Hidden Playmate
Little slivers
prickly fruit
red temptation
looks like a treat
yet not to eat
see beyond
look underneath
a shy one waiting
for fun and games
coax them out
and lets go play
Month: August 2020
Exploration and Discovery
Today’s meditation was skipped in sacrifice to the gods of work. Essentially, I decided to put it off until bed time because I wanted to try and get my orders done a little earlier than normal. You know…. so I don’t have to pull an all nighter, yeah? So I did end up sacrificing a few things (like my meditation) in order to make that happen.
Today’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally interpreted as a representation of joy and happiness and lighthearted fun. It’s about successful endeavors and positivity.
No one specific aspect stood out to me in this card today other than the shining light in the sky that the girl in the picture reaches toward… and the fact that her shoelaces are untied (but tucked).
The laces actually bring back a memory. For the first few months after I emancipated from my parent’s home, I wore my shoes like that. Loose and untied with the laces tucked in out of the way. I’d always wanted to wear my laces that way, but when you wear your shoes untied, there is a habit of scraping your heels on the ground (or you have to march in order to not do so). My mother would not allow that, and thus it wasn’t until I was on my own that I tried it for myself. Turns out? The thunk of heels scraping with each step quickly got on my nerves as well. Although this wasn’t the reason my mother objected? It’s kind of funny that I ended up agreeing with her.
Hell of a digression, right? But maybe it’s not that much of a digression at all. For what I see in those shoelaces… and in the message of this card today, is that you have to try new things to know whether they’re for you or not. Discovering the things that make you happy and create joy in your heart is a process of trial and error.
Never lose the curiosity that fosters the discovery of new joyous moments.
DECK USED: NEXT WORLD TAROT
#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: How can I help prevent myself from comparing my healing journey to someone else’s?
Reading Summary: Everyone has lessons to learn in life, and most people don’t learn by just being given the answers (The Hierophant). Use your empathy (Queen of Cups) and communicate in an open and welcoming way instead of in a closed format (Page of Swords).
Take Away: The indication here is that in order to prevent myself from comparing my healing journey to someone else’s I need to remember that everyone’s path is different. Everyone’s experiences are different. Two people can, in fact, experience the exact same event… and process it entirely differently… this experience it entirely differently. Listen to others with an empathetic ear and keep your eyes and ears open to how their experiences differ from my own.
DECK USED: ODD HAND TAROT
#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: I Blame Myself For… / I Blame Others For…
I Blame Myself For – I blame myself for when my mind and thought processes become fuzzy and clouded (King of Swords Rx) which then results in me dropping the ball concerning my responsibilities and obligations (Two of Pentacles).
There are times when I seem to step into this “foggy” brain space that will last for a few days or even a couple of weeks. It’s not depression, but rather just a lack of clarity and mental “crispness”. During these times, I often end up making a lot of stupid mistakes and my time management skills become pretty dismal. That in turn effects my juggling of all the different responsibilities on my plate.
I Blame Others For – Four of Cups and Wheel of Fortune (imagery based) – I blame others for my apathetic opinion of society. There is so much about the world that I accept with ease, but society is not really one of those things.
The reasons for this are many… and yet they all boil down to other people’s behavior… other people’s mentality… other people’s stupidity. With every year that passes, I find myself less and less optimistic about humanity at a whole, and more disappointing in what I see in so many.
DECK USED: TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS
Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Focus on your third eye and draw a card in answer to: Where am I asked to follow or listen to my intuition?
Ten of Discs – My dreams are very much based in the stability and security that is represented in the Ten of Discs. It is, without fail, my greatest focus, and although I have over time adjusted what I consider to be the definition of that stability and security, and my view of how to achieve it… the concept of stability and security remains my focus.
The thing is, though, that following your dreams is about more than just logic and reason… no matter how comfortable it is to fall back on these things. Sometimes you have to follow your gut to know what to do, and to know what’s right. These things can’t always be reasoned out, but instead have to be felt.
DECK USED: LUMINOUS VOID TAROT
#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I need to forgive myself?
Reading Summary: Getting fucked over (Seven of Wands) sucks and its easy to internalize these bad experiences (Nine of Swords) and allow the experience to become a heavy burden (Knight of Pentacles Rx). How you deal with these things determines whether or not you and your life stays in balance (Two of Pentacles).
Take Away: The times I have been hurt by others, and I have chosen to internalize that hurt instead of placing the blame where it belongs… on them. I have a habit holding myself culpable, even though the blame isn’t mine to own. I need to release this blame. Let it go.
DECK USED: BIG THINGS IN SMALL PACKAGES TAROT
Gideon’s Challenge
Symbiosis
Calloused hands
and hungry lips
coiled arms
the slam of hips
Your fist so tight
you are my air
you have my trust
I know you care
drag me under
and set me free
I want you to devour me
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Morning Bonus Read – Lessons
The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This year has been rough for us all, we’re just past the mid point fast approaching autumn.”
What lessons have you learned so far?
Seven of Hearts, Queen of Hearts, Nine of Diamonds
Making choices using the heart isn’t as detrimental to that structure an stability I constantly crave that I thought it would be. I can’t say that it’s something I’d want to practice all the time, but it’s okay to choose to be kind to myself instead of pushing all the time. It’s okay to listen to what my heart says I need to instead of constantly directing all decisions through either the head or intuition…. allowing the heart to have a say will not be the end of the world.
How will it aid you in the coming months?
Ten of Hearts atop Nine of Spades, Ace of Hearts, King of Clubs
I will be able to use the emotional fulfillment that allowing my heart have a say provides to combat the hoard of anxiety waiting for me as the holiday rush approaches and then crests to crash over me. The new growth I’ve managed this year emotionally will help to reinforce my drive and determination during that time of heavy pressure and stress.
Take Away – I’ve been avoiding my emotions for the majority of my life, boxing them up, caging them away, and burying them deep. Not just bad emotions, but the majority of my emotions. This year I’ve learned that allowing emotions out to breathe isn’t going to cause everything I’ve worked for to fall down around me. I may not be able to always identify what I’m feeling, but I was wrong about the catastrophic destruction they would inflict upon my life. The cards in the second half of this reading indicate that the emotional growth I’ve experienced this year will result in making me stronger under pressure when it counts the most.
DECK USED: GENERAL ADMISSION PLAYING CARDS BY KINGS WILD PROJECT
No Crown Please
Today’s meditation was eleven minutes long and was a combination of a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching. After the advice of my Self Care Saturday reading this week, I was planning to incorporate some selenite and black tourmaline into my meditation, but I forgot. I’ll do that tomorrow.
The topic of the guided meditation today was about allowing yourself to accept those things you don’t like about yourself, essentially accepting your shadow side, so that you can become a stronger and more completely whole person through the healing that that acceptance inspires.
Today’s draw is the Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of authority and leadership in the form of a “father” figure. This is the father that rules with an iron fist, and yet always with the best interests of his family in his heart. Strong, and filled with determination, discipline, and control.
I don’t usually consider chaos a part of the Emperor card, but the imagery on this card very much strikes me as… chaotic. It reminds me of the representation of this card in the Japaritze Tarot, where the title of the card is “War” instead of “The Emperor”.
What I see here is chaos. And sacrifice. All for the greater good. And unlike chaos on its own, that is definitely something I feel is a part of the Emperor’s representation.
In this imagery, the flaming emperor’s robes slowly disintegrate into detritus on the earthen floor, creating the nutrients to grow fruit and other foods for the village in the distance. It’s true what they say that heavy is the head that wears the crown, for he burns with his responsibilities, and fulfills them by giving away pieces of himself and what is his.
The message here in this card today is to be grateful I am not the Emperor, and a reminder that that is not a position I want to be in. I put my all into the things that I hold dear and feel are my responsibilities, but I don’t want to give so much that it damages me in the process.
DECK USED: TAROT OF THE SIDHE
#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: How might clinging to that expectation of the healing process hinder my healing?
Reading Summary: There’s no rest involved (Four of Swords Rx), creating a lack of true progress (Ten of Cups), which then leaves me having to start over (Ace of Disks).
Take Away: My expectation (which was outlined in yesterday’s reading) is to fast, which means I don’t get the rest I need to heal properly. Healing requires rest, and without the healing you can’t move forward out of the recovery stage and into something better. This means that when you rush healing from trauma, the healing ends up incomplete and you end up having to start over.
DECK USED: TABULA MUNDI IN MINIMA TAROT
#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread #2
Question: Is my aunt moving out here from out east going to cause more problems between my mother and I?
Reading Summary: Stand strong and stable (Four of Coins) in your place of power (Palace of Wands) and don’t allow her to take over (The Chariot).
Take Away: The cards here indicate that in order to keep the peace, using my business as an excuse for lack of contact is the best strategy to make sure I’m able to keep my distance, regardless of the new proximity. So the answer here is that it is possible, but I have a good chance of circumventing a lot of the issues by using my responsibilities to the business to keep me from having to increase my exposure with the unpleasantness too many visits with my aunt and her toxicity.
DECK USED: ENCORE TAROT
Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I further strengthen my connection to the divine?
Reading Summary: Make yourself comfortable (Four of Pentacles). Less harsh judgments (Judgement), more hope (The Star). Allow yourself to open up not just spiritually… but also physically (Ace of Pentacles).
Take Away: This is about increasing my meditation practice, and making sure I stay on top of keeping my negative self narrative in check. By increasing the intent in my meditation and taking time to allow myself to not just do the meditation but really sink into it and get comfortable in it each time, I am opening myself up to divinity on a bigger and more significant level than the simple meditation that I regularly do each day.
By the same turn, my negative self talk is something that closes me off from both my inner self as well as from the divine. So if I want to connect more strongly to the divine, it makes sense that I would need to foster more positive connections to both my spirituality and optimism, and let go of the negative self narrative that is one of my most self destructive habits.
DECK USED: TAROT DEL FUEGO
#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I be kinder to myself and to others?
To Be Kinder to Myself
Two of Spades, Five of Spades
To be kinder to myself, I need to make a concentrated and conscious choice to move past what makes me so cruel to myself. These judgements and negative self talk are not mine but belong to a place in my past where I had no control and was other the boot of another. Defeat the echoes of his voice in my head, and take away the spoils (your gained wisdom).
To Be Kinder to Others
Knight of Spades, Page of Hearts
To be kinder to others, I need to remember to take my experiences with pain and carry them forward into a place of understanding and warmth when dealing with others. I’ve been through a lot, and this allows me a place of not just sympathy, but also empathy, with a lot of situations others are dealing with. Instead of looking at these situations as “I made it through, so can you” a better aspect to look at is to try and remember how I felt in these situations in the moment, and conveying to them that I understand what they’re going through and it’ll be okay.
DECK USED: ALAN TAROT
Gideon’s Challenge
Play Time
Dark and damp
a place to hide
that little bugger
he went inside
can hear him giggle
with a sniggering snort
a “ch-ch-ch” is
my quiet retort
soon to emerge
the chase will continue
and a dance within
liminal spaces
will then ensue.
Twisting the Leaf 