Don’t Skip It

IMG_6641Today’s meditation was just under eleven minutes long, and was a guided meditation with interval timer.   The guided part of the meditation focused upon the challenges and benefits of doing nothing.  Some people feel like this is the easiest thing in the world, yes?  But I am definitely not one of those people.

It is a huge struggle for me to take days off, and even during that time?  I still work, just not at the regular stuff.  Instead I try to focus primarily on making sure stuff stays in stock online and that I answer customers in a timely manner.  This means it takes the pressure off and allows me time away from that pressure to recover from burnout… but that I’m not truly “doing nothing”.

The thing is tho?  I am doing better at it.  I’m getting better at actually taking those low-pressure breaks, and making sure that I’m kinder to myself concerning the need for rest and down time.  It’s a work in progress, but I’m working at it.

Hush Tarot - Four of SwordsToday’s draw is the Four of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of the need for restorative rest and recuperation.  This can also come in the form of meditation, sleep, recovery from burnout, and many other themes along that thread.

I love the imagery in this card.  I think it’s absolutely beautiful.  That said, no one aspect of this card stood out to me today.  Instead?  This card ended up pulled just after the decision to skip my meditation had been made this morning.  It is a direct response to that decision.

The message in today’s card is that even though I am back to work today, I still need those moments of restorative rest… and that is especially relevant in reference to my meditation practice.  And thus, perhaps it is no surprise, but I re-evaluated my decision and ended up doing my meditation after all.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: How to show up more?

Haindl Tarot

Reading Summary:  Be less reactionary (King of Cups Rx) and more slow to react (Son of Stones). You are still in the learning stages of your emotional growth (Daughter of Cups).  Allow fostering that growth become a passion that burns brightly in your heart (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  I didn’t really understand this question, but I went ahead and decided to pull for it anyway.  The advice given here is good, regardless of my lack of understanding of the question as a whole.  With so many new emotions and new levels of emotion going on with me these days, there are times when I feel myself having knee-jerk emotional reactions to things.  Giving a little forethought and taking time in reacting rather than just jumping in is a good idea, and the advice about accepting these changes and pursuing them from day to day?  Also good advice.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: What is humanity’s biggest mistake?

English Magic TarotReading Summary: Too much time focusing on what you want (Page of Swords) and ignoring (Hanged Man Rx) to the passage of time and what the past can teach us (Seven of Cups).

Take Away: Hubris. Lack of humility is humanity’s greatest mistake. When we choose to only focus on our own desires and turn a blind eye to the past and what we can learn from it, everyone loses.  And yet, humanity does this again and again, choosing to focus only upon their own selfish desires to the point that they forget to look to those lessons already learned… and thus are destined to repeat them over and over again.


Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
: What is something about me that others really value, admire, or appreciate about me?

Sasuraibito Tarot

Reading Summary: Even with how much I have gone through in my life (Three of Swords), I continue to display gratitude and appreciation for all that I have (Nine of Pentacles) and possess the strength and clear-mindedness to lead by example (King of Swords).

Take Away: In order to survive and thrive in the wake of the things I have been through in life, I need to see these experiences as lessons.  I see them as learning experiences that have helped me to grow and become a better person in some way. They have taught me skills I wouldn’t otherwise have, honed my abilities both mentally and physically, and given me experiences that allow me to relate to others in very specific and important ways.

I am sure that there are those that find my approach to survival from the crap that has happened in my life to be obnoxious or annoying.  The cards here indicate that there are just as many that also find my approach to these experiences to be admirable and inspirational. 


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I get closer to my dream life?

Tyldwick Tarot

Reading Summary: When you are generous with your financial wealth and resources (Six of Coins) instead of squandering it on yourself (The Devil)… you are will rewarded with the return of a wealth that has a value far greater than that of money (The Empress).

Take Away:  I think I need to do a reading and ask my cards about what my ‘dream life’ might entail. Because… what the cards say here as the reward for leaning into altruism over selfish pursuits?  Sounds pretty damned nice.  But it isn’t at all what I would have said was of an appeal to me a few years ago… nor does it reflect what I drive myself to the bone to work toward.

So the question here is… over the past year as I have worked on my emotional growth and work / life balance, what has this done to influence what my ideal ‘dream life’ might look like?  Because The Empress is so much more appealing these days than she has been in my past.


Value Through Time

Today’s meditation was the site of an impromptu nap today.  Which is to say that I did intend to meditate but I only  made it in a few minutes before I ended up dozing off into a nap.

What I wanna know?  Is how in the hell I can go from being all the way down to the wall with my legs propped up on the wall, fall asleep, and somehow wake up stretched full length on the bed.  How did I manage to move all the way down the bed in order to stretch out without waking up?

Botan Tarot - Ten of CoinsToday’s draw is bunnies!!  No, just kidding. I mean not kidding because it is bunnies, but that’s… right, okay.  Anyway.   Today’s draw is the Ten of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of satisfactory outcomes, contentment, and sharing the wealth you have worked so hard for with your loved ones to create fulfillment for all. It’s about wealth that goes beyond money and can include one’s health, home, stability, security, as well as their resources and manifestations.

This card is so damned cute, but what really stands out to me in this card today is the moon phases that run up along the left side of the card from the new moon at the bottom left all the way up to the full moon at the upper right corner.

The appearance of this cycle portrayed in this card speaks to me of manifestation over time.  The new moon is the seed of new things, the beginning energy that grows and matures over the length of the moon’s cycle until it is at full power upon the full moon’s appearance, just as when you are building security and comfort, you have to start at the beginning and work over time to accrue what you need to get to where you want to be in life.

The message in this card today is about how the things worth having take time to accomplish.  Nothing easy is as valued as those things you work for, strive for, build over time, and accomplish through hard work and patience.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: What needs to be expressed?

20th Century Tarot

Reading Summary: Passionate pursuit (Page of Wands) of my man (King of Cups) is providing me needed respite (Four of Swords) over new opportunities (Ace of Pentacles).

Take Away:  In other words, enjoy this time with Gideon while you can. When I pulled these cards I thought that it would be an answer on what I need to express… but it turns out it’s something that needed to be expressed to me. These cards were meant to remind me that today is our last day to enjoy any decently large bulk of time together before he goes on vacation.  I missed this message first thing when I drew these cards, although I did catch the part about valuing and enjoying the time I have.

The thing is? I’m extremely good at creating opportunities for myself, especially when it comes to creative pursuits and making money. So it can be hard for me to step back and rest, recover, and truly enjoy that respite instead of struggling against it and my nature to move forward and do more.   What I needed to hear was that I need to step back, take a breath, and enjoy this last day of freedom.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: Your Addiction / How to introduce Moderation

Samiramay TarotMy Addiction – Allowing myself to get so wrapped up in my passions (Queen of Wands) that the rest of the world (and the rest of myself) falls away (King of Cups Rx).

How to Introduce Moderation – Focus on the positive things you’ve done (Six of Wands) and stay vigilant against letting old habits resurface (Seven of Wands).

Take Away – I was actually expecting a different addiction to come up in these cards today. *LOL* This one works, tho. Anyway, it’s absolutely true. When I become involved in a project, I close myself off from the world and even from myself. During this time, I exist in this quiet grey area where the only thing that exists is the endeavor I’m working on, and the passage of time in block like increments.  This allows me to work very quickly for huge chunks of time without feeling much in the way of negative effects physically or emotionally. 

And… it’s not healthy. At all. This year has been all about trying to shift me into a place where I can get through the holiday season without doing that, so it makes sense that it would come up now in this reading.

The cards here indicate that the key to making sure that I don’t fall back into this unhealthy habit is to keep in mind just how good I have done this year at changing my work process and how I deal with not just stress but pressure… and stay vigilant against the appearance of warning signs that this old habit has started to try and sneak back in.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Do I feel I deserve love, compassion, and empathy?

Telluric Tarot

Do I Feel I Deserve Love?
Queen of Swords – Lepidolite & Gentian

Lepidolite is a stone that contains high levels of lithium… an element that is used as a medication to stabilize moods. Gentian root is used to help in an array of digestion problems. Together, what I see in this combination is the need to take what creates your torment and turmoil and work through it.  Consider what has happened and come to peace with it.

Examine the past to find strength in the present is the theme of this card. When I examine my past, I see that those in my past had made love something that is conditional. In the present, through Gideon, my sister, and Z I have discovered that true and abiding love is anything but.  It’s not something to be earned, but is something that we all deserve, no matter who we are or how worthy we feel of it.

Do I Feel I Deserve Empathy?
Nine of Cups – Emerald & Rose

Both emeralds and roses are highly valued for their beauty throughout history, and are both strongly associated with themes to do with romantic love and domestic bliss.

Like love, empathy is something that everyone deserves but very few receive.  The card here and blend of emerald and rose upon it indicate that I am very happy with where I am in the scheme of empathy. I am receiving what I need to in order to work through my trauma, and those that support me do so in the ways I need… including providing empathy when I need it.

Do I Feel I Deserve Compassion?
Eight of Pentacles – Garnet & Cherry

Garnet and cherry wood have something in common that most perhaps do not realize, but actually is the basis of their combination on this card.  They are both excellent foundational building blocks to create something of great quality and beauty.

These “strong bones” (as they would say of a house) are a reflection of the foundation and strength that I have within me that allows me to weather one storm after another.

That said… Do I deserve compassion?  Absolutely.  But I am strong enough to continue on regardless of if others choose to bestow it upon me or not.

Being mute, this is something that you notice often is either present in your interactions with others or is not. In those that give it, there is an underlying strength that runs deep within.  Being able to express compassion without pity is a beautiful thing, and something that is very, very rare.

In this way, this card reflects not just my own strong foundation, but also the strength of others that possess this rare quality.


Don’t Forget Your Pants

IMG_6611Today’s meditation was just under eleven minutes long and was one of the guided meditations with interval timer that focuses on fostering love and light, first toward yourself, then towards your loved ones, and eventually expanding that energy outward to the world at large and all that are within it.

It’s funny, because I always do pretty well when it comes to the first two, but at the last one I stumble a bit.  It’s not that I don’t understand the concept of spreading love and light around the world… it’s that I dislike the feeling of expelling free-flowing energy without a boundary or tether to myself.  So, I feel that this preference ends up limiting my “reach” when it comes to trying to do this sort of exercise.

This isn’t so much a “can’t” as a preference.  I feel that I touch other’s lives in  a wide variety of different positive ways.  Through my interactions both in person and online, through my work and the jewelry I make that I then send out into the world, and through all of the different small things I do each day for others.  I just don’t feel that that fully open and free flowing energy is one of those ways that suits me best.

Hush Tarot - Knight of SwordsToday’s draw is is the Knight of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of an active beta energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s intellect, thoughts, communication, and instincts.  This often translates into impulsivity, ambition, and all-or-nothing thinking.

What stands out in the imagery of this card today is the figure in the foreground with his staff and helmet. Impulsivity is one of the key themes of the Knight of Swords, and look at that… this guy in the imagery is so raring to go that he forgot to put his pants on.

I’m pretty sure that pants are of key importance when going into battle.  In fact, I’d venture to guess that there are very few battles out there that you’d be keen to be without them.

The message in today’s card is to make sure you’re prepared.  Take the time and the forethought to prepare properly and have yourself in full gear before you step out the door into the fray.  In other words?  Don’t forget your pants.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: How to improve my communication?

Science Tarot

Reading Summary: Forced departure from a simpler perception (Three of Swords). Unpredictable and uncontrollable outcomes overlapping the application of thoughtful experimentation. Trust your gut to make the right choices (Seven of Cups).

Take Away:   You need to accept that sometimes?  There’s just no way to avoid pissing people off or tripping over someone’s triggers.  It happens and it’s not always your fault… sometimes it’s no one’s fault at all.  It’s just how the chips fall.  As long as you’re making the best decisions you can with the info you have available, and trusting your gut when it demands to override logic?  Then you’re doing just fine.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: What lessons can Libra season (which begins on the 23rd) teach me this year?

Tarot of ReincarnationReading Summary: Sometimes when things feel out of control or off kilter (Wheel of Fortune) you spend too much time spinning your wheels (Knight of Spades) which, if allowed to go on for too long (Seven of Diamonds), can result in stressful situations rising up to smack you in the face (Dog in the Seven of Diamonds).

Take Away:  So my lesson for Libra season is that it’s okay to procrastinate, but only so long as you don’t procrastinate for so long that it creates problems.  I’ve been really struggling with the whole procrastination thing over the past couple of weeks, and the cards keep reassuring me that it’s okay.  Here, I’m given a reminder that it’s only okay for a while… not forever.  I need to learn where that line is.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I better accept myself, including my faults?

The Painted Tarot

Reading Summary: Judge yourself as you would others (Judgement), take your time because it takes time to get there (Knight of Coins), and don’t be so defensive (Nine of Wands).

Take Away:  The cards here outline three separate keys that work together in helping me accept myself and my faults better.  

Key 1) Judge yourself as you would others.  I am so much nicer to others in my judgements than I am on myself.  I know this, and I have been trying to be more forgiving, but I understand I still have a long way to go.

Key 2) Take your time because it takes time to get there.   Everything work having is worth working for, and a lot of those things also require patience in order to earn them. I’m often far too impatient with myself, and this is why I push myself so hard.  The Knight of Wands is all about forward motion and patience.

Key 3) Don’t be so defensive. This isn’t something that I necessarily show all that often externally.  But there are times when my faults show through and are called out on… that I feel very defensive and hurt on the inside about it.  I need to remember that everyone has faults and that’s not just allowed but okay.


Emotions Are Not a Weakness

Today’s meditation was curtailed by a woman on the sidewalk outside singing to strangers about God.

Yes, yes… I know that when you meditate, you should be able to allow the sounds and distractions around you to flow through you and around you without disturbing you… but you know what?  Some crackpot chick telling people she’s the mouthpiece of God and that everything coming out of her mouth is directly from the Almighty then caterwauling to any that will listen and all that don’t wanna?  That was just impossible for me to meditate through.

Poor homeless Larry that decided to talk to her go the serenade of his life and I bet he’ll think twice about talking to strangers in the future.

Botan Tarot - King of CupsToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition. This translates into an energy of authority or an authority figure that is in touch with the feelings and emotions of those around them and uses that knowledge to support and lead.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the dragon tattoo.   It is a reminder, yes?  Those that are in tuned to the emotions of others can often come off as wishy-washy or weak.  Empathy can often come off as weak.  But it is not weak, it is a strength all its own.

The message in today’s card is that being open to your emotions does not make you weak.   It allows you to be in tune with the world around you through understanding mercurial elements within yourself and others.  Those with a deep connection to their emotions and the empathy to relate to others on an emotional level are just as capable of being fierce and powerful as those that close themselves off.  Perhaps, they are even stronger.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: What needs healing on my throat chakra?

Hardy Tarot

Reading Summary:  With a central theme of cause and effect (Justice) we see that too much rest and reflection (Four of Swords) leads to a situation where you do not want to move forward and end up not just procrastinating, but outright trying to ignore what’s going on around you (Eight of Swords).

Take Away:  I mentioned this the other day when speaking with Gideon. The fact that I feel that having taken time to rest and relax has made me feel like I’m lazy and made it hard for me to “dive into” my work in the way that I’m accustomed to.   But is this really laziness?  Is this really a refusal to deal?  Or is it an adjustment period where I’m learning how to do things in a different way?  The uncertainty here is something I struggle with.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #1
Why am I doing so much procrastination when it comes to my holiday prep?

Tarot of Alexander Daniloff 2012Reading Summary: Because I really don’t wanna juggle more on my plate (Two of Pentacles). I would rather ignore that it’s coming than deal with it (Six of Swords). Not to mention I don’t want to give up time with Gideon (The Lovers Rx).

The first two cards are connected through color schemes, making the juggling of the Two of Pentacles and the “not wanting to deal with it and run away instead” of the Six of Swords connected to each other and intertwined.

The bright red of The Lovers card combined with the lack of cooler tones causes this card to be the outlier.  The design of the card itself in its reversed position looks like a double Hanged Man imagery creating the impression that both Gideon and myself (as lovers) will have to go through a time of delay and change of perception.   The red in this position feels like flames, which brings to mind the holiday rush… which relates to this card in that it is roasting the two hanged men.  Pressure… heat… strain.

Take Away:  Gideon and I will get through the holiday rush together, even if there will be a lot of pressure and struggle involved (as there is every year).  The procrastination stems more directly from the struggle I’m having with not allowing bad habits from the past to sneak in and hijack my efforts for doing things differently this year.


Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
: What lesson does 2020 have for my soul’s journey?

Archeon Tarot

Reading Summary: You reap what you sow (Justice), so make sure that you are working towards fulfillment (Nine of Pentacles on fire) instead of just defending what you already have (Seven of Wands).

Take Away:  I know that I chose the topic for the Sunday spread for today as my procrastination, but… I really didn’t expect for all of my readings today to actually end up being on that subject.  *LOL*

The cards here indicate that the lesson 2020 has for me is that I need to do more than just defend what I have.  I need to make sure that I’m actively reaching for more. Does it have to be the “more” that I’ve always pushed for in the past?  No.  That level of push was too much. but I do need to continue to reach for something more.  Stagnancy is not healthy.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I best put myself first?

Tarot of the Secret Forest

Reading Summary:  Fucking around (The Fool) means lack of ingenuity (Three of Coins Rx). Gather up your friends (Three of Cups) and charge head first toward your goals (Knight of Pentacles). Don’t rush and accept that it might be slow going (Knight of Coins and Lovers Rx).

Take Away:  I can put myself first at this time by getting back on the path of progress. It’s okay to move slow, but just as another reading today has already stated… stagnancy is not healthy.  So make sure that I’m using the help and support available to me, and get moving.