It’s Your Choice

IMG_8965Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. The topic of today’s meditation is one that has come up quite a lot lately.  That is… the topic was about change, and how allowing change to happen rather than fighting against it can make life feel much smoother over all.

This is very similar to the thoughts that I was musing about the other day, where I was considering the difference that it would make if we embraced all change in the same way we embrace and adapt to good changes.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - The ChariotToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally a representation of control, willpower, determination, and forward motion.

In many decks, this card is represented by a man controlling two horses (in various different situations such as a chariot or wagon).  What stands out to me here in this card is that it’s not a chariot that is being pulled behind the horses, but rather it is a home.

This speaks to me of autonomy, control, and direction that is related to more than just a situation, but to one’s life as a whole and their steps along their personal path in their life’s journey.  This woman brings with her what is important to her on her journey.  She takes with her home and shelter, her safety and security.

She is in control, she chooses her direction with each and every step she takes… and the path she treads upon with these steps is hers and hers alone.   And that is the message in today’s card.   You own your life.  You make the choices that decide what direction your life will go in.   Whether these choices are hard or easy, impossible or impossibly simple.  Whether you choose to see yourself as a victim in life or a survivor.  All of these are choices that shape where you will go on your journey.

Today’s message is a reminder that those choices are yours to make, and that that power is yours and only yours.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: Would life lose meaning if we could live forever?

Magical Nordic TarotReading Summary: There would always be something or someone to foster your passion and keep you interested and invested (Queen of Wands), if you’re willing to look for it instead of turning away from it (Eight of Swords), and if you are able to take the ups and downs of life in stride (The Wheel of Fortune).

Take Away: The answer is yes… and no.  Because the answer depends on the individual and their ability to find things that keep their passion for life and interest in being upon the earth and living and experiencing these things that make life worth living.   If someone isn’t willing to pursue these things, then a life filled with eternity would feel like a prison sentence.  But for those that can take life as it comes and fill it with pursuit of their passions, eternal life would become simply that much more pleasure… that much more joy… and that much more life to experience.


Purefield.Healing’s Taking My Power Back Challenge Prompt
: How can I take my power back from intrusive thoughts or worries?

Deck Of Celestials Tarot

Reading Summary: Find a balance between positive and negative (Two of Pentacles) by persuading yourself (Strength) to lean into the positive side of things and the pleasure/comfort you can find there (Four of Wands).

Take Away: When I saw the imagery in the Two of Pentacles today, it reminded me of a binucleated cell, which is about more than balance, but rather about two in one.  Positive and negative… inside me.  Both there, both circling around each other in an eternal effort to find balance.  The problem is that I struggle to feed the positive, where as the negative seems to be more than capable of feeding itself.   This balance, when I can manage it, creates a far more comfortable and centered “seat” within myself, making me much more “at home” within my own skin.  


Daily Self Kindness

Today I replaced the screen saver on my phone.  This is one of those tasks that I really hate, and so I put it off and put it off and… I’ve put it off a good six… maybe eight months or more.  My screen protector was so cracked and shattered that it was beginning to be difficult to see what was on the screen beneath it.   So today I dug out the protectors I’d ordered months and months ago, and finally did it.  Now my phone feels brand new again instead of like a broken piece of junk.

Wealth Comes From Gratitude

Today’s meditation was again… skipped.  I know it’s not a good idea to skip my meditations. I also know that even if I feel like they’re not doing me any good?  They are.  The fact that when I meditate daily my resting heart rate drops nearly ten beats per minute is proof that they do in fact make a difference. But I skipped… just sayin’.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Ten of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is traditionally about sharing your success and satiation with those around you.  This isn’t charity, but rather the next step after wallowing in your success, where you reach out to those you love and invite them into that good feeling of security and completion.

What I see in the message for this card today has to do with gratitude for what you have.   Not everyone is wealthy in monetary ways, but everyone is wealthy in some sort of way.  Sometimes it is good health, or they have a wealth of luck, a wealth of love, a wealth of friends… all of these are ways to be wealthy and there are so many more.

The thing about wealth is that if you do not see it as wealth and feel gratitude for it… then it’s not wealth.  It’s just another “thing” in your life.  The message in today’s card is to acknowledge those things that make you wealthy.  Acknowledge them and be grateful for them.

In my own life I am wealthy in many ways.  Although I am not monetarily wealthy, I’m no longer destitute as I was a decade ago.  I have a home that I own, a mortgage that is over half paid off, a twin sister who loves me fiercely, family and friends that I cherish and who love me, a partner who’s love borders on obsession in the best possible ways, and the freedom and independence to pursue the things that I enjoy and that interest me.  These are only some of the many things I have to be grateful for each and every day.


LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I asked to relax a little more or take a break?

Insight Tarot

Reading Summary:   Ease off on the “balls up and keep moving” (Strength) even when you feel like everything has turned to shit (Nine of Swords).  Your plans will wait until you’re in a better place (Three of Wands).

Take Away:  It’s okay to take the time I need to recover.  No one is pushing me forward but my own unrealistic expectations that I move forward at the same pace now in the middle of an MDE as I would when not in the middle of an episode.   Plans will wait, everything will be fine.  Just take a breath and slow down.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
: Pull your most and least favorite cards from your deck and explain why you feel that way.

Zolar's New Astrological TarotMost Favorite – The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man reminds me that each hurdle I come upon (of which there have been many, and will surely be many more) is an opportunity for betterment in some way, not a road block.

The card says to me that it’s okay to have a life filled with struggles and hurdles, strife and discord, woe and adversity. These things are lessons in life that teach me how to become better. Better at the things I want to do… Better at the way I find my joy… And, just an all around better person as a whole.

The Hanged Man is a reminder that these things are there not to drag me down and make me miserable. Instead, they are there to create perspective, wisdom, and strength, as well as to foster deeper roots within myself and my life with which to anchor me through the hardest parts, like a tree standing strong in a storm is anchored deep within the soil.

Learning lessons and learning different perspectives is not always pleasant. It’s painful and uncomfortable and extremely awkward. To me the Hanged Man is a representation of how these struggles hold immeasurable worth, if I’m willing to look beyond the discomfort to see what’s waiting there for me to learn.

Least Favorite – The Wheel of Fortune

So… my reason for loving the Hanged Man was long and I really waxed poetic.  But, my answer for the Wheel of Fortune is much shorter and more succinct.   I dislike the Wheel of Fortune because it represents to me the unpredictability of life.  Ups and downs, fast times and slow… it’s never stable, never still, always moving and changing, always one shift away from the next imbalance, the next turn, the next change.

Even for those that see the Wheel of Fortune as a luck card, the fact is that it is a luck card that represents both good luck… and bad.  There’s no dependability and no stability there.  And that just sucks IMO.


Daily Self Kindness

Today I allowed myself not to work.  I did do a couple of client readings that were due to be sent out, but other than that, I stayed away from work entirely.  And I’m not beating myself up over it.  Instead I played with Gid and trimmed the borders down on the Magical Tarot by Arisa Chibara for L.

Morning Bonus Read – Peaceful Tree

Japanese Pattern Lenormand

Leaves: What feeds my soul?

Clouds – Challenges and struggle.  This is an odd card to see in the “feeds your soul” position until you consider the fact that it is only through challenges that we grow.  The things that create confusion and complications in life are the same things that facilitate our growth. Without them, life is stagnant and so are we.  This card is not just an answer to what feeds the soul, but a reminder to be grateful for each and every experience we have… even those that are confusing, challenging, or filled with hurdles and complications.

Branches: What direction do I need to grow?

Woman – This card recently came up in a different reading for a very similar question.  It is an indication that you need to tap into your softer side.  That sacred feminine side that everyone has within them that fosters energies of nurturing and warmth.  You spend too much time poking and prodding and shoving at yourself, pushing yourself to your limits and beyond without any mercy or kindness.  It’s time to grow in a direction that fosters a more supportive and nurturing energy in how you treat yourself as well as how you talk to yourself.

Trunk: What supports my well-being?

Clover – Over the past year you have been working really hard on injecting more positivity, optimism, and happiness into your life.  You’ve discovered that these efforts are not in vain, but assist in finding balance that allows you to continue to push toward your goals, but in far more healthy ways.  It’s important to continue this practice.  These influences created in small ways have a large impact over time, and are especially important when you are feeling your lowest and worst as they can help lift you up out of the darkness.

Roots: What anchors me in place?

Scythe – Cold hard logic. While you explore your emotions and they feel as if they are always out of control, always sliding this way and that, and always feeling just slightly outside of your understanding… cold hard logic is the anchor in the storm.  Just remember that you do not have to cut your emotions off or end your growth to use this logic to its fullest potential when an anchor is needed.


There’s More Waiting

Today’s meditation was skipped.  No excuses, I just didn’t end up doing it.  I was entirely and utterly unmotivated to the point of actual avoidance. 

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - The SunToday’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally a representation of joy, success, fun, and play. 

I love the representation of the May Pole on the sun card, as the May Pole is a celebration of the sun’s reign in the sky and the first stirring of energy that rises up within the first breath of summer.

The card and it’s imagery is a message to remember how much I’m missing while I’m wrapped up in the darkness of my depression, and how much is waiting for me to enjoy and celebrate once I manage to pull myself out and back to even ground.

Although I can’t just “pull myself up by my bootstraps” and force the depression away, remembering that there’s fun and play and joy out there to return to helps in keeping the depression in perspective.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
: Ask the cards to tell you about something funny that will make you smile.

Tarot de Marseille Anima AntiquaOkay so, a few years ago my friend J and I were hanging out and the guy said the most rediculous thing.  In the middle of talking, I sneezed.   I have horrible allergies, and I have a habit of holding in my sneeze a bit when they happen because otherwise I often end up with a sore throat or snot everywhere.  Neither of those experiences are worth letting the sneezes loose, so I suppress them just a bit.

When J saw this, he turned to me with fully earnest expression and told me that I shouldn’t hold in my sneezes. That it’s important to let them out so the pressure doesn’t build up in your head during the sneeze and result in your eyeballs popping out.  And that that’s why when people sneeze they close their eyes, but it’s not enough and you have to let your sneezes out too.

It was so hilarious that I laughed for a good five minutes, and for months later every time I thought about it I’d start cracking up again.  Thinking of it now still makes me chortle a bit. The look on his face was just so earnest and guileless.  He really believed it and was so worried for me… and all I could do was laugh.


Daily Self Kindness

Today I managed to actually do a bit of play with Gideon even though I had to do orders.  It was really nice and something I haven’t been able to do in a really long time (work on an orders day).  It wasn’t a long play, but I really enjoyed it a lot.