Silent Connection
Gentle softness
within
the gentle brush
of light and shadow
in silence
the peace
stretches
and the world
stills
until
for the briefest
moment
there is only
you.
Month: February 2021
Morning Bonus Read – Managing Depression
Card to represent my depression.
Four of Hearts (Watermelon Bliss) – For a few days in the past week, I found myself at the very bottom of the pit and struggling to stay afloat in the mire that covers the bottom. But now, I am no longer in that place. I am still in the pit, and the light is still so very far away, but it is more of a dejected feeling of disinterest than abject misery of soul rotting decay. Dejection with just a sliver of hope is the current status of my depression.
Something I need to learn about my depression.
Ace of Clubs (Paper Sizes) – The roots of inspiration have no place to dig within the mire of my depression, the soil too loose and heavy like trying to plant seeds within clay or sand. There is no nutrients to feed those roots, and stability in which to be supported and grow strong. Inspiration cannot be forced… instead you just wait until you can see the light once more in order to plant those seeds in fertile soil.
An action I can take to help my depression.
Three of Clubs (Sweet Starfruit) – Small steps. Just like taking little nibbles out of a cookie will eventually turn into having ate the entire thing, each small step forward in the darkness will take you a little closer to the light, even when at times you cannot see the light you are moving toward. Do not allow yourself to stand still and stagnate. Every small step of self care and healthy choices help you in getting a little closer to the freedom you seek.
How I can show myself more compassion.
Seven of Spades (Waterlily Lake) – Watch out for sneaky inner dialogue slipping in to screw with you when you’re not expecting. Don’t buy into those lying whispers and negative, snarky judgements that slither through your mind and try to pollute your thinking. You know it’s the depression speaking and not a reflection of reality.
How I can find joy in my life right now.
Four of Spades (Peaceful Droplets) atop Five of Spades (Compassionate Aura) – Set down your anger and your need to strike out, to share your pain in unhealthy ways. That, too, is your depression trying to control and influence you. Instead, seek healthy ways to unload your burden and ease your mind so that you can rest more easily without a guilty conscience.
A reason to stay strong.
Ten of Diamonds (The Unknown) – If you give in to the whispers that swirl within you during your depression, you can end up deconstructing every single bit of stability and security you have built up over time for yourself and those that depend upon you. Instead, stay focused on all that you have accomplished and remember that you are stronger than this… and will make it through to the other side with the help of those you so often help every single day.
DECK USED: GRAPHIC CHEATSHEET PLAYING CARDS
Open and Honest
Today’s meditation was skipped because I ended up dozing off in the middle of it and taking a brief nap. Although it was just a short nap, I was worried that if I tried again I’d end up taking yet another longer nap. Granted, I did end up doing that later in the afternoon, but I also managed to get some stuff done today so I didn’t sleep the whole day away as I was worried that I would if I’d tried to meditate a second time.
Today’s draw is the Empress card, which is traditionally a representation of the Divine Feminine’s qualities of strength and grounded, nurturing energy. It’s about power, but also a connection to the earth and the nurturing energy of motherhood.
What stands out to me today in the imagery of this card is the heart on the Empress’ sleeve. The energy of the Empress is both giving and forgiving, nurturing through warmth, support, and generosity. The heart on her sleeve speaks eloquently of these qualities.
The message in today’s card is about embodying that openness in oneself, just as how the Empress wears her heart on her sleeve. Don’t bottle up your emotions or hide them from others. This hinders people from knowing the real you and holds you apart from those you might otherwise connect with.
Instead, try to stay open and honest about your emotions. Allow them to show and to shine through… even the bad ones but especially those loving ones that will foster connection with others.
DECK USED: BROKEN MIRROR TAROT 4TH EDITION
The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Moments where I find myself
The Hermit – In the woods. Society out of sight and out of mind. Just me and the trees. I find myself within this alone time, by connecting with nature and with my need for nature. Healthy alone time in the embrace of the forests is my most favorite type of alone time, and helps me find the steady, grounding energy I need in order to survive and thrive in the busy world we all deal with on the day to day. My time alone in the woods is a time of centering and grounding, of drawing in the earth’s energy and blending it with my own to find the quiet core whisper of the self that can sometimes become muffled in the chaos.
Queen of Coins – When I consult with my mentor for a better path and she helps me find the rooted steps I need. Z has been mentoring my sister and I since we were nine years old. She has always helped me in finding my way back to myself, and how to find what is my personal truth, when I am feeling lost or uncertain on my spiritual path. She has taught me over the years what it means to know thyself, and to know what is right for you, as well as how to stand up for what is right for you and claim it as yours rather than allowing others to distort it into what they think is right.
Ace of Coins – When I am creating new things. One of my greatest joys is taking an idea and tapping into my creative spark to manifest that idea into reality. I create new designs of jewelry and have new ideas for fresh and new designs all the time. I have designed and created furniture, trinkets, graphics, artwork, and crafts. I plant seeds and grow from those seeds flowers, vegetables, and crops. I write reams and reams of stories as imagination is put down into text and storylines. The manifestation power in the Ace of Coins is with me every day in one small way or another.
DECK USED: ELEMENTAL POWER TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is a hidden talent I possess that needs encouragement?
Reading Summary: I have the ability to move fast (Seven of Coins Rx) and take decisive action (Knight of Swords) when needed and have it turn out positive in the end (The Star).
Take Away: This is about adaptability and course correction. It’s about how things have felt so uncertain in the world (and thus in my home business) over the past year and how I am able to make momentary decisions that turn out to “work out” in the end to keep things with the business moving in a positive and successful direction. I’ve felt a little bit of uncertainty lately because of the Canadian side of my business model (my Canadian half of the business is down here and living with my sister and I for almost a year now), and some restrictions and changes they’ve been saying they are going to put in to effect up there. It’s starting to sound like my house guest might be here for another year, that I might have some problems getting that part of my taxes done, etc.
The message here in these cards is to remember that I’m capable and adept at making quick decisions that allow things to keep moving. I’m good at adapting. I’ll find a way to make things work and keep things going no matter what, so stop allowing worries to take control and eat away at my confidence in myself.
DECK USED: BROKEN MIRROR TAROT 4TH EDITION
I got all of my medical bills submitted to the insurance company today. I’ve been putting this off for months because it’s such a pain in the ass. Today I made sure I got all of the different receipts collected together and submitted. 23 of them in all. It’s a little thing, but it feels huge.
Gideon’s Challenge
Uncertainty
The fog rises
off the water
to swirl through
the trees
creeping up
from rocky shore
to grassy earth
as it begins
to swallow
all within its path
and solid shapes
become shadows
that ebb and flow
indestinct
and uncertain.
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Reactionary Sensitivities
Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for my piriformis stretching.
The focus of today’s meditation was a loving kindness exercise that I, surprisingly, didn’t feel all that uncomfortable with. Usually? I do, but for some reason, today it went really smoothly.
It is, in a nutshell, an exercise where you first do a body scan and build up loving kindness energy for yourself, then seek to direct that energy to someone you care about, and then someone you aren’t particularly fond of… and then expand it outward to encompass everyone and everything.
Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of emotional satiation and contentment. Like the Nine of Pentacles, this card is a bit about wallowing in one’s good fortune and getting in touch with their gratitude, although in this case it is an emotional good fortune instead of a physical one.
Okay so to be honest what really stands out to me today in this card is the fact there’s a little black spot on the bottom right of the card. A SPOT! I’m going to have to go through the deck and figure out what the fuck happened. Maybe it’s just a bit of debris from my plant specimen box.
We’ll see.
And… yeah. So here’s the message. Don’t let the small stuff screw up what would otherwise be a perfectly good mood.
DECK USED: TAROCCO SOPRAFFINO ANIMA ANTIQUA
LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I use this New Moon cycle to help me move forward?
Reading Summary: Remember that you have the strength to get through this (Strength). Up and downs happen in life (Wheel of Fortune), but you are more than strong enough to weather the storm (Nine of Swords).
Just sayin’… but I love this deck.
Take Away: The new moon is all about new energy and the build of that energy over the next two weeks. It is about having come to the end and starting over, the last full moon’s energy has wanned and is now gone, the energy for the next full moon now builds.
As I ride that energy forward over the next two weeks, these cards are reminding me that my Nine of Swords experience with my depression isn’t going to last forever. Life has lots of ups and downs, and now I’m in a down, but I have the inner strength needed to tame the lion as I begin using the mounting energy to help me in beginning my climb towards the light.
DECK USED: FOURNIER’S TAROT CATS BY ANA JUAN
#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care for this new moon?
Reading Summary: Focus upon finding a sense of pleasure and accomplishment (Nine of Cups) instead of looking to others to provide validation (Six of Wands Rx). You already have everything you need emotionally (Ten of Cups) so don’t sabotage yourself by pushing too hard right now (Five of Wands).
Take Away: I need to set aside that whole “working your ass off to succeed” mindset and instead spend some time focusing on what makes me happy and makes me feel good.
It’s hard to find those things right now when the depression has me feeling so vulnerable, but it’s better to focus on all the good that I have and the support they offer rather than looking for outside sources for validation that I can receive from those that already make up my emotional support system.
DECK USED: TAROCCO SOPRAFFINO ANIMA ANTIQUA
I listened to the current audio book that I’ve been enjoying during my packaging today. This isn’t something I normally do as it slows me down a bit (same with if I listen to audio books while driving). But, I’ve been really enjoying this story so I went ahead and listened to it anyway. Currently listening to: The Whispering Room, which is Book 2 of Dean Koontz’s Jane Hawk Series
Gideon’s Challenge
Waiting in the Valley
Horizon’s peak
is graced with a
glimmer of light
while the
valley below
lies shrouded
in darkness
and in that valley
the watcher waits
with the echo
of night upon them
as they see
if the light will reach
to warm cold cheeks.
Twisting the Leaf 