Today’s meditation was just over thirteen minutes long and was a guided meditation with added interval timer for my piriformis stretching. I’ve also added back in some of the forearm flexor stretches because things have been feeling like they’re tightening up there.
The focus of today’s meditation was about dealing with conflict, and I learned something new in the middle of it all. I did not know that, after the adrenaline inducing incident has ended, it takes the body at least 20 minutes to purge that adrenaline back out of your system.
Anyway. The conflict resolution thing was mostly about how sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and walk away, calm down, then come back in a more calm and rational mindset…. rather than speaking in the moment and saying something you will regret. It included a quote that I enjoyed within the guidance that said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret,” by from Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce.
What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the feathers. Thoughts, in my opinion, are a lot of times much like feathers. Float around you and flit through the air but are impossible to catch while in motion.
That’s why it’s important when pertinent thoughts, new ideas, etc come up that you write them down. Write. Them. DOWN. For fuck sake write them down.
You know… capture the feathers before the winds of distraction blow them away.
Sometime in the past couple of months I stopped this practice, and today’s card is a reminder of the value of writing these new thoughts, ideas, and valuable new perspectives down so that I can visit them a bit later and explore them more in depth.
DECK USED: FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT
The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Love language
Question: How can I better be open to and absorb love and kindness from others?
Reading Summary: Stop allowing your stubbornness and insistence that you can do everything yourself (Will 10) to slow down your acceptance and growth (Page of Action). It’s making you fight an unnecessary battle that belongs to your father and his judgments (Seven of Wands Rx).
Take Away: I was taught that it was not okay to lean on others and should be able to handle all of my responsibilities on my own, no matter what. This was drilled into me throughout my life growing up and something I then repeatedly drilled into myself as an adult. It can be hard to hand over control and allow others to help me and take over for a bit. In order to be more receptive to love, I need to let go of that control and allow others to help me when I need it. It’s not a weakness, no matter how deeply ingrained the lesson that it is has been taught.
DECK USED: EXISTENTIAL TAROT
Signs for February – The King of Cups is an encouragement to lean into those that I depend on right now for support and comfort. This sign is about what I need and more about setting plans aside in order to recover and find my footing than executing anything in particular I might have had plans to move forward on. I suppose you could say that the action plan involved with this sign is to connect with my emotions and take this time with him and the support he gives to grow instead of falling back on old habits and closing myself off.
Signs for March – The World is about watching for renewal and the feeling that I am stepping out of one journey and into the next. Although I do not want my depression to last this long, there is a good possibility the sign we see here is the major life change that comes with being free of the pit once more. That sense of finally finding the edge and pulling myself out, and finding life on the other side ready and waiting for me.
Signs for April – The Ace of Wands is about feeling inspiration and that spark that keeps me trying new things. Right now in this moment I have absolutely none. But, when I am not in this dark pit of depression my inspiration and creative spark are nearly constant and even quite hard to keep up with. The sign of these returning to me in April is a good one… and something to look forward to. When the time comes, I need to make sure that I am allowing myself to explore (and, as my COTD mentioned for today, writing down the ones I don’t explore immediately so that I can explore them later).
DECK USED: FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT
I’m having a hard time thinking of something that I did that was nice for me today, then I remembered this morning when you told me to eat and then come nap with you. And I did, even though there were other things I probably should have been doing, I had a really nice nap.