Today’s meditation was just over sixteen minutes long and was the second installment in the mantra course meditations through the Oak app. I combined this meditation with the interval timer for my piriformis stretches.
Like before, the focus of today’s meditation was about becoming comfortable using a mantra during one’s meditation practice and the practice started out with a vocalized mantra but within the first minute it was encouraged to go into a mental mantra. This made the class much easier for me to follow along. I felt like I had a slightly more difficult time focusing today, but I still found the meditation relaxing.
Today’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s intellect, education, communication, and reason. The Swords are about the mind, and the Queen has all her experience to guide her, which she then uses to communicate with and guide others.
The Queen of Swords is experienced and although her sword is not raised in an offensive pose, her hands upon the hilt show that she is ready. Her upright position speaks of healthy intelligence, sharing, and support. Her experiences are a guide for herself and for others. And here is where the message lies.
I have mentioned this on my blog before, but here we see the theme come out in the cards themselves, a confirmation that I am on the right path in sharing my experience with others. Instead of hiding my depressive episodes from those around me as I have done for the majority of my life, I am being open about them this time around. I am allowing people to see what is going on with me, to observe the experience.
I don’t do this to gain attention or sympathy, nor to inflict my experience upon others (there’s a reason I hid it for so long, after all), but rather… to tell others that they are not alone. To allow people who may also be going through similar experiences to see that there are others out there… others going through something similar. Others that share their pain.
Depression is so often so very fucking lonely. You don’t want to “inflict” your low mood upon others so you withdraw into yourself. In that withdraw you are then even more lonely, and feel as if you are a burden on others, a burden on those you care most about. You feel alone… and this compounds upon the depression itself until you feel hopeless… and feel as if there will never be an end to this horrible feeling. That it is the reality… the only reality… and will stretch into the rest of one’s life.
I share so that those that share this horrible experience can see that they are not alone. And so that they can see it is not endless. It is not forever… but rather it is a journey to get through. Temporary. And that I’m here too. I want to tell everyone that is going through this… You are strong. You are resilient. You will get through this. It is temporary.
DECK USED: BYZANTINE TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS
The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Moments of healing
Question: How can I make sure I am not fighting against my healing progress?
Reading Summary: Stay open to learning new things (Page of Swords) and don’t over burden yourself (Ten of Wands) with too many plans for what comes next (Two of Wands).
Take Away: The reminder here is to avoid making plans for “after I’m back on my feet” and instead live in the moment. Take things as they come for the time being, and allow myself the time I need to learn and heal and get what I can from the process. Worry about the future later on when such pursuits won’t hinder or distract me from my current healing process.
DECK USED: MOONDUST TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: What is love?
Reading Summary: Celebration of family and home (Four of Staffs), respect for what those that came before can teach you (Patriarch), and generosity for those that have less than yourself (Six of Coins).
Take Away: Love is community. The cards here speak of community, of learning from each other, growing from each other, helping each other… and celebrating each other. It’s about the “each other”. It’s about connection and gratitude and appreciation. That is what love is.
I think that there are many, many different types of love. But I think that this answer rings true throughout all those different types. Appreciation, gratitude, and connection is what threads us all together and without that connection to someone (or something), what is there to care about? Or love?
DECK USED: BYZANTINE TAROT
I went to the woods today. I couldn’t hike because of the whole knife through the foot and using a crutch thing, but I drove out to one of the trail heads that allows ATV use, and asked one of the campers out there to take me up deeper into the mountain. Promise of payment if they came back for me in an hour made sure I got a ride back down to my car again. All in all it was a really nice visit, even if I couldn’t hike like I normall would have liked.