The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“The very simplest, most basic premise of shadow work is that when our subconscious wants something different from our conscious, our conscious choices and magic are ineffective because they are being sabotaged by our unconscious. This book is pointing out that SOMETIMES (not always) when we see a repeating “negative” pattern in our lives, it is because that thing is fulfilling some subconscious desire. The only way forward is to drag that part of us out of the shadows and integrate or accept it so that we can consciously choose how to fulfill those desires instead of letting them drive our life. This is a very basic idea and there are obviously many facets to this, but this week, if you like, join me in exploring this most basic idea with one or more of these questions (or others if you so choose).”
Scarcity issues. God fuck do I ever have scarcity issues. It is a recurring problem in that it drives me constantly to try harder and do more, spurring my constant craving for security and stability to the point of near obsession.
What would I stand to lose if this negative pattern were to magically, suddenly disappear from my life?
Five of Spades
My fight. My push. As mentioned above, I use my scarcity issues as a motivational shove to get things done and stay on track with my plans, goals, and responsibilities. Without those issues there to create drive, things like depressive episodes and mood swings as well as a variety of other situations and distractions would make staying focused on those goals and responsibilities nearly impossible.
What feeling does this negative pattern give me that I might, deep down, secretly enjoy?
Four of Spades
Exhaustion after a job well done. Honestly? Burnout sucks ass, but it does occasionally create a perception of having done a lot and accomplished something. Otherwise, why would you be so tired?
Am I experiencing pleasure in relation to the guilt I feel for having and using this negative pattern?
Seven of Clubs
Yes. I’m fighting the good fight… Or I feel like I’m fighting the good fight using this negative pattern as a weapon against laziness, failure, and distraction. It feels empowering.
If I let go of guilt about this negative pattern, What feeling would be left?
King of Clubs
More strength and security to support my business and my endeavors. This last question was an interesting turn in perspective for me about this pattern of behavior. So often my negative patterns and behaviors are things that I feel need to be resolved or healed. Yet in this case, perhaps it is more about finding a balance of moderation instead.