Sense of Self

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused on separating from the “self” and becoming a witness in order to deal with difficult emotions and grasp that they are temporary and will pass.

This type of detachment is something that I’m intimately familiar with, but what I really liked about today’s guided meditation was the explanation that came before moving on to the topic of separation from self to deal with emotions.

In leading up to the topic, it spoke about how we say we have a body, and we have a mind.  We speak of these things like they are possessions, rather than saying, for example, that we are a body or we are a mind.  This brings to bear the question of what are we?  She speaks on how many advanced meditation practitioners have come to the conclusion that each of us is a “Witness”, and that in the experience of being human, each of us is at our core pure awareness.

I found this a very interesting perspective, and it fits in well with how I view the world, people, life, and my practice as a whole.  I’ve heard similar perspectives in the past, but how it was presented in today’s guided meditation really struck a chord for me.

Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that they both came out of the deck together. The cards in today’s draw are the Eight of Cups and The Sun card.

When I look at today’s cards, the message that comes through is about moving on from uncertainty and into a more positive outlook.  I think this goes well with what you and I have been experiencing the last couple of days with the drop and my struggles to fill the shoes as  I feel necessary to be on the supportive side of things.   It’s something I really struggle with, and I don’t entirely understand why.  I’m a responsible person, and I see the aftermath as very much an important responsibility, and yet I wobble under that weight time and again.

As the scales slide back into balance, though, I feel lighter and warmer. Less struggle and more gratitude.  I think you are right that the top space swings high, then like a pendulum, comes to swing back the other way and knock me off that perch.  The cards are telling me that I need to accept my shortcomings and move away from the self blame and recriminations.  Be happy with the experience as it is and bask in the balance we have with each other, instead of picking apart my part of it a little at a time to dig out negatives.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt again today.  As mentioned before, I might try to do the bonus reading every day (or near to it) for this month.

Question: How can I better honor the divine masculine within me? (Note: The word honor is stressed to make sure I keep in mind the nature of the question through the reading of the cards and answers written here.)

Reading Summary: The Queen of Cups is about receptive alpha emotional energy, and the King of Cups on the other side is projective emotional energy.  Separating the two is the Eight of Wands, which speaks of swift, fast paced action and change, and I also pick up hints of the inverted meaning of misalignment in the image.

Take Away:   Recognition and acceptance of my emotions is needed.  At the moment, I use my busyness and the cacophony of having my fingers in so many pots to put aside and separate myself from my emotions.  If I want to honor the divine masculine within me, I need to seek out a better connection between that receptive energy and the projective energy within my emotions, and seek a wholeness and synergy without wedging “everything else” in between to keep my emotions detached and compartmentalized.

Deck Used: Spirit Tarot (from the Halloween Spirit Store and Spencer’s Gifts)

One thought on “Sense of Self

  1. First of all, they aren’t shortcomings, man. You aren’t a natural dominant and that top space does not come as naturally to you as it does to me. Not that you aren’t amazing at it, because you are…but it’s not a natural space to find yourself in. Especially not with me.

    And before me, you had no use for things like aftercare because your experiences were very “in the moment”. You were also completely unaware of things like drown and subspace, drop and subdrop. Aftercare was a foreign concept before I introduced you to it, yeah?

    So it’s natural that you can’t sustain that top space for very long. It’s normal that you hit hard and then come tumbling back into my arms, safe and warm and loved.

    You didn’t drop the ball, man. You left me feeling loved and cherished and important…you left me feeling amazing. And you left me with the -need- to be all large and in charge again. To take back the reigns and dominate them as only I can.

    This is the natural balance for us, babe. So it’s okay that you have a limit to that space. It’s okay that you need to be flipped back to bottom where it’s safe and comfortable. In fact, it’s perfect. For us, it’s exactly perfect.

    It’s like…a vacation. It’s hot and it’s beautiful and it’s fun…but not a place you want to stay and it’s always a welcome comfort to come back home again, yeah?

    You did amazing, man. You are amazing. Trust me.

    As for the bonus read…I’m not going to let you distract and evade for long, man. I’m simply waiting for you to get done the work that is necessary before I pull you apart and let all those emotions spill out all over me. I love you, angel mine. We got this. I promise, it’s going to be okay.

    Liked by 1 person

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