Connected and Open

Today’s meditation was fourteen minutes long, and a continuation on the managing stress series that I have been listening to for the past few days.  Today’s take on the topic dealt with sitting with discomfort rather than running away from it.

This is a technique I learned in pain management, but it works for emotions and other situations as well.  Most stresses will pass if given time to do so, and those that don’t, you will adapt to.  It’s difficult to sit with discomfort, though, rather than trying to fix it or run from it.  It takes practice and effort… and sometimes even then, it’s just not something that’s easy to accomplish.

Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is a double with a jumper, and it was very sneaky about it too (because usually if I get more than two? I put them back for a lesser amount).  The two jumped out together, but were so very aligned that they looked like one, then the third jumper came out off to the side.   When I then went to pick up the original card, I discovered there was another one hiding behind it.

SO…. the cards in today’s draw are the Ace of Cups and the World card, with the Hermit as the jumper.

And oh boy… this is all about our time together.  It’s about that new and budding depth of emotion  and how it feels all-encompassing, which is referenced in the Ace of Cups and the World card.  There is a connectedness and an other-worldliness that comes with the drown, and especially as deeply as I have drowned with you this time.  It creates a sort of sensation like a caterpillar wrapping itself into a cocoon, the inside saturated with the water of emotions bright and fresh and open and everywhere.

At some point that cocoon will open, though, and I will need to come out for air.   The Hermit is a reminder that I’m not alone, even if that is where my temptation to run and hide.   You create this space where my emotions are open and I feel connected to everything… I need you for what comes after as well, no matter how much my natural instinct is to retreat into myself.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I deal more effectively with change?

Twisted Tarot TalesReading Summary: Although my temptation is to self soothe through excess (The Empress) while lashing out at others (Justice), or hide from responsibility (The Fool) by running away (Six of Swords), often the best course of action I can take is to submit (Eight of Swords) and let that shit just roll over me, chew me up, and spit me out.

Take Away: Change is inevitable, and the temptations that I feel to self-destruct during those times are natural but not helpful.  It’s important to avoid falling into those traps, and instead focus on rolling with the change and letting it happen, rather than fighting it or thrashing against it mentally or emotionally.

Deck Used: Twisted Tarot Tales

Get Motivated

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes, and focused on World Mental Health Day (which is today) and how to be kinder to ourselves, especially when you have mental health problems.

It discussed why people try to hide their mental health illness because of the concern for being rejected by others and be shamed for this weakness.  It addressed seeking acceptance in ourselves for the issues that we have to deal with, in the same way you find acceptance for when you have a cold, or diabetes, or any other medical issue.

The guided meditation encouraged the listener to challenge their self judgements and find a path to a better acceptance of the self and your own personal struggles.

This is something that I had to struggle with early in life.  In fact, I had undiagnosed depression as far back as my early teens or perhaps even earlier than that.  When Z realized what was going on, she advocated with me to my parents, pushing them to allow me to seek treatment, but it wasn’t until I was emancipated at the age of sixteen that I had the freedom to do so for myself.   In my family, mental illness was treated as something to be ashamed of.  A fatal flaw even worse than being gay (which was my father’s main issue with me from childhood on in life).

By accepting that I needed help and going to GET that help, it was clearly understood that I was not just casting shame upon myself, but upon my family as a whole.  Obviously, this is NOT something that bothered me as much as it might have, because I was so far down that rabbit hole with my sexual preferences and independence by that point that what was one more log on the fire, right?   Still, the shame -did- ride me for quite a long time.  Especially the shame of needing medication.

It wasn’t until I found a medication that took away my suicidal thoughts and urges that this shame began to lift.  Because… how can you argue with that benefit, right?  Now, when I see judgement, I advocate.  And I hope that others will learn, as I did, that it’s okay to need a little help.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw is another double without a jumper, which means that they both came out of the deck together.  The cards in today’s draw are the Emperor card of the Major Arcana, and the King of Bats (Swords).

I know what it’s saying, and I’m just SO resistant to it today.   Silly, I know.  But there you have it.

The message in today’s cards is to “Be the Boss”.   In other words, do your work, do the responsible thing, take charge and get your shit done.   I know it’s supposed to be an energizing and empowering message, but all I really feel like doing today is loafing off.

Unfortunately, that is a luxury for another day if i want to ship out orders tomorrow (which I very much do need and want to do that).

Traditional meanings for the Emperor include dominance and authority, structure, and a projective alpha energy that is instilled into the “big picture”, rather than into one specific aspect of the human experience.

Traditional representation for the King of Bats (Swords) are on the theme of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of the mind, thought, intellect, communication, and instinct.  This includes themes surrounding mental clarity and intellectual power, as well as (you guessed it) dominance and authority.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt again today.  I’m definitely going to try to do the bonus readings every day (or near to it) for the rest of this month.

Question: How can I more fully love and accept myself?

Tarot of Haunted House Reading Summary: Set the spark (Ace of Wands) and carry that spark forward (Knight of Wands) into the things that interest and challenge you (King of Swords).  Sometimes it’s okay to need to be alone (intuitive hit off the imagery in the Three of Cups).

Take Away: If I want to more fully love and accept myself, I need to not just respect and take note of those inner sparks of ambition and inspiration, but go after them.  And not just the easy ones, but the ones that really make me work for that sense of accomplishment. Most of the time, these types of projects, aspirations, and ideas require buckling down and focus, which is not something I can do in the company of others.  Alone time is valuable in these pursuits, IF I use it productively.

TL:DR?  Stop using alone time to loaf off, and instead use that time to get to work on the things that spark my ambition and challenge my intellect.

Deck Used: Tarot of Haunted House

Self Care Saturday… On a Sunday

As I’ve mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Earth King of Cups – Take some time to project for myself some compassion and forgiveness, especially concerning any limitations that might arise in the week ahead.

AirThe Devil – Am drowning myself with the weight of all the “stuff”. Take a step back and evaluate mental clutter. Search for any obsessions that are not serving me and let them go.

WaterQueen of Pentacles – Going to need some alone time and to take some time to lose myself in fantasy and flights of fancy in order to nurture my emotional side.

FirePage of Rods – This week is a time for exploration and discovery. Try something new instead of the same old thing.

Waning – The need to carry my home with me is going to ease. This is not surprising, and is in direct relation to going home tomorrow.

Waxing – A new journey and crossing from the known into the unknown. This card feels like it is connected to the Fire cards in this spread.

Moral of the Story – New adventures ahead, but from home rather than abroad. Keep an eye out for what may be adding unnecessary stress or “weight”. Be sure to make some space and time for myself to breathe.

Deck Used: Morgan Greer Tarot

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)


As I’ve mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Earth Seven of Cups – There will be a variety of paths and choices opening up before you. Be conscious of those that offer the potential for manifestation and growth.

AirFour of Swords – If you don’t allow yourself the time and space to vent, you will not get the rest and restoration that is need out of this week.

WaterKnight of Pentacles – Don’t bottle up emotions or run from the unpleasantness.  Instead, stand tall and strong.  Tend to your own values with focus and steadfast resolve.

FireSix of Cups – Time spent revising the past will not serve you well this week.  It’s time for a new perspective, as the old one is only weighing you down.

WaningThe Sorcerer – Self destruction through self centered behavior.  Beliefs and ideas that foster separation, conflict, and scarcity.

WaxingThe Owl – Catching sight of what has been hidden that others cannot see. Truth seeking. Intuition.

Moral of the Story – It’s time to seek out new perspectives. Keep an eye out for what has changed and what is different.  Seek your outlet to let things out when needed so that you can get the rest and restoration you need out of this week ahead, and stay true to your values.

Decks Used: Crow Tarot, Dixit Pack #6 Memories, Mystical Shaman Oracle


Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)


As I mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

Earth Ace of Pentacles – It is time to again set your eyes upon your financial and business goals. Keep your focus and clarity will come along with the manifestation of what is desired.

Air Ten of Pentacles – Peace of mind concerning my stability and security of hearth and home as well as the business and finances. Be sure to pay attention, as some beliefs are mistaken and will need assessing for this stability and security to manifest past the mind into reality.

Water Four of Wands – The drop will soon lift.  Enjoy the time of peace and harmony that follows, and don’t take it for granted.  Languish in its comforting warmth.

Fire Eight of Pentacles – Reiteration of the draw for Earth. Stay focused and diligent on your goals.  Don’t get distracted by curiosity and pretty things.

Moving Away From The Child – A time of innocence and uncertainty. Leave behind the fumbling and replace it with surety.

Heading Toward The Witness – Acknowledge preconceptions and learn by observation and example of others.

Moral of the Story – Clarity and focus are your friend. Pay attention and examine your motives and beliefs, so that you can be sure to manifest what you really want.

Decks Used: Crow Tarot, Dixit Pack #6 Memories, Mystical Shaman Oracle


Take It With You

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on the benefits of taking a pause (such as when we meditate) to assist in clearing the clutter from the mind and creating a clearer focus.

This was a benefit that, when I started first meditating on a regular basis, I didn’t really notice all that much.   BUT, over time, I’ve come to notice that on the days that I do not meditate in the morning, I end up feeling more frazzled throughout the day.

It’s not a huge difference, but when you are dealing with anxiety, there’s always that last straw, right?   The meditation offsets that last straw, knocking a few others off my back at the same time, which makes everything just a little easier to deal with and my mind a little clearer as a result.

Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that they both came out together.

The cards in today’s draw are the Eight of Zephyrs and the Queen of Brine.

I find a common serenity in both of these cards, although the cards themselves speak to me of opposing situations.

In the Queen of Brine card, she is completely in her element where everything is familiar, and all within her element is completely trusting of her. The mollusk she holds is not hiding in its shell, but instead is open and exposed.  The same can be said for the clams in the corners of the card that expose their pearls within her presence. Creatures of the sea swirl around her, embracing her, and she is both confident and serene in her environment.

In the Eight of Zephyrs card, the little moth child is within water, which is not their natural element. And and yet they, too,  look serene in that environment and the environment appears to support their endeavor. The bushel of venus fly traps in the bottom right corner is an indication that there is always some risk that comes with trying something new and stepping out of your element… but as a whole the card speaks of finding serenity even in the unfamiliar of something new.

The Queen of Brine overlapping the Eight of Zephyrs speaks of taking that inner sense of  serenity within the embrace of what is familiar to you, and carrying it with you into times when you step into unfamiliar territory. Be aware of the danger of course, but also be in touch with how the new experience feels and the benefits it may bring.

Traditional Meanings:

Queen of Brine (Water) is a representation of a receptive alpha energy in the area of emotions, creativity, relationships, and intuition. The appearance of the card usually follows along the themes of compassion, caring for the self or others, and listening to one’s heart and intuition.

Numerically speaking, the Eight of Zephyrs (Air) is a representation of manifestation, purpose and determination, as well as accomplishments in the area of the mind, logic, education, thought, instinct, and communication.   Traditional meanings within the RWS system for this card also include self limiting thoughts and beliefs, self doubt, and being open to new perspectives.

Deck Used: The Stolen Child Tarot


Its Better Together

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on the concept of gezellig, which is (apparently) a German adjective that means a kind of thing or activity that embodies a sense of joy or peace.

The guided meditation started out with a very broken down mindfulness technique or the breath that involves first focusing on the rise and fall of the belly, then the expansion and contraction of the ribs, then the rise and fall of the chest, before then focusing on how the breath moves like waves through each part. It was extremely relaxing.

After this, it spoke about the importance of adding activities into each day that help to restore the soul. These are things that bring you a sense of peace, joy, contentment, or fun. I think sometimes we all forget to do this, and forget to truly appreciate these things even when we do actually do them. I know that I am guilty of this.

Today’s draw is another double without a jumper. It is the 11th card in the Major Arcana, the Justice card (with chimpanzees), and the Two of Cups (with seals).

Today I’m not going to bother with traditional meanings because I got an intuitive hit (and currently riding in a car which means I’m flirting with getting car sick by working on this right now.

Today, the Justice card is telling me that we are going to get pulled over sometime today (or some other event that is going to deal with an authoritative figure and reckoning).

The Two of Cups is a reminder of emotional support. It says that I may either need it, or need to provide it, in relation to the above mentioned event. I’m traveling with J today, so we’ll just have to see how things go.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot


Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)


Week two of accountability on my Self Care Saturday spread in order to foster the motivation to write it down instead of just reading the spread, taking a picture, and moving on.

As mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook.  This is a self care exercise, and not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

BodyTemperance – I need to keep an eye on what I’m doing to my body this week and take care to practice balance and moderation with both my physical activity and what I’m using as fuel.  Don’t hurt myself by pushing too hard.

MindTwo of Rods & Ace of Cups – There are some decisions that I need to make concerning what direction I want to take my creativity for the week.  The new project that I’m considering will bring me joy, but I need to be careful not to overload myself. (In other words, make a choice on what to focus on instead of putting all my fish on to fry at once.)

EmotionsThree of Pentacles – This is the 2nd time that this card has appeared in a reading for me in the past two days, and both times it has appeared in the position of the heart/emotions.  This is all about learning some new skills and flexing my creative “muscles” while putting in the work to manifest my idea into reality.  This ties directly into the new project idea mentioned above.

Inner SparkKing of Pentacles – Very clear here. Grab the reins, Be the Boss. Do It.

Moving Away FromStripping Illusions & Grounding – It’s time to strip away my second guessing and self doubt.  Stop holding myself back and pushing down the ideas that have been brewing.

Heading TowardsGrowth & Psychic Development – Although the question for this reading didn’t direct me towards the project that I was considering, it appears that’s the direction that it went in anyway.  It’s time to grow, move forward, and follow where my intuition is leading me.

Decks Used: Anna K Tarot, Shamanic Healing Oracle


A Peter Pan Kind of Day

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and eight seconds, and focused on shame and how to deal with shame so that you can move past it.

I do not really have a lot of experience with this particular emotion, despite my father’s insistence throughout my life that I should. There are times, of course, when I have felt guilty for hurting someone on accident, not making good choices, or occasionally from my mother’s machinations. But, I do not consider guilt to be shame, as I believe they are two very different monsters.

Regardless, I do believe that the way to deal with both of these is much the same, which is what is what was outlined in today’s guided meditation. This method is by approaching yourself with kindness and understanding in these moments, as guilt and shame both come from a place of harsh judgment inflicted upon the self.

Today’s draw is the Six of Cups, which is a representation of vitality, harmony, and cooperation in the area of emotions, creativity, intuition, and relationships.

The Six of Cups can often represent a youthful energy, and this is a part of the message that this card has for me today.

In my morning devotional this morning, part of my hopes for the day was to “enjoy the day to its fullest”. The appearance of this card is telling me that in order to do that I need to get in touch with my inner child and that fun vibrant spot inside of us all that is the birthplace of enthusiasm and joy.

This is also a mindful practice for me in living in the now instead of always pushing for the future.

Although I have a long drive ahead of me and much to do, I am going to strive to approach each task and challenge today from a mindset filled with the spark of joy and adventure, rather than one of responsibility and drudgery.

Deck Used: Student Tarot v5


Be a Nice Boy

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on clarity of the senses.

This is the conscious act of taking time to pay attention to both the world around you and your own body, rather than allowing disinterest to muffle the things that you are experiencing.

This is especially important when feeling like the world is a drab and boring, and there is nothing new of interest to capture and hold one’s attention. At these times a lot of people take trips or go on vacations, but that really isn’t necessary in order to refresh one’s view of the world. What is needed is to focus on and appreciate the little things. That is what clarity of the senses is all about.

Bearing down on the little details, sort of like putting on a new pair of glasses after getting a new prescription, allows you to see things from a new perspective and appreciate the complexity and beauty of even something so small as a crack in the pavement.

This is along the same theme as yesterday’s forest bathing, although you are taking this awareness with you back into your regular life rather than leaving it behind in the forest.

Today’s draw is the Five of Wands and the 15th card in the Major Arcana, the Devil card. No the card is a jumper, as they both came out together.

The Five of Wands is a representation of struggle and strife, tests and trials, harshness, discord, and conflict in the area of one’s ambitions, drive, willpower, and passion.

The Devil card is a representation of temptation and the shadow self. This card, like all major arcana cards, does not represent a certain aspect of life but rather the larger picture as a whole.

As part of the subdrop, I found myself with a tendency to feel a bit snippy this morning when interacting with other people. Today’s draw is a reminder that this temptation will only lead to conflict, and seeking out conflict… or inspiring conflict, will only lead to a crappier day and the emergence of more of my shadow self self.

This is a cycle that will continuously feed upon itself. It is a cycle that I need to be aware of today, so that I can avoid it and have a more pleasurable day, as well as to avoid affect other’s days in a negative way.