The Growth of Appreciation

IMG_2837Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was focused upon closure and how important it is to helping each other heal from endings, especially painful endings.

This topic isn’t just about romantic relationships, but all sorts of relationships from friendships to family, and the passing of loved ones.   I had a hard time finding closure where my father was concerned.  I still sometimes have a hard time with it.  Maybe because I have a hard time understanding how I could love someone who could treat me as atrociously as he did.  And yet… I did love him.   I do love him.

In the end, I had to reconcile that as much as I love him… I never liked him, and never will.  It would have been nice to find closure, and it would have made the road easier to tread, I think.  I wish it could be possible more often… for me and for everyone.

Nine of Cups - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is Nine of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of contentment and satisfaction in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, and creativity.

What I see in this card, though, is more than that.  It’s about the journey.  The man in the card’s imagery looks into the cup and appears both contemplative and content.  This brings to mind that sometimes you have to look back at where you come from to see clearly where you are now.

Emotionally speaking, as the Cups so often represent, those looks back can sometimes be difficult for me.  But in doing so, I learn to appreciate the strength gained from the past, the experience earned, and understanding I have developed through the tests and trials that have gotten me to where I now am.

Those moments looking back also give me the opportunity to appreciate just how much better things are now.  No matter how ambitious I am to push forward into something even better?  Compared to where I come from… I have things damn good right here and now.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I approach my relationships mindfully moving forward?

Stretch Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t allow my all encompassing obsession (The Devil) with worm and my business (Three of Pentacles) to push people away (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  I think that I probably do this a lot without even realizing I’m doing it, or without others even realizing that I’ve done it, possibly, as well.   I’ve been running my business for a long time now.  A decade, I think?  And it does take over a huge part of my attention and focus.  I imagine that this is very difficult to deal with for those in my life that crave my attention.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #4

Oriens Tarot

Reading Summary: A ladies man (Knight of Cups) who constantly works to adapt and learn in order to further his career (Page of Wands) and has a way of charming all in his path (King of Cups).

Take Away:  George Clooney 


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Intention for the next 4 years / Leap forward

Button Soup TarotIntentions for the Next 4 Years:  I am in pursuit of happiness. I think this is true for pretty much everyone tho.  The card also speaks to me about finding pleasure in community.

Leap Forward: I’m going to need to address unhealthy habits sooner rather than later. I had fast food today for the fourth time in the past six years.  That is not one of my unhealthy habits… but I have plenty of others to take heed of and take more care with.


Movement Needed

IMG_2827Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused on taking time to enjoy the little things that make you feel good, happy, and contented in life.

I think that we all sometimes take these things for granted, and I know that I have definitely been guilty of this lately.   Today’s meditation was a good reminder that when times are hectic and stressful, it’s important to take a step back and just let yourself enjoy the little things a bit.

I guess it could be called “smelling the roses”, which is my mother’s favorite phrase for this sort of thing.   Although, I don’t think that encompasses those things that truly give you comfort.

zx5iwpctToday’s draw is the Two of Stone (Pentacles) which is usually seen as a representation of finding balance in one’s responsibilities and daily life among other meanings.

When I look at the imagery for today’s card, though, I’m not so much feeling that sense of balance I usually feel when the Two of Pentacles appears.  Instead, this card speaks to me of being in the in-between space.   Like being in that moment of transition between one moment and the next, one choice and another.   Hanging in the balance between the two, rather than juggling.

The appearance of this card reminds me that you can’t hang in limbo forever.  Sooner or later, you have to move.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve my relationship with rest?

Britt's Third Eye Tarot

Reading Summary: I love the Emperor card in this deck.  Just sayin’.

To improve my relationship with rest I need to allow myself (Emperor) to set aside what doesn’t work (Six of Swords) and disappointments (Five of Cups) and make the choice to move forward from them into something better (The Lovers).

Take Away:  One of the ways in which my drive gets in the way of my rest is by beating myself up for my failures and those things that just don’t work out or that I can’t finish for whatever reason.  When I try to rest, this habit of berating whispers sneak in to tell me that it’s because of those restful moments that I failed in the first place.  It’s bullshit… but that’s what happens.  The cards indicate if I want a better relationship with rest, I need to truly set those things aside and make the choice to look forward with hope and ambition rather than backwards with disappointment and degradation.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is the difference between living and being alive?

Gay Tarot

Reading Summary: Instead of allowing yourself to be overwhelmed (Seven of Cups) accept that each of us evolves (The World) to find our own path that is right for us (The Fool).

Take Away:  The difference between living and being alive is choice.  It’s tailoring your life to fit you personally, and following that personal path rather than allowing others to force things upon you that aren’t a good fit.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Theme for Next Month / Lesson to be learned

The Binding of Isaac TarotTheme for Next Month: The Page of Pennies (Cups) indicates that the theme for next month will be one of discovery and finding a path forward into reconnecting with and feeding my creativity.

Lesson To Be Learned:  Sometimes you have to let go of something in order to grab on to something even better. You may mourn what has to be let go of, but all is not lost in these moments… instead, it’s a time to fostering hope.


Stay On Target

Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long and tacked into the tail end of my yoga and physio exercises.   I used the time to do some extra stretches with my hip as I’ve had a lot of stiffness there lately, but also to focus on breathing exercises.

Briefly, during the meditation, I had a really nice moment where the anxiety that’s been riding me the past week or two eased up a bit.   Like the knot relaxed, if just for a moment.

Eight of Wands - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Eight of Wands, which is generally a representation of movement, fast paced change, and alacrity as well as honed focus.

What I see in today’s card is an order to stay focused.   Today is your birthday, and I want to make sure I have time to spend with you so you can open your gifts, and so that we can hopefully get a bit of play in as well.   In order to do that, I need to stay focused and get my work done early so that I have that extra time to give.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: What is my relationship with rest?

Hush Tarot

Reading Summary:  Reading based off intuitive hits from the imagery rather than traditional card meanings.  I know what I need to do (Ace of Pentacles), but I’m all tangled up (Five of Spears) because I’m too busy trying to get somewhere (Wheel of Fortune).

Take Away:  The dove has the key to what I need to do, she rests and offers that knowledge, but the snakes make it clear that I’m being blocked by an tangle of distraction as I try to move forward like the ant floating on the leaf.  Essentially, my goals and aspirations are constantly pushing me forward and blocking my ability to rest effectively.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is the best and worst thing about getting older?

Hide TarotBest thing about getting older : Finding security both in yourself and your situation. Although not everyone finds financial security later in life, what they do find is a stability and knowledge in who they are and where they’ve been.  This creates a foundation and sense of inner security that youth haven’t yet discovered as they haven’t yet fully explored themselves and their potential yet.

Worst thing about getting older : Looking back on the past and all those things you wish you’d done.  Getting older has a lot of regrets, and if not regrets?  Lost opportunities.  We all have them, and this card indicates one of the worst things about getting older is looking back on those lost opportunities and letting your mind meander down the “what ifs” of if you had just done this or that.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Brag / Be Humble

Tarot of the Lucid SlumberBrag : The unique shit that I’ve done in life that make it a life worth living.  Maybe because I started off on my own so much earlier than most of my generation, I’ve had a lot of experiences  along the way that are helpful in giving others hope for getting through their own struggles.   These experiences aren’t always pleasant, but they are still adventures of one sort or another… and have made me who I am.  Sharing them, and my triumph over them, helps me in helping others.

Be Humble :  The nefarious shit that I probably shouldn’t have done, but turned out okay regardless.  I have a very honed moral compass, and a very eclectically unique code of ethics… that said?  I was dumb and young once too, no matter how early I matured.  I did the wrong thing from time to time, I fucked up from time to time… I did things that I look back on and am sad about from time to time too.   These lapses in judgement are moments I need to keep to myself, regardless of how much they may have assisted me in my own growth and in becoming the man that I am now.


Breaks in the Storm

IMG_2806Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused upon the voices in our head and how they can turn against us at times when we need support the most.

The guided meditation walked through the process of looking at those internal voices not as whispers of truth or influences on how you should feel, but from an observer on the outside.

Everyone has these voices that whisper about insecurities, self-doubts, and pick at our weaknesses.   Today’s meditation encouraged looking at these voices as an observer so that you can judge for yourself whether what those voices are saying is useful or valid… or far more likely, just a bunch of judgemental hot air.

Spirit of Clouds - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is the Spirit of Clouds (King of Swords) which is commonly a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of communication and intellect.  This often portrays itself in themes concerning authority, clear thinking, and intellectual strength.

The appearance of the Spirit of Clouds in today’s draw ties into the theme of today’s meditation.   When I look at the image on the card, what I see is the beaten and battered earth, the torrential rains, and stormy clouds above… and the clearing of the storm in the distance.

The message here is to look for the break in the storm.  I have had some time lately where I’ve seen those breaks.  Times when I’ve felt the shift of breeze and fresh air sift through my mind and spirit, allowing the weight of winter’s struggles and clouded sensations of feeling smothered to be brushed away for brief moments and allow me to feel refreshed and clean once more…. just like that break in the storm in the image.

This card is an encouragement to savor those moments, and reach for them.  Enjoy them and let them help lift me further out of the dim and the dark and into the light where my spark resides.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve my relationship with productivity?

Tarot in WonderlandReading Summary:   It’s time to start tapping back into my creativity (Knight of Cups)… now (Eight of Wands).

The deck did not want to give me any more cards after the Knight of Cups.  When it finally did, it gave me the Eight of Wands.  The Eight of Wands is sass, because the deck had already said all that it wanted to say.

Take Away:  If I want to improve my current relationship with productivity, it’s time to start acting on those small sparks of inspiration and creativity when they start to sneak in to whisper in my ear.   At the moment, these small sparks are very sparse and difficult to hear, but just like one’s intuition, the more you listen… the more it will speak up.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: What one thing can I do today to make my life better?

Weird Cat Tarot

Reading Summary:  Let Gideon (King of Cups) and my loved ones (Three of Cups) lift me up and inspire hope (The Star).

Take Away:  All of the reads so far today are focusing upon those moments of “light at the end of the tunnel” and “fresh air breathed through the soul” feelings that I’ve been experiencing the last few days.  Whatever hole of fog that I’ve managed to fall into is beginning to allow me glimpses of the sky above and my guidance to climbing my way out is to allow others that care about me to inspire hope while I reach for the handholds that will allow me to climb free of the hole.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Absorb / Take Action

Love Is In The Earth TarotAbsorb : The Four of Crystal Spheres (Pentacles) is an indication that I need to take time to really sink into the feeling of safety, stability, and security instead of allowing myself to be carried away by worries and fears.

Take Action :  The Two of Crystal Spheres (Pentacles) as the “take action” card speaks finding balance.  Things have been out of whack for me for quite a while now, and in order to find that balance again, the cards indicate that I am going to need to actively reach for it.



Weekly Creativity Prompt

This Week’s Creativity Prompt:
Draw a single card from your favorite deck and share how the card makes you feel.

Five of Flame - Stolen Child Tarot Empowerment

Most people see the Five of Flames (Five of Wands) as a negative card, and that’s understandable, because depictions of the Five of Wands are very often all about conflict and nothing else. It makes the meaning, when interpreting from the imagery, very one dimensional.

The imagery in this card really opens things up for me, because although I do see conflict here, I also see empowerment, family, determination, and much more.

The changeling boy is not just fighting for the sake of the fight, he’s making a claim and standing his ground.  He is showing determination, and when I see the imagery in this card it fills me with a sense of inner strength and determination, as how these emotions are depicted is one that I relate to strongly.

I have had to fight for nearly everything I have, and every aspect of myself and my personality.   When I see the boy’s fist curled around the bone and the determination in his eyes, he reminds me of the strength within myself and the “fight” within me that brings rise to the fire of purpose that burns within me.

This is my favorite card in the Stolen Child Tarot because of that kinship I feel with the determination and empowerment conveyed in the imagery of this card.  It… makes me feel strong and good.

Stability… and Shifting Focus

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, but I had a hard time focusing today because I was dealing with some banking issues that got in the way.   The meditation today was tacked on to the tail end of my yoga/physiotherapy, which was really needed.

I actually sort of feel as if I haven’t meditated today, even though I did, and I will do another session before bed tonight as well.

Four of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Four of Pentacles, which combined with the imagery in this card speaks to me of protection and stability.

Older generations always speak about how important it is to put money away and save for the future, and that is what I see here.   I see a preparation and protection of one’s future and the future of what is important to you.

Just recently I upped my contributions to my IRA (individual retirement account), as I am already paying the absolute max payment that I can per month on my mortgage.  I don’t want to blow all of my money, but want to make sure that I have cushions in place for when I need them, including a larger one for when I just can’t keep up with the pace I’ve set for myself over the past fifteen years.

I see the appearance of this card as confirmation that I’m making the right choices in this area for the time being, and encouragement that I’m heading in the right direction.


#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
: What is my relationship with productivity?

Regretsy Tarot

Reading Summary:  Even though I’m getting a good deal done (Four of WTF), I’m struggling with acknowledging my ingenuity and progress (3 of Tools) which is blocking me from moving forward and leaving behind the negativity of the last few months in exchange for new adventures (April’s Army).  Because of this, I’m feeling a disconnect with the joy in my creative process (The Owl and the Octopus).

Take Away: This is a topic we’ve touched on a couple of times lately (including today) in an effort to pull me back into finding my sense of balance after the mess from the letter and the fear it manifested in me.   I’ve been especially dismissive of my own skills and abilities lately, especially in relation to my creativity and my business.   I know this, I’m just struggling with moving past it.


#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
: Who in my life needs extra attention at this time?

Lion's Gateway Tarot

Reading Summary: I need to keep an eye out for those in my life that are feeling a lack of focus (Knight of Swords) and hesitating to move forward (Hanged man).  When I spot them avoiding connecting with the path forward (Two of Wands) it will be important to step in and offer them a guiding light and a bit of hope (The Star).

Take Away:  These cards indicate that I need to stop focusing so hard on my own problems and pay more attention to those around me that may also be going through their own struggles.  I’ve had my own issues with self worth lately, but the cards suggest that if I want to dig myself out of my own hole?  I will be able to do that by helping those around me that are struggling in finding their own footing on their own paths.


Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
: Let it go / Care Bear Stare

Dishonored TarotLet It Go : Step away from unkind thoughts…

Care Bear Stare :  …and into the spirit of generosity.

Take Away:  This is a reiteration of the reading today from the Tarotholics prompt.  It speaks about moving away from being a dick to myself and using helping others to bolster my own spirit and inner strength.