Letting Go of Apathy

Today’s meditation was…. yes, yes.  It was skipped again. I’m playing catch up from taking a few days off and… well, it’s an excuse to be honest.  I just didn’t do it.   Tonight perhaps, or tomorrow is a new day.  But I didn’t fit it into my morning.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Five of CoinsToday’s draw is the Five of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, struggles, and hardships in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, home, or manifestations.

I definitely see the struggle and hardship in this card.  What I do not see that is often present in the standard Five of Coins (RWS, of course) is the representation of salvation… of help that is either being missed or ignored.  There are just children in tattered clothes and no shoes, clearly needy and alone.

The message here is about paying attention. If these children were adults on today’s city streets?  We wouldn’t even see them.  Hell, most probably wouldn’t even see them if they were children.  We’ve become so jaded and, in some cases, frustrated by the trials and tribulations of others that so many these days don’t even -see-  the poor and the homeless, the distressed or those in need.  They just aren’t there… even when they are standing right in front of you begging for their lives.

The message here is about paying attention, and making sure that your eyes and heart are open.  You can’t save the world, but sometimes even just a smile or a dime is enough to make someone’s life worth living another day.  Apathy kills the heart, let your heart breathe and grow by kicking apathy to the curb.

DECK USED:  MADAM LYDIA WILHELMINA’S TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Ritual Abuse TarotNine of Pentacles – There was once a rich old man who lived in a house all alone. He was very rich, and very lonely. Each day he sat on his balcony at the end of another long day and watched the sun set.

One day, a bird landed on the railing of his balcony. He watched the bird, and the bird appeared to watch him.  They sat in silence together and watched the sun set that evening, and then the bird came back again the next day, and the next after that.

Over time, he began starting up a conversation with the bird.  He would tell the bird about his loneliness and discontent, and the bird would sit silently and listen.  They would then watch the sunset before the rustle of feathers would indicate the departure of the bird into the night.

One day, the bird came, but was acting strangely.  The bird would not settle and seemed to be having trouble with its balance.  The old man got up from his balcony chair to take a closer look, and discovered that the bird had somehow lost its eyes.  Where once there had been deep brown, watchful eyes, now there was nothing but empty sockets.

Seven of Cups – The man felt bad for the bird, and thought perhaps it would be best to put the bird out of its misery.  He carefully picked the bird up and brought it inside, intent on snapping its neck and burying it in the garden.   But, throughout the night, he found that he couldn’t do it.  He thought about keeping it as a pet, but this also felt wrong as the bird had always been wild.

Finally he was so mixed up in the choices before him that he couldn’t decide what to do.  In his distress, he asked the bird “What should I do??” and surprisingly, the bird answered him.

The bird told him that it wanted to make a trade.  That if the old man was wiling to give the bird one of his own eyes, then the bird would be able to see again and would be greatly rewarded for his sacrifice.  But, without eyes, the bird told him, that it would surely die either by flying into a tree or being prey to other forest creatures.

The man thought on this long and hard, considering what the bird had said, as well as what a good friend the bird had been to him for so long, coming each day to see the sunset.  If he gave up one of his eyes, he could still enjoy the sunset, and the bird would be able to as well.   It was a great sacrifice, but he didn’t want to go back to being so utterly alone.

In the end, he chose to sacrifice his eye to give the bird back its sight.  He remained still and silent as he allowed the bird to pluck out his eye and swallow it down.  His howls of pain were great, but when he settled and was able to take a breath once more, he opened his one good eye to find a beautiful woman before him. She had only one eye.. an eye the exact same shade as his own, and her smile was radiant.  Her raven like hair was beautiful,  like the wings of the bird that had been by his side each evening for so long, and  her touch as she tended to him gentle.

Nine of Cups – The beautiful woman patched him up and then helped to guide him out to the balcony once more, and together they sat to watch the sunset, the man’s heart finally at peace with his life and the company he keeps.

DECK USED:  RITUAL ABUSE TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question
: How should I embrace my missed message?

Nicoletta Ciccoli Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t close your eyes (Far Left Card) and ignore what’s happening (Center Left Card)… Keep your eyes open and aware (Center Right Card). It might be a little scary sometimes, but you need to be aware of what’s going on (Far Right Card).

Take Away:  This is about embracing messages from my spirit guides and acknowledging where they’re coming from… not specifically about the missed message from the other day.  It’s funny, because just before I pulled these cards I was thinking that we were beating that poor missed message to death, and then what comes up is not about that missed message at all but about paying attention.

And it’s true.  Some of the whole spirit guides stuff is a bit scary sometimes. But as the cards say, that doesn’t mean close my eyes and pretend it’s not happening.  It’s time to be open and aware instead of playing pretend that they’re not there, as I have in the past.

DECK USED:  NICOLETTA CICCOLI TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I need when I meditate?

Ghosts & Spirits Tarot

Reading Summary: A quiet place (Imagery in the Ten of Pentacles), with my intuition and inner knowledge (The High Priestess). And for everybody to just take a hike (Imagery in the Three of Wands Rx ) leave me alone for a bit (Imagery in the The Chariot).

This reading leaned deeply into the imagery of the cards and had very little to do with the actual card names.  I didn’t even realize the card names (or that they might fit the reading) until after I’d already taken down my summary notes.

Take Away:  Essentially, I need to be left alone so that I can meditate in peace, and to combine that peace and quiet that that time alone provides me with getting in touch with my deeper self and subconscious.  If I can’t sink into that deeper self, I can’t meditate because every little single noise or sensation will distract me again and again.

DECK USED:  GHOSTS & SPIRITS TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – Trick Or Treat Halloween Spread

Because I am trying to show a bit more of my decks this month, as I have a whole LOT of October/Halloween/Samhain decks, I’m doing a few extra bonus reads over the month.  This is one of those extra readings.

Halloween Tarot Spread - Carnival at the End of the World Tarot

Card To Represent Something That Is Tricking Me
The Last Judgement and The Devil

These cards are a reminder that my values and self worth have absolutely nothing to do with my control (or the lack thereof) over my addictions. It’s like equating your self worth with the cleanliness of your home or the color of your shoes. They have nothing to do with each other, but sometimes we (as humans) get all these things mixed up in our head and emotions.

How I’m Being Fooled By This
Page of Cups

This tendency to equate one’s self worth with how we feel about a flaw or issue that we’re currently involved in is a sign of emotional immaturity. This isn’t a huge surprise, as I have spent a good portion of my life burying my emotions and muffling them behind thick walls.  Now that I’m opening up to them  more fully and willingly, little stumbling blocks like these are bound to crop up.

How Can I Gain a Clear Perspective and Stop Being Tricked?
The Sun

Allow yourself to have some fun.  You’re not hurting anyone,  not even yourself.  So there’s no harm in it. That in itself rouses a bit of guilt, although that has more to do with being raised that fun is a waste of time.  I know this is not to be the case, and The Sun card here in this spread indicates I need to remember to embrace my fun rather than allowing the past to influence me into shying away from it.

Card To Represent a Treat In My Life
Queen of Cups

Being able to better connect with and understand people on an emotional level than I have in the past.  I’ve noticed this a few times recently in speaking with others and how I relate to them.   What I used to see as my empathy for others I have now come to realize was far more logic based thane emotion based.

A Way That I Can Fully Embrace This Treat
Knave of Wands

Continue to make the exploration of emotional growth a priority and pour my interest and attention into it.  This might be difficult during the holiday rush that is quickly approaching.  But, ten weeks from now, that chaotic time will come to an end, and I’ll be able to delve back into that exploration with both feet.

Something I Don’t Yet Understand About This Treat
Six of Coins

It’s going to change how I relate to others that are more fortunate than myself, and others that are fare less fortunate than myself.  It’ll give me a new perspective on balance, and on my personal involvement with that balance.   I’m not there yet, but just as I understand empathy more now than I did before, so too will this come into focus as tome goes on.

DECK USED:  CARNIVAL AT THE END OF THE WORLD TAROT