Allowing for Kindness

Today’s meditation was skipped.  The reason for this was because I laid down to do it and ended up distracted by a cuddly Luna.  I felt so good and refreshed with Miss Luna’s cuddles that I didn’t really feel the need to meditate (and I was getting a bit cold) so I decided to skip.  Not an excuse, but there’s how it went.

Kei Tarot Love and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is a representation of emotional contentment shared with others in your circle.  Where the Nine of Cups deals with attaining that comfort and satisfaction, in the Ten of Cups we then “share the wealth” of those emotions with others.

You know, it’s funny.  Sometimes I love this deck.  Then other times I can’t seem to connect with the artwork at all. I haven’t figured out exactly why that is.

What I see in this imagery today is a field of snow, a rainbow, and a hint of green grass in the distance.  What I see here is a warming.  A thawing of the cold to something softer and warmer.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is an encouragement to be nicer to yourself, to warm to yourself and silence that inner voice that wants to hold you back and bring you down.

I personally do not call myself garbage… but I do often treat myself like garbage. I know it’s wrong, and I know that it is within my personal control to change this behavior.  I also understand (as hinted at by the Ten of Cups) that I can more successfully address this issue if I enlist the help of others in my circle that love and care about me.


LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: I now give closure to this month and I thank you (ancestors and guides) for your guidance.
Question: What is their response?

Existential Tarot

 Reading Summary: Keep going (New Dawn). Don’t look back (imagery in Reason 7). Take your time reconnecting with yourself and the world (Throwness). 

Take Away: February has been all about my trek through the dark landscape of my depression from the slide down into the pit and visit to the very bottom, to the climb back toward the ledge.  Although I have not reached solid ground again yet, I can feel myself improving every day.  The advice here is to keep going and allow myself to recover at my own pace instead of looking back and possibly allowing that glance back to drag me down, or pushing too hard and being impatient.  They are saying that I’m headed in the right direction and everything will happen in its own time.


#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
:  Do Spread 2
Question: What attitude and outlook should I embrace as I move into the week ahead?

Kei Tarot LoveWhat attitude should I embrace as I move into the week ahead?
Two of Wands and Page of Pentacles

Make plans and learn what you need to know in order to move forward.  As the Self Care Saturday reading that I did this weekend has already indicated, this week is about reconnaissance and planning. Make the calls that need to be made, take copious amounts of notes, and then strategize your way forward into what needs to be done.

What outlook should I embrace as I move into the week ahead?
King of Swords and Three of Cups

Take charge, but allow for others to some influence. They have the ability to keep you uplifted, even as you begin to carry responsibility again.  Your time off was restorative and  you’re ready to slide back into that mindset of “large and in charge”.  Just don’t let it swallow you whole and, in doing so, stunt your climb back out of depressions pit and into the light.  Let your loved ones help in lifting you up.


Daily Self Kindness

I took an ibuprofen, which ostensibly could have been for my foot, but was actually for my left thumb, which is feeling very sore and achy for some reason.

It’s Okay To Shuffle In the Dark

Today’s meditation was just over seventeen minutes long and was the next installment of the mantra meditation course from the Oak app. Again, the meditation did not do the vocal part of things, but started the mantra in the head and kept it there. With each of the meditations in the course, the guide speaks less and there is more time to linger in the actual meditation side of things, which is really nice. I have a bit of mental straying today, but it was more like dreaming, then catching myself dreaming and coming back to center.

Silhouettes Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Knight of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of an active projective beta energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, and manifestations. While the Pentacles suit is one of slow movement, the Knight is an indication of forward motion and determination. These two qualities combine to indicate themes that have to do with slow progress, productivity, and working hard towards one’s goals.

One thing that stands out strongly to me in the imagery of this card today is the fact that the knight is looking backward.  They look to the pentacle in their hand… but also in the direction of the past even as the horse continues to move forward into the future.

This combined with the Tera-Pets card for today speaks to me about a need to be sure you are focusing upon what is important to you.  Sometimes when we are moving forward it feels more like we’re fumbling forward in the dark, and that’s okay.  The Knight of Pentacles joined with the message on the second card tells us that even when we are walking forward blind with our hands out to feel the way?  We’re still moving forward… and that’s what’s important.


LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
:  A supportive message from the cards for this Full Moon

Nano Starseeds Tarot

 Reading Summary: It’s up to you to fight the good fight (Seven of Wands) as long as you feel that you’re in the right (Knight of Cups), but don’t forget that others are in that fight (Five of Swords) are a part of your past (Six of Cups) and thus a part of your future.

Take Away:  The past cannot be erased. What you do cannot be erased. You carry your actions forward with you into the future and forever after.  Make sure that when you are fighting for what you believe is right, that you keep in mind the methods you use and keep in mind that those you are fighting against and what you do to win will be indelibly inked into a part of who you are forever forward.


#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
:  What do I need to focus on for self-care for this full moon?

Silhouettes TarotReading Summary: Call your mother (Queen of Swords). Now (The Chariot). And listen to what she has to say (The Hanged Man).

Take Away: Apparently, I need to make a phone call in the morning (because trust me, she won’t appreciate me calling and waking her ass up in the middle of the night).

I was going to call her this evening.  Then I got a bottle of piss thrown on me by a homeless man and… yeah.  Well. Plans change.

These cards don’t just indicate that I need to call my mother, though.  They make it clear that in doing so I need to pay attention not just to -what- she’s saying, but where what she says is coming from.  The hanged man tells me to listen closely, and look deeper.  There’s more to the conversation than what lies on the surface.


Daily Self Kindness

I took three showers today, brushed my teeth four times. And plan on taking another shower before bed.

The Nature of Value

Today’s meditation was supposed to be another installment of the mantra meditation, but it turns out I was so beat that I ended up dozing off within the first couple of minutes of the meditation.  So… today’s meditation was skipped and I had a nap instead.  I will pick it back up tomorrow.

Tarot Skrytých Světů and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of generosity, being receptive to help, and the giving and receiving that is involved in balancing the scales between the “haves” and the “have nots”.

Like so many of the cards in this deck, I see a lot of fae energy in this card.  The piper that coaxes wealth from stone, the seedling below that absorbs that wealth like mana from the gods. In the image here we have not just the have and have not but rather we have one that can coax what is needed from the world around him, draw it out to shower upon the one in need that lies below. This is an exchange of not wealth but energy.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message that I see here is that sometimes we need to look to others for inspiration.  Outside sources can sometimes give us the added oomph needed to do the things that need to be done… including the self care we need for ourselves.

I find this in my relationship with Gideon. Not once in the nearly thirteen years of our relationship have we ever borrowed, loaned, given, or requested for monetary support from each other.  Not once.  Not once has money ever been offered or asked for.

Instead, the exchange between us is in something far more valuable.  He receives from me what he finds of greatest value (and to be fair I am not sure what these things are, but I would guess that a part of it is my encouragement for him to be a better man, to do better and be better and shine brighter)…. and in turn I receive from him those things of greatest value that I need.  Support and love, encouragement and nurturing.  He gives me strength… and helps me be accountable to how I treat myself. That is the mana he provides to me in my life.


The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
: Moments of resonance
Question: How can I listen more closely and go more deeply into my moments of resonance?

Fournier's Tarot Cats by Ana Juan

How can I listen more closely to my moments of resonance?
Ten of Pentacles and Nine of Cups

Be settled and grounded and grateful.  This is about balance and security, and the need for both in order to hear more clearly what those moments mean and where they come from.  When distracted by chaos or imbalance, it becomes harder to focus on those moments, and harder to render meaning from them, because there’s so much going on that’s pulling your attention away from that feeling of resonance deep within.

How can I go more deeply into my moments of resonance?
King of Swords Rx and Eight of Cups

Don’t over think it and instead let it lead you to new horizons. Moments of resonance are about intuition. Using too much reason and analytical thinking will just pick them apart and leave them like tiny pieces of shredded paper on the floor.  Instead of dissecting these feelings and invalidating them with logic and reason, allow them to take you forward into the sensation itself and introduce you to new understanding about what feels right for you and you alone..


#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
:  How can I best work at improving the skill of a more gentle and nurturing delivery during readings?

Tarot Skrytých SvětůReading Summary: Acknowledge that using a nudging and persuasive tone (Strength) is too much too fast for some people (Four of Swords Rx). Instead, slow down (Knight of Pentacles) and allow a warmth to overlay (Queen of Pentacles) your normally more forceful approach.

Take Away: Although my reading for others is focused on empowerment and helping them, sometimes I come off too strong in this regard and it feels like “too much” in the moment.  To temper this, I need to slow down and focus on instilling more warmth into my delivery.  It’s not about giving them a shoulder to cry on but rather providing a glowing center of warmth and caring that threads through that message of empowerment.  In slowing down, it then is easier for them to digest and the warmth further makes acceptance of what’s being said go more smoothly and easily.


Daily Self Kindness

When I realized I had dozed off into a nap during my meditation, I didn’t berate myself or shame myself for it.  Instead I wallowed into the pillow and enjoyed the relaxation.

Stronger Together

IMG_9461Today’s meditation was just a bit over seventeen minutes long and was the third installment of the mantra course on the Oak app.  I included the interval timer for my piriformis stretches as well.

The focus of today’s meditation was (surprise, surprise) using mantra in meditation.  For this particular segment of the course, there was no vocalization of the mantra at the beginning and, although I know this wasn’t the intent of having the mantras be a mental exercise instead of a vocal one?  I feel so included.  Silly, I know.  But it’s really nice to be able to follow along without having to improvise due to my mutism.

Now… that’s all well and good, and the meditation was relaxing… you know I can’t not say something about the quote included in today’s meditation.   I really dislike this Lao Tzu quote, as I’ve mentioned before. Yes, nature does not hurry.  No, everything does not get accomplished.  That’s the whole point of changing seasons. Flowers die before they can bloom, leaves fall before they’ve turned, animals die because winter came early… not everything gets accomplished.   The quote makes absolutely no sense and I have no idea why it is so popular.

Fifth Spirit Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of moving beyond emotional contentment to happiness and sharing this emotional abundance with those around you. It’s about positive relationships and a sense of harmony shared with friends, family, and loved ones.

I really like the imagery in this card.  At first, the card seems a bit plain other than the dancing fish.  And then, when you look closer you see that the cups that are overflowing with a wealth of water (emotions) are of all sorts.  Wine glasses and baby bottles, sippy cups and dog bowls and mugs and saki cups.  There are all types to represent all the different types of people that make up the emotional bonds of family and friends in life. The imagery here very literally is a visual representation of the Hebrew bible phrase “My cup overfloweth,” which for those that are unfamiliar with the phrase, means “I have more than enough for my needs”.

When combined with today’s Thera-Pets card, the message in today’s cards is that the current journey through struggle and strife is not a journey taken alone.  Loved ones are there in good times and bad, and those that truly love you will support you even when you’re going through the worst of it.   Don’t forsake their support when you need a little help, instead let them lift you up and remind you that as strong and capable as you are?  You’re even stronger and more capable together.


LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
:  What am I asked to (gently) let go of during this Full Moon?

Paulina Tarot

 Reading Summary: Use your ability to inspire yourself and others (Queen of Wands) to gently begin nudging out the sadness and depression (Three of Swords) that has been stealing all of your attention lately (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  The figure in the Three of Swords so obviously needs a nudge to get them off their stool, but that nudge just as obviously needs to be soft and gentle.  The energy of inspiration can be gentle, but that takes a little more focus than just whisking yourself away in the inspiration.  Instead this is about giving yourself the inspiration to get off the stool, not to pretend that things are fine but simply to help straighten the spine and start moving.   At one time or another the time comes to stop looking at the big baddie that has oppressed you and start looking forward instead. During this full moon it is time to stop staring over your shoulder so intently…. and look forward instead.


#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
:  What skill in my tarot practice needs improvement?

Fifth Spirit TarotReading Summary: I need to work on being more gentle and nurturing (The Empress) in my delivery (King of Swords with the megaphone and the Five of Swords positioned to surround The Empress on all sides..

Take Away: True enough.  I am always very focused on being empowering to those that I read for (as well as for myself) that sometimes I forget that there are times when a delivery also needs to be gentle and nurturing.  My readings often hand people the facts in a way to “light a fire under their ass” and I rarely coddle.

This means that my skills at coddling are not as strong as they could be, and as a result I can often come off a bit harsh, or even confrontational.


Daily Self Kindness

I took a pain pill.  My foot was really bothering me today and even after I put it up for a bit it wouldn’t ease up on the throbbing ache.   It isn’t hot, so it’s not an infection.   So I went ahead and took half a vicodin along with my ibuprofen.