The Drown and The Drop

IMG_6711Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation accompanied by interval timer.  The topic of today’s guided meditation was about using the skills learned through one’s meditation practice to turn moments of frustration and irritation around into a calmer and less destructive response.

It’s about being aware of when this irritation and frustration begins to rise, and taking a moment to turn that awareness into action by stepping back and taking a deep breath, allowing yourself a moment just breathe and let your muscles relax.

In that action alone, we lower our blood pressure and thus ease our temper enough to keep it from boiling over, allowing for a calmer and more positive interaction with whatever has us irritated or frustrated in the first place.

Hush Tarot - Five of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Five of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, conflict, and hardships in the area of one’s finances, resources, hearth and home, health, and manifestations.

I’m very touched by the imagery of this card. What I see here is the drown… and the drop.  Both captured in one image.

In the drown, all that intensity and intimacy that delves me under the surface of subspace and sends me floating in the limbo of weightless pleasure is peaceful.  My trust as I am held down beneath the surface, my certainty that nothing will be allowed to hurt me so that I can fully open up and allow those vulnerable inner pieces of myself to hang suspended in that place of peaceful place controlled by you.

Where in the drown there is peace, in the drop there is agony.  I used to revolt against it, thrashing uselessly in the cloying suffocation of the drop.  I have learned that it is better to remain still and quiet, to not fight but accept the pain as payment for the pleasure.

Nothing is free, and the pleasure you give me when you float me into the drown and hold me there is so great… that it makes sense the ache that comes after as payment would be just as heavy.   This stillness and ache is also something I see in the imagery of this card.

Today’s card is a reminder that pleasure and pain go hand in hand, and that those things worth having sometimes take their payment less traditional ways.  It’s okay… just stay still and breathe, and the drop will pass.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: How to move toward my vision with clarity and purpose?

WilderWoven Tarot

Reading Summary: Keep your eye on the prize (Tree of Life over Ten of Cups) and do your best to take what you’ve learned this year (The Hierophant). Don’t throw up unnecessary barriers between yourself and those lessons (Nine of Wands) is a better path to protecting what’s yours (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  “The Prize” in this case is my emotional growth (Ten of Cups) and turning over a new leaf in how I do things (Tree of Life).  I’ve had a lot of worry about having to choose between that emotional growth and the lambasting intensity of the upcoming holiday season. 

The thing is, though… I’ve earned the growth I’ve managed to accomplish so far over this year.  I’ve earned it, I’ve learned from it and it’s now mine.  A part of me.   Instead of trying to put up walls to protect my progress, I need to accept that this progress is already a part of me.

Even if I backslide?  Regaining my footing will not be the same as starting from the beginning all over again.  I’ve already tread the path and climbed the cliff face, I know where the footing is best and where the handholds are.  That means I will be able to regain that ground more quickly.

If I want to protect what’s mine… what I’ve earned and made a part of myself?  I need to ease up on that normal reaction to construct walls, and instead take a breath and relax.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #3

El Goliath Tarot 2nd EditionAmberNine of Wands – Where I need to work on my emotions to create more balance in my life is in the area of my depression and my hard flex to guard myself from emotional pain. Having spent so much of my life walling my emotional side off, I never really got used to and toughened up to the emotional pain people are dealt.  Now that I no longer have a fortress of walls to protect those emotions, sometimes when I flinch in pain, I start building.  This does not encourage balance, nor help me in getting used to this new state of emotional openness and growth.

CedarFive of Wands – I can use my present day fortitude to strengthen my future protections by remembering the experiences from my past and the times that I’ve had to fight for the growth and progress needed.  The strategies, methods, and spark of willpower from those times can be carried forward through the present and into the future, to strengthen my position and my protection of those things that are important to me.

MarigoldKarmic Release – Where I should focus on my health in order to develop a happier outlook is tied in directly to my Karmic health and self actualization. In looking at the things I’ve done that I am ashamed of, feel guilt over, or know that are wrong… by examining these things and taking ownership of them, then letting go of them. By allowing this process of release to happen, I can then foster a greater sense of happiness in my life.

Lapis LazuliThe Shaman – The inner truths that self awareness can bring into the light within my life have to do with my spirituality and my connection to the earth, the elements, and the metaphysical.  By delving into this part of who I am, I am able to not just facilitate my own growth, but guide others in theirs as well. The more I delve into myself, my spirituality, and my unique abilities, then the more I grow and the more I have to offer others in turn.

WalnutKnight of Swords and The Sage – In order to be more discerning in picking positive friendships, it is important to take a level-headed look at those friendships from your past in which you have bitten off more than you can chew. Take some time to truly ascertain which of those friendships were valuable and which were simply frivolous leaps into the unknown, and purge those experiences and energies left over from those that did not work for you, while retaining the lessons learned from them.

SapphireThe Hierophant – I can best discern between logical thought and true wisdom by looking at these moments through the lens of inner truth. Only through reaching within yourself for the answers can you sort out the difference.  Logic comes from the mind, but true wisdom comes from somewhere much deeper.  Ask yourself if the information being offered is simply emotionless knowledge… or heartfelt inner truths being shared.

YarrowKing of Swords – To move from a place of trauma to a place of healing, I need to take control of myself and the situation, clear my mind, and see things through a sharp and discerning eye. It is only by shutting down the clutter and creating a place of piercing clarity that you can cut through trauma’s influence to find a path to healing.  When you are lost in the fog… the path is concealed from view.


Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
: Is there any karmic energy I currently carry with me that I should be aware of?  Is it something I should deal with or act upon at this time?

Sasuraibito TarotKarmic energy I carry and need to be aware of.
Queen of Swords atop Eight of Swords

You are not dealing with the effects of your mother’s influences on you.  Ignoring those dark shadows she has created through her selfish, self centered words and actions over the year is not healthy, and as long as you carry this energy within you, you will never be entirely free of it’s affects upon your inner self.

Should I deal with it at this time?
Page of Swords

Go for it!  It’s not going to be easy and it’s going to take some trial and error with a heavy dose of learning to get it right.  But you can untangle the web of thoughts and emotions and rip off that blindfold.  You have the intelligence and capability, as well as the opportunity, to take this challenge on one step at a time.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Do I believe my opinion matters?

Brady Tarot 2nd Edition

Reading Summary: I give good advice and have a lot of good input to give through past experience (Eight of Roots).  When others choose to discount my opinion (Two of Arrows), I also am then later given the chance to say I told you so (Six of Wands).

Take Away: I’m always happy to share my experiences with others and offer opinions when I think they might be able to help or have been asked for. So very often, though, even those that ask for your opinions and advice then go off and do whatever they wanted to do in the first place no matter what you had to say to the contrary. At those times, I more often than not am not going to say “I told you so”, but you can damn well bet that I’m thinking it.


Abstinence is a Strength

Today’s meditation was… well… it kinda turned into nap time.  I actually took a grand total of two naps today. So although I didn’t really get in a decent meditation, I did manage to get well rested.  It was actually really nice, to be honest. Although, I have to say…  satin pillowcases are way too comfortable and make it so tempting to just nuzzle in and go back to sleep. Dangerous stuff right there.

Hush Tarot - Five of WandsToday’s draw is the Five of Wands is traditionally about trials, tests, and conflict in the area of one’s passions and drive.  The word “passions” in this instance is not about sex, but rather about the interests that light that spark within you and create an inferno of interest that needs to be followed and/or obtained in order to be sated.

I really like the imagery on this card.  I mean at first it just looks like a tangled mess with some spears added in, but when you really sit down and look at it, what you find is three snakes, two of which are in conflict concerning something they are both passionate about, while the third is caught in the crossfire.

That is how conflict goes sometimes, right?  It’s not always clear cut.  Sometimes people get caught in the crossfire and are forced to either choose sides or end up tangled up and embroiled in a mess not of their own making. That third snake in the imagery clearly just wants to get out.  It wants no part of this quarrel, and yet it is stuck in the middle and unable to get free.

The message in today’s card is to take care not to become tangled up in conflicts that you really don’t want to be in.  Sometimes? It’s okay to take a step back and abstain.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: Where to love more?

WilderWoven Tarot

Reading Summary: It’s OK to take things slow (Tree of Life and Knight of Pentacles both depicting long, slow journeys), just don’t give up (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  This is about self-love.  It’s about the impatience I feel towards myself when I feel that I am not moving fast enough or progressing quickly enough.  It’s about that “Not Enough” shadow deep inside that is always nitpicking at everything I do and telling me it’s not enough.  The love that is needed is a love of self, and the understanding that it’s okay to take my time and not to let that inner voice cause me to say “fuck it” and walk away.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: What do I need to focus on for self-care for this new moon?

Joe Sparrow TarotReading Summary:  Preparation (Page of Wands). Self Care (The Empress). Streamlining (Ace of Swords).  Note: Color combinations between the Page of Wands and Ace of Swords connect these two cards into a singular theme.

Take Away:  As this week is my week off and lands right smack dab upon the new moon, this is the ideal time to give myself a little rest and nurturing recuperation that is suggested in the Empress card, the placement of which in the center of this spread indicates its priority and how its theme should permeate through the rest of the reading.

My self care this new moon needs to be a combination of taking care of my need for rest and nurturing activities, joined with the needed preparations necessary for the holiday rush that is right around the corner.  Part of that preparation requires the streamlining of certain processes, as well as the progress of actually stocking up on supplies for my business and it’s needs.


Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
: What could further support my partnerships?

Brady Tarot

Father of Feathers atop The Empress Rx – Although being kind to yourself and others is all well and good?  It isn’t always the answer and sometimes tough love is needed. Lighting a fire under someone’s ass to get them motivated is sometimes the only way you’ll be able to get them motivated.

Five of Horns atop The Hierophant Rx – Don’t allow times when you’re feeling down to influence how you interact with those that come for your help. This isn’t about having eased up on the teaching schedule to give yourself space for your own personal growth, but rather it’s about your current influences on others.

Five of Feathers atop Death Rx – Being competitive has its place… be sure to keep it there. Being competitive is not really in my nature, but like everyone else… sometimes it sparks up when I’m least expecting it. This is another “choose your battles wisely” message like so many I have received from the cards lately.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What needs to be different in my life?

El Goliath Tarot 2nd EditionReading Summary:  Too much juggling (Two of Pentacles) leading to burnout and a resulting apathy (Five of Cups) that then smothers out my natural creative spark (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  This is what I have been working on so intently over the year thus far. I’ve come a long way toward giving myself more space and allowing myself more rest along the way.  As a result, I experience less burn out.   The cards here are a warning that these tendencies are very likely to try and rise up and repeat as I get closer to the holiday rush.  It’s something I need to watch out for and work at being conscious concerning so that I can catch these bad habits and course correct along the way.


The World Won’t End

Today’s meditation was unfortunately interrupted by the call from the technician that came by to fix out internet.   Instead of finishing, I got up to discover that my webhost was also offline, and thus I had to get on the phone with them as well.   I had planned to try again after the technician left, but first  I was on the phone with the webhost for at least an hour (on hold… the fix took like 6 minutes).  Then the technician was here for a couple hours or more.   And then once he left, I discovered that the guy had accidentally ripped the wall shelf out of the wall that holds the modem and had to remount that, then re-configure the security camera… and on the whole it was just a clusterfuck and I didn’t manage to get my meditation in after all.  SO… I will try to do that tonight before bed.

Hush Tarot - Eight of WandsToday’s draw is the Eight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of movement and fast paced action.  It’s about movement and decisive action that carries you forward.

That traditional meaning for the Eight of Wands makes the imagery of the card in this deck very interesting.  For, in this imagery, you see a woman in repose.  A break taken, rest to be had…. and yet look at all of the surroundings in which she rests.  It is busy.  Bees are busy building their nest, ants explore her skin.  Weeds and plants both sprout up and grow tall and strong, supporting a restless gathering of birds above, and among those weeds and earthen rocks, Fae ponies dance.

She may be resting… but life continues to march on.   And that is the message I see in the imagery of this card today. 

The message is that you don’t have to poke and prod and push 24/7, always on the ball and always pushing and shoving to keep things moving.  Life keeps moving, even when you step aside to take a little break and a bit of a rest.  Stop worrying so much that when you take your self-care time and those little rests you need, that everything is going to fall apart because you are not currently at the helm with both hands on the wheel.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: What’s shaking my confidence?

Tarot Leaves

Reading Summary: I worry that the actions have taken (King of Swords) against my mother (Queen of Swords) are going to come back and bite me in the ass somehow (Justice).

Take Away:  This was actually a really surprising reply to the question.  Not that it’s inaccurate, because it is definitely true.  Just that… it wasn’t where I thought the cards would go.

It is true that I have some confidence issues when it comes to my mother at the moment.  Although the guilt over my stunt in February has faded away, there remains this feeling that things are not finished in that arena, just on hold due to the pandemic.  They won’t be on hold forever, and like I mentioned in one of my readings yesterday?  That pendulum always has to swing back eventually.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #2

El Goliath Tarot 2nd EditionWolfAce of Swords – In order to encourage strength and bravery for the hurdles yet to come this fall, I need to make sure that I am capable of approaching these hurdles and challenges with a clear head.  This means making sure I get the rest I need and do what needs done to keep my brain from becoming fogged up and clouded.

OwlKing of Swords – To better trust my perception of the world and others, I need to learn that seeing with clarity is not enough.  You also have to act upon what you see in a way that is good for all involved.  It’s about lack of hesitation and incorporating those perceptions into my response rather than holding them apart and separate.

StagEight of Swords – In my life, greater dignity can create a stronger sense of integrity by making sure that I am not covering my eyes or looking at things through “colored glasses”.  While being oblivious can sometimes have its benefits, when your eyes are open and you know what’s going on around you, it assists in moving through struggles and obstacles with grace… and allowing others to trust your guidance in doing the same.

Blackbird Three of Swords and Page of Pentacles – In order to increase my motivation, I need to direct my focus toward putting my disappointments to work for me.  Even failures have redeeming qualities to them and provide us from a chance to learn and grow.  Take a look at these moments and seek out what transformative views are available through the lens of what has happened, then use this knowledge as cobblestones within your path forward.

EagleQueen of Pentacles and Five of Wands – Good and successful leadership requires a modicum of grace because it is through tripping over the thorns and feeling their bite that we develop the empathy needed to lead others well.  Without empathy, there is no connection with those you lead.  Without that connection, there is no way to know what they need and come to an understanding of the best path for the greatest good.

SalmonSix of Pentacles – I have been moving by instinct without realizing it in the direction of balance and fairness.  The thing is?  I do realize it… just not all the time.  My moral compass requires balance and fairness.  It demands it from me and from the world around me.  I move in that direction without thought, and am only aware of it occasionally from time to time.

Wild GooseAce of Cups – Emotions are something that I am “stretching into” at the moment.  For a long time they felt like they “didn’t fit” and I struggled with connecting with others on an emotional level, because I wasn’t able to connect to myself on an emotional level.  As I have become older, I’ve grown to realize the value of emotions and how precious the establishment of that emotional connection can be in building long lasting, positive friendships and relationships. This is something I wasn’t conscious of before, but have learned through trial and error along the way.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I trust myself?

Telluric Tarot

The TowerLibyan Desert Glass and Fire Lily – What connects the Fire Lily to Libyan Desert Glass is heat and destruction. One is created in the radioactive heat of a meteorite hitting desert sands… the other thrives in the ashes in the aftermath of fire’s consumption. Both are breathtaking results from catastrophically destructive events.  Many good things can come from chaos and destruction, you just have to wait for the chaos to end and the dust to settle to see what’s there waiting for you in the aftermath.

Five of Swords Cinnabar and Blackthorn – Blackthorn is extremely sour, and is protected by long sharp thorns.  Cinnabar is a dangerous mineral due to it’s high mercury content, and yet the vibrant color has been a draw to humanity for centuries both as an ornamental stone as well as ground into powder as a dye. Sometimes people do stupid things in pursuit of the things that spark their interests and passions… like wearing mercury rich stones or risking the long reach of sharp thorns to pick oh-so-appealing fruit that is then discovered to be oh-so-very sour.

The MagicianPolybasite and Dogwood – Both Polybasite and Dogwood are known for their value in versatility.  One is a wealth of alchemical elements, the other a wealth of potential to create an array of different tools, furniture, decorations, and even instruments. Add to this that the meaning of the dogwood flower is that of rebirth, and what you have depicted in this card is a wealth of resources and skillful adaptability.

Take Away – During times of chaos and conflict, I can find myself frozen.  This holding pattern can be full of uncertainty, but once that chaos has come to an end and the conflict has settled?  It is like the starting shot to get me going.  In the aftermath of these events, I know exactly what I want and where I want to go, and I am ready to forge a path and rebuild, eager to move forward, and trust myself and the direction my instincts and intuition take me in implicitly.


Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

El Goliath Tarot 2nd Edition, Connected and Free Oracle, Bad Kardma Oracle

EarthJustice and Beginnings – You reap what you sow, and when you reach the end of a cycle? You start again… and seek to do better the next time around.  This is true in farming, and it’s true in life.  You’re coming up on an opportunity to start again this week.  Although you don’t know what that new beginning and opportunity might be? Make sure to keep your eyes open for it, as it’s your opportunity to financially balance the scales.

AirDeath, The Tower, Responsibility –  Death and The Tower together in the same position is a bit of overkill but makes it clear this week is going to be a challenge to my new way of doing things.  Responsibilities are going to push at you, creating pressure and trying to trip you up and reset you back on your old path, undoing all of the change and progress you’ve made this year.  Make sure you are not allowing yourself to fall into that trap.  That path is not for you any longer.

WaterFive of Wands, You Are Exactly Where You Need To Be, Base Chakra – Hold your ground. You are just exactly where you need to be in relation to your emotional growth and how you’re dealing with things.  Just because things might feel like they get a little hairy tgus weej does not mean you yield to those pressures.  Instead, it is time to ground down, dig in roots, and give yourself the most stubbornly steady foundation you can so that you can hold your ground through the storm.

FireEight of Swords and Final Step – You have been moving forward on this  journey of growth all spring and summer, and here this week you will find yourself standing at the “final step” of this journey for the time being.  The business is going to try and pull wool over your eyes and blind you in order to draw you in and tie you down into old habits.  Make sure you are paying attention to not just your actions but your inner dialog.

WaningWelcoming Satan Into The Home – This week is time to focus on shutting out the things that don’t serve you.  Habits that need to be put back under control, negative self talk that needs to be silenced, etc.  These issues are something that needs to be told to take a hike .  Now is the time to stand firm and strong.

WaxingBlind Trust – As you release those things that are not serving you, reach deep and trust in your intuition and moral compass to carry you forward.  These two qualities have never once in your entire life steered you wrong, and they will continue to keep your path true today just as they always have in your past.

Take Away – This week is full of transition and tests.  Make sure you are grounding and holding strong to the values that you’ve developed over the past year as well as the wisdom of your moral compass and intuition.  Emotionally, you have made it to the point where you can stabilize and hold firm, and weather the storm without losing what you have gained, but to do that you’re going to have to stay aware not just of your surroundings, but your inner negativity and its influences on both your choices and emotions.