Disorientation
From darkness
into darkness
open sky
to closed in walls
light reflects
everywhere
no longer
rain splashed pavement
but reflective tiles
and spots of light
contrasting with
shadows.
Sometimes a light drown feels like this. You go from trust and beautiful flashing lights, open sky and safety to a narrow spot where everything is too much too fast too soon all at once and overwhelming. The disorientation doesn’t last… but the feeling of vulnerability it creates lingers on.
These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.
The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?
Earth – The World and Balance – It’s time to put things back in balance and this is the week to do it. You need to look beyond the now and plan ahead, so it’s time to put away the desires for instant gratification and focus instead on making sure that your path into the future remains as smooth going and balanced as possible. Take some time to evaluate and restructure so that you achieve a better equilibrium.
Air – Knave of Pentacles and Awakening – Dream time is coming to an end and it’s time to firmly plant both feet on the ground once more. The dragonfly indicates change. It’s time for an awakening from the lackadaisical moments with your financial stability. These careless moments need to now come to an end as you begin to truly focus on what’s important once more. Make the concentrated effort to be mindful and start upon a path of strategy once more.
Water – Ace of Pentacles and Certainty – Re-establishing the path towards financial stability may take a bit of a tole on your emotions. In order to ease those feelings of being tossed up into the air, focus on your confidence to reach your goals and allow doubt to fall away. It is through this sense of certainty you will find comfort and ease in the newness of redirecting yourself back on track.
Fire – Queen of Wands and Wishes – Wishes are the beginning of dreams, but
without the means to achieve them. To achieve your dreams takes hard work and perseverance. Sometimes the steps you take to reach your dreams are a fast sprint, and sometimes they are slow and arduous. But with each step you take, you learn along the way and build upon your experience and know-how. This week is a time to lean into those dreams and desires, and use the experience and know how you’ve achieved to pave the way to even better things.
Waning – Whole – It’s time to start picking things apart and examining the pieces. If you leave things to rest for too long, you will find the chinks and cracks too late to actually do anything about them.
Waxing – Inventory – Taking stock is important now. As you pick things apart, make sure you are paying attention to what you have… and what is needed. Make lists and use these lists to prepare for what’s to come.
Take Away – My self care this week has a lot to say about moving into the busy season that’s to come and making sure I’ve started the process for preparing for it. I’ve already set up a schedule to put in one hour each day in the “restocking” project needed to get things ready for the holiday rush… but I’ve yet to actually put that plan into action. The cards this week say that now is the time. I need to begin preparations now so that I can do it all in small bite sized pieces rather than having it pile up and have to be done in huge time-consuming chunks later on. There is promise in these cards that I will feel better once I’ve begun and in being proactive than in procrastinating and letting things build up in the background.
Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and one of the harp strings meditations. I had a bit of a problem getting still and staying that way. I’m not sure why I was all fidgety today, but I just really struggled with staying still. Not just in meditation either, but through my card drawing time, as well as the first hour or so once I finally sat down at the computer.
Today’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances and resources, home life, health, and manifestations.
This card screams hyunta to me. You’ve worked hard and finally gotten what you so dearly have strive for and wanted, and now you’re stuck wondering… That was it? Is this it? That’s all? It’s a blend of both satisfaction, and keen disappointment. (Actually, the term originates from that post masturbation glow of having stroked one out and achieved your pleasure but then being on the other side of it you find yourself feeling like something’s missing…. but the sense of accomplishment and disappointment is very similar.)
The message here in this card for today is that goals are something to aim for, but not something to kill yourself over as you try to get hit them. Because once you get there, then you have nowhere further to go.
This is why it is so often said that life is about the journey, and not a destination.
#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: How does devaluing my needs harm myself?
Reading Summary: It’s self limiting (Eight of Swords) to my ability to get a fresh start in going after my dreams (Page of Wands), taking control out of my hands so that I lose my way (The Chariot) along life’s path (The World).
Take Away: Devaluing my needs creates a cycle of destruction that is directed at my autonomy. It influences both my ability to see clearly and make good decisions concerning the direction I want to go in, as well as my ability to actually control my trajectory as a whole on my life’s path.
#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Weed Out / Replace With
Weed Out – Six of Cups Rx – I need to let go of my fear that continuing in the path of allowing myself to have more rest and less burden is going to fuck up everything I’ve worked towards. This fear is irrational and is not based in reality, yet my fear of shifting away from that mentality of being overburdened equals accomplishment and getting things done is holding me back from fully embracing my new path.
Replace With – Princess of Disks Rx – Continue to work at embracing a releasing of “industry”. It’s okay to take some time for yourself, and it’s okay to enjoy that time. Own your ability to relax and acknowledge that the world isn’t going to fall apart if you’re a bit selfish with your time and attention by directing it towards the self and self care rather than the business or the greater good.
Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: What am I asked to create for myself starting this week?
Reading Summary: Get your shit together (Nine of Cups) and put your thinking hat on (The High Priestess) so that you can seize the reigns (The Chariot) and get moving at going after that new vision of the same dream (Knight of Wands).
Take Away: The new vision of the same dream mentioned here is about my business, and about how I have been trying to restructure how I do things so that I’m not so overwhelmed and overburdened all the time. In order to accomplish this new version of the same dream, though, there’s still some work that needs to be done. Especially as we now head toward the end of summer and slip into the time to prep for the holiday rush.
This prepping process requires planning, but it also requires a lot of doing… and it’s that dynamic that needs to be picked up and run with this week.
#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is working for me right now?
Reading Summary: Taking things slow (Eight of Wands Rx) and letting my new emotional growth (Ace of Cups) have the time and space it needs to reconcile with my past and find the value in what has happened in my history (Ten of Swords).
Side Note: This is really interesting imagery for the Eight of Wands. I understand the representation in the imagery, though. The fact that sometimes? Things just move too fast.
Take Away: Although I fully accept the experiences I have been through, the new emotional depth I’m experiencing due to the growth I’ve been exploring this spring and summer has needed a bit of a reconciliation with those experiences. Because I closed all of these emotions off during those events in my past, I did not really emotionally process these things. I understand that and the cards indicating that this process is both healthy and ongoing.
The Plan
In nature
every little thing
has a purpose
even the tiniest of seeds
the most delicate of textures
the finest of hairs on a leaf
or faint waxiness
on a twig.
It all has a purpose
a reason
and a plan.
The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Welcome to Fall! (At least, according to some). This week, ask your divination tools about how you should be preparing for the Dark Half of the year, which starts at the next Sabbat.”
In what area of my life should I be preparing for rest?
Five of Diamonds
I am currently bereft of the physical supplies I need to make it through the holiday rush that will soon enough be upon me. Now is the time to resolve this issue and start the long and tedious process of restocking those supplies that I can make ahead of time and have ready for the orders that will begin rolling in once we say goodbye to the harvest season. For me, harvesting for the winter months is all about getting those things ready that I can stock up on prior to getting to that time of year where being too busy keeps me from being able to up otherwise.
If I do not have these things in place in time, I will have no time to rest at all once the winter months arrive. By getting these things ready now I open up my future self to a modicum of rest in the future that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to have.
In what area of my life should I be preparing to keep working?
Four of Spades, Five of Hearts
If I want to keep working, I need to respect the fact that I have to rest as well. Not just in the future, but in the now. It’s all well and good to get a jump on the stuff that needs to be prepped for the rush to come. But it’s also necessary to take time for myself and allow myself the rest I need. Overworking now will set me up for failure later when I need all the extra oomph and energy I can get.
This is the time of the year to start foraging. Where should I look in my life for an unexpected harvest?
Ace of Diamonds
This is about going through my supplies room and getting things put away. I have more of the supplies that I need than I realize. I’ve been slacking off on putting everything away in its proper place, and as a result I’ve lost track of stock on a few things. The Ace of Diamonds in response to this question tells me I need to make sure I don’t order more until I’ve made sure that I need to.
Today’s meditation was forgone for sleep. A lot of sleep. Like… way more sleep than I usually get or need. Between pulling an all nighter last night and then sleeping away a good part of the day… and then taking a nap later in the evening that slept away a lot more of my day, I didn’t have a lot of time for much else and meditation did not make the list when weighed against food, pulling my daily cards, and spending some time with you before sleep once again took over. So… no meditation today and I’m not even going to try and fool myself into thinking I’m going to try at bed time because I’m tired and it’s not going to happen.
Today’s draw is The Chariot card, which is traditionally interpreted as being all about controlled progress and triumph. When I say “controlled progress” I mean that it is not about just control or just progress, but about the combination of both. It’s about moving forward with your hands firmly on the reigns.
That said, what stands out to me in this card is the position of the Fae on the back of the pegasus. Arms outstretched, head thrown back, to me this card speaks more about the triumph aspect of The Chariot than it does about the strength of one’s control or willpower along the path.
I see abandon here and the “Fuck YES!” of exultation.
The message in today’s card is to turn my attention to my accomplishments and take pride in those things. Too often I find myself focused on my failings and struggles, but the truth is that I have just as many accomplishments as I do failings, and just as many things I do well and excel at as I do struggles. It’s time to take a bit more control of my pessimism and negative self talk by turning my focus in a more positive direction.
#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: What role does guilt play in my struggle to create and enforce boundaries?
Reading Summary: Theft of what doesn’t belong to me (Seven of Swords) leading to others feeling without what they want or need (Page of Swords Rx) and turning to me with judging eyes (Six of Wands Rx).
Take Away: Sometimes when I create and enforce the needed boundaries that are healthy for me, I feel like I’m stealing away time or space that belongs to someone else, leaving them feeling bereft which I then worry will turn into judgement directed my way. So really, the influence here is twofold. It’s about the guilt of taking from someone else, and the insecurity of having their feelings about that turn people against me.
#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to work through my frustrations at this time?
Reading Summary: Delve into my creative curiosity (Page of Cups) and allow it to carry me away (The Star) rather than focusing on only (Eight of Swords) the negative aspects and pessimistic views of what I don’t have or that isn’t working (Five of Pentacles).
Take Away: It’s okay to have a little bit of pessimism, but not when it blinds you to all the good stuff and holds you back from connecting with your imagination and creative spirit. The thing is that pessimism is like a parasite. The longer it’s allowed to survive and thrive, the more it grows, until it permeates your life and influences everything within it, creating blinders as it goes, so that the longer it thrives the narrower your view becomes. Escaping that grip takes conscious choices and determination to embrace the more positive and lighthearted aspects of life.
Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Earth, how can I further support my personal well-being?
Reading Summary: The balancing of your obligations and responsibilities (Two of Coins) requires the help of others (Three of Coins). Be the boss rather than the slave (The Emperor).
Take Away: This is all about taking charge and delegating. Don’t just allow things to build and pile up, delegate some responsibility to others to make sure that you aren’t left doing everything yourself. It’s your nature to take on all the weight, but it’s not all yours to bear. Take charge and show how you want things done, how you want them to go, and then hand over the task to others to complete for you.
#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I be more grateful?
Reading Summary:You need to look at uncertainty (The Moon) from a different perspective (The Hanged Man) that involves you in a place of balanced security (Four of Wands).
Take Away: So a lot of times when I (or anyone really) looks at their insecurities and uncertainties, instead of looking at them from “the outside” in a place of safety, we try to look at these things from inside the chaos and uncertainty. This then tinges our perspectives. If you can take a moment to pause, and step outside of the situation, it’s often much easier to see what’s going on more clearly. This clarity allows for you to not just understand what’s going on, but identify the good and be grateful for it.
Twisting the Leaf 