The Impending Spring

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on how it is important to take small pauses within your day to center yourself and just breathe.

This is a sort of reset, and it is something that I do on the regular.  Stoplights and moments in parking lots are my friends, as they give me these pauses in which to just take a deep breath and -be- for a moment.  To set aside everything and stretch my inner soul.   Rainy days are also wonderful for this, as I often work outside and I can take a moment just to stand in the rain, my face to the sky, and soak in the scent and feel of the world when it is being washed clean and nourished.

These times give the tight clench of anxiety and awareness a moment to ease throughout my day, letting a touch of stress and concerns slough off briefly.   I also find when I am super stressed or dealing with my depression, these times are something lacking from my days.

Today’s draw is the Seven of Pentacles (the Peacock) which is a representation of progress and the unknown, as well as the entrance of spirituality and looking outside the self in the area of resources, the physical world, finance, and manifestation.

In the guidebook for this deck, the Peacock has been assigned the keywords of rebirth, confidence, victory, patience, resilience, and devotion.

Today, I see the Seven of Pentacles as perseverance.  If you look closely at the card, you see that behind and around the peacock the world is covered in snow and ice, with hints of the green sprouting up to break free into the sunlight.

It is a message of holding on.  Of leaning into the hard times in life and the times when life feels barren and wanting, because spring is coming.   Relief and release is coming. To me, the imagery in this card represents the cusp of that change, and offers hope for the times when I am stressed and worried, reminding me to always keep in mind that such situations and mindsets are temporary.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

Obsession

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I just wanted to muse for a bit on how much I love you… and how surprising it is that you don’t creep me the fuck out.

What I mean by that is to say that you take me by surprise in many ways.  One of these is in the  many ways in which you fit the “profile” of a stalker.

After all… you’re obsessive. Invasive. Highly focused. Extremely protective.  And in someone else?  These things being directed at me would absolutely set off a crap load of triggers and freak me out.

And yet with you?  Not at all.  You’re all mine, including that intensity with which you set your focus upon me.

It took me a long time to be comfortable with the sheer volume of attention you wanted to direct my way, though. Then again, it probably helped that I was a bit oblivious as well.

I remember being shocked at some of the things you remembered that I would have never thought to even notice. Quirks, shoe size, preferences on various innocuous things, and so much more. If I had not been so oblivious, you might have scared the ever living shit out of me.

As it was though, I became aware of the obsession gradually, only discovering more and more as you snuck your way deeper and deeper under my armor and before I knew it, you’d taken root there in my heart.

I love you.  Always.  All ways.