Today’s meditation was just under seventeen minutes and was a guided meditation from the Oak app that was the first in a series of lessons about using mantra in meditation. I included the interval timer for my piriformis stretches as well.
I actually liked the lesson. I especially was appreciative of the fact that although it started out asking you to verbalize the mantra (something I’m unable to do due to my mutism), it moved quickly on to it being in the mind instead of passing through the lips. This makes my participation much easier and I found the meditation itself relaxing.
Today’s draw is the Page of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, or manifestations. This is the energy of a learner, student, or novice in these specific areas and includes an energy of openness and growth.
I love the sprigs of plants as a representation of growth and manifestation in this card’s imagery, and the cherry blossoms above as an indication of innocence and beginnings.
When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a reminder that it’s okay to struggle and that we are our own worst critics. When doing something that makes us feel vulnerable or trying something new, it can often feel like we’re sucking ass at whatever that thing might be even when maybe we’re not doing bad at all, or are even doing extremely well. That “level of expectation” can often make us feel like we’re failing even when, in truth, we’re making great strides towards growth and learning.
I relate to this today in my personal climb out of the pit of depression I’ve been struggling with. I found bottom, I’ve begun my climb. But there are times when it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. The reminder in these cards encourages me that I need to keep trying, and keep climbing… because just because I feel like I’m not getting anywhere right at the moment doesn’t mean I’m not making progress.
DECK USED: BLACK LINE TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS
The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What boundaries have I been neglecting lately?
Reading Summary: Using a combination of gratitude (Ten of Coins) and family (Six of Cups) to help in keeping me grounded (Four of Coins) as I work through my personal challenges (Strength).
Take Away: The boundary that has been neglected is the boundary with myself. I need to stop my solitary “I’m strong enough” bullshit and allow others to help me. Especially during the major depressive episodes, I have a habit of trying to retreat into myself, not wanting to subject those I love to the “ugliness” of the depression. My family (both blood and chosen) has the ability, though, to help foster my feelings of gratitude and give me the extra oomph of grounding that I need right now. Neglecting the boundaries I’ve set for myself and allowing myself to retreat as I have does not help me in my recovery, but can instead hinder my progress.
DECK USED: THE UNCOMMON TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is the best and worst thing about getting older?
Older and wiser means better new beginnings. I’ve always been pretty good at picking up new things. New ideas, new projects, new skills… there’s never been much that’s intimidating about all that for me. But I feel that with a lot of people? There is a great deal of intimidation in trying something new.
As we age, though, and try new things again and again, we gain confidence in ourselves and that feeling of “newness” and worry about how it will go seems to ease and become more manageable. It becomes less about “what if I fail?” and more about “how do I succeed?”.
What is the worst thing about getting older?
Three of Wands and Eight of Swords
Uncertainty about what’s ahead. This is something that I never understood when I was younger, perhaps because I had no fear of death when I was younger. But, as I age and I find more and more value in life, I have begun to understand this fear and uncertainty.
When younger and willing to let go so easily, there was no concern over the when or how, no worry over what would happen after or where I would go next once this life had come to an end. I have found, though, that as I have come to value this life more and more with age… I come to think about this uncertainty with a far less lackadaisical view.
DECK USED: BLACK LINE TAROT
You know, I often sit down at this end of the post and get stuck at this section. I can’t think of a single kindness that I did for myself today. I mean… okay so yeah. I took the day off. I haven’t opened up my shops even once today. That’s something, right?