I wanted to revisit the topic of fear after my post from yesterday and the topic of the meditation that I did yesterday.
Yesterday’s meditation was about indecision, which I definitely do not have a problem with in any way, shape, or form. But I feel like my post made it sound as if I don’t have fear, which is definitely not the case.
I do, absolutely, have fear.
I fear losing my home to the point where I obsess over work and push myself beyond my limits at times in how much work I should take on. (Thank goodness that I’m also someone that likes their creature comforts, or that fear might rule my entire life.)
I often have issues around fear when it comes to some of my scars (particularly the one on my face) and how people react (or may react) to them, which has gotten better over time as I am no longer trying to seclude myself into my home… but I know I still have a long way to go on this.
I fear my ex and the day he will be released from prison. I fear my ex, as well, in his conniving “other” ways of trying to reach me even while he IS in prison.
I’m goddamned well -terrified- of spiders, even though my logical mind tells me I shouldn’t be. You can add piranhas to that list, too, ever since as a kid I saw that first original Piranha movie.
The point is, I do have fears, and I didn’t want my post from yesterday coming off as some kind of bravado or something. It’s just that fears do not inspire indecision for me.
For me, indecision doesn’t come from fear. It appears when I am feeling extremely vulnerable, which can put me in a place of “I dunno, you choose”, and it appears when I have not managed to gather enough information or had the chance yet to think something through.