That “Thank God It’s Over” Feeling

IMG_8889Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes, and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

Today’s meditation was about not allowing your emotions to “talk you into” skipping practice.  And… I almost skipped practice.  So this is fitting, yeah?  It did give me food for thought, though, as I had never really considred the times when I feel the need to avoid a self-care practice as emotionally driven.  I think that it is, though, on reflection of the idea.  I’m very much sure that it is, actually.   So I learned something new about myself today… even when I bury the fuck out of my emotions?  They still find ways to screw with me in unexpected ways. Not that I’m burying them right now, but I’ve been struggling with this avoidance/skipping issue for most of my life.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Four of WandsToday’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of themes to do with homecoming and celebration.

This is another of the cards in this deck that the words at the bottom of the card are non-traditional to the card and give me a moment’s pause, throwing me off a bit. 

This is actually the first card in this deck that doesn’t really “do it” for me.  Not only do the words at the bottom feel contrary to the traditional meaning of the card, but so too does the image.  The symbolic elements are there, but it just seems too dark.  There’s no celebration here, no welcoming warmth.  The courtyard is dreary, the wands and wreath are shadowed… the door is closed.

The thing is?  Sometimes homecomings (and perfect work, for that matter) go uncelebrated.  There’s no happy welcome, and no big to do.  Just relief.  Relief at a job finished.  Relief at finally waking through the door and setting down your keys.   Sometimes it’s not about the fanfare, it’s about leaning back against the door once you’re inside and going “thank god that’s over”.  That in itself is a sort of celebration.  Sometimes… it’s the absolute best kind of celebration.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question
: What is the current status of my {self-love} cup? {draw a cups card)

Garnet Witch Tarot - Five of CupsI freakin’ knew this card was going to come up.   It took three tries before a Cup card finally fell out of the deck, which really isn’t that bad all things considered.  I could have had to try twenty or thirty cards before getting a Cup.    That said?  Of course it was the Five of Cups. 

Why?   Because I’m dealing with depression right now and with depression comes great deal of disinterest in damned near anything and everything… including self care and self love.  Maybe especially self care and self love. My cups are spilled all over the floor, my emotions a mess and all I want to do is ignore them and hide from then and be miserable and dissatisfied.  Why?  Because that’s what the chemicals in my brain are demanding.   I’m just trying to do my best not to give in.

DECK USED:  GARNET WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What luck is coming your way, and how can you foster it into fruition?

Transire TarotWhat luck is coming my way?

The Sun – The opportunity to climb my ass out of this depression pit that I’ve fallen into, breathe fresh air, and feel the sun on my face again.

How can I foster it into fruition?

Five of Cups atop Eight of Pentacles – Don’t neglect your work or worry too much about your progress in this area.  It can take care of itself for a while if you just do what’s needed and let the rest go.  There’s no need to push.  You are more than capable and experienced enough to keep things running smoothly while you deal with the lackluster feelings of the depression and the work involved in climbing yourself out of the darkness.

DECK USED:  TRANSIRE TAROT
 

Daily Self Kindness

Today’s self kindness was in the form of allowing myself to spend the majority of my day lying down nursing a migraine. Instead of my natural inclination to try and plow through it and ignore it, I settled in a nice dark room with some migraine meds, and spent most of the day there trying to get it to ease up.

Personal Emotions and Reading Tarot

So, I had something else planned to post today, but then this topic kind of came up the other night in my mind while I was reading on the Philosophical Question about pleasure and evil. The thing is? I really did think that the answer was going to be a yes… and it wasn’t. It got me to thinking about how we all sometimes invest our own thoughts, opinions, or emotions into tarot reading. The “good readers” realize this when it’s happening, and are able to then step back from it and let the cards speak for themselves.

Usually, when people discuss times to take a break from reading tarot, at the top of that list is times when you are emotionally imbalanced. And I agree with this. When you are dealing with depression or anger, grief or other intense emotions, it’s not usually a good time to be reading tarot because your inner turmoil can influence your perspective on the cards and what they say.

This can, in turn, can create problems if you’re reading for yourself or others by causing the reading go awry from the intended message in the cards, or not be delivered in the healthiest ways.

In thinking about this topic after that reading I mentioned above, I was thinking about why it is that I’m still doing readings during this time when I’m dealing with my own depression. Shouldn’t I have stepped away from the cards? That’s what I have done in the past during these times, and it’s the safest thing to do usually.

But, I haven’t stepped back. I’ve cut down a bit with how many readings I’m doing, but I haven’t stopped entirely or cut back to just my “Positive Message” card of the day practice.

The thing is, though, although I am not reading for others right at the moment, because I’m going through a depression and need to make sure my delivery to my clients remains the caring and understanding tone that it always should be… I am continuing to read for myself.

This is not something I recommend, because of the reasons I already mentioned. That said, I am trying to see if I can level out my ability in reading even during these emotional times. Not just in this particular issue, but more… across the board whether happy or sad, depressed or upset, etc. I would like to grow to a point where my intuition and “reader’s voice” are not warped by my emotional balance and struggles, but instead continue to be objective and unbiased through these times.

This doesn’t mean that I would at some time in the future begin reading for others during these times when I’m struggling… but I think that even in just reading for myself this is something I can work on to become a better reader over all.