Sink Into It

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and nine seconds, and focused on the mindset of scarcity.   Struggling with a lack mentality is many times what causes people to overextend, overspend, over-commit, etc.    When in this mindset, always wanting more makes it difficult to be  happy and at peace.

This is a mentality that I personally struggle with quite a lot.  This and the fear of loss are the reasons that I work so much and push myself beyond my limits.  I fear losing my home.  I fear losing my security and comfort.   Having been in the situation where I was without so much, including a place to live for a while, it is what pushes me more than anything else.  And perhaps in some ways, these motivations are a good thing.

But, I DO understand that when that mindset of scarcity takes over, it can become problematic both to one’s physical health as well as mental health.

In the guided meditation, it speaks of a method to remove yourself from this mindset by focusing on gratitude rather than needs.   I think this is a really good message, and I have over the past few months really stepped up in my mindfulness concerning gratitude, although I’m not sure that it is helpful in my issues with scarcity, as gratitude can sometimes makes me feel like I want to hold on tighter to what I have.

This is an ongoing struggle for me and there is no resolution today, just a meandering wander through my thoughts on the matter.

Today’s draw is the 12th card in the Major Arcana, the Hanged Man.   This is a card that is near and dear to my heart, and one of my “deal breaker” cards for a deck.  (Meaning that if I don’t like the Hanged Man card in a deck, chances are very good I don’t and/or won’t want it.)   Like all cards in the Major Arcana, this card deals with one’s experiences as a whole and their journey on the path of life rather than just one aspect of that journey.

The Hanged Man is a representation of change in perspective, and taking a pause to look at something from all angles, as well as surrender and letting go.  In the Major Arcana, I view this card as the one that I most often relate to above all others, as it is the goal of looking at things from multiple perspectives that is one of the tenants of my life.  Life is not one dimensional, and although I may not agree with all view points, I very much want to be able to -see- them, understand them, and then decide for myself whether or not they “fit” for me or if I can take some greater understanding away from them.

The Hanged Man teaches, though, that sometimes in order to adjust your perspective, you must relax and sink into a receptive state of surrender.  If your walls are up, your mind and heart closed, then nothing is gained and nothing will change.  And that is very much a part of what the Hanged Man is all about… personal change.

That openness is the message in today’s card.  Early in the year, I was having a real problem with this.  With everything blocked and clogged up by the depression that slipped away with most of my spring, I remember feeling as if I was far more closed minded than I liked, and I very much disliked that in myself.   It’s not a mindset that I’m very familiar with, as although I am quite stubborn, I have a deep seated need to grasp other’s perspectives and it is one of the main ways in which I better relate to other people, as well as learn and grow.

I have found that lack of flexibility opening up in the months since the depression’s retreat, and the appearance of this card brings a conscious awareness to this aspect of the process of “getting back to myself”.

Deck Used: Student Tarot v5

One thought on “Sink Into It

  1. I understand that fear of losing what you have, love. Of trying sometimes “too” hard to hold onto it, to the point that you overextend yourself in order to make sure that you achieve your goals. Though you have done really well in the past month or two about striving to slow down, to appreciate the now and not to get so worked up about finishing it all -right now-

    I’m so proud of that.

    And I’m proud of how far you have come to getting back to yourself after the depression. It was a rough one for you, yeah? The worst you’ve had in several years and though it’s taking some time, you have bounced back beautifully.

    I have to say that the only good part about my own depression(and we both know there is still alot of guilt involved on my part for how you were hurt during that time, but the only good part about it is that it gave me a much better understanding and perspective for what you go through, for the sink and that long ass climb out…I think that my new understanding helps me to help bring you back again. It allows me to offer a hand instead of needing to question quite so much in worry that it’s me causing this stumble. You’ve also learned to open up and talk to me alot more recently, so that too helps and allows me to hold your hand on that journey out of the dark pit.

    I love you, angel mine. So much. I’m so lucky that you’re mine.
    11 years and I’m still learning new things about you, I’m still THRILLED with every moment with you. I’m still crushing and goddamn SO fucking in love with you. More and more every single day.

    Liked by 1 person

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