Morning Bonus Read – Boundaries Redux

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:

The best boundaries are the ones you set that don’t *require* adherence from anyone else, but rather set up a simple line for your own actions, or a cause-effect line for someone else’s. For example: I will not check messages from my manipulative relative, I will instead have a trusted friend do that for me. Or, If you break my things, then I will not allow you to use them. Etc.
This isn’t always feasible, but when we can set these kinds of boundaries we can take control of and responsibility for those places in our lives.
So this week, chat with your divination tools about your boundaries.

Ralph Steadman's Flying Dog Playing CardsWhich of my boundaries require someone else to respect them in order for them to work?

Boundary #1 – Queen of Hearts – Allowing others to come to me for support and not having the proper parameters in place.  So then they come to me about stupid shit or stuff I’m ill equipped to deal with and I find myself feeling all sorts of bitchy about it.

Boundary #2 – Ten of Spades – When I am at the end of my rope, on the ground and bleeding, this is not a time for others to come to me with their own shit.

Boundary #3 – Six of Spades – In a way, this boundary is related to the other two.  This boundary is about me, though, and not other people. It has to do with allowing myself the space I need to find a new path when the old one isn’t working for me.

Can I shift any of those to boundaries that do not require anything, but are simple cause and effect boundaries or boundaries on my own actions?

Boundary #1 – King of Diamonds – Take ownership of what I’m open to helping with and what I’m not. It’s okay to say no and send them on their way when someone comes to me with something that’s not in my wheelhouse. I’m not obligated to coddle anyone.

Boundary #2 – Eight of Clubs – Usually these times of bleeding and vulnerability are a time when I retreat from the world. This retreat sometimes encourages people to chase me rather than backing off. Being proactive and outright expressing “now is not the time” is  a better route to ensure these issues don’t happen.

Boundary #3 – Five of Spades –  The thing is?  I expect myself to be able to just move forward into a new path without conflict, but I need to remember that new things take time and debate and a little bit of struggle to work out where you’re going.  Instead of shutting this shit down, it’s a part of the process that needs to be accepted and allowed.

What boundaries can I not shift this way at this point?

Boundary #1 – Ace of Diamonds – This boundary is absolutely able to be shifted simply by changing the way I look at things and approaching the problem with a clear mind instead of just an open heart all on its own.

Boundary #2 – Ace of Hearts – Make sure when you deliver the “this is not the time” news, that you do so with love and kindness. Don’t turn this into a defense mechanism, but rather a way to define that there is a boundary in place so that you’re not overburdening yourself.

Boundary #3 – Three of Clubs – There is no inability to shift this boundary to a way of better handling things, I just need to keep in mind that the goal at these times is to find the direction that is going to align with my values and goals.

What I can do to move toward being able to take control of those boundaries at some point as well?

No cards were pulled on this question, as the previous question indicated that all three boundaries discussed in this reading are able to be shifted at this point.

DECK USED: RALPH STEADMAN’S FLYING DOG PLAYING CARDS

Reaping and Direction

IMG_6550Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation with interval timer again.  My stretches today were a bit stiff, which I suppose shouldn’t be a surprise since I missed my medication yesterday, which means the pirifomis stretches didn’t get done.

The topic of today’s guided meditation was about how meditation does not necessarily mean sitting in complete physical stillness.  It is about being still on the inside.  It’s about finding a quiet inner peace for those ten or fifteen or thirty minutes of our meditation practice, so that when we need it elsewhere in our day we have experience with it so that we can reach inside and find it again more easily.

Botan Tarot - Nine of CoinsToday’s draw is the Nine of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of fulfillment on an independent level in the area of one’s finances, resources, home, health, and manifestations.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of today’s card are a couple of different elements.  First, the scythe and beside it? The compass that hangs there as one of the coins on the right hand side.

These elements speak to me of the reaping that is a part of how one reaches the level of satisfaction and fulfillment that this card is about, and about the security of knowing that you have a direction that you’re moving in, and that you’re comfortable with.

Both of these elements are very important (at least to me) in finding a level of true fulfillment concerning my home life, work life, and my accomplishments. The scythe represents work and is about the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a job well done.  It’s the difference between having something of value handed to you… or actually earning it with sweat and tears.   It holds so much more value in the end when you earn it.

The message in today’s cards is to take stock of those things you’ve earned, and value them as well as the direction that they have lent to your path that allows you to feel the security of solid ground under your feet with each new step you take along the way.

DECK USED:  BOTAN TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where is my heart heavy?

Dragon Age Inquisition Tarot

Reading Summary: Dependable hardworking sensibilities (Queen of Coins) directed towards my new focus and goals (Ace of Staves). It’s coming up fast (The Chariot) and I have to bite the bullet and bear down on a direction (Two of Swords).

Take Away:  I don’t feel ready to set aside the growth and inner work that has been my focus so far throughout this year in order to move into the holiday preparations and holiday rush that’s coming. The thing is, though, that I have no choice in the matter if I want the holiday rush to go smoothly and turn out well.  I need to do the responsible thing and be prepared, whether I really want to change gears or not. 

DECK USED:  DRAGON AGE INQUISITION TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: Your Personal Pain / A Healing Action To Take / Possible Positive Outcome

Wiener Secession TarotYour Personal PainThe Fool and Eight/Three of Spades -Weighing responsibility over the joy of playing the fool. This was touched upon in my reading for the Zentember challenge today as well. It has to do with feeling an inner reluctance to move away from the growth and exploration I’ve been doing over the year so far, and moving into the hard and fast responsibilities involved in preparing for the holiday rush and then riding it out when it arrives. I’m trying to not allow myself to think that having been kind to myself and going easy on myself over the spring and summer hasn’t made me lazy… but honestly?  It kinda feels like it has. And those thoughts bring with it a strong sense of disappointment in myself.

A Healing Action To TakeQueen of Spades – Instead of burying these worries or hiding from them, I need to actually listen to them with understanding and offer myself solutions that can incorporate both the responsibilities of my work along with the needs of that softer inner self. At first thought, there doesn’t feel like a lot of options here, but I think that might be my pessimism rearing it’s ugly head. 

Possible Positive OutcomeKing of Spades – If I can find a way to both find as well as sustain a balance between the work I need to do and giving myself that freedom I’ve become used to and now don’t want to lose, there’s a good chance I will be able to develop a stronger interconnection allowing for clearer site that is unclouded by these issues.

Take Away – I’m not seeing the whole picture and because of it I’m feeling a sense of loss that isn’t necessary. I need to find a way to take off the blindfold that is keeping me from seeing possible solutions open to me. Finding and enacting these solutions will bring a stronger foundation to both my work, my emotional growth, and my self care along with a greater clarity on how to juggle these things in a healthy and successful way.

DECK USED:  WIENER SECESSION TAROT

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question
: Something that I’m stubbornly holding onto that I need to let go of?

Science Tarot

Reading Summary: Fear of the unknown (Wheel of Fortune).  Let go of that fear and see it as an adventure (Knight of Wands), and a whole new world of possibilities will open up to you (The World).

Take Away:  Meh… yeah.  I completely agree with this.  I do struggle with the unknown quite a bit. I feel so certain and strong on my spiritual path and life path, that when elements of the unknown crop up it makes me feel like there’s a big inky black sink hole in the middle of my path.

I know that seeing these moments as an adventure is a terrific way to get through this fear, and that in doing so it opens up a vast world of opportunities and possibilities… but sometimes it’s really hard to take those moments as an adventure, no matter how hard I try.

Side note:  The Schrodinger’s Cat card in this deck is one of my favorite cards in this deck.

DECK USED:  SCIENCE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I love myself more?

Haindl Tarot

Reading Summary: When you actually do your work (Three of Stones) instead of fucking around, and get it done (The Chariot), you feel a sense of accomplishment (Six of Wands) and inspiration to do more (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  Oooph.  Okay so today’s readings are all about my work, my business, and about gearing up for the holiday rush. This makes sense, but it’s definitely a noticeable thread through my personal readings today.

Okay, anyway.  The answer to one of the ways that I can love myself more is to actually do my work instead of procrastinating or putting it off.   When I actually do my work, I lay the groundwork for self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment to bolster my self image as well as my mood, which in turn lights my inner spark for new inspirations to take fire.

DECK USED:  HAINDL TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

IMG_9995Four Years Ago

A pretty girl
with speckled fur
and amber eyes
a bright orange butt
and
permabooger nose
stole my heart
and took over
my life.

How did that happen?

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Musing On Best Decisions

So in a live on YouTube today, Simon over at The Hermit’s Cave asked a question at the end they really got me to thinking. The question was “What is the best decision that you’ve ever made?”

hearts

My first answer was Gideon.

Then, as other people answered, I had time to think about it and went through a whole roster of thoughts on what maybe my answer should’ve been. Things like my emancipation from my parents, or deciding to buy a home, or allowing my sister to come and live with me… All of these things were good decisions. But which one was the best?

Thinking about my emancipation from my parents, I realize that although I left their home at the age of 16, it really wasn’t that much longer to reach the legal age of 18. Yes it would’ve been a miserable two years add it onto an as so far miserable existence, but I would’ve made it through and come out the other side as long as I didn’t end up offing myself along the way (which was a definite possibility, as I did give it a couple of tries).

Purchasing a home has given me a homebase, and the stability that I feel that I need in my life. But, my life would still go on and be fine without that stability. I would just be renting instead of owning, and probably moving every few years. Yes, that stability and security is very important to me, but it is more about comfort level than true necessity.

Allowing my sister to move in with me was an excellent decision, and a no-brainer. She needed the support, and as her twin I really can’t say that life would be the same without her. I’ve spent my entire life with her other than a few years when I was out on my own and she was still living with my parents, and she provides me with her support and love every day. That said, if she was not living with me she would still be in my life.

So then we come to Gideon. Allowing Gideon into my life was a conscious choice that I had to actually make in order for us to move forward into a relationship. At the time, I felt that I was doing fine without him and even happily so, and I was in no real hurry to get in a relationship. The thing is though, by including him into my life and giving him the place that he has in my life, he has enriched my life beyond all imagination. It’s more than just love (as if love could be quantified with “just”).

Gideon provides support, perspective, and is the catalyst to many of the things that have made my life better over the years we’ve been together. These include the support that he has given me in healing some of of the wounds of my past, the encouragement he provides on a daily basis, his wisdom and understanding, and his unconditional trust and love. He has helped me to develop into the man that I am today in a way that so many other decisions I’ve made have helped along the way… but not in such a significant and pervasive way.

I firmly believe that the best decision of my life has been in welcoming Gideon into it, and allowing him to convince me to explore what we could be together.

Thinking about so many of the decisions I’ve made in life, I’ve made a number of really good ones. But, of them all, Gideon is by far my best ever.

Soulmates

I didn’t write this… but having read it on one of my discord servers just reinforces how fortunate I feel to have you in my life. I love you Gideon.

Abstinence is a Strength

Today’s meditation was… well… it kinda turned into nap time.  I actually took a grand total of two naps today. So although I didn’t really get in a decent meditation, I did manage to get well rested.  It was actually really nice, to be honest. Although, I have to say…  satin pillowcases are way too comfortable and make it so tempting to just nuzzle in and go back to sleep. Dangerous stuff right there.

Hush Tarot - Five of WandsToday’s draw is the Five of Wands is traditionally about trials, tests, and conflict in the area of one’s passions and drive.  The word “passions” in this instance is not about sex, but rather about the interests that light that spark within you and create an inferno of interest that needs to be followed and/or obtained in order to be sated.

I really like the imagery on this card.  I mean at first it just looks like a tangled mess with some spears added in, but when you really sit down and look at it, what you find is three snakes, two of which are in conflict concerning something they are both passionate about, while the third is caught in the crossfire.

That is how conflict goes sometimes, right?  It’s not always clear cut.  Sometimes people get caught in the crossfire and are forced to either choose sides or end up tangled up and embroiled in a mess not of their own making. That third snake in the imagery clearly just wants to get out.  It wants no part of this quarrel, and yet it is stuck in the middle and unable to get free.

The message in today’s card is to take care not to become tangled up in conflicts that you really don’t want to be in.  Sometimes? It’s okay to take a step back and abstain.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where to love more?

WilderWoven Tarot

Reading Summary: It’s OK to take things slow (Tree of Life and Knight of Pentacles both depicting long, slow journeys), just don’t give up (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  This is about self-love.  It’s about the impatience I feel towards myself when I feel that I am not moving fast enough or progressing quickly enough.  It’s about that “Not Enough” shadow deep inside that is always nitpicking at everything I do and telling me it’s not enough.  The love that is needed is a love of self, and the understanding that it’s okay to take my time and not to let that inner voice cause me to say “fuck it” and walk away.

DECK USED:  WILDERWOVEN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What do I need to focus on for self-care for this new moon?

Joe Sparrow TarotReading Summary:  Preparation (Page of Wands). Self Care (The Empress). Streamlining (Ace of Swords).  Note: Color combinations between the Page of Wands and Ace of Swords connect these two cards into a singular theme.

Take Away:  As this week is my week off and lands right smack dab upon the new moon, this is the ideal time to give myself a little rest and nurturing recuperation that is suggested in the Empress card, the placement of which in the center of this spread indicates its priority and how its theme should permeate through the rest of the reading.

My self care this new moon needs to be a combination of taking care of my need for rest and nurturing activities, joined with the needed preparations necessary for the holiday rush that is right around the corner.  Part of that preparation requires the streamlining of certain processes, as well as the progress of actually stocking up on supplies for my business and it’s needs.

DECK USED:  JOE SPARROW TAROT

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question
: What could further support my partnerships?

Brady Tarot

Father of Feathers atop The Empress Rx – Although being kind to yourself and others is all well and good?  It isn’t always the answer and sometimes tough love is needed. Lighting a fire under someone’s ass to get them motivated is sometimes the only way you’ll be able to get them motivated.

Five of Horns atop The Hierophant Rx – Don’t allow times when you’re feeling down to influence how you interact with those that come for your help. This isn’t about having eased up on the teaching schedule to give yourself space for your own personal growth, but rather it’s about your current influences on others.

Five of Feathers atop Death Rx – Being competitive has its place… be sure to keep it there. Being competitive is not really in my nature, but like everyone else… sometimes it sparks up when I’m least expecting it. This is another “choose your battles wisely” message like so many I have received from the cards lately.

DECK USED:  BRADY TAROT 2ND EDITION

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What needs to be different in my life?

El Goliath Tarot 2nd EditionReading Summary:  Too much juggling (Two of Pentacles) leading to burnout and a resulting apathy (Five of Cups) that then smothers out my natural creative spark (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  This is what I have been working on so intently over the year thus far. I’ve come a long way toward giving myself more space and allowing myself more rest along the way.  As a result, I experience less burn out.   The cards here are a warning that these tendencies are very likely to try and rise up and repeat as I get closer to the holiday rush.  It’s something I need to watch out for and work at being conscious concerning so that I can catch these bad habits and course correct along the way.

DECK USED:  EL GOLIATH TAROT 2ND EDITION

Gideon’s Challenge

IMG_0161Mine

Hot skin
Slow beat
Every breath
a hitch
such heat
make it hurt
make it sting
make it hot
make you scream
I want to make you
soar

Photo © ZenStatePhotography