Morning Bonus Read – Finding Growth in Change

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
This week, take some time with your divination tools to delve deep into the shadow work surrounding the death topics you have been reflecting on in the previous weeks.

It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown Playing CardsWhat unforeseen ramifications will this death (from last week’s reading) have in my life?

King of Hearts – By finding a way to kill off my need to overburden myself with responsibilities, it will allow me to not just develop a stronger emotional intelligence, but also find a stronger connection with Gideon… probably through the fact that I would have more time to spend with him instead of being stuck in burnout.

Five of Clubs – The death of this habit may also cause a good deal of inner conflict, as I struggle with my ambitions and how to keep them from pushing me too far.

What old wounds are being brought up with this death?

Queen of Hearts – Self neglect is not the only kind of neglect that is seen here in this card.  The space provided in my life can provide space for ruminations on my mother as well and her neglect.  These are disappointments I’ve primarily put on the back burner that are at risk of rising up without enough distraction to keep them shoved in their corner.

Four of Clubs – Again, family disappointment rises up in the space left behind by the death of this habit. It’s always been rather painful to me to go back home and not be enthusiastically welcomed in as L is.  It’s a struggle to see how L is doted on by our mother (and at one time our father) while my presence was looked upon as an inconvenience or “free labor”.

Both of these old wounds are things that I now have a bit of warning about coming up, and thus can hopefully manage to circumvent a bit so that they do not become too painful.

What aspects of myself is becoming more clear through this death?

Nine of Clubs – That part of my self that needs to protect itself at all costs, and why it is alive and thriving within me even now, as well as the methods I’ve used to create those protections.  ie: Overburdening yourself as a distraction.

Eight of Clubs – The ability to motivate myself into moving on my interests and passionate endeavors. I’ve felt very unenthusiastic lately about… pretty much everything.  The Eight of Clubs indicates that I will rediscover some balance in this area and, as a result, my enthusiasm and motivation.

Ace of Spades – Along with the resurrection of my enthusiasm, new ideas are also a potential development of the death of this bad habit of mine. The lack of ideas has been lingering along with the motivation issues, which is really unusual for me.

All of these sound like excellent developments in understanding myself and finding my joy and motivation in my creative endeavors again.


One thought on “Morning Bonus Read – Finding Growth in Change

  1. Time with you is always a wonderful treat and a joy for me. No matter how much time we get it never feels like enough and I always crave more. A consequence of loving fully and deeply, hm?

    Though anything that strengthens our connection gets my vote. And yes giving up the habit of over burdening yourself will definitely cause inner conflict but you can work past that as you did this summer.

    As for those disappointments regarding visits to your mother and your mother in general…it’s something you are going to have to deal with eventually baby. I know it’s not pleasant and goddamn it makes me angry on your behalf but for your own peace of mind you need to come me to terms with at least those expectations that she always fails to live up to. To brace yourself for those disappointments so they don’t hurt do bad…or just refuse to go and allow her to hurt you.

    I know and understand that the refusal is really hard for you too. I can’t help but want to protect you. I also can’t help wanting to give her a talking to and a not so nice piece of my mind.

    And yeah, you need to find that joy and enthusiasm. I know this season is really bumming you out but hopefully when it’s finished you will feel a little less burdened

    Liked by 1 person

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