Don’t Be Such a Bastard

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on our internal dialogue and the language we use.   That is to say, how we talk to ourselves (whether aloud or in our heads).   It went into detail on asking why we would treat ourselves worse than how we treat others.  Are the things you say to yourself something you would ever say to another person?

In my case?  This is a hell no.  I know I’m very hard on myself, extremely judgemental of myself and very confrontational in my language to myself.  This is not how I am with others at all, and yet when it comes to myself… I’m mean as fuck.

The meditation encouraged noticing these times and, when you do, gentling your approach.   It is about being mindful of how you are treating yourself… and it’s something I definitely need to work on.

Today’s draw is (again) a double without a jumper.  In today’s draw we have the 8th card (in some decks this is the 11th card) of the Major Arcana, the Strength card which is represented here by a bee eater bird and a lion.  With the Strength card came the Seven of Pentacles, which in this deck is represented by the peacock.

Like all cards in the Major Arcana, the Strength card deals with the “bigger picture” of one’s life rather than one specific aspect of the human experience.  This card most often represents inner strength rather than outer strength, which includes courage, skills in persuasion and influence, as well as qualities of compassion.   In this deck, the strength card depicts a lion and a bee eater bird, which in the guidebook are described as….

Lion: power, protection, courage, patience, wisdom, and passion Bee Eater Bird: unity, family, tranquility, support, comfort, and balance

The Seven of Pentacles is a representation of progress, sudden leaps ahead, and the unknown in the area of finances, resources and the physical word.  It can also indicate the entrance of spirituality into a situation, and looking beyond the self.    This deck depicts the Seven of Pentacles as a Peacock, which in the guidebook holds the qualities of rebirth, confidence, victory, patience, resilience, and devotion.

Whew… that was a long one for definitions today.

My interpretation of the cards in today’s reading boils down to that I need to spend more time lifting myself up, rather than tearing myself down.  And, in doing so, I will foster more strength within myself and a calmer, more centered outlook concerning not just my family, but the world at large.

It’s a good message, as I have been struggling a bit with being a right bastard to myself lately, and I have a visit coming up with family that will do plenty of that “tearing down” for me.   I don’t need to be so harsh with myself, instead, now is a time to foster my strengths and build myself up for what is coming. (Which, of course, I’m referring to  either visiting those family members out east, or staying here and helping my mother through her surgery, depending on what she decides she wants to happen.)

Deck Used:  The Animism Tarot


One thought on “Don’t Be Such a Bastard

  1. You are always too hard on yourself and you really should be more kind in that aspect, love. Maybe you should pretend when involved in those internal conflicts, that I am listening in, hm? And you know in my range of hearing, NO ONE gets to talk to you like that. No one includes you.

    And you’re right, whichever choice ends up being the final answer, you need to be kinder to yourself as either scenerio will leave you torn down emotionally and dealing with more than you should have to.

    While I understand that your mother is going to give you grief and no small amount of guilt regardless of which destination is decided and who does the deciding and that you want HER to make that decision, I think at some point in the conversations to come(and I am certain there will be many) you need to say “Listen, mom, the choice is yours, we will do whatever you want, but we really think that we should be here with you when you have your surgery” I think that she needs to hear those words from you, no matter the outcome or which decision is made in the end.

    I love you, man. Always

    Liked by 1 person

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