Too Much Armor Is Too Heavy

IMG_1076Today’s meditation was just over thirteen minutes long and was one of the guided meditations from the Calm app with an interval timer added in for my piriformis stretches and forearm flexor stretches.  This often works really well for me as it allows me to listen to the guided meditation, then extend the length a bit afterward to continue until the stretching is finished.

The focus of today’s meditation was about emotional reclamation. That is to say about not rejecting your emotions or feeling ashamed about them, but accepting them as they come and learning how to understand them and process them in a healthy way.  I really liked the Mr Rogers quote included in this meditation, which you can see in the graphic on the right.  It really speaks to me of how I’ve viewed and dealt with my emotions in the past, and the path forward to finding a better way in the present and the future.

Isabel Snail Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Cups, which is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition. This often translates into themes that have to do with emotional support and those in your life that are good listeners or are there for you on an emotional level.

Here we see Isabel Snail studying the book “Compassion 101” while chilling at the seashore with a cocktail.  To me the imagery here is a perfect representation of what this card is all about, for it is through the self assured Queen of Cups in our lives that are comfortable with their own emotions that we learn how to understand and process ours.  These people are kind and compassionate, and willing to help support you and teach you through their own experiences how to navigate the watery uncertainty of an emotional landscape.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a message about making sure we’re not rejecting help when it’s being offered. It’s great to be able to take on challenges head-on and push forward, but not if it’s going to bury your emotions in doing so.  Sometimes?  Having a Queen of Compassion on your side to keep you in touch with your emotions can help ensure that you don’t put on so much armor that you end up fighting alone… and lonely.

DECK USED:  ISABEL SNAIL TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question
: Where can I find the energy to sustain myself when I am struggling?

Miracle Tarot by Reiko Shimizu

Reading Summary: When in need of rest and recovery (Four of Swords), you need to slow down and conserve your energy (Knight of Swords Rx). Speak plainly during these times, whether this is in your thoughts or in communication with others (Queen of Swords).

Take Away: Beating around the bush is not your strong suit in the first place, and when you’re struggling and low on energy, trying to do so can be extremely draining.  People are used to your practical, logic-leaning brain and they are rarely taken by surprise when you’re blunt or speak plainly, so when you are feeling you need to rest and recover?  Stop trying to soften your words and beat around the bush. Just speak clearly and it’ll sort itself out just fine.

DECK USED:  MIRACLE TAROT BY REIKO SHIMIZU

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can you go about adding more fun and play into your life?

Isabel Snail TarotReading Summary: Don’t spend so much time struggling to balance responsibility (King of Thorns) with overwhelm (Ten of Wands).  Find a better path (Three of Wands).

Take Away: This is the fatal flaw in my balancing act, yeah? For a really long time, instead of trying to balance home and work… I was trying to balance responsibilities and my sense of overwhelm. Although this allowed me to get a great deal done? It didn’t allow for any personal time at all, let alone time for things like fun and games.

In the past couple of years I’ve been working at finding a better path, and keeping my focus on a balance between self care and work instead of work and overwhelm. This has allowed for me to care more for myself and fill some of those needs I have been neglecting so long.   The Three of Wands indicates that this same path can also be used to find time for play.  I only have to look for the fun and it will be there for me, ready and waiting to come with me on the journey forward.

DECK USED:  ISABEL SNAIL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a nap even though I wanted to spend that time with Gideon.  I was having some stomach issues and the nap seemed to help a bit, or maybe it was the Imodium… or both.

Generosity Is For All

Today’s meditation was skipped because it’s an orders day.  I think I’m going to fit this in as a regular thing, as I’m wondering if it will help me in finding a better balance and not avoiding my meditation if on the days when I am the absolute most busy (Mondays and Thursdays) I just skip the meditation entirely and don’t feel guilty about it.

We’ll give it a try this month and see how it goes.

Good Karma Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of generosity, sharing, equality, and finding balance through distribution of wealth and/or privilege.

It’s the last of those (distribution of wealth) that I see here in this card.  Between the two figures grows a money tree, and it’s not clear in the imagery who the tree belongs to  Nor is it clear in the imagery who the coin belongs to.  Is it being given from left to right?  Or was it handed over from right to left?

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a reminder that generosity isn’t just for others. It’s also for the self.

We, as humans, need a certain amount of self care. It’s a necessity.  This does not make us weak, nor should we be looking at others and being understanding of their needs… and yet harsh with ourselves for our own.  Your needs are just as valid as everyone else’s, so stop beating yourself up for that nap, or meditation, or break, or little extra bit of self care you do for yourself, or want to do but keep fighting against. Be as generous with yourself as you are with others. You deserve that self care and generosity just as much as others do.

DECK USED:  GOOD KARMA TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

Raven Willow Tarot’s Emotional Exploration Prompt
Question
: How can I better cope with my times of deep depression?

Conference of the Birds Tarot

Reading Summary: Use that time to learn a new skill that you were passionate enough to write down in your ideas book (Knave of Wands), and lean on others for help (Three of Pentacles). Keep your eye on the prize (Knight of Swords).

Take Away:  Unlike sadness (which is what this question originally referenced), depression is a condition that you can’t just lift yourself out of. It’s something you have to ride out. I my case, it has a distinct pattern to it.  A descent, a brief pause at the bottom of the pit, and then a slow climb back up to normal. This pattern takes about 2-3 months to complete.

The advice here is that during this time, when I realize that the onset and descent is upon me, dip into my ideas book and pick out an idea that I was passionate enough to write down, and begin to explore that skill.   These 2-3 months become “lost time” later, where the entirety of the time is wiped from my memory, but the skills learned will remain like muscle memory.  So in a way, it would be like osmosis.  Like coming out of the depression is “waking up” and while I was “asleep” I learned a new skill.

Added to this is a reminder to ask for help.  Don’t just fall into the depressive pit and forget that others are there to help you in keeping everything going smoothly. All of the responsibility does not need to rest on your shoulders alone, and especially not during times when you’re struggling with depression.

The third piece of advice is about focus. It’s about making sure that I remember that the depression is only temporary, and that it won’t last forever.  Keep moving forward, keep looking for the light.  Keep climbing.  Don’t give up.

DECK USED:  CONFERENCE OF THE BIRDS TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How would you benefit from adding more fun and play into your life?

Good Karma TarotReading Summary:  I would look at running my business in a new light (King of Wands atop Hanged Woman) and build stronger connections with those closest to me (Two of Cups) while still remaining in control of where I want things to go and leading the way for those others in my life to do the same (Queen of Swords).

Take Away: This sounds like such a good idea but I have such a hard block to the whole “Fun and Play” thing that it becomes really hard to view my business in this light, regardless of the fact that I enjoy making jewelry and most everything involved in that. 

I understand that changing my perspective will relieve a good deal of stress I carry on my shoulders, though, and give me a deeper connection with those that I work with (my sister and Z).  I’m just not entirely sure how to instill that sense of fun and play into the process without losing track of the control needed to make sure everything gets done and runs smoothly.   Which is where the Queen of Swords comes in, as this card indicates that there is indeed a way to do it and make it work, but it will take some effort and “building of experience” to get there.

DECK USED:  GOOD KARMA TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took some time to chill with my flowers out on the balcony today even though it’s an orders day.  And I took an ibuprofen for my headache instead of just suffering with it and hoping it would go away on its own.

Give Yourself Credit

Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with an interval timer added in for my piriformis stretching and forearm flexor stretching.

The focus of today’s meditation was about anxiety and worry, and how sometimes we get so wrapped up in the habit of worrying about things that we forget to look at how unlikely those things we’re worried about are to actually happening.  We lose sight of realism, and lean into projected thoughts which, when we’re worrying about something, can then lead to self fulfilling prophesy.

Better is to have a touch of self awareness so that when you start stewing over something and worrying at it, that you can look at what you’re worried about realistically and give yourself a sort of “reality check” on the likelihood of those worries actually coming to fruition.

The Darlings Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s home life, finances, resources, health, manifestations, and the physical world.  This often translates into themes that have to do with nurturing and supportive energies that are strongly grounded and based in strength and purpose.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is the sheer amount of abundance represented here.  The oversized coin.  The plethora of roses and leaves and greenery. The many, many pears piled up around the base of the queen’s throne.   Even the queen with her long hair and long ears, and yards and yards of dress.  She is blessed and willing to share… all you need to do is ask.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today is a reminder that you have more to offer than you think you do.  Sometimes we all get down on ourselves. We take for granted what we have to offer to others, or what we give to others.  What seems like a small thing to us, or “nothing” to us, could be huge to someone else.  Even things such as smiles, five minutes of your time, an offered pen when there isn’t one handy… these things can change someone else’s entire day for the better.  So don’t discount what you have to offer the world, and don’t be down on yourself for not offering more.

DECK USED:  THE DARLINGS TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Reap & Sow Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I best work with the energies available to me this month?

Reading Summary: You’re going to have to pick and choose (Seven of Cups) what you go after (The Seeker), and set the rest aside (Five of Cups).

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question:
Tools available to me this month from my “tool box”.

Lua TarotReading Summary: Enthusiasm and alacrity (Eight of Wands) especially when your loved ones and “comfort zone” are involved in the mix (Ten of Cups).  Hope and your spiritual connection to the elements (The Star).

Take Away:  So, I combined two different challenges together for this reading as I felt that they fit really well. 

The message here is that during the month of May, I am being given the opportunity to hone down on my path and the direction I want to take things, but it will require letting go of a few things in order to make room for those things I want to go after to grow and flourish.

In order to do this, it will help to remember to focus on those things that create an element of enthusiasm for me and that I am drawn to due to the emotional comfort and security they bring. My deep connection to my spirituality and the elements, as well as my efforts and commitment to foster hope and positivity in my life will help in making these decisions as well.

DECK USED:  LUA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What in life lights fire to your creative spark?

The Darlings TarotReading Summary: Healthy alone time (The Hermit). Gratitude (Nine of Pentacles). Getting worked up to the point where I say “Fuck it, I’ll do it my own damned way” (Eight of Cups).

Take Away: Alone time that allows me to connect with myself and with nature.  Time spent among the trees on my own, allowing me to really tap into the forest and, while doing so, give myself space and time to tap into myself. Forest bathing allows me this time and connection as nothing else can and I always come back from these times in nature feeling refreshed and ready to create.

Taking time to really tap into what I value in my life and my accomplishments also lights the fire of my creative spark.  It reminds me of what I’m capable of, what I’ve managed to accomplish, and what potential I have to move forward and do more. It reminds me of the opportunities that have been given to me, that I’ve earned along the way, and that are waiting for me in the future.  This view of what I’m grateful for and future potential is inspiring.

Sometimes?  It’s all about opposition.  Not in the way of fighting with others or obstacles in my way, but rather the frustration of seeing things done a different way, a more difficult way, or being told “this is the only way”.  In these moments I can often become oppositional and my creative spark flares as I seek out a better way that will fit me and my methods more comfortably.

DECK USED:  THE DARLINGS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a nap!  I didn’t want to take a nap, but I did.  And I feel much better for having done so.

Social Faux Pas Worries

Today’s meditation was thirty eight minutes long, and was a bit different than the norm. foxi ☾, who is one of our members (also moderator) on the Tarotholics Discord server has started doing occasional guided meditations on the server and he did the first one the other day. They were kind enough to record it so that those that couldn’t attend when it was going live could listen back later.

There was nothing in the meditation that created a negative reaction with my synesthesia and I found their voice very relaxing.  There were a couple of things that didn’t really match with my beliefs (like the mention of “the creator”), but it was easy enough to change those moments into something in my mind that did match such as “the energy of creation” and, all in all?  It was a terrific meditation.  The best I’ve done in quite some time.

The Gentle Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Two of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of unity, attraction, and harmonious partnerships.  It is not just about romantic love, but about finding that mutual connection with others…. that thing that makes two people just “click” and be on the same wavelength.

In my life, I often feel a weird sort of negative anticipation when it comes to working with and interacting with others. Almost trepidation, which keeps me careful and watchful of what I say and how I say it long after most around me have transitioned to being comfortable.

It’s like…. I worry continuously that I will misstep, say the wrong thing, insult or anger them, etc.  This is from my upbringing, and never being able to say anything right.  It has been reinforced by some pretty epic fall-outs of friendships over the years.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message here is a reminder that some of the lessons that we carry with us can create struggles in our present lives, and that those struggles can often influence or affect others.  It’s a reminder that it’s important not to get too down on yourself for these struggles and setbacks.  We’re all doing the best we can to relate to and connect with one another.  Sometimes it works… sometimes, sadly, things go wrong. It doesn’t mean you should give up.  Not on connecting with others, not in yourself, and not in others either.

DECK USED:  THE GENTLE TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question:
Beltane – The Seed, The Work, The Bloom

Forest Creatures Tarot 2nd Edition

Reading Summary: You push to do better (The Seed – Six of Wands) because you care about others in your life and want to create a safe, stable, and secure home (The Work – Ten of Coins). But it’s never going to be enough (The Bloom – Five of Cups).

Take Away: You can only depend on yourself to judge what is “good enough”.  If you wait for others to tell you what’s good enough, you’ll work yourself to the bone and never get the okay, or you’ll constantly be cutting your potential short because other’s standards don’t coincide with your own.

DECK USED:  FOREST CREATURES TAROT 2ND EDITION

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: Do the Beltane Spread

The Gentle TarotDandelion : How can I use my inner strength to help me in healing old wounds?

The Hierophant – Own the lessons learned from these old experiences and carry them forward to help others. In sharing your experiences and lessons you’ve learned with others, you heal yourself in the process.

Bee : Where could I put in more effort to help my community?

The Chariot – Give what you can and don’t worry about the rest.  It’s not all up to you.  You can offer without taking on responsibility, and that would be the best and healthiest way for you to provide more to the community.

Garnet : What do I need in order to foster a greater sense of self-empowerment?

Two of Thunder – A stronger sense of decisiveness.  Sometimes it can be hard to weigh choices and make a decision.  Sometimes, I have a habit of standing back to watch and wait a bit instead of deciding right away.  To foster self-empowerment, working on less “waiting” time and a bit more immediacy to my decision making process could help.

Swallow : Where do I need to more openly display my love and loyalty to others?

Flower of Thunder – My mother.  I need to find a  way to connect with my mother that does not result in us clashing all the time.  It always seems that we end up at odds, and as much as I want to build some sort of relationship with her, it’s something that I’ve struggled with for years.

Malachite : How can I better use intention to bolster the abundance in my life moving forward?

Judgement – I need to make sure that I am focusing on where I want my life to go and what I really want to do with it.  This isn’t about careers, but about the man that I want to be and the people I want to surround myself with.  I will then be able to bolster the abundance in my life by the simple act of keeping my focus upon these things.

Goat : How can I best overcome obstacles before me at this time?

Three of Cups – Reach out to those that are nearest and dearest and allow them to not just help me out, but bring a sense of fun and celebration into the process. Obstacles just don’t seem as tall and imposing when you’re smiling and laughing, and you need them to help give you that lift.

Primrose : How can I add more of the exuberance of young love to my life?

The Emperor – Claim it.  Acknowledge it.  It’s already mine.  The relationship that I have with Gideon may be coming on 13 years long now, but it also often feels like it’s still shiny and brand new.

DECK USED:  THE GENTLE TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I deleted a handful of posts that I’d fallen behind on here on the blog instead of trying to play “catch up”.   I hate it when I have to do that, but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and a good deal of weight is lifted off my shoulders when I let go of the “catch up” and just start from now.