Emotion Addressed In This Reading: An Irrational Sense of Overwhelm
1. SOURCE: What prompted this emotion? What lies at the root of it?
Five of Cups – Feelings of never enough / never good enough. This isn’t about social issues, which is its own beast and separate from this. This is about never feeling as if anything you do is enough. Not enough work, not enough effort, not enough quality, not enough perfection. It spurs from the echo of your parent’s voice in your head always telling you that “you can do better”. Get an A on a test… “you could do better, your penmanship is poor”. Get straight A’s in school… “you could do more, why aren’t you playing sports or doing extracurriculars?” It was never enough… never good enough. And somehow, it is an echo that has continued to push you forward, and beat you down, years and years after having left that environment and influence.
2. IMPACT: How is this emotion affecting me now? How is it riding me?
Eight of Wands – Push. Push. Push. Push. That feeling of never enough and never good enough pushes you to always strive for more. More output. More perfection. Just… more. It’s not enough to make beautiful jewelry, it has to be perfect. It’s not enough to sell enough that you’re working the majority of every day’s hours, sell more. Do more. Make more. Be better. Always… no matter how much or how well you’re already doing.
3. NAVIGATION: How can I better harness, navigate, and channel it?
Two of Wands – Pick a direction. ONE direction. Pick a focus. ONE focus. Stop trying to do so much at once, and splitting your attention and your energy in so many directions at once. You can’t be in two places at once, and you only have two hands. Choose that direction, that focus, and leave the other stuff behind to possibly take up at another time.
4. MESSAGE: What is this emotion trying to tell me?
Knight of Swords – You’re pushing too hard and it’s taking you in the wrong direction (cat on the card is facing the past). All of this drive comes from an ugly place in your past and you need to work on moving forward, not backward. That includes recognizing and letting go of these influences that are not healthy and only perpetuate self abuse through impulsivity and misplaced determination.
5. TARGET: Best outcome/goal of working constructively with emotion.
King of Pentacles – Stability. Surety. Ownership. Resolving the issues surrounding this motion can allow you to find a more grounded and secure foundation in the present. This foundation then will influence all aspects of your life from your work to your home life and your feelings of security, providing a more comfortable and self assured outlook on your current life as well as future plans.
6a. OVERKILL: How does this emotion mislead me?
Six of Wands – This emotion and the history behind it that pushes it on misleads you by causing you to look outside your self for validation that you’re doing enough. No one else’s opinion on this topic matters. Only yours. You can’t earn the approval from those parents in your past, now that you’re in the present. That time is gone and there’s no one to judge how you do, what you do, or how much you do… except you.
6b. OVERKILL: How might it take me too far?
Page of Cups Rx – Taken too far, you lose your connection to your inner curiosity and creativity. You become beaten down by these judgements and start to feel like giving up. There is no more joy, and with no joy you begin to lose your sense of curiosity. Without that sense of curiosity to spark your creativity, that too begins to flag and falter.
Side Note: I spoke to my shrink about these issues yesterday and she suggested trying to compartmentalize my past from my present. To help me in remembering that the past is the past, a different chapter in a book… read and left behind. I am in a new chapter now than I was then. In doing this, she suggests that it might help me in letting go of those feelings of “not enough / not good enough” as well as the feelings concerning fear of scarcity.