It’s Just Dirt

At the moment, I’m playing catch up after having not kept up on my blog posts for a few days, so I don’t remember what the meditation was like today… or if I did it, to be honest. I will return to updating about my meditation each day once I’m caught up with my posts again.

Tarot of Haunted House - Five of PentaclesToday’s draw is is the Five of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, and hardship in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, hearth and home, and manifestations.

What really stands out to me in this card are the crab creatures. I mean goddamn… at least they’re not spiders, right?  Still.  Creepy as fuck.

The creep factor aside, though, we have a depiction of a creature that is clearly not suited to the cold outside reaching for the warmth beyond the walls of the church.  Caught in the cold, they look to the warmth of the light shining through the window and see salvation.  Would they be welcomed in should they go knock on the door? Who’s to say?  What world are we in?  Perhaps they would be… or perhaps they would be turned away in fear.

The message here is not to be afraid of those in need.  It’s easy to look at the homeless as something to fear… but the truth is?  They’re people too.  People that are down on their luck. People that are struggling. People that may not be on their medication because they can’t get their medication.  Sometimes these situations make them dangerous, but more often than not? They’re just people struggling to stay alive.

It’s a reminder not to ignore these people or their plight… and to treat them with kindness.  Take a moment to be grateful, perhaps, as well… that it is not you in that position.


LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
: How/where can the Spirit World aid my current path?

Zombie Tarot

Reading Summary: Providing me with quick direction (Eight of Wands) that will allow me to make good choices out of the options before me when I’m feeling overwhelmed (Seven of Cups), leading to a far more grounded and satisfactory emotional well-being (Queen of Cups).

Take Away: This is something that I am pretty much already aware of.  My spirit guide are there to help me in making good decisions that are to my benefit.  They are on my side and want to help, and all I need to do to take advantage of that help is listen and follow the guidance provided.


#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
: How can I safely explore echos from the past that are trying to get my attention?

Halloween Magick TarotReading Summary: The Seven of Wands is about defense, while the Queen of Wands is about “soft” control. In the Page of Cups we have the encouragement of an open heart, but there’s zippered lips and a snake heading towards her face in the imagery that indicates a need to take care just what you are opening yourself up to.

Take Away: The advice here is the need to stay on the defensive, and yet open to emotions even while being selective. Remember what you’ve learned so far about your emotions and your emotional intelligence, and when exploring the echoes of the past, it’s important to stay in control even while being receptive.

This is about balancing caution and receptivity, as well as about staying alert and aware so that you can go on the defensive when needed for safety’s sake.


#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
: How can I honor my relationship with my Guides?

Halloween Spirit Tarot

Reading Summary: Take the time to listen (Temperance), focus on moving forward into someone better (The World), and treat yourself with understanding, while continuing to explore your emotional intelligence (King of Cups).

Note: The King of Cups in this spread is about how Gideon treats me, and using him as an example of how I should treat myself.

Take Away: In order to honor my relationship with my guides, I need to honor my relationship with myself and which includes being kind to myself and accepting of myself.  I also need to stay focused on becoming a better me as I move along my path. In each moment of growth, they offer guidance that I need only to be receptive to in order to honor them.  In being receptive to their messages, I then move forward, cycling from a lesser me to an even better me than the me that I was before. 


Letting Go of Apathy

Today’s meditation was…. yes, yes.  It was skipped again. I’m playing catch up from taking a few days off and… well, it’s an excuse to be honest.  I just didn’t do it.   Tonight perhaps, or tomorrow is a new day.  But I didn’t fit it into my morning.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Five of CoinsToday’s draw is the Five of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, struggles, and hardships in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, home, or manifestations.

I definitely see the struggle and hardship in this card.  What I do not see that is often present in the standard Five of Coins (RWS, of course) is the representation of salvation… of help that is either being missed or ignored.  There are just children in tattered clothes and no shoes, clearly needy and alone.

The message here is about paying attention. If these children were adults on today’s city streets?  We wouldn’t even see them.  Hell, most probably wouldn’t even see them if they were children.  We’ve become so jaded and, in some cases, frustrated by the trials and tribulations of others that so many these days don’t even -see-  the poor and the homeless, the distressed or those in need.  They just aren’t there… even when they are standing right in front of you begging for their lives.

The message here is about paying attention, and making sure that your eyes and heart are open.  You can’t save the world, but sometimes even just a smile or a dime is enough to make someone’s life worth living another day.  Apathy kills the heart, let your heart breathe and grow by kicking apathy to the curb.


#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Ritual Abuse TarotNine of Pentacles – There was once a rich old man who lived in a house all alone. He was very rich, and very lonely. Each day he sat on his balcony at the end of another long day and watched the sun set.

One day, a bird landed on the railing of his balcony. He watched the bird, and the bird appeared to watch him.  They sat in silence together and watched the sun set that evening, and then the bird came back again the next day, and the next after that.

Over time, he began starting up a conversation with the bird.  He would tell the bird about his loneliness and discontent, and the bird would sit silently and listen.  They would then watch the sunset before the rustle of feathers would indicate the departure of the bird into the night.

One day, the bird came, but was acting strangely.  The bird would not settle and seemed to be having trouble with its balance.  The old man got up from his balcony chair to take a closer look, and discovered that the bird had somehow lost its eyes.  Where once there had been deep brown, watchful eyes, now there was nothing but empty sockets.

Seven of Cups – The man felt bad for the bird, and thought perhaps it would be best to put the bird out of its misery.  He carefully picked the bird up and brought it inside, intent on snapping its neck and burying it in the garden.   But, throughout the night, he found that he couldn’t do it.  He thought about keeping it as a pet, but this also felt wrong as the bird had always been wild.

Finally he was so mixed up in the choices before him that he couldn’t decide what to do.  In his distress, he asked the bird “What should I do??” and surprisingly, the bird answered him.

The bird told him that it wanted to make a trade.  That if the old man was wiling to give the bird one of his own eyes, then the bird would be able to see again and would be greatly rewarded for his sacrifice.  But, without eyes, the bird told him, that it would surely die either by flying into a tree or being prey to other forest creatures.

The man thought on this long and hard, considering what the bird had said, as well as what a good friend the bird had been to him for so long, coming each day to see the sunset.  If he gave up one of his eyes, he could still enjoy the sunset, and the bird would be able to as well.   It was a great sacrifice, but he didn’t want to go back to being so utterly alone.

In the end, he chose to sacrifice his eye to give the bird back its sight.  He remained still and silent as he allowed the bird to pluck out his eye and swallow it down.  His howls of pain were great, but when he settled and was able to take a breath once more, he opened his one good eye to find a beautiful woman before him. She had only one eye.. an eye the exact same shade as his own, and her smile was radiant.  Her raven like hair was beautiful,  like the wings of the bird that had been by his side each evening for so long, and  her touch as she tended to him gentle.

Nine of Cups – The beautiful woman patched him up and then helped to guide him out to the balcony once more, and together they sat to watch the sunset, the man’s heart finally at peace with his life and the company he keeps.


#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
: How should I embrace my missed message?

Nicoletta Ciccoli Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t close your eyes (Far Left Card) and ignore what’s happening (Center Left Card)… Keep your eyes open and aware (Center Right Card). It might be a little scary sometimes, but you need to be aware of what’s going on (Far Right Card).

Take Away:  This is about embracing messages from my spirit guides and acknowledging where they’re coming from… not specifically about the missed message from the other day.  It’s funny, because just before I pulled these cards I was thinking that we were beating that poor missed message to death, and then what comes up is not about that missed message at all but about paying attention.

And it’s true.  Some of the whole spirit guides stuff is a bit scary sometimes. But as the cards say, that doesn’t mean close my eyes and pretend it’s not happening.  It’s time to be open and aware instead of playing pretend that they’re not there, as I have in the past.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I need when I meditate?

Ghosts & Spirits Tarot

Reading Summary: A quiet place (Imagery in the Ten of Pentacles), with my intuition and inner knowledge (The High Priestess). And for everybody to just take a hike (Imagery in the Three of Wands Rx ) leave me alone for a bit (Imagery in the The Chariot).

This reading leaned deeply into the imagery of the cards and had very little to do with the actual card names.  I didn’t even realize the card names (or that they might fit the reading) until after I’d already taken down my summary notes.

Take Away:  Essentially, I need to be left alone so that I can meditate in peace, and to combine that peace and quiet that that time alone provides me with getting in touch with my deeper self and subconscious.  If I can’t sink into that deeper self, I can’t meditate because every little single noise or sensation will distract me again and again.


The Drown and The Drop

IMG_6711Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation accompanied by interval timer.  The topic of today’s guided meditation was about using the skills learned through one’s meditation practice to turn moments of frustration and irritation around into a calmer and less destructive response.

It’s about being aware of when this irritation and frustration begins to rise, and taking a moment to turn that awareness into action by stepping back and taking a deep breath, allowing yourself a moment just breathe and let your muscles relax.

In that action alone, we lower our blood pressure and thus ease our temper enough to keep it from boiling over, allowing for a calmer and more positive interaction with whatever has us irritated or frustrated in the first place.

Hush Tarot - Five of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Five of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, conflict, and hardships in the area of one’s finances, resources, hearth and home, health, and manifestations.

I’m very touched by the imagery of this card. What I see here is the drown… and the drop.  Both captured in one image.

In the drown, all that intensity and intimacy that delves me under the surface of subspace and sends me floating in the limbo of weightless pleasure is peaceful.  My trust as I am held down beneath the surface, my certainty that nothing will be allowed to hurt me so that I can fully open up and allow those vulnerable inner pieces of myself to hang suspended in that place of peaceful place controlled by you.

Where in the drown there is peace, in the drop there is agony.  I used to revolt against it, thrashing uselessly in the cloying suffocation of the drop.  I have learned that it is better to remain still and quiet, to not fight but accept the pain as payment for the pleasure.

Nothing is free, and the pleasure you give me when you float me into the drown and hold me there is so great… that it makes sense the ache that comes after as payment would be just as heavy.   This stillness and ache is also something I see in the imagery of this card.

Today’s card is a reminder that pleasure and pain go hand in hand, and that those things worth having sometimes take their payment less traditional ways.  It’s okay… just stay still and breathe, and the drop will pass.


#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
: How to move toward my vision with clarity and purpose?

WilderWoven Tarot

Reading Summary: Keep your eye on the prize (Tree of Life over Ten of Cups) and do your best to take what you’ve learned this year (The Hierophant). Don’t throw up unnecessary barriers between yourself and those lessons (Nine of Wands) is a better path to protecting what’s yours (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  “The Prize” in this case is my emotional growth (Ten of Cups) and turning over a new leaf in how I do things (Tree of Life).  I’ve had a lot of worry about having to choose between that emotional growth and the lambasting intensity of the upcoming holiday season. 

The thing is, though… I’ve earned the growth I’ve managed to accomplish so far over this year.  I’ve earned it, I’ve learned from it and it’s now mine.  A part of me.   Instead of trying to put up walls to protect my progress, I need to accept that this progress is already a part of me.

Even if I backslide?  Regaining my footing will not be the same as starting from the beginning all over again.  I’ve already tread the path and climbed the cliff face, I know where the footing is best and where the handholds are.  That means I will be able to regain that ground more quickly.

If I want to protect what’s mine… what I’ve earned and made a part of myself?  I need to ease up on that normal reaction to construct walls, and instead take a breath and relax.


#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #3

El Goliath Tarot 2nd EditionAmberNine of Wands – Where I need to work on my emotions to create more balance in my life is in the area of my depression and my hard flex to guard myself from emotional pain. Having spent so much of my life walling my emotional side off, I never really got used to and toughened up to the emotional pain people are dealt.  Now that I no longer have a fortress of walls to protect those emotions, sometimes when I flinch in pain, I start building.  This does not encourage balance, nor help me in getting used to this new state of emotional openness and growth.

CedarFive of Wands – I can use my present day fortitude to strengthen my future protections by remembering the experiences from my past and the times that I’ve had to fight for the growth and progress needed.  The strategies, methods, and spark of willpower from those times can be carried forward through the present and into the future, to strengthen my position and my protection of those things that are important to me.

MarigoldKarmic Release – Where I should focus on my health in order to develop a happier outlook is tied in directly to my Karmic health and self actualization. In looking at the things I’ve done that I am ashamed of, feel guilt over, or know that are wrong… by examining these things and taking ownership of them, then letting go of them. By allowing this process of release to happen, I can then foster a greater sense of happiness in my life.

Lapis LazuliThe Shaman – The inner truths that self awareness can bring into the light within my life have to do with my spirituality and my connection to the earth, the elements, and the metaphysical.  By delving into this part of who I am, I am able to not just facilitate my own growth, but guide others in theirs as well. The more I delve into myself, my spirituality, and my unique abilities, then the more I grow and the more I have to offer others in turn.

WalnutKnight of Swords and The Sage – In order to be more discerning in picking positive friendships, it is important to take a level-headed look at those friendships from your past in which you have bitten off more than you can chew. Take some time to truly ascertain which of those friendships were valuable and which were simply frivolous leaps into the unknown, and purge those experiences and energies left over from those that did not work for you, while retaining the lessons learned from them.

SapphireThe Hierophant – I can best discern between logical thought and true wisdom by looking at these moments through the lens of inner truth. Only through reaching within yourself for the answers can you sort out the difference.  Logic comes from the mind, but true wisdom comes from somewhere much deeper.  Ask yourself if the information being offered is simply emotionless knowledge… or heartfelt inner truths being shared.

YarrowKing of Swords – To move from a place of trauma to a place of healing, I need to take control of myself and the situation, clear my mind, and see things through a sharp and discerning eye. It is only by shutting down the clutter and creating a place of piercing clarity that you can cut through trauma’s influence to find a path to healing.  When you are lost in the fog… the path is concealed from view.


Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
: Is there any karmic energy I currently carry with me that I should be aware of?  Is it something I should deal with or act upon at this time?

Sasuraibito TarotKarmic energy I carry and need to be aware of.
Queen of Swords atop Eight of Swords

You are not dealing with the effects of your mother’s influences on you.  Ignoring those dark shadows she has created through her selfish, self centered words and actions over the year is not healthy, and as long as you carry this energy within you, you will never be entirely free of it’s affects upon your inner self.

Should I deal with it at this time?
Page of Swords

Go for it!  It’s not going to be easy and it’s going to take some trial and error with a heavy dose of learning to get it right.  But you can untangle the web of thoughts and emotions and rip off that blindfold.  You have the intelligence and capability, as well as the opportunity, to take this challenge on one step at a time.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Do I believe my opinion matters?

Brady Tarot 2nd Edition

Reading Summary: I give good advice and have a lot of good input to give through past experience (Eight of Roots).  When others choose to discount my opinion (Two of Arrows), I also am then later given the chance to say I told you so (Six of Wands).

Take Away: I’m always happy to share my experiences with others and offer opinions when I think they might be able to help or have been asked for. So very often, though, even those that ask for your opinions and advice then go off and do whatever they wanted to do in the first place no matter what you had to say to the contrary. At those times, I more often than not am not going to say “I told you so”, but you can damn well bet that I’m thinking it.


Hope Lives… Even In Darkness

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and I was a little fidgety. I think it was because I got so much sleep last night that I ended up with a bit of excess energy trying to find a way free. Or maybe my body and mind just liked the hike so much yesterday that it was itching to go out for another one.   That is very possible as well.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the Five of Pentacles, which is a representation of struggles, tests, trials, and conflicts in the area of one’s finances, resources, hearth and home, health, or manifestations.

The there was no one thing that really stood out to me in this card today, but what really stood out was the overall atmosphere.  All the buildings for sale and this girl sits with all her things packed up looking out at what surely feels like a wasteland at this moment.  In truth, the imagery really hit home considering the news that I’d gotten the other day about the possible fate of my own home.

I think sometimes we all have that feeling of the world falling apart around us.  When we’re in that moment, it’s hard to see that there might be a light down there at the end of the tunnel.  We don’t realize that we just can’t see it yet.

The message in today’s card is to not give up hope… even when things feel hopeless.  Even when things feel like they’re falling apart.   Don’t give up hope. This is just one more than that’s only temporary.


#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m plagued by anxiety.
Question: How is anxiety trying to help me?

Odd Hand Tarot

Reading Summary: My anxiety is trying to warn me when I become too confident (Six of Wands) in my security and stability (King of Pentacles)… so that I can make sure I’m seeing the path before me clearly and won’t end up tripping over anything along the way (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  Sometimes when you get a little too comfortable in your current situation, you can forget to look ahead, and forget to keep in mind that hard times are sure to come again eventually in one form or another.  My anxiety is a reminder not to get so comfortable that I forget to look forward and watch my step.


#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread #3

Magic TarotSeeds SownTen of Pentacles – Of the seeds that I planted in the spring concerning my emotional growth, what has managed to flourish and grow strong is that I’ve been able to find more a centered and balanced sense of fulfillment in what I have in the present and where I am in my life.

The Chaff Queen of Wands – Of those seeds that I planted in the spring, what has not flourished into fruition is that I didn’t get all of the creative things done that I wanted to accomplish this summer, such as the wood burning project. But that’s okay, and I need to let that disappointment go so that I can be “large and in charge” in other areas now that the fall is coming.

The Harvest Temperance – To prepare to reap the benefits of the seeds that have flourished, I need to make sure I’m practicing patience and moderation as I move into the fall so that I can give my harvest the best chance of coming to fruition.


Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: What feelings serve me best explored instead of ignored?

Big Things In Small Packages Tarot

The Sun – Joy. This is a feeling that I struggle with feeling I deserve. Instead of ignoring it, though, it’s one that I need to embrace and enjoy more often.  Too often I push it away in favor of responsibility and obligation.

Three of Wands – The urge to turn down the troubled path rather than a healthy one is something I’ve always struggled with.  These self destructive urges are by their very nature… self destructive.  Ignoring them doesn’t make them go away.  Instead it’s important to sort through those feelings when they rise up, and figure out where they’re coming from.

Queen of Pentacles Rx – Self-indulgence as a way to deal with my emotions is another of my self destructive patterns. This is one of those unhealthy paths mentioned in the Three of Wands.  It’s just that we are getting into specifics.  This is about consumption. Like with most self destructive urges, it’s important to seek out why they have arisen rather than sweeping them under the rug.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I bring more joy into my life?

Anthro Tarot

Reading Summary: Make sure you have direction (Three of Wands), but at the same time don’t push so hard (Eight of Pentacles Rx) that it steals away your joy (Seven of Swords).

Take Away: The message here is not so much about bringing more joy into my life but allowing it to have space there so that it can flourish on its own.  When I push too hard towards the future and make myself work too hard towards goals I become too damned focused on?   It smothers out the joy in my life.   So it’s okay to have direction… but don’t go overboard.  Leave space for joy, and it will grow and flourish in my life all on its own.