My Courage – House – In knowing where I belong and that I have somewhere to go, I find myself more able to tap into my courage in other areas of my life. It is through the security and stability that having a home provides that makes everything in life just a bit more grounded… a bit more safe… and right.
My Ownership – Coffin – I take responsibility for myself and the consequences that come from my actions. This includes during times of depression, confusion, or when I am dealing with changes or endings that may cause a bit of a struggle. I own my pessimism, and the negative inner narrative that tries so hard to slide into over and over again, accepting that it is within my power to change these into something more positive.
My Forgiveness – Ring – I forgive myself for my tendency to over-commit and thus overburden myself. Instead of repeating this pattern again and again, I work to ease off on the number of my commitments and find a more manageable balance. (This is not forgiveness in the form of an offense needing forgiven, but rather in the the term “forgive” in the form of releasing.)
My Love – Fox – One of the things I love most about myself is my intelligence and cunning. These qualities allow me to find a path forward in the direction I wish to go in that aligns with my moral compass. Sometimes these methods might be unorthodox or even seem outright crazy, but there is method behind the madness as the necessity to keep my moral compass happy means sometimes it’s only through thinking outside the box I find a path forward that will work for me.
My Shame – Whip – My greatest shame is my self flagellation and the fact that I know it is not right… but can’t seem to help myself. That self destructive urge is a trickery that even when I watch out for it, manages to outsmart me and get the better of me again and again. I do not want to be this way or feel those urges… and yet they are inescapable.
My Guilt – Bouquet – The last time I felt guilty was at the grocery store a couple days ago. One of the stock guys was flirting with me and (unlike usually) I noticed. It felt nice to be flirted with and that made me feel super guilty because I’m so lucky to have Gideon and I love him so fucking much. It’s not as if I was even remotely tempted to “smell the flowers” of that offer, but the offer was still made and it… felt really good.
My Regret – Crossroads – I have very few regrets in life, but one of my biggest was in choosing to set aside my education and not get my degree. It’s not that this choice wasn’t understandable considering what happened in my life at the time and the recovery that had to come after. I do use my education in some of my work, as well. But, that doesn’t change the regret I feel now and then for the path I turned down back then.
My Fear – Woman – Turning into my mother is my greatest fear. She is so self serving. So conniving. So… focused on only her own goals, her own wants, her own desires, and her own rise in society that anything that does not serve those things for her is completely irrelevant to her, and anything that does is seen as something to control to her advantage like a chess piece. I am like her in so many ways, and yet… I don’t want to become anything like her in this regard. Ever.