Month: August 2020

Be More Careful

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and took place in the bathtub.  I spent a great deal of time in the bathtub today actually.  What was supposed to be an hour in the tub with meditation and a little relaxation turned into two hours… and included a nap. Yes, I know that I need to be more careful about that.  I promise… it wasn’t intentional.  It was just so comfortable that I ended off dozing off.

Funny enough, I did my first reading for someone else in the tub today as well.   Mostly because I didn’t feel like getting my ass out and going to my reading table.   I have a few waterproof decks beside the bath so I just did it there and laid them out on the bath mat beside the tub.   Oddly?  I think it gave my interpretation ability a bit of a warmer tone.  Like… as in the reading seemed a bit more emotion based than normal.

Tarot of the Sidhe - Pan, The DevilToday’s draw is the Pan card (The Devil), which is traditionally a representation of temptations and self destructive behaviors.  This can include things like addictions as well as the development of bad habits, or allowing oneself to be “lead astray”.

This is me… sleeping in the tub.   I mean it’s really that clear to me in this moment.  I know it’s supposed to kind of look like sex or surrender, but what I see here in this imagery today is her… floating.  She looks like she’s floating.   In fact, when I first pulled this card today, I barely noticed the Pan at all, only her.

The message in this card is a warning that I need to pay attention to.  It tells me that sleeping in the tub is more than just “flirting” with danger, but is truly dangerous, and I need to make more of an effort to not doze off when I’m in there.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: What boundaries must be established for me to feel safe when confronting my trauma?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary: The Nine of Wands popped out while I was considering whether I wanted to have this question be about boundaries for myself or boundaries for others. This card indicates that the boundaries are about myself.

Both the Nine of Wands and the Queen of Swords are pointing to the past (to the left) indicating that I need to make sure that I am keeping my past out of my healing process.

The High Priestess indicates that in order to make the decisions on when my past can be incorporated and when I can’t, I need to look inside myself and make sure that I am taking a healthy path and not a hurtful one (indicated by the Priestess’ heart crossed arms).

Take Away:  My past is not there to help me heal… it’s what I’m healing from. I need to be judicious in how I incorporate my past into my healing journey in order to ensure it only does good and not harm.

DECK USED:  GYPSY PALACE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to hear right now?

Tarot of WhyReading Summary: It’s OK to take control (The Chariot) of your personal time and retreat when you need (Four of Swords) to as long as you’re doing it in healthy ways (Four of Cups) that make you happy and bring joy to your life (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading should be titled “Don’t Be A Sourpuss”.  If you’re going to take time for yourself, that’s okay… but make sure it’s for the right reasons.  Healthy reasons.  Don’t retreat just to wallow in a crappy mood or allow yourself to be a grump.  Alone time needs to be a time of restoration and enjoyment.

This is actually good advice because when I’m feeling grumpy and pessimistic, I have a habit of retreating into myself.  This habit has a purpose, as when I am dealing with an actual major depressive episode, this allows me to continue to function even though I’m a complete mess on the inside.  By pulling into myself, many people can’t even tell what’s really going on… and thus I can continue to put on the appearance that everything is fine and function normally under the observation of others.

The thing is, though, I don’t need to use this method outside of my MDEs.  It’s become a habit to retreat for any negative emotion, regardless of whether it’s clinical grade depression or not.   And that…. is not healthy.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF WHY

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best support and nurture positive growth in my community at this time?

Sacred Rose Tarot

Reading Summary: You have the tools (The Magician) to help others reason out (King of Swords) their conflicts (Five of Wands) and come to a resolution (King atop Five). Spend some time with your friends and have some fun (Three of Cups). You can bring them together and resolve their disagreements to restore positive balance in the relationship (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading is about J and his parents.  Both J and his dad are out of work right now, and living in the same house.  They butt heads a lot when they have to spend too much time together, which has been their situation for the past few months.

I stopped by J’s place today on my way home from my hike and threw horseshoes out in the yard with him and his dad.  His mom came to me before I left to give me her customary hug and thanked me.  She said that coming over helped disperse some of the tension in the house, and especially between J and his dad.  She told me I should come over more often and stop avoiding them because of the pandemic issues.

It was nice that I was able to help.  I very much do worry about the whole pandemic thing and accidentally bringing it to their home tho, just as J does… which is why he’s not hanging out over here at my house much these days.

DECK USED:  SACRED ROSE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I better focus on the future while being present in the present?

Tarot del Fuego

Reading Summary: When things build up and eventually get to a point of  noticeable change (Death), it can sometimes create an emotional mess from worry, pain, and sense of loss (Three of Swords). But, if you focus on your passions and hold steadfast to your goals in the present (King of Wands), you’ll have the tools you need to move forward into the future (The Magician).

seraphimSide Note:  You know, I just realized something about this deck. A lot of the imagery in these cards remind me of the Catholic representations of the higher hierarchy angels like the Seraphim and Cherubim. Multiple wings, multiple eyes… and just sayin’?  But the image I’ve chosen to share here in this post is one of the least freaky of the depictions I’ve seen.

Okay so back to the reading…

Take Away:  That’s the thing about the present, yeah?  It’s full of changes.  Every day there are changes, some good and some not so good.  Sometimes they slip by without being noticed, but other times it’s like you trip over them and skin both knees in the process.    Those changes that you trip over are why it’s so hard to stay in the present sometimes instead of becoming overly focused on the future.  The fear and other emotions they illicit make you want to turn away and look to something better, to disengage with the change and the feelings they create.

The cards here say that instead of disengaging by looking forward, a better path would be to focus on the things that spark your fire and keep you going.  Focus on what you can do now, and apply your attention and abilities to these things.  Let the future take care of itself.

DECK USED:  TAROT DEL FUEGO

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_2314Higher

The urge to climb
is strong and fierce
it pulls and tugs
demands more
more energy
more footsteps
more straining muscles
and panting breaths.
The craving for altitude
digs in deep claws
and pushes the body
to its limits.

Don’t stop… you can breathe at the top.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Morning Bonus Read – Surge Capacities

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This week I read an article about how all of our “surge capacities” are depleted right now. So! That’s this week’s prompt: some self-diagnosis of our mental and emotional capacities at the moment.”

Bones Playing Cards Dust Edition by Brain Vessel

Am I in or approaching mental burnout?
Queen of Clubs

Not at the moment.  I’m going strong and confident in my path, no particular burdens holding me down or keeping me from fulfilling my potential concerning my passions or my business.

Am I in or approaching emotional burnout?
Five of Hearts

Absolutely. Don’t allow your pessimistic side to take charge and overpower the efforts you’re making toward optimism.  Over the past week or so, that’s something I’ve definitely done, and it’s time to catch what’s going on and get back on the right track before the pessimism drags me down and tries to bury me.

In what ways will I continue to need to operate on “surge capacity” because I don’t have an option?
Ten of Spades

With the holiday rush right around the corner and preparations underway, you’re going to begin to feel the strain of added pressure and crave  that ending that comes at the end of the holidays.  It’s a long way off yet, and you have a long way to go.  Be prepared to accept that if that craving starts showing up early, you’re going to have to push through regardless of feeling you’ve reached the end of your rope.

In what ways am I expecting too much from myself and I can back down?
Two of Diamonds

You don’t have to juggle as much as you are.  When things feel like too much, it’s time to let some of those extraneous activities and responsibilities falling to the wayside.  This includes these readings and other related activities if needed.  You can only juggle so much, and especially during the holiday season, your paying responsibilities have to take priority over everything else.

What is one thing I can do to build my mental and emotional reserves back up?
Three of Hearts and Jack of Diamonds

Take time to slow down and spend time with your loved ones.   It can be hard to slow down, but in doing so you are taking a bit of the strain off  your shoulders instead of leaving yourself in a constant state of pressure.

Also, remember that those that love you want to help, and they want to support you. Make sure that you’re asking them for help when you feel like you’re moving at a crawl.

DECK USED: BONES PLAYING CARDS DUST EDITION BY BRIAN VESSEL

Always Be Prepared

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for the shifting of my piriformis stretches.   The topic of the guided meditation today was actually something that I think I needed to hear.

It’s about the semantics of language… and the power of language.  It’s about the importance of how we phrase things, because how we phrase things dictates in many ways how we internalize things.

For example… being conscious of changing phrases in our dialog (both internal and external) from  “I am angry” to “I feel angry”.   There is a very important, key difference between these two phrases.   That is because we are not our emotions. We feel our emotions.

Next World Tarot - The MagicianToday’s draw is the Magician card, which is traditionally a representation of… well, essentially… The Magician is “the man with all the tools”. You know that guy (or gal) that you always go to when you need a tool you don’t own, because you know they’ll have it… even if it’s a tool you’ve never heard of before? That’s the Magician. He has all the tools for any job, and he knows how to use them to get the job done.

Sometimes, these tools are not physical, but also mental.  And that’s what stands out to me in the imagery of this card. The titles of the books sitting before the woman are “Pathology”, “Herbal Medicine”, “Emergency First Response”, and “Feminist Theory”. She sits with a notebook invariably filled with notes and marked notations, post-it notes sticking out every which way. This is is a woman that is not just prepared (look at that pack sitting behind her) but also is preparing.

Today was the drive up north day, and this message was a reminder to make sure I had everything I needed for the trip.  That includes the new box of protein bars that has been sitting on the counter for almost a week, and a few extra bottles of water.   It means making sure I check the traffic before hand so that I can avoid the two accidents along the way that would have increased my drive time by at least two hours.  It means making sure I put my post office box key back in my wallet.

All of these things are things I did thanks to the reminder in this card this morning.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: How can I be proactive in expressing that I have these unreasonable expectations?

Anthro Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t (Eight of Cups). This is your problem (The Tower) from your childhood (Six of Cups) that you need to deal with.

Take Away:  The expectation that was revealed in yesterday’s reading was unrealistic and narcissistic.   No one can know what I need without me telling them. None of the people in my support system are psychic.  Although they are all willing to step in and help when needed? None of them can predict when that might be.  That’s what communication is for.    The fact that I avoid reaching out isn’t their problem, it’s mine.  It stems from my childhood and is something I need to work on.

DECK USED:  ANTHRO TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: This Month’s Lesson / Next Month’s Theme

Big Things In Small Packages TarotThis Month’s Lesson – The Emperor – I’ve had a couple of lessons this month, but the one mentioned here is that I am working on finding that balance between the new emotional depth I’ve discovered this year, and the authority and responsibility of life. Through most of the summer I have let my emotional growth take the lead, but now that it’s sliding into the fall, I need to start preparing for the upcoming holiday rush.  This month has been a lesson in finding that place of responsibility and control… while maintaining the new emotional openness and depth that I’ve been experiencing.

Next Month’s Theme – Queen of Cups – Where August was about finding a way to bring responsibility and control into the equation with my emotional growth, the Queen of Cups indicates that September’s theme will be about balance and stability in my emotions in a way that will work well with my responsibilities instead of against them.

DECK USED:  BIG THINGS IN SMALL PACKAGES TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Topic: Give a thought to what you want to attract or manifest before the end of 2020 and draw a card of confirmation.

Hero Analysis For the Future #79 MHA TarotWhat I want to Manifest – Super strong holiday season sales with lots of customers buying lots of expensive gifts from my online shops.

The Magician – You have all of the tools at your fingertips to make this happen. Even if there may be things that rise up to stand in your way, you have the tools and abilities necessary to defeat and/or circumvent these issues and continue on to your goal.

Keep your eye on the prize, because success is in your hands. It’s all up to you.

DECK USED:  HERO ANALYSIS FOR THE FUTURE #79 MHA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I best help others at this time?

Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Reading Summary: Bear witness (imagery in the Seven of Swords) to their pain (Three of Swords). Actively reach out with kindness (Knight of Cups), and give them something to be inspired by (King of Wands).

Take Away:  Although I am a good listener and always happy to be supportive and help others, I am not particularly skilled at “holding space”.   I am referring to that silent stillness of just sitting in silence with someone who is in distress or in pain.  I feel the need to fix things or actively help in some way.  I know that’s not always possible.

The cards here indicate that when these situations arise, it’s okay to both hold space… and provide hope and a sort of focus that can carry them through.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_9908I Know

that you said
I don’t need to apologize
and yet the urge is still there
again and again
the I’m sorry
even unspoken
hangs in the air
I know I did nothing wrong
but I have to say it again.

I’m sorry.  I love you.
Always. All ways.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Cleansing Your Decks

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I can’t remember where exactly this question came from.  It’s been lingering on my list of potential posts for quite some time now.  So for this week’s perspective post, we have a tarot question.

What in your opinion is the best way to clear and cleanse a tarot deck?

Sage

This actually depends on why I’m doing the clearing and cleansing.

If it’s a new deck in my collection, will almost always I do a very thorough smoke cleansing (one card at a time) while pushing my personal energy through the deck. I usually use a blend of garden sage (grown from my balcony) and cedar for this purpose.

Smoke cleansing like this does not just cleanse out bad energy, but all energy. That makes this method is especially good for use on used decks that come into my collection through friends and acquaintances (and the occasional purchase of an out of print deck). The smoke cleanses all residual energies from others out of the deck, and my own energy is then pushed into the cards in its place.

After I’ve done a smoke cleansing, I rarely cleanse a deck again other than through knocking (tapping the deck either on the palm of my hand or a solid surface) combined with the push of my personal energy through the cards. These are things I do every time I handle the deck. I will also occasionally put a deck back in order if it’s feeling a bit muffled or out of sorts, as resorting the deck into proper order seems to help set things to rights in those instances.

Every once in a while I will set decks out under the full moon with a bit of selenite on top of them. This is usually something that is spurred on by intuition’s inspiration. When I do this, I always put the deck back in order first.

As I allow others to handle my decks, there are times when a deck’s “voice” becomes more than just a bit muffled or out of sorts… this usually happens when someone has handled one of my decks that has a really “sticky” energy that just won’t shake loose through the knocking process. In these cases, I will return to doing another full smoke cleansing of each card with that intense shove of my energy through the deck again.