Reaping and Direction

IMG_6550Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation with interval timer again.  My stretches today were a bit stiff, which I suppose shouldn’t be a surprise since I missed my medication yesterday, which means the pirifomis stretches didn’t get done.

The topic of today’s guided meditation was about how meditation does not necessarily mean sitting in complete physical stillness.  It is about being still on the inside.  It’s about finding a quiet inner peace for those ten or fifteen or thirty minutes of our meditation practice, so that when we need it elsewhere in our day we have experience with it so that we can reach inside and find it again more easily.

Botan Tarot - Nine of CoinsToday’s draw is the Nine of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of fulfillment on an independent level in the area of one’s finances, resources, home, health, and manifestations.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of today’s card are a couple of different elements.  First, the scythe and beside it? The compass that hangs there as one of the coins on the right hand side.

These elements speak to me of the reaping that is a part of how one reaches the level of satisfaction and fulfillment that this card is about, and about the security of knowing that you have a direction that you’re moving in, and that you’re comfortable with.

Both of these elements are very important (at least to me) in finding a level of true fulfillment concerning my home life, work life, and my accomplishments. The scythe represents work and is about the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a job well done.  It’s the difference between having something of value handed to you… or actually earning it with sweat and tears.   It holds so much more value in the end when you earn it.

The message in today’s cards is to take stock of those things you’ve earned, and value them as well as the direction that they have lent to your path that allows you to feel the security of solid ground under your feet with each new step you take along the way.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: Where is my heart heavy?

Dragon Age Inquisition Tarot

Reading Summary: Dependable hardworking sensibilities (Queen of Coins) directed towards my new focus and goals (Ace of Staves). It’s coming up fast (The Chariot) and I have to bite the bullet and bear down on a direction (Two of Swords).

Take Away:  I don’t feel ready to set aside the growth and inner work that has been my focus so far throughout this year in order to move into the holiday preparations and holiday rush that’s coming. The thing is, though, that I have no choice in the matter if I want the holiday rush to go smoothly and turn out well.  I need to do the responsible thing and be prepared, whether I really want to change gears or not. 


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: Your Personal Pain / A Healing Action To Take / Possible Positive Outcome

Wiener Secession TarotYour Personal PainThe Fool and Eight/Three of Spades -Weighing responsibility over the joy of playing the fool. This was touched upon in my reading for the Zentember challenge today as well. It has to do with feeling an inner reluctance to move away from the growth and exploration I’ve been doing over the year so far, and moving into the hard and fast responsibilities involved in preparing for the holiday rush and then riding it out when it arrives. I’m trying to not allow myself to think that having been kind to myself and going easy on myself over the spring and summer hasn’t made me lazy… but honestly?  It kinda feels like it has. And those thoughts bring with it a strong sense of disappointment in myself.

A Healing Action To TakeQueen of Spades – Instead of burying these worries or hiding from them, I need to actually listen to them with understanding and offer myself solutions that can incorporate both the responsibilities of my work along with the needs of that softer inner self. At first thought, there doesn’t feel like a lot of options here, but I think that might be my pessimism rearing it’s ugly head. 

Possible Positive OutcomeKing of Spades – If I can find a way to both find as well as sustain a balance between the work I need to do and giving myself that freedom I’ve become used to and now don’t want to lose, there’s a good chance I will be able to develop a stronger interconnection allowing for clearer site that is unclouded by these issues.

Take Away – I’m not seeing the whole picture and because of it I’m feeling a sense of loss that isn’t necessary. I need to find a way to take off the blindfold that is keeping me from seeing possible solutions open to me. Finding and enacting these solutions will bring a stronger foundation to both my work, my emotional growth, and my self care along with a greater clarity on how to juggle these things in a healthy and successful way.


Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
: Something that I’m stubbornly holding onto that I need to let go of?

Science Tarot

Reading Summary: Fear of the unknown (Wheel of Fortune).  Let go of that fear and see it as an adventure (Knight of Wands), and a whole new world of possibilities will open up to you (The World).

Take Away:  Meh… yeah.  I completely agree with this.  I do struggle with the unknown quite a bit. I feel so certain and strong on my spiritual path and life path, that when elements of the unknown crop up it makes me feel like there’s a big inky black sink hole in the middle of my path.

I know that seeing these moments as an adventure is a terrific way to get through this fear, and that in doing so it opens up a vast world of opportunities and possibilities… but sometimes it’s really hard to take those moments as an adventure, no matter how hard I try.

Side note:  The Schrodinger’s Cat card in this deck is one of my favorite cards in this deck.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I love myself more?

Haindl Tarot

Reading Summary: When you actually do your work (Three of Stones) instead of fucking around, and get it done (The Chariot), you feel a sense of accomplishment (Six of Wands) and inspiration to do more (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  Oooph.  Okay so today’s readings are all about my work, my business, and about gearing up for the holiday rush. This makes sense, but it’s definitely a noticeable thread through my personal readings today.

Okay, anyway.  The answer to one of the ways that I can love myself more is to actually do my work instead of procrastinating or putting it off.   When I actually do my work, I lay the groundwork for self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment to bolster my self image as well as my mood, which in turn lights my inner spark for new inspirations to take fire.


Musing On Best Decisions

So in a live on YouTube today, Simon over at The Hermit’s Cave asked a question at the end they really got me to thinking. The question was “What is the best decision that you’ve ever made?”


My first answer was Gideon.

Then, as other people answered, I had time to think about it and went through a whole roster of thoughts on what maybe my answer should’ve been. Things like my emancipation from my parents, or deciding to buy a home, or allowing my sister to come and live with me… All of these things were good decisions. But which one was the best?

Thinking about my emancipation from my parents, I realize that although I left their home at the age of 16, it really wasn’t that much longer to reach the legal age of 18. Yes it would’ve been a miserable two years add it onto an as so far miserable existence, but I would’ve made it through and come out the other side as long as I didn’t end up offing myself along the way (which was a definite possibility, as I did give it a couple of tries).

Purchasing a home has given me a homebase, and the stability that I feel that I need in my life. But, my life would still go on and be fine without that stability. I would just be renting instead of owning, and probably moving every few years. Yes, that stability and security is very important to me, but it is more about comfort level than true necessity.

Allowing my sister to move in with me was an excellent decision, and a no-brainer. She needed the support, and as her twin I really can’t say that life would be the same without her. I’ve spent my entire life with her other than a few years when I was out on my own and she was still living with my parents, and she provides me with her support and love every day. That said, if she was not living with me she would still be in my life.

So then we come to Gideon. Allowing Gideon into my life was a conscious choice that I had to actually make in order for us to move forward into a relationship. At the time, I felt that I was doing fine without him and even happily so, and I was in no real hurry to get in a relationship. The thing is though, by including him into my life and giving him the place that he has in my life, he has enriched my life beyond all imagination. It’s more than just love (as if love could be quantified with “just”).

Gideon provides support, perspective, and is the catalyst to many of the things that have made my life better over the years we’ve been together. These include the support that he has given me in healing some of of the wounds of my past, the encouragement he provides on a daily basis, his wisdom and understanding, and his unconditional trust and love. He has helped me to develop into the man that I am today in a way that so many other decisions I’ve made have helped along the way… but not in such a significant and pervasive way.

I firmly believe that the best decision of my life has been in welcoming Gideon into it, and allowing him to convince me to explore what we could be together.

Thinking about so many of the decisions I’ve made in life, I’ve made a number of really good ones. But, of them all, Gideon is by far my best ever.


I didn’t write this… but having read it on one of my discord servers just reinforces how fortunate I feel to have you in my life. I love you Gideon.