I Was a Jerk

Today’s meditation was non-existent.  As anticipated, I pulled an all-nighter last night to get through my orders and get them out to be shipped today.  I then made the trip up north to check my mail and… god it was a long drive.  Even with J along to drive part of the way.

Getting home, even if I shaved a good hour off the trip by driving like a nutcase, all I could think about was sleep. So… yeah.  I slept.  A lot.  And there was no meditation.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of today’s card is the expression on the woman’s face in the picture, and the lotus that she cups in her hands. She’s seen it all, she’s been beaten down and yet still has the strength to keep going, and the compassion to hold space and gentleness for the delicate lotus.

There is empathy here, and that is something that I really lacked today.  I’m so sorry about being a dick and making you cry. I love you so fucking much and just because I was tired and riding a bit of an anxiety wave is no excuse for treating you badly or being a jerk. I love you.


#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: What can I do to meet that need revealed in yesterday’s cards?


Reading Summary:  Own what you have done (King of Pentacles) with understanding (The Luminary) so that you can move forward (The World).

Take Away:  The need revealed in yesterday’s cards was about accepting the part that the past plays on our present and future instead of struggling against it.  Acceptance of this isn’t easy for me, but to meet that need head on I need to own my part in things and treat what has happened in the past with loving understanding and an open heart.  By not closing myself off to the influences of the past, I allow myself to move forward more smoothly into the future, and not end up stuck and stagnant.


#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I best advance on what was revealed in yesterday’s cards?

Big Things In Small Packages TarotReading Summary: Allow others to help you in getting things done (Three of Pentacles) so you don’t end up stuck in place (Four of Pentacles). Their help will create the motivation you need (Knight of Wands) while taking off some of the pressure you’re putting yourself under (hot tub imagery in the Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  Sometimes, even the smallest of things can feel like it’s just too much.  That overwhelm can create stagnancy as you hesitate to move forward under the pressure that is real regardless of being all in your mind.  By inviting others in to help, it takes some of that pressure off of you, and allows things to move forward more smoothly, creating momentum in the process.


Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Fire, when I am ready and willing to create, where do I begin?

Luminous Void Tarot

Reading Summary:  Make the choice (The Lovers) to go with what is familiar and what you are well versed in (King of Swords).  When you conquer these things (Five of Swords), it will give you confidence and success (Nine of Discs), as well as freedom to enjoy life rather than feeling under constant pressure (imagery in the Nine of Discs).

Take Away:  Although new ideas and projects are always shiny and tempting, sometimes when you start on a creative path, it’s the familiar things you do well that are more in need of your attention and more beneficial to your goals.  These familiar tasks are the path to success, even if you have to go to battle to get there.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What inspires me?

Hilda Tarot

Reading Summary: Collaboration in that I need someone to tell me when something is a bad idea (Three of Pentacles) so that my creative juices flow towards (Six of Cups) opening up to better methods (Nine of Wands Rx).

Take Away: I’m inspired by roadblocks.  I’m inspired by those that give me constructive feedback that allows me to search for answers and grow instead of shut me down.  Being open and not defensive with those that help provide me with this type of feedback stoke the creative fire within me that allows me to stretch my creativity and abilities.


Gideon’s Challenge


Silky soft
and welcoming
slippery and cool
it sits
ready and waiting
to welcome me in
with open arms
and softness.
Nuzzle in…
bliss awaits.

I miss my pillow.  With the subdrop and lack of sleep, I really don’t want to pull an all-nighter tonight, but there’s no other way to get everything done in time to ship orders out tomorrow.  I’ve felt like I’m moving at a snails pace all day long, and all I really want is my beautiful satin encased pillow to welcome me in.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography