Revisiting Fear and Indecision

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I wanted to revisit the topic of fear after my post from yesterday and the topic of the meditation that I did yesterday.

Yesterday’s meditation was about indecision, which I definitely do not have a problem with in any way, shape, or form.   But I feel like my post made it sound as if I don’t have fear, which is definitely not the case.

I do, absolutely, have fear.

I fear losing my home to the point where I obsess over work and push myself beyond my limits at times in how much work I should take on. (Thank goodness that I’m also someone that likes their creature comforts, or that fear might rule my entire life.)

I often have issues around fear when it comes to some of my scars (particularly the one on my face) and how people react (or may react) to them, which has gotten better over time as I am no longer trying to seclude myself into my home… but I know I still have a long way to go on this.

I fear my ex and the day he will be released from prison.   I fear my ex, as well, in his conniving “other” ways of trying to reach me even while he IS in prison.

I’m goddamned well -terrified- of spiders, even though my logical mind tells me I shouldn’t be.  You can add piranhas to that list, too, ever since as a kid I saw that first original Piranha movie.

The point is, I do have fears, and I didn’t want my post from yesterday coming off as some kind of bravado or something.  It’s just that fears do not inspire indecision for me.

For me, indecision doesn’t come from fear.  It appears when I am feeling extremely vulnerable, which can put me in a place of “I dunno, you choose”, and it appears when I have not managed to gather enough information or had the chance yet to think something through.

2 thoughts on “Revisiting Fear and Indecision

  1. I think Fear is born out of one of two things, the first is fearing the unknown, but the second is equally as fearsome because we fear going back to a place we’ve been to before, with you it is around being homeless and your previous experience with your ex. And quite understandably so. My fears are around losing my job and not been able to support myself, or having a dip in my mental health , because both are terrifying places for me.

    Interesting topic again my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Fear is a very natural part of human nature, man. Everyone fears something, whether or not they will admit it or even realize that it is an actual fear. And your fears are very understandable, especially considering all you have been through in this life.

    Indecision on the other hand comes very seldom and only under very specific(and very tightly controlled) circumstances. And that’s okay.

    I love you, babe. Always

    Liked by 1 person

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