateful for what you have so that you’re not always feeling a sense of dissatisfaction in the present. There are always things to be grateful for in your life, whether it’s the big things like stability and love, or the little things like a cool breeze, toilet paper, or a glass of water.

Sometimes it’s important to sit back and contemplate on just how lucky you are, and be grateful for those things you have, rather than always focusing on what’s ahead and striving for more.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which is a strong (alpha) “feminine” energy, personality, or person in the areas of thought, communication, and logic.

The Queen of Swords has a very independent strength with a leaning toward truth and authenticity.

It is a “cut through the bullshit” card, and when I saw it today it reminded me of an incident yesterday at the gas station.

There was a man at the gas station while I was there that was begging for gas. He had a gas can and he was going around to the people both in the store and out at the pumps saying that he’d forgotten his wallet at home and asking if they could spare a gallon of gas so he could get home to grab his wallet.

I was actually going to give him a couple of bucks when I saw him asking someone on the other side of the pump for a gallon of gas and being turned down. But when the guy across from me at the pump refused him, he turned around and was extremely rude, cursing at the man with a “F you anyway, you effing jerk” among other abusive language of curses.

In that moment I decided that whether or not he was desperate for the gallon or so of gas that he was requesting… he didn’t deserve it.

If he was so very desperate for gas, I do not think he would’ve acted in that way. Yes, I was turned off by the rudeness of his actions. But, in truth, it was as if he showed his true colors, and those true colors indicated that he didn’t really need the gas enough to be courteous and polite.

If he was truly desperate, he wouldn’t have acted in a way that would cast him in such a bad light so that all could then see he is undeserving of what he’s asking for.

It was a scam. He was scamming people. It’s a simple as that.

The Queen of Swords is telling me that this type of inner reflection and search for authenticity is important. It’s important to look at things and see the truth beneath, instead of just whatever is on the surface and presented for you to see.

Sometimes that means waiting and watching for a while just to get the full picture.