Holy Fury of Chaos

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I found it difficult to stay on track with the guided meditation.  In truth?  I can’t even remember what the theme of the meditation was about.  Just too much going on in my brain, I think.  It was all I could do to realize when my mind was straying and bring myself back to center again.

Knight of Wands - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Knight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a beta energy, personality, or person influencing the areas of one’s drive, ambition, and passions.

What I see in today’s card is chaos.   Aggression too, but chaos.  So much fucking chaos.  In fact, when I first saw this card today, there was so much chaos that I had a really hard time making out what the depiction in this card actually is.

The message in this card isn’t about the picture so much as about that chaos.  I couldn’t write this post yesterday (I’m writing it a day late and will back-date it here in the blog) because I couldn’t find… the message.  I couldn’t find the positive as all I could see was the confusion and chaos.

Today, I have the message.  Yes, the perception of chaos is still there and yes, it’s completely on match with everything that went on yesterday from being (temporarily.. I hope) laid off from all of my jobs other than the farm to the sudden tank in my online sales, the loss of medical benefits, the break in at the food bank and them being cleared out of everything they had, the lack of ANY food (or supplies to even make food from scratch) in grocery stores… every part of the stability I work so hard on and struggle and strive for so damned hard and depend on for my balance… ripped out from under me like a rug.  And thus… chaos.

The message here isn’t only about the chaos tho.  It’s about the Knight of Wands in a moment of chaos.  It’s about not giving up and pushing for your dreams even when things are difficult.  It’s about… not breaking under the strain that chaos can create.

I can do this.


#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
: Where would I most benefit from releasing control during this liminal time?

Eight Coins Tarot

Reading Summary:  These cards are about making the choice (The Lovers) to let go of my top space and allowing the natural balance of our relationship (Two of Cups) to fall back into place.  I don’t have to have all the tools all the time (The Magician Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve already made the choice to do this.  It’s time for us to fall back into balance and I feel good in letting you take back control.  I still think it’s kinda crappy that that top space doesn’t allow for giving the kind of aftercare I want to provide you with… but that last card makes it clear that it’s okay I don’t have all “the tools” and feels like a direct reflection on that perceived shortcoming.


#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
: How can I improve on where I am emotionally in the week ahead?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary: Work on staying grounded (King of Coins) and connecting with my strengths (Emperor) and focusing on my composure (Queen of Swords).

Take Away:  With everything up in the air and feeling so chaotic right now, the advice here is to tap into those grounded  emotions and calm composure in order to keep things calm and somewhat level emotionally.   I am more than capable of making it through these difficult times as long as I don’t allow myself to fall under the shadows of confusion, fear, or a mentality of victimization.  I am the solid foundation in my life when the world goes mad around me.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
: How can I better manage my inner critic?

Law of Attraction Tarot

Reading Summary:  Recognize when I’m being a dick (First Card) and take time to find a better approach (Second Card) that involves taking charge without lashing out (Third Card) at myself.  (Interpretation off imagery alone.)

Take Away:  My go-to way to motivate myself and push myself forward is to beat myself up and lash at myself like a bastard farmer whipping the ass of an oxen to make it pull the plow.  That lash, in my case, is my inner critic.  The cards indicate that I need to work at finding another way to motivate myself that doesn’t include beating myself up in the process.   So much easier said than done… but they’re not wrong.




One thought on “Holy Fury of Chaos

  1. It’s going to be okay, baby. I know things are scary right now, and rough and suck…but it’s going to be okay. This state of chaos isn’t going to last forever and you are a survivor. You are strong and brave and resourceful…it’s going to be okay.

    And there will be NO beating yourself up. You’re under enough stress and strain at the moment and I simply will not allow you to be your own worst enemy right now. Gid’s orders. *Grins* It’s time to curl up in my arms and let me be your strength for awhile after the day is done. I love you, my heart. Always.

    Liked by 1 person

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