Not All “New” Ideas Are Good Ideas

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a quiet non-guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. I really just needed a little peace, and I felt that the guided meditation, or even a bit of music, would feel like a bit too much over-stimulation.

Tarot of Haunted House - Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which traditionally is a representation of new ideas, the beginning of educational pursuits, and ambition.

What stands out to me in this card is the position of the hand that is holding the knife. In this position, it is poised to press down and slice which indicates to me that this is a prime position for suicide.

Not all new ideas are good ideas.

When I was younger I had a whole lot of suicidal ideation. In fact… I had a whole lot of suicidal urges. It wasn’t just ideas and it wasn’t just daydreams and it wasn’t just thoughts. It was an overwhelming urge that visited me again and again, whether I was in the middle of a clinical depression or not. It was something my brain would just not let go of, a longing I couldn’t seem to release.

I’d like to say that love was the answer to this issue, but it wasn’t. Things really changed for me when Prozac came into my life in my 20s, and slowly but surely, the urges began to fade… and then the thoughts followed suit.

Now, as I’ve aged, I’ve come to realize that my life is precious. I want to live a long life, and I want to enjoy every minute of it. And when the end comes, I’m going to be sad about that. These are the realizations that came and developed over time once the suicidal ideation was finally moved out of the way.

I can’t say that the suicidal thoughts don’t come back… because they do. Prozac helps keep me balanced and level, but it doesn’t prevent the occasional major depressive episode from sneaking in. During those times the world looks a lot different and the urges to end my life come back, and I have to remind myself that the depression is only temporary and an illusion. What I’m feeling at those times is a lie.

Not all new ideas are good ideas.


LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
: Trick – What have I learned this month?

Grim Tarock

Reading Summary: This month I have learned that entertaining addictions (The Dark Lord) for too long leads to a deconstruction of stability and old values (The Tower).  But, you can counteract that with patience and moderation (Temperance) which then leads to reigning in chaos to your advantage (Nine of Citadels atop Knight of Chaos).

Take Away: This isn’t only about deck collecting, which I need to slow down on for a bit as it is a bit of a drain on the finances.  But there’s other addictions here too.  Issues with eating unhealthy foods, with retreating into myself, skipping my meditations, and not getting the time in nature and exercise I need.   All of these things boil down to the addictions and temptations that are, when allowed to go on too long unrestrained, unhealthy for me.  At the top of this list is my self destructive urge, as well, and that is also a problem as it’s what drives so many of my other bad habits and allowances towards excess.

Moderation (which I admit is not my strongest of skills) is the key to the whole mess, of course. With moderation, I can then get a reign on that chaos so ready to run out of control and bring it to heel and benefit me instead of becoming destructive.


#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: Does one’s name influence the person they become?

Ludy Lescot TarotReading Summary: A name can absolutely be a factor in leading the way in one’s life (Eight of Cups), especially if someone is not secure in themselves and have stability in their life (Four of Wands). It’s something that we carry with us throughout our lives (The World). But ultimately, there is an uncountable number of factors that influence the people we become, and it’s just one of the many (Seven of Cups).

Take Away:  A person’s name can influence who they become, but it is only one in a vast number of influences that make up the whole of a person’s development, and a rather small influence at that as long as the person has a good foundation beneath their feet and a solid surroundings and home life to lean into so that such things don’t take up too much of their focus.


#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
: How do I nurture myself to strengthen my relationship with my Guides?

Curio Tarot

Reading Summary: Be kind with yourself (Queen of Cups), and pick a direction (Two of Wands) for your expertise to grow into (Eight of Pentacles). Keep hope alive in your head and heart, and work on your optimism (The Star).

Take Away:  Nurturing myself with kindness and working on my optimism are repeating themes in my cards, and things that I truly need repeated reminders to keep up on.  The center cards about picking a direction for my expertise to grow into is an interesting addition, and something I need to turn over in my mind for a bit.  It’s good advice, it’s just not something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about.  I’ve so long been a man of many skills that picking an expertise and a direction… even while making excellent sense? Feels weird to consider.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What cards represent my spiritual best?

Da Brigh Black Tarot

Queen of Spheres – Grounded and deeply rooted within that grounding. Filled with creativity and nurturing manifestation, the need to create and bring to life those things that are only thoughts is in my soul whether it is through the growth of plants, artistic pursuits, or the creation of jewelry.

Justice – My need for balance and fairness is an integral part of my moral compass.  I know that life is not fair, but I also know that even if the only fairness in the world comes from me?  I’m going to do my best to instill a level of fairness and balance into my life and, when possible, the lives of others as well.  It is needed.

King of Swords – My knowledge is extensive and diverse, and I have the ability to inspire others to seek knowledge on what inspires their curiosity as well. Leading by example, I delve into any subject that draws my interest and my focus, and although I am willing to share that knowledge with others, I’m also very much interested in pushing others to explore on their own as well.


Planning Is Important

Today’s meditation hasn’t happened yet.  I dozed off trying to do it this morning, and I haven’t made a second attempt yet.  I’m planning to try again before bed, that way if I doze off the next time, it won’t be cutting into more of my day with a second nap.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Seven of SwordsToday’s draw is the Seven of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of strategy and cunning, as well as deceit and betrayal… especially when it involves getting away with it.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is the vertical blade among those that the woman holds, and the two that have been left behind in the background.   This speaks to me not so much of good strategy, but greed.

Normally, in the Seven of Swords,  you see a couple of blades that appear to intentionally be left behind, as if they have only taken what they can carry.  But here, we see blades that look like they have been dropped along the way, and one still in her arms that appears about ready to drop as well.

The reminder here is two fold.  First…. if you’re going to do something, do it right.  Don’t half-ass it and drop things along the way.  And second?  A part of doing something well is planning ahead.  She could have solved this problem she’s having holding onto her bounty with a bit of strategy and planning.


LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
: Please send me your ancestral guidance from somewhere beyond the veil.

Zombie Tarot

Ace of Wands atop Knight of Hazards Rx – Think before you act.

Three of Wands atop Three of Swords Rx – Don’t carry your depression forward with you if you can leave it behind.

Death – Change is inevitable.

Take Away: It’s all good advice, and all advice that are things I need to keep in mind.  It came across a bit pithy and cliche, but that doesn’t make any of it any less on the nose.


#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
: Your Strength / Your Weakness / Advice

Tarot of VampyresStrengthQueen of Knives – I have a sharp mind and a sharp tongue. These things allow me to cut through the bullshit and get to the core of a matter quickly and deal with it concisely. I’m also willing to use these qualities to help other.

WeaknessThe Hermit Rx atop Nine of Skulls – My tendency to fall into a retreat into myself is unhealthy and holds me back from enjoying all I have achieved as well as potential successes that may lie before me.

AdviceThe Priestess – Less logic, more intuition. There’s no point in pulling cards if you’re not going to listen to the advice they have to give.  Listening goes beyond just hearing what’s being said or even agreeing with it, it involves absorbing the advice and applying it in your life.


#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
: How do I send love and gratitude for all my Guides?

Tarot Z

Reading Summary: By leaning on them (Five of Pentacles) when I am feeling weak (The Emperor Rx) and trusting that spiritual connection (Temperance).

Take Away:  I can show my love and gratitude for my guides by making sure that I turn to them when I need them.  They want to help, and so by trusting and respecting that connection with them, I am both giving them what they want and showing them my love and gratitude at the same time.


Enjoying the Journey

Today’s meditation was skipped this morning because the girls would just not leave me the fuck alone.  Between that and the running of the vacuum, I just couldn’t make it happen.  I will be doing it before bed, though.  Absolutely.   I won’t skip it entirely.

Tarot of Haunted House - King of PentaclesToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home and hearth, health, and manifestations. This often translates into themes that have to do with business acumen, a strong sense of responsibility, and financial growth and stability.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is that the king is surrounded in all of this wealth, but his sword is down and he looks bored as hell.

We all have goals to aim for, dreams to reach for.  We all have those things that we strive for in our day to day lives.  The thing is?  We spend all of this time striving… and then once we get there?  We’re bored.

The message in today’s card is about enjoying the journey.  It’s not about the end zone.  It’s about the game.  It’s about each step you take along the way and living in the moment instead of being so focused on the future that you miss all the good stuff in the now.


LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
: I now call in my ancestors, how do you respond?

Ritual Abuse Tarot

Reading Summary: My ancestors respond with a hopeful outlook for this new connection (The Star), and an eagerness to play a more open role (The Sun) in helping me find balance (Justice).

Take Away: I wasn’t really sure how this reading would go, but it went really well and the answers came through loud and smoothly.  My ancestors are eager to have a more conscious role in my life just as my guides are, and hope to help me on my journey to make good choices, enjoy life more, and have a better sense of balance in my life. 


#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
: What healing lesson is waiting for me to realize and accept it?

Halloween TarotReading Summary: That you can carry forward and reap the benefits of the lessons you’ve learned (Page of Pumpkins) in the past (Six of Ghosts), while still letting go of the bad stuff and leaving it behind (Death).

Take Away:  Although I know that this is possible and have been able to do it in some cases, there are other cases where the crap that taught me the lesson still clings to the lesson itself. In these instances, I struggle to pry my emotions about the incident away from the lessons learned.  Although I realize this struggle is ongoing for me, I haven’t yet gotten to a point where I’ve been able to accept it in all cases yet.  Its something I’m working on, though.


#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
: What in myself do I need to strengthen to understand my Guides better?

The Gothic Tarot

Reading Summary: The stronger your intuition is the more you’ll understand (The High Priestess rising up from beneath the Eight of Swords). Use the spark of passion that you have in your soul (Ace of Wands) to search for ways to develop this slowly… a bit at a time (Death).

Take Away: This is a message about taking things slow and steady while continuing to develop my intuitive abilities. The interior cards here are all about my intuition, and allowing it to emerge and slowly bring clear sight to murky moments and the things I’m not yet ready to see.  The outer cards are then about taking my time and allowing my curiosity to lead the way forward into this change and through it’s slow development.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What beautiful aspect of my life am I ready to embrace?

Dead Waite Tarot

Reading Summary: Gideon is helping me in making better choices (The Lovers) that don’t involve retreating into myself (The Hermit Rx). As this help continues,  I’m learning to lean into that response as my go-to reaction less and less (Eight of Wands).

Take Away:  Each time situations arise that I would have previously retreated from the world and curled into myself, I more quickly jump to use the tools and methods that Gideon has been helping me with learning.  Healthier methods that allow for me to connect with others instead of close myself off from the world.  The beautiful aspect of my life that I am ready to embrace is two-fold in this reading.  First, is Gideon’s help.   Second is the healthier methods he has helped to teach me.


Quality Rest vs Wasting Time

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a quiet non-guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.  I really just needed a little peace, and I felt that the guided meditation, or even a bit of music, would feel like a bit too much over-stimulation.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Four of SwordsToday’s draw is the Four of Swords, which is traditionally about rest and recovery, especially after a time of struggle. Recuperation is an important part of making sure you are able to carry on and the pause traditionally depicted in the tarot is one of not just recuperation but also reflection.

What stands out to me the most strongly in the imagery of this card is the face of the resting individual. Looking closely, you can see that the lower half of the figure’s face is covered.  That combined with the angle of the head and the wreath crown make me wonder if this is not a corpse instead of someone taking a moment’s respite.

Set in the window in the background is a portrait of a woman and a little girl that looks like she is bend to whisper in the prone figure’s ear, though… which to me hints at the idea that there is indeed some consciousness present still, even in this moment of deathlike stillness.

The message in today’s card is more about the quality of one’s rest than taking rest on its own.  You can sit around all day and dawdle, get nothing done, and spend the entire day wasting time and still feel exhausted at the end of the day as if you’d been on the go for hours. On the other hand?  Sometimes you can take a ten or fifteen minute break, and feel fully refreshed and ready to take on the world.  The whispering little girl does not bode well for a restorative rest, no matter if the figure has passed or not.

Don’t allow your inner whispers to disturb your rest the way that the little girl is trying to disturb the figure’s rest in this card.  There’s no point in resting if you’re not going to make it count…. otherwise you’re just wasting time and not getting anything from it but more stress.


LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
: Draw a card for an ancestor or loved one who crossed.

The Vampire Tarot - The HierophantI asked for advice from my grandmother on my mother’s side. It feels like this card turning up in response is an encouragement that I am on the right path. Although I enjoy my creative business and creative endeavors, I’ve found a real joy in helping others as well, which is something I’d explored a bit when I was younger by teaching now and then, but didn’t really delve into in great depth until the last couple of years.

I’ve always had a really hard time socially, but it seems to have helped me immensely in this department to be able to actually contribute to other’s journey.

At the same time, I feel there is also a reminder here to make sure I am delving into my own roots and staying true to my own path. Having been raised Wiccan, a great deal of my current Pagan practice comes from these roots in my childhood…. which come from roots in my family that go back generations. Spellcraft, especially, has ran in our family for many generations on my mother’s side and many traditions and practices have been passed down from one generation to the next and then to me.

If I do not share my practices and beliefs with others, and share the traditions that have been passed down to me, they will then die with my sister and I… as there is no next generation for either of us with which to pass on this knowledge further.


#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #3

Tarot of the Sweet TwilightSmoky Quartz Nine of Swords – To purge negativity from my life and develop greater stability, I need to stop listening to that negative inner dialogue that encourages anxiety and causes me to feel down on myself, my performance, and my abilities.

Apple Six of Cups – To improve my physical health at this time, it is important to look back on the things that have made me happy  in the past and have me feel good…  then, stop thinking about them and start doing them.

Chrysanthemum King of Cups atop Seven of Pentacles – The defenses that need fostering right now in order to foster my growth have to do with making sure that I don’t allow vulnerability to creep in and screw with my  emotions just because things are taking their time in growing and getting where I want to be.

Aquamarine Knight of Wands – The calm found through meditation can bolster my confidence by allowing me to more easily focus on where I want to go, what I want to do… and how to get there most efficiently. This, in turn, sets me free from the restraints that anxiety and doubts use to chain me up.

Mint The Tower – Factors in my relationships that are in need of reevaluation and adjustment have to do with how I deal with chaos and catastrophe.  Instead of retreating into myself, ducking my head down and plowing forward on my own, I need to seek support from others instead (like the figures in the card sitting together at a distance watching the tower burn).

Carnelian Ten of Pentacles – Including more creativity in my life can lighten my daily outlook because, at least in my life, creativity is the path to my greatest goals of stability and security in my life.  These are the things I want so much and focus on achieving with neatly each breath I take. My business is based on my creativity, and therefore fostering creativity allows these things to happen… while others look on and wonder at how it’s done (last part added in from the little figure at the top of the stairs in the card’s image).

PomegranateSix of Wands – The wish of mine that is ready to be manifested into reality right now is that desire for success… and the acknowledgment of that success by those that matter to me most.  I hate admitting that I need that desire that acknowledgement, that I feel a longing for those “atta’boys”.  But, not wanting to admit it doesn’t make it any less true that I do desire them.


#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
: What changes do I need to make to understand my Guides better?

Carnival at the End of the World Tarot

Reading Summary: Stewing in your own misery (Four of Cups) and seeing everything in a defensive/offensive viewpoint (Seven of Wands and Nine of Wands) is a habit that you need to get out of (The Devil).

Take Away:  When my mind is clouded in the smoke of my wallowing, it muffles my ability to hear my intuition and thus also my guides.  Same goes for when I am too focused on protecting myself and what I value.  When I am feeling defensive, I try to build walls.  Walls are a bad habit that are very much not healthy for me and do not foster open communication with the living, the dead, or the spirit guides trying to help me.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What deep fear am I working through?

Catton Candy Nightmare Tarot

Reading Summary: That fighting for (Seven of Wands) what I want out of life (Queen of Pentacles) is going to make me a hard and calloused son of a bitch (Queen of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  As with the Mystic Star question for today, the answer here is about my inner walls. It’s about shutting people out and burying my emotions so that I become someone I do not want to be.  I want to stand up for those things I believe in. I want to fight for those things I value.  At the same time?  I need to make sure that I do so in a way that doesn’t… turn me into my mother.

I believe that the work I have been doing with Gideon about getting in touch with my feelings and my growth in the areas of dismantling those walls and developing a stronger sense of emotional intelligence are helping me in making sure this doesn’t end up my fate.