Today’s meditation was skipped today as it was an orders day.
Today’s draw is the Lovers card, which is traditionally a representation of love, marriage, successful unions, and (as is often the case for me in readings) making healthy choices aligned with what you want in life.
I have a hard time with self care sometimes. I just do. It’s linked into my self destructive tendencies, I’m pretty sure. There are just times when anything that is self care oriented sounds absolutely horribly miserable. This includes exercise, meditation, morning smoothies, going outside for fresh air, physiotherapy for my mobility, working with my plants on the balcony… even eating or showering.
These are all things that are necessary to a healthy me, and yet… things I sometimes struggle with them regardless of that fact. Making healthy choices for myself (which means doing these things that are simple and easy and yet feel so horribly unpleasant during those times) is extremely important and yet can become monumentally difficult at times due to this.
And, today is one of those days. Today’s cards are a reminder that need to do these things even when I don’t wanna. That I can do it, that it’s not as horrible or monumental as it feels like it is… and that I need need to not let that dark cloud of “meh” convince me to skip it.
DECK USED: CULT OF WEIMAR TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS
1 What part of me has been yearning to “get messy”?
Seven of Swords – The strategist is tired.
You know, I never really thought much about this before, but there’s some validity to that phrase. I plan and plot, I scheme and strategize… it is a constant cycle of weights and measures in my mind as I seek how to get the most out of every situation. How to make the most out of my time and energy.
What would it look like to not be constantly conniving and strategizing my life like this?
2 Why have I been censoring or editing myself?
Page of Swords Rx – I want to be kinder. I want to be a better person than the narrative in my head. This requires making sure I don’t spout off with answers or commentary without examining what I am going to say first in order to avoid being insensitive or worse. I don’t really consider this to be a bad thing.
3 Where/how did I learn that it’s not ok to be imperfect?
Two of Pentacles atop Nine of Cups – When I learned that not meeting the expectations of authority figures have consequences that imbalance myself and my life, turning everything on its ear. Namely, this is a lesson that my parents taught me. I was such a disappointment to them in so many different ways that I didn’t have any control over (sexuality, interests, etc), that I tried really hard to satisfy them in other ways in which I did have control over (perfectionism).
4 How can I release the tendency to self-censor?
Six of Cups – I am not my father. I need to leave those dark clouds from my past where they belong… in the past. It’s possible to have learned the lessons needed from these experiences and carry those lessons forward with you into the present without carrying those dark clouds with you as well.
5 How would creating more of a joyful “mess” benefit me?
The Architect (The Magician) – It would provide me with a new set of skills and tools to navigate life with. By being overly rigid, I am cutting myself off from these additional skills.
6 How can I get messy (i.e., let my hair down, color outside the lines, play like a child, etc) today?
The Moon Rx atop Five of Cups – Don’t allow uncertainty to steal away your enthusiasm.
DECK USED: NOISY MUSEUM TAROT
BekahMurphysMagic’s #IntuitiveHealingTarotChallenge Prompt
Questions for September 29th and 30th
Lean into optimism (The Sun), and ensure that you are making choices that keep your emotions (Seven of Cups) in balance with everything else going on in your life (Two of Pentacles).
Neglecting your emotional balance in deference to other goals and endeavors will damage your confidence on many levels, including how you interpret messages from your intuition. So, too, will allowing yourself to sink into a negative mindset.
What have I learned from healing and connecting with my intuition this month?
To stand back and take a breath (Five of Wands Rx). Success (Ace of Pentacles) doesn’t always necessarily require a forward leap (Ten of Cups).
This challenge was a reminder of how developed my intuition already is, and that sometimes it can be harmful to continually push to advance without taking time to sink into the growth I’ve already accomplished.
DECK USED: CULT OF WEIMAR TAROT
I forgot to type in what I did for myself today but considering my struggles with self care today, I think the fact that I had a smoothie with spinach added in is pretty damned good.