Don’t Get Up Just Yet

Today’s meditation was supposed to be ten minutes long, but I dozed off and slept through it (and another 30 minutes on top of that).  I’ve got the stomach flu and I think my body just said that sleep was more important.  I’ll try again at the end of the day when I lie down to go to bed.  Then if I fall asleep on accident it’ll be okay.

Broken Isn't Bad Tarot - Ten of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ten of Swords, which is traditionally about painful endings and finding yourself at the end of a difficult journey with lots of struggle and strife.  It can also be a representation of loss, betrayal, or coming out at the end of something feeling crippled in some way.

Honestly? This is such an appropriate card, considering how I’m feeling today. I woke up with an upset stomach and severely painful back today, and even after an Imodium, followed later on after the Imodium started working by dry toast and an ibuprofen?  I have still felt really rough throughout the day and it was extremely hard to focus on work.

The message in today’s card is in her position upon the ground, as she looks more in repose than as if she’s been struck down.  Today’s card is a reminder to take care of myself and allow myself the rest I need to feel better.

You will be happy to know that I did give myself some rest this morning while waiting for the Imodium to work.  I laid down on the bed and had a tel-appointment with my shrink (that I almost forgot that I had today) and I’ve been careful to make sure I eat enough (of only very gentle foods) to keep my blood sugars level even during the worst of the stomach upset.


#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: Should people care more about doing the right thing, or doing things right?

Lost Hollow TarotReading Summary: Note the Four of Pentacles on its side.

The Adjustment card with the Eight of Wands indicates that one should go swiftly towards doing the right thing.  Adjustment/Justice is about cause and effect and “the law” (whether that be the laws of nature or the laws of man).  The Eight of Wands is about swift action.   These cards indicate that it is important to not just do the right thing, but to do so without hesitation.

The Four of Pentacles on its side is what blocks us from this swift action of doing the right thing.  The concept of “doing things right” is a concept of control.  It’s not about the rule of law (natural or otherwise) but about subjective opinion and control over one’s environment and how things are done.  This is not dominant but rather on its side… a blockage.  A problem.

Take Away:  These cards clearly state that people should care more about doing the right thing than they should about “doing things right”.   It is our ego that gets in the way from doing the right thing… and our ego that makes us focus on “doing things right”. 


Finding Motivation thru Inspiration

IMG_8067Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and was another of the guided meditations (from the Calm app, which is where I get the little graphics pertaining to those guided meditations btw) combined with an interval timer for my piriformis stretches.

The topic of today’s guided meditation was about dealing with our personal inner dialogues and the habit of cruelty and lack of understanding that we direct inward towards ourselves rather than treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we give to others.

This is something that I personally struggle with, and I have been making a concerted effort this year to be kinder to myself and use positivity and optimism to help lift my inner dialogue out of the cruel and savage and into a gentler space.  That said, it is still a struggle after all this time, and I know that part of that is my struggle to let go of the past… and the voices of my past.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Queen of WandsToday’s draw is is the Queen of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s enthusiasm and drive, passions, willpower, determination, and inner spark.

I really like this deck… a lot.  The imagery is just so… f’ing gorgeous. Every card.  Even with the Jesus looking guy as the Magician card. (It very well may be a depiction of Jesus, as I haven’t read the guide book for this deck yet. Even if not? It sure as hell looks like the classic depictions of Jesus.)

Okay, so my fascination with the artwork aside, what really stood out to me today in this card was the flames at the queen’s feet, and the spread wings above her throne.

To me the flames feel like that fire within that figuratively “lights a fire under your ass” to get you moving. In the Queen, this translates to me as someone or something that lights that fire and encourages its burn.  The wings further this impression for me, as they speak about giving lift.  Encouragement.  Providing what is needed to inspire.  That energy, personality, or person being the “wind beneath” those wings, so to speak.

The message here is about inspiration.  it’s about finding inspiration and fostering it within that inner spark, feeding the fire and using it to keep moving forward.  Find strength and determination and willpower within the fanning of the flames, and use theses qualities to keep going despite the roadblocks and hurdles.


#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
: Draw a random card and use it to describe a quality about yourself that you love.

Hans Zatzka Dreamland Tarot - StrengthStrength – Deep within me beneath the layers of defense and determination. vulnerability and deflection… there is a core of strength.  This strength is what has allowed me to survive so much and continue on, to allow myself to be open and receptive to others even through the pain of what has happened in my past.  The  assaults, the cancer, the rape, the accidents, the abuse, and the betrayals.  All of it could have closed me down, closed me off, made me bitter, made me hard and hateful.  They could have broken me and made me a victim… or in many cases, could have (or almost did) kill me.

And yet I survive.  I am not a victim.  I am not broken.  I am not bitter or hateful. I choose to not allow these things from my past to destroy the person that I am, the person I want to be, and the person I wish to become.

Side note:  This deck’s cardstock is horrendous. It’s essentially unsealed textured printer paper with inkjet printing. I have plans to reproduce this deck for my own use at some point, with better cardstock (and no typos).


Get Moving

IMG_8057Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The topic of the guided part of the meditation was about the benefits of meditating, especially when life has become chaotic and hectic.  How using meditation during these times can help in establishing a quiet calm within the chaos that swirls around you.

This is the reason I am trying especially hard during this month to make sure that I do not skip my meditations.  I might have to skip a good number of my self care practices during this month… but not that one.  Not when the world is in chaos due do the holiday rush.  It’s during this time of year that I need my meditation the most.

Neo Tarot Shadow Edition - Eight of WandsToday’s draw is the Eight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of fast paced, action oriented energy.  It can also represent alignment and fast moving changes.

I honestly don’t have anything that stood out to me in this card today, and the reason for this is that when the card hit the table, I immediately heard words in my mind.   This type of response to the card happens now and then, and is like a whisper in the ear that is coming from the area of my ear but behind the eardrum instead of from an external source.

What this card said today is “move your ass”.   This was very appropriate considering that I had far more to get done today than I had hours in the day, and even while rushing full speed from hour to hour, I didn’t manage to get everything done until after 4:30am.


#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
: Where should I direct my focus this week to be more understanding?

The Keymaster TarotReading Summary: Avoid focusing on your disappointments (Three of Clubs Rx) and instead lean into (Eight of Hearts) how you are feeling about (Jack of Hearts) the surprise attack of fortune (Jack of Diamonds Rx).    Note how the Jack of Hearts and the Jack of Diamonds are facing each other, playing off of each other.

Take Away: I was not expecting the holiday rush to be quite so hectic this year.  With the pandemic and all of the struggles associated with it (economic, etc), I figured it would be slow.  I made a few adjustments in how I was advertising due to that and, as a result, have been remarkably blessed with a massively busy holiday rush as a result.   I really need the money and I’m very grateful for every single sale… but it means I am pushing myself extremely hard at the moment. Part of that process is ignoring my own weaknesses and circumventing others, and treating myself with a great lack of understanding, as well as closing off and not being quite as tolerant of irritations as a result.

In order for me to foster understanding for both myself and others, I need to make sure that I’m practicing gratitude in my thoughts and inner dialogue.  Instead of allowing myself to deal on how my hands and forearm hurt, how I’m not getting enough sleep, how the stress and rush has my anxiety riding high in my chest (and causing acid reflux whenever I lie down), etc… I need to make sure I’m focusing on the positive aspects and the good that all of this is going to do for me and allow these things to be uplifting.


Don’t Close Off

IMG_8041Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long and was a guided meditation about mindfulness and how it isn’t some metaphysical magic or weird fad, but rather is about learning how to be in the moment rather than constantly distracted by plans for the future or inner thoughts and dialog that steal away your attention.

With life moving so fast and so much going on in the world, it isn’t surprising that it would be challenging for people to focus on the here and now.  There always seems to be something to drag our attention in a million different directions.  Meditation is a way of fostering mindfulness and that single minded focus.  That focus developed through meditation can then be carried forward into everyday life and applied to one’s interests, goals, and endeavors to take you deeper into the things you enjoy.

Tarot of the Holy Spectrum - Page of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Page of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, home life, health, resources, and manifestations.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is that the figure is barefoot, and there’s a deer in the background. The bare feet signify to me both a sense of vulnerability as well as a sense of grounding and a connection to the earth.   The deer in the background reinforces that sense of vulnerability I sense from the bare feet of the figure.  There is also a sense of regal quiet about the deer that blends into the omega energy that the page represents.

The message I see in this card today is about being receptive to what the earth has to offer and teach. Right now in my life I am so wrapped up in the holiday rush and my work that I barely have time for much of anything else. Eating is done while I work. Showering is rushed. Sleep is short. Every hour of my day is spent working to keep up on orders. In order to keep from being overwhelmed by the desire to do other things or become distracted, I close myself off from the world around me in many ways.

The reminder here is to not close myself off. I am strong enough and grounded enough to weather the storm while remaining open and receptive.


#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #2
Question: Will I want to move if they build an apartment building behind my condo as I heard they are planning to do? (Prompted by the fact that the people that lived there moved out this weekend, and there’s a construction trailer in the yard next door.)

Inkromancy Tarot The edges of the aura in the Ten of Cups display a shade of color that matches the hot pink and magenta shades in the Nine of Coins.  This connects the two cards together that indicates that they are saying that I will continue to feel contented here in my place and grateful for what I have, even if the apartment building goes up behind my place.

That said, the Page of Cups with it’s arc of empty circles echoes the arc of coins behind the figure in the Nine of Coins.  This correlation says that it will take a bit of adjustment to settle into those feelings of comfort and gratitude. It will be a… learning experience.  Although, not in a negative way that many of life’s “learning experiences” can be.


Conscious Gratitude

IMG_8021Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was another guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The topic of today’s meditation was about one’s inner narrative.  That is to say, it was about how you talk to yourself in your head.  Not just what you say, but the tone in which you say it. Are you berating and cruel to yourself with that inner voice? Or are you kind and nurturing?

It brought up a story that these guided meditations have brought up before, last time concerning a different topic.  The story of the Two Wolves, which is about feeding the wolf within you that you want to grow strong.  Do you want the cruel and savage voice that tears you down and picks you apart to grow strong?  Or do you want the inner voice that fosters your well-being and supports you to grow strong?   The one you give the most air-time in your head is the one that grows strong…. so make sure you’re feeding the right wolf.

Tarot de Mona Lisa - Nine of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of success, independence, and gratitude for the abundance in one’s life.

What really stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the bird.  Not just do the colors really draw my eye, but so too does the coin the bird offers to the woman. What this symbolizes to me is that sometimes our fortune is given rather than toiled for.   Sometimes it is earned through trust and support and connection with others rather than through our own labor.

The message here is that no mater where our bounty comes from, it’s important to practice gratitude.  To pay attention and be grateful rather than taking the boon for granted, or its source for granted either. Mindfulness is important.  Saying thank you is important.  Taking time to just enjoy and remind yourself how fortunate you are is important. Don’t take what you have for granted or it may not stick around and continue to be so generous.


#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is my greatest strength that is currently hidden from me?

Touchstone TarotReading Summary:  The ability to see into and understand (The High Priestess) the motivations of others (Seven of Swords), and the ability to bring positive influences and pleasure (The Star) into the contentment of home (Four of Wands) can bolster the endeavors your driven to accomplish (King of Wands).

Take Away: This is about the greatest strengths that are hidden within me and how they can support my ambitions and goals.

The ability to understand other’s motivations is something I want to have, but something that is, in many cases, still undeveloped.  It is something I delve into often, though.  Something I seek out the counsel of others about in order to get a chance to see other perspectives and better wrap my mind around why people do and say the things they do and what the motivations behind those words and actions might be.  I have not really thought about how I could use this skill to further my own personal goals and ambitions, but maybe this is something I need to look into in more detail.

The ability to bring trust and positivity into the contentment of home life is also something I would not have normally considered in relation to my goals and ambitions.   I see how it could affect and support them, though.  Especially as I run a home business.  A business that those that live with me contribute to.


The Release

Today’s meditation was skipped, although I did soak in the tub this morning… so there’s that. I’m sure my downstairs neighbors were absolutely thrilled to hear me filling up the tub around 3:30am then draining it and taking a shower around 4:30am.

Japanese Traditional Tarot - Ten of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ten of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of “coming to the end of the line” on a journey of hardships and struggle. This card is about endings, but of the painful variety.

I am personally a fan of the Ten of Swords, and in most cases consider it’s appearance a good thing.  It means something I’ve been struggling through or hurting over is drawing to a close.  It’s going to hurt, but it’s also going to be the end.  Sometimes? All that pain is worth it if you finally get to the end.

What really stands out to me today in the imagery of this card is the fact that a number of those blades have not yet pierced the flesh.   This feels like it reverses the meaning of the card backward by just a slight half step.  They are also symmetrical, with matching swords on either side of the spine/body like some sort of ultra dangerous set of wings.  In fact, the only blades actually piercing through flesh are where wings would be anchored to the body.

It feels like a display of that one breathless moment just before you can break free.  That one fraction of a second where you know the end is near… right there… filled with both hope and pain, anticipation and fear.  These blades look like an unlikely and unwieldy set of wings, and yet they represent a release that has the potential to let the figure obtain the freedom to fly, even if not physically.

The message here in today’s card is to focus on the release to come. Don’t focus on your current misery and don’t fear what comes after, just focus on the release from your current chains, and foster the hope and the eagerness for that release.  The holiday rush is more than half over now.  I’ll be released soon enough.


#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is it that I’m burying that needs to be set free?

The Simplicity TarotReading Summary:  This is about finding a happy medium (Ten of Cups). I am trying to suppressing my inner drive (Ace of Wands) with moderation… and unintentionally suppressing a fuller view of perspectives and the world (The Hanged Man) with personal spirituality (Spiritual Cleansing).

Take Away: Neither moderation or spirituality is a bad thing.  Neither that inner drive, nor the seeking of diverse perspectives and opinions is a bad thing either.  But in order to find emotional completion and contentment, you have to make room for all of them, not allowing some to overshadow the others but rather allowing them all to work both independently… and together without stepping on each other’s toes.