Be More Careful

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and took place in the bathtub.  I spent a great deal of time in the bathtub today actually.  What was supposed to be an hour in the tub with meditation and a little relaxation turned into two hours… and included a nap. Yes, I know that I need to be more careful about that.  I promise… it wasn’t intentional.  It was just so comfortable that I ended off dozing off.

Funny enough, I did my first reading for someone else in the tub today as well.   Mostly because I didn’t feel like getting my ass out and going to my reading table.   I have a few waterproof decks beside the bath so I just did it there and laid them out on the bath mat beside the tub.   Oddly?  I think it gave my interpretation ability a bit of a warmer tone.  Like… as in the reading seemed a bit more emotion based than normal.

Tarot of the Sidhe - Pan, The DevilToday’s draw is the Pan card (The Devil), which is traditionally a representation of temptations and self destructive behaviors.  This can include things like addictions as well as the development of bad habits, or allowing oneself to be “lead astray”.

This is me… sleeping in the tub.   I mean it’s really that clear to me in this moment.  I know it’s supposed to kind of look like sex or surrender, but what I see here in this imagery today is her… floating.  She looks like she’s floating.   In fact, when I first pulled this card today, I barely noticed the Pan at all, only her.

The message in this card is a warning that I need to pay attention to.  It tells me that sleeping in the tub is more than just “flirting” with danger, but is truly dangerous, and I need to make more of an effort to not doze off when I’m in there.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: What boundaries must be established for me to feel safe when confronting my trauma?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary: The Nine of Wands popped out while I was considering whether I wanted to have this question be about boundaries for myself or boundaries for others. This card indicates that the boundaries are about myself.

Both the Nine of Wands and the Queen of Swords are pointing to the past (to the left) indicating that I need to make sure that I am keeping my past out of my healing process.

The High Priestess indicates that in order to make the decisions on when my past can be incorporated and when I can’t, I need to look inside myself and make sure that I am taking a healthy path and not a hurtful one (indicated by the Priestess’ heart crossed arms).

Take Away:  My past is not there to help me heal… it’s what I’m healing from. I need to be judicious in how I incorporate my past into my healing journey in order to ensure it only does good and not harm.

DECK USED:  GYPSY PALACE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to hear right now?

Tarot of WhyReading Summary: It’s OK to take control (The Chariot) of your personal time and retreat when you need (Four of Swords) to as long as you’re doing it in healthy ways (Four of Cups) that make you happy and bring joy to your life (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading should be titled “Don’t Be A Sourpuss”.  If you’re going to take time for yourself, that’s okay… but make sure it’s for the right reasons.  Healthy reasons.  Don’t retreat just to wallow in a crappy mood or allow yourself to be a grump.  Alone time needs to be a time of restoration and enjoyment.

This is actually good advice because when I’m feeling grumpy and pessimistic, I have a habit of retreating into myself.  This habit has a purpose, as when I am dealing with an actual major depressive episode, this allows me to continue to function even though I’m a complete mess on the inside.  By pulling into myself, many people can’t even tell what’s really going on… and thus I can continue to put on the appearance that everything is fine and function normally under the observation of others.

The thing is, though, I don’t need to use this method outside of my MDEs.  It’s become a habit to retreat for any negative emotion, regardless of whether it’s clinical grade depression or not.   And that…. is not healthy.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF WHY

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best support and nurture positive growth in my community at this time?

Sacred Rose Tarot

Reading Summary: You have the tools (The Magician) to help others reason out (King of Swords) their conflicts (Five of Wands) and come to a resolution (King atop Five). Spend some time with your friends and have some fun (Three of Cups). You can bring them together and resolve their disagreements to restore positive balance in the relationship (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading is about J and his parents.  Both J and his dad are out of work right now, and living in the same house.  They butt heads a lot when they have to spend too much time together, which has been their situation for the past few months.

I stopped by J’s place today on my way home from my hike and threw horseshoes out in the yard with him and his dad.  His mom came to me before I left to give me her customary hug and thanked me.  She said that coming over helped disperse some of the tension in the house, and especially between J and his dad.  She told me I should come over more often and stop avoiding them because of the pandemic issues.

It was nice that I was able to help.  I very much do worry about the whole pandemic thing and accidentally bringing it to their home tho, just as J does… which is why he’s not hanging out over here at my house much these days.

DECK USED:  SACRED ROSE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I better focus on the future while being present in the present?

Tarot del Fuego

Reading Summary: When things build up and eventually get to a point of  noticeable change (Death), it can sometimes create an emotional mess from worry, pain, and sense of loss (Three of Swords). But, if you focus on your passions and hold steadfast to your goals in the present (King of Wands), you’ll have the tools you need to move forward into the future (The Magician).

seraphimSide Note:  You know, I just realized something about this deck. A lot of the imagery in these cards remind me of the Catholic representations of the higher hierarchy angels like the Seraphim and Cherubim. Multiple wings, multiple eyes… and just sayin’?  But the image I’ve chosen to share here in this post is one of the least freaky of the depictions I’ve seen.

Okay so back to the reading…

Take Away:  That’s the thing about the present, yeah?  It’s full of changes.  Every day there are changes, some good and some not so good.  Sometimes they slip by without being noticed, but other times it’s like you trip over them and skin both knees in the process.    Those changes that you trip over are why it’s so hard to stay in the present sometimes instead of becoming overly focused on the future.  The fear and other emotions they illicit make you want to turn away and look to something better, to disengage with the change and the feelings they create.

The cards here say that instead of disengaging by looking forward, a better path would be to focus on the things that spark your fire and keep you going.  Focus on what you can do now, and apply your attention and abilities to these things.  Let the future take care of itself.

DECK USED:  TAROT DEL FUEGO

Gideon’s Challenge

IMG_2314Higher

The urge to climb
is strong and fierce
it pulls and tugs
demands more
more energy
more footsteps
more straining muscles
and panting breaths.
The craving for altitude
digs in deep claws
and pushes the body
to its limits.

Don’t stop… you can breathe at the top.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Morning Bonus Read – Surge Capacities

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
This week I read an article about how all of our “surge capacities” are depleted right now. So! That’s this week’s prompt: some self-diagnosis of our mental and emotional capacities at the moment.

Bones Playing Cards Dust Edition by Brain Vessel

Am I in or approaching mental burnout?
Queen of Clubs

Not at the moment.  I’m going strong and confident in my path, no particular burdens holding me down or keeping me from fulfilling my potential concerning my passions or my business.

Am I in or approaching emotional burnout?
Five of Hearts

Absolutely. Don’t allow your pessimistic side to take charge and overpower the efforts you’re making toward optimism.  Over the past week or so, that’s something I’ve definitely done, and it’s time to catch what’s going on and get back on the right track before the pessimism drags me down and tries to bury me.

In what ways will I continue to need to operate on “surge capacity” because I don’t have an option?
Ten of Spades

With the holiday rush right around the corner and preparations underway, you’re going to begin to feel the strain of added pressure and crave  that ending that comes at the end of the holidays.  It’s a long way off yet, and you have a long way to go.  Be prepared to accept that if that craving starts showing up early, you’re going to have to push through regardless of feeling you’ve reached the end of your rope.

In what ways am I expecting too much from myself and I can back down?
Two of Diamonds

You don’t have to juggle as much as you are.  When things feel like too much, it’s time to let some of those extraneous activities and responsibilities falling to the wayside.  This includes these readings and other related activities if needed.  You can only juggle so much, and especially during the holiday season, your paying responsibilities have to take priority over everything else.

What is one thing I can do to build my mental and emotional reserves back up?
Three of Hearts and Jack of Diamonds

Take time to slow down and spend time with your loved ones.   It can be hard to slow down, but in doing so you are taking a bit of the strain off  your shoulders instead of leaving yourself in a constant state of pressure.

Also, remember that those that love you want to help, and they want to support you. Make sure that you’re asking them for help when you feel like you’re moving at a crawl.

DECK USED: BONES PLAYING CARDS DUST EDITION BY BRIAN VESSEL