Slow Progress Is Still Progress

IMG_9414Today’s meditation was just under seventeen minutes and was a guided meditation from the Oak app that was the first in a series of lessons about using mantra in meditation.  I included the interval timer for my piriformis stretches as well.

I actually liked the lesson.  I especially was appreciative of the fact that although it started out asking you to verbalize the mantra (something I’m unable to do due to my mutism), it moved quickly on to it being in the mind instead of passing through the lips.  This makes my participation much easier and I found the meditation itself relaxing.

Black Line Tarot 1st Edition and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Page of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, or manifestations.  This is the energy of a learner, student, or novice in these specific areas and includes an energy of openness and growth.

I love the sprigs of plants as a representation of growth and manifestation in this card’s imagery, and the cherry blossoms above as an indication of innocence and beginnings.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a reminder that it’s okay to struggle and that we are our own worst critics.  When doing something that makes us feel vulnerable or trying something new, it can often feel like we’re sucking ass at whatever that thing might be even when maybe we’re not doing bad at all, or are even doing extremely well.  That “level of expectation” can often make us feel like we’re failing even when, in truth, we’re making great strides towards growth and learning.

I relate to this today in my personal climb out of the pit of depression I’ve been struggling with.  I found bottom, I’ve begun my climb.  But there are times when it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.  The reminder in these cards encourages me that I need to keep trying, and keep climbing… because just because I feel like I’m not getting anywhere right at the moment doesn’t mean I’m not making progress.


The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
:  Boundaries
Question: What boundaries have I been neglecting lately?

The Uncommon Tarot

Reading Summary: Using a combination of gratitude (Ten of Coins) and family (Six of Cups) to help in keeping me grounded (Four of Coins) as I work through my personal challenges (Strength).

Take Away:  The boundary that has been neglected is the boundary with myself. I need to stop my solitary “I’m strong enough” bullshit and allow others to help me.  Especially during the major depressive episodes, I have a habit of trying to retreat into myself, not wanting to subject those I love to the “ugliness” of the depression.  My family (both blood and chosen) has the ability, though, to help foster my feelings of gratitude and give me the extra oomph of grounding that I need right now.  Neglecting the boundaries I’ve set for myself and allowing myself to retreat as I have does not help me in my recovery, but can instead hinder my progress.


#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
:  What is the best and worst thing about getting older?

Black Line Tarot 1st EditionWhat is the best thing about getting older?
Queen of Swords and Ace of Swords

Older and wiser means better new beginnings.  I’ve always been pretty good at picking up new things. New ideas, new projects, new skills… there’s never been much that’s intimidating about all that for me.  But I feel that with a lot of people?  There is a great deal of intimidation in trying something new.

As we age, though, and try new things again and again, we gain confidence in ourselves and that feeling of “newness” and worry about how it will go seems to ease and become more manageable.  It becomes less about “what if I fail?” and more about “how do I succeed?”.

What is the worst thing about getting older?
Three of Wands and Eight of Swords

Uncertainty about what’s ahead. This is something that I never understood when I was younger, perhaps because I had no fear of death when I was younger.  But, as I age and I find more and more value in life, I have begun to understand this fear and uncertainty.

When younger and willing to let go so easily, there was no concern over the when or how, no worry over what would happen after or where I would go next once this life had come to an end.  I have found, though, that as I have come to value this life more and more with age… I come to think about this uncertainty with a far less lackadaisical view.


Daily Self Kindness

You know, I often sit down at this end of the post and get stuck at this section.  I can’t think of a single kindness that I did for myself today.   I mean… okay so yeah.  I took the day off.  I haven’t opened up my shops even once today.   That’s something, right?

Morning Bonus Read – Changing Seasons

Changing Seasons Spread - Hoping Soul Lenormand

Card to represent this new season of my life.

Heart – A thawing and rising of warmth as the ice that the depression has encased your emotions within begins to melt and ease.  Contentment and feelings of love and warmth return as the depression is being left behind. The new season that is rising up at this time in your life is one of return… of life and love and emotion that was once shut down is now being given the freedom to grow and thrive again as you begin to find the light you’ve been striving for.

How will I change in this new season of my life?

Clover – Good stuff lies ahead with a return of a more optimistic outlook and the ability to get in touch with and feel happiness once more.  The closer you get to the edge of that pit of depression and pulling yourself out of it, the better you will feel.

Something important I will learn.

Cross – There is reinforcement in the journey, and in the familiarity of the slippery slope and the climb back out. In repeating this journey it is not something new that is learned, but rather an assurance that the depression is indeed temporary and will be again in the future when it eventually returns as it has in the past.

Something I need to embrace.

Broom – Finding balance again will not be easy.  The climb out of the pit is hard, and there’s a lot of struggle involved.  It’s important to accept that there will be slippery spots in the climb, places where your hand or foot might slip.  Remember that the pain is a part of the journey and keep your ass moving upward.

A challenge I will face this season.

Scythe – When to let go. Too often you spend too much time fighting the good fight when the battle is already over.  Instead of being so rigid, you will have the opportunity in this season of your life to let go more easily, to let things flow more smoothly, and accept change without the resistance and struggle you habitually put forth at these times.

A lesson I must learn from this challenge.

Cloud – To live with uncertainty rather than fight against it. The unknown can be terrifying, or it can simply be something you’ve yet to discover.  In letting go of the fight against change, you will learn to better accept the unknown and not let it give rise to your anxiety.

How this challenge will make me a better person.

Lily – You will find yourself feeling calmer and more peaceful, and able to handle changes in a more mature and measured way. Remember that if you don’t take the lesson and learn from it, you don’t end up with the boon at the end when you grow from the experience.  Growth is very much the boon of this particular lesson.