Something To Say – An Emotive Rant At No One In Particular

So I watched an episode of the show “What Would You Do?” tonight, which I shared with you a bit in IMs earlier. But… I really wanted to write a post about it because, as you know, this is a really big issue that hits close to home.

On the show, it made me cry. Literally cry while I watched the kindness of some strangers… and the very realistic representation of the hurdles involved with this issue.

Although not deaf, in being mute I have a serious hurdle to overcome when out in public. It is a part of the reason that I often choose to have someone with me when I go out.

Still, I do plenty of errands and tasks out and about on my own, and you cannot imagine how often I run into problems. Whether I go out with paper and pen, my tablet to type messages on, or my phone that has multiple text-to-speech apps to use… there’s just some people that are completely intolerant to the hurdles involved with being non-vocal.

These people? Lift my chin and show them the scar so that they can understand I have no voice? And all you get is an “EW, WTF MAN?? That’s gross.”

There’s no empathy. There’s no understanding. No compassion. There’s no -effort- at all on their part.

I’ve had people I’ve tried to communicate with just snort at me and walk away. I’ve had them literally call me a “retard” and tell me that I shouldn’t be allowed outside my home alone.  These are people that work in a customer service industry.  Waiters, cashiers, retail employees…. people that should have SOME sort of temperance and make some sort of effort to understand and communicate.

I’m not a goddamned cripple.  I’m not mentally handicapped.  I don’t need a babysitter. I’m a grown fucking man that was attacked, died on my kitchen floor, and was brought back by paramedics to find myself forever  irreversibly injured in that attack.  I can communicate just fine as long as the other person is willing to put in a little effort beyond using their ears.   And yet?   That kind of behavior shown by the waiter in that show?  Is so very common.

It was really nice to see the people that stepped up, but as someone that deals with this issue on an everyday basis?  I can tell you from first hand experience, those kind souls are few and far between.   In my experience?  Most people would rather turn their head and pretend it’s not happening.

I don’t know why I’m posting this.  I think I just had to get it out.


History’s Quicksand

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on simplicity and the practice of activity seeking simplicity in one’s life over confusion and complexity.

This meditation goes along really well with the theme of yesterdays Self-Care Saturday spread, which was already posted here on the blog earlier this morning.  In the spread it essentially spoke about the same thing.

The meditation focused on how living more simply and embracing simplicity can help us in avoiding feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I really long for simplicity, and as you know I’ve put in place a plan to be able to ease up a bit in… just about six years.

I know that doesn’t help much right now, but I think that this exercise I do each day along with the meditation practice has definitely helped a lot with that constant feeling of juggling too much and feeling consistently overwhelmed by responsibility.

Today’s draw is yet another double without a jumper, as they came out together. This seems to be the week for double drops… or maybe the month for it? The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Cups (as the deer) and the Six of Cups (as the marbled salamander).

Both of these cards are representations based in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  The Five of Cups is an indication of struggles, tests, trials, conflict, and harshness, whereas the Six of cups is an indication of vitality, harmony, innocence, and memories.

These themes are reinforced by the animal representations in this deck, as in the guidebook, the deer’s keywords are innocence, compassion, insight, security, love, and wonder.  The marbled salamander’s keywords are awareness, growth, adaptation, faith, endurance, and change.

Combined as they are in today’s draw, these cards are telling me not to let memories of the past drag me down and close me off from the good I have in the present.

Sometimes when the memories come it’s hard to be kind to myself and it’s hard to let go. Memories of Greg and what happened with him.  Memories of the home invasion that happened at the hands of his friend later on.   Memories of the car accidents and recoveries I’ve been through, and the sometimes resentment and other times longing over the things I’ve lost (such as flexibility, a life without chronic pain, my voice, etc).

All of these things are a part of today’s draw, as today’s cards are a reminder that the past in the past for a reason, and although it’s important to learn lessons from the past, I need to remember to not get bogged down by what has happened and let it drag me down here in the present.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot


Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)


Week three of accountability on my Self Care Saturday spread in order to foster the motivation to write it down instead of just reading the spread, taking a picture, and moving on.

As I mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook.  This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

Usually, I use the same deck for a full month, but I switched out decks.  I love the Anna K and it’s colors and imagery and funny little faces.   BUT, I just received the Numinous Tarot and I was really feeling the urge to use it.   I think I will be keeping it for the rest of the month, although I might change the oracle for something that feels like a better pairing.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

BodyAce of Tomes – “The actions you are taking now, the plans you are creating, have the potential to become important future traditions.” (quoted from the deck’s guidebook) Plan Carefully!

MindNine of Candles – Persistence and Resilience. Strength gained through experience. Now is a time to utilize what life’s lessons have taught you.

EmotionsTwo of Candles – (Intuitive Hit) It’s okay to be vulnerable. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Inner Spark Ten of Candles – Do not weigh yourself down with too much at once.  There is nothing wrong with taking your time and doing one thing at a time.

Moving Away FromDuality – Less multi-tasking… better focus? (the latter part is more wishful thinking than anything read in the cards)

Heading TowardBurden – Here is why it is time to slow down, do careful planning, stay strong, and take good care of self.  Easing up on the multitasking, and being sure to bolster my confidence and take care of myself, will assist in lessening the sense of overwhelm that appears when my responsibilities are feeling like a burden.

From the fact that nearly this entire reading was in the Candles suit (aka Wands suit), the message is primarily concerning my ambitions, passions, and drive.

Moral of the Story – Be Kind to Yourself…. and make good choices!

Decks Used: Numinous Tarot, Shamanic Healing Oracle