Making Yourself The Outsider

Today’s meditation was skipped again today. I probably shouldn’t have, but I had so much crap to get done, plus a phone appointment with my shrink… and everything just got away with me a bit.  So.. it didn’t get done.  I do plan on giving it a go when I lie down to go to bed tho.

Tarot of Haunted House - Four of WandsToday’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of homecomings and celebration…. and celebratory homecomings.  There is a stability to this theme, and comfort as well.

There aren’t many cards in this deck I feel this way about, but I’m not really sure about the imagery for this card in this deck.  What I see here feels a lot more like a Hierophant card than the Four of Wands.  

That said, what really stands out to me in this card today is the four pillars and the burst of flame atop each of them.  That imagery of stability and celebration then draws my eye down to the knife held in a sacrificial downward angle, which then draws my eye down to the two figures that appear to have turned to look back at the viewer.

These three points feel like levels in this card, and what I see here is more about -not- feeling welcome.  It’s about feeling like an outsider. An outlier.  You can see the stability and the celebration in the distance, but there are forbidding obstacles between where you now stand and that comfort hinted at in the four pillars. 

The message here is to not allow issues with self worth or confidence cut you out of the places where you should belong.  These negative feelings and derogatory self-narratives that make you feel like an outsider?  They aren’t what others are thinking.  They are only what you are thinking.  Don’t project your self-worth issues on others and assume that they perceive you as you see yourself.


LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
: It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus, this card today will be my focus.

Grim Tarock - Five of CitadelsThe collection of buildings along the cliff’s face are piled atop each other and disintegrating under the wear of time.  Rocks tumble  and foundations crumble.

The Five of Citadels is a reminder about upkeep.

When you do a little each day to care for the upkeep of those things that are important to you, over time these things wear well and remain in good condition, creating a long future.

If, on the other hand, you do not do that little bit of care each day, over time things deteriorate a little at a time.  And soon, you find that those things you care about have fallen apart and no longer hold value.

The focus that this card prompts for me today is to make sure I’m doing the little work.  One small thing a day is enough to help keep things from falling apart… whether that’s self care, or home care, or relationships…. or anything of value.


#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: Where do you find meaning in your life?

Hephoe TapoQueen of Wands atop The Hierophant – Through my passion for teaching and guiding others. I have found, especially as I’ve gotten older, that I greatly enjoy guiding others to help them in finding their own unique path, and teaching them in different skills and knowledge that I’ve collected along the way in my own life.  I want to help others in finding their own passions, their own interests, and their own beliefs.  I love occasionally hearing when something I’ve offered up “clicks” for someone and helps them in their own journey, or just knowing that I’ve helped in some way in making their life “fit” them better in some way.

The Emperor – Having a sense of independence and control.  These are things I need in my life. I require them.  And, in fact, it is a need that I have built a good deal of my life around, from how I am employed to how my relationships with others work, and even in how I relate to people and the world around me. 

Knight of Swords atop Ten of Pentacles – Going after my ambitions towards stability, security, and a comfortable living.  I feel that this answer is as much about the “going after” as it is about the obtaining of this goal. While I feel a need for stability and structure?  I also feel that need to strive for something, to push for something.  This stability and security is a sort of “moving target” that constantly stimulates that need to strive for something… and at the same time manage to accomplish just enough to fulfill that constant need for security.


#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
: What is the significance behind this missed message from yesterday?

Dark Grimoire Tarot

Reading Summary: Lean on others (Three of Pentacles) instead of killing yourself trying to juggle everything on your own (Two of Pentacles). Depending on others is a choice that you have to consciously make for yourself (The Lovers)… and it will make your life better and more emotionally fulfilling in the end (Nine of Cups).

Take Away:  What these cards are saying is that I need to fill my life with people that love me and want to help.  By doing this, as time goes on, I will find the benefits spill over from my work and into my life at large and that even if I one day grown into a lonely old man alone in the world, I will feel emotionally fulfilled by all those past people that were a part of my life. The key here is that this is a choice.  A choice you make for yourself.  Letting people in is a choice that you have to start early and allow to then carry forward through the years ahead.


One thought on “Making Yourself The Outsider

  1. You will only ever be alone if I’m gone from here for as long as I draw breath and even beyond I will love you, need you, adore you. I will always be there with you.

    And wherever I am…you will always belong.

    I love you man. Always

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s