Feels I’m Feeling
The Devil – Temptation to self destruct. Anti-depressants are a massive help to keeping me well balanced, but they don’t resolve everything. This temptation comes and goes. Sometimes it is stronger than others. This isn’t about death, but rather about turning my entire life upside down, and razing the entire thing and everything I’ve worked for and built to the ground. This temptation is sneaky… slipping in to try and nudge and whisper, insidious and conniving as it works to tempt me astray.
The World – Potential for the new and different. I can see it glimmering in the distance, that promise of something new and better, of growth and transition. I see it and sense it, I want to push for it and seize it… but I know that’s not how this works. Growth takes time.
Feels I’m Ignoring
Ace of Disks atop The Moon, Five of Disks
Financial uncertainty and scarcity issues. This is a very strong theme in my life, and a driving force of my motivation a great deal of the time. It’s a fear that I struggle with, and have struggled with ever since my emancipation from my parents at sixteen. I am, at this time, doing my best to accept that I’ve done well for myself. That I’m comfortable and safe, and that everything is stable. There is no need for this fear and no need for it to rule my life. I’m working at not allowing it to have such a loud and overpowering voice in my life.
Feels I Need To Embrace
Two of Staves – Pick a direction. Stagnancy sucks. I’ve felt like I’ve been stuck and waffling. I understand the need to pick a direction and I feel that I’ve begun that process. It’s just taking far longer than I’m comfortable with.
Nine of Cups – Gratitude directed toward the self and toward having put myself in a place where I now have the time and space to even do “the feels” at all.
Feels I Should Feel More Often
Death – Embracing change instead of fighting against it. It’s so hard not to struggle against change or fall into the feelings of fear and uncertainty that change can bring rise to. Not all change is bad, though. And even the change that feels bad? Sometimes turns out all the better for having happened. Embracing change is hard, but I’m working on doing so more and more.
Seven of Cups – Feeling empowered by my wealth of options instead of overwhelmed by them. This is a perspective change that I’m not always able to shift into. I can see it. That wealth of opportunity… but I can’t sometimes get my emotions to follow along with that positive perspective I can see. So, it’s like I can see it, but not quite touch it.
Feels I should Share With Others
Six of Swords – Discuss with them the desire you have to change direction.
Ten of Cups – Share this adventure with them and make them a part of the whole.