Month: May 2021

Morning Bonus Read – A Conversation

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This week, let’s look at our emotions. Treat your emotional center as if it were a separate entity, and try asking it a few questions.”

Mortimer & Ollie Playing CardsHow can I get to know you better?
Six of Spades and Five of Spades

Stop looking at your emotional growth and efforts at developing a stronger emotional intelligence as a sort of challenge that needs to be conquered or problem to be solved.

How are you supporting me?
Six of Hearts and Jack of Clubs

Not all emotions are bad. Finding emotional harmony, especially when you’re in the throes of discovering your passions and exploring them to their depths, is one of the ways that emotions provide support.  It’s in the “Flow” of that creative spark and the peace that you find there.

How are you holding me captive?
Ace of Hearts and Jack of Hearts

Again we see the signs of emotional growth, but here it’s more about holding you back from learning too much too quickly. You’re at the beginning of this journey, and need time to process instead of just plowing ahead.

In what way am I mistreating you at this time?
Two of Diamonds

This echoes back to a reading done yesterday concerning how your addictions can sometimes be spurred on by your emotions.  It’s not so much the emotions mistreating you, but rather that you don’t have not learned the skills to find balance in another way, so you “self medicate” with your addictions.

How can I do better at treating you right?
Five of Diamonds, Six of Diamonds, Ten of Diamonds

Allow yourself to feel the gamut of emotions without trying to shut them down.  Whether it’s disappointment and fear, compassion and kindness, elation and the security of accomplishment… all of these have their place and each needs to be acknowledged and experienced instead of shied away from or disregarded as an inconvenience, unimportant, hubris, or something to be ashamed of.

DECK USED:  MORTIMER & OLLIE PLAYING CARDS

Fresh Air

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Today’s meditation was skipped because I had to get going a bit earlier than normal this morning in order to get my drive done and get back here in time for my appointment at the hospital.

Rainbow Unicorn Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of going beyond the emotional satiation one finds in the Nine of Cups and “sharing the wealth” of that satiation with those around you. It is, in it’s essence, often seen as the “happy family” card and you will often see a gathering of happy people spending time together beneath the rainbow.

Here we see a single unicorn, but the happiness and emotional satiation is still clearly apparent in the illustration. Combined with the Flower Fortunes card today, which says “Now is the time to try something new”, what I see here is that sometimes stillness can be a good thing… other times? It becomes stagnancy and unhealthy.  That means that stagnancy can turn what is happy into restlessness and discomfort.

By keeping things fresh and seeking out happiness in the now, savoring it, and looking for new ways to foster it in our lives it helps keep stagnancy from taking hold and ruining our happiness.

DECK USED:  RAINBOW UNICORN TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

Raven Willow Tarot’s Emotional Exploration Prompt
Questions for May 13th & 14th

White Numen TarotWhat role do emotions play in my life?
The Devil, Ace of Swords, Page of Wands

Many of your addictions are driven by the need to create space between yourself and your emotions. This means that your emotions often end up driving your addictions.

Finally realizing and acknowledging this tendency provides an opportunity for you to work on finding a better way of doing things so that your interests are supportive instead of used as either  an escape or “self medicating”.

What can I still learn about coping with emotions?
White Numen, The Moon, The Magician

You’ve spent the majority of your past running away from your emotions, but you’re stronger than that. You can’t run from what is with you every moment of every day and as a part of you, no matter how uncertain or uncomfortable they might make you. You have all the tools needed already to cope with your emotions and carry forward into a stronger emotional intelligence, some of those tools just haven’t “woken up” yet.

DECK USED:  WHITE NUMEN TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is a better way to confront and/or deal with fear of loss?

Rainbow Unicorn TarotReading Summary:  Make sure that you are nurturing yourself as you work to balance home and work (Queen of Pentacles). Part of doing that is making sure that you allow yourself to be open to new and fun potential (Ace of Wands), and allowing yourself to approach these new opportunities with a sense of adventure and childlike wonder (The Fool) instead of ignoring the opportunities because they are not convenient for you or you feel silly going after them (Five of Cups).

Take Away: A lot of times we shy away from new interests or things that spark childlike enthusiasm within us because we think we will be judged for enjoying them. Either judged by others, or even by our own inner critic. A big part of self care (and thus dealing with your inner fears like fear of loss) is making sure that you are allowing yourself to explore these things that create a sense of enthusiasm and wonder instead of shutting them down and pushing them away.

In relation to my own fear of loss explored yesterday, these cards are also saying that there will always be new stuff to explore, so don’t worry about leaving things behind, because there’s always new good stuff ahead to take their place.

DECK USED:  RAINBOW UNICORN TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

My appointment at the hospital today was for my first dose of the Covid vaccine. Due to some medical concerns, I had to sit with a heart monitor and blood pressure cuff taking my BP every ten minutes for an entire hour after the vaccine was administered to make sure I didn’t have an adverse reaction.  THAT was my self care for today.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Good Ideas

Yes…
this is true
more trees
need to
hug a logger.
And perhaps
squeeze
just a little
too tight.
I promise
to cry for them
just as I do
for the trees.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Inner Narratives and Old Habits

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Today’s meditation was skipped because it’s an orders day, although I kinda feel like I could have used it.  I just couldn’t quite find the time with so much to get done and only so many hours to do it in.

Mystical Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Judgement card, and isn’t the Archangel Gabriel looking all kinds of extra fine with his massive 1980’s Rocker mane of hair and bicep cuffs.  Right?  Okay so anyway…

The Judgement card is traditionally a representation of looking upon one’s life at the end of a journey and reflection upon one’s actions and choices along the way. Where the Justice card is about “what have you done lately?”, the Judgement card is further reaching and asks what path you have taken in life and if you are happy with the choices you have made as you moved through life (or whatever journey of growth one is on).

Sometimes the judgement card is very literally about our inner judgements.  It’s about judging others, or judging ourselves.  And here in today’s card, that is the theme of the day, which is made that much clearer by the Flower Fortunes card which speaks of the fact that “You spend most of your life inside your head…” and the importance of making it a nice place to be since you spend so much time there.

Yesterday, I did an “autopilot” fuck up that was disrespectful to Gideon. It wasn’t intentional, it was accidental created by the “muscle memory” of repeated actions. When Gideon pointed out what I’d done, I was not just absolutely shocked and fucking appalled at what I’d done…. I immediately fell into my old habits of self judgement and flagellation. That the offense was accidental and automatic didn’t matter, because it meant I’d failed to think before acting.  That he understood didn’t matter because I’d still shown flagrant disrespect not just in my actions, but in my lack of thought that lead to those actions.  Suffice to say… I had a pretty intense meltdown.

Today’s card comes up as an opportunity to look at this experience and remember to be kind to yourself.  Yes, I fucked up.  The cards have been bringing up often lately how fuck ups are learning experiences and not catastrophes.  Yet I fell into that negative narrative immediately, abandoning self kindness along the way.  It’s important to remember… being kind to others isn’t enough. We have to be kind to ourselves as well.  Not just in our self care, but in the inner narrative as well. If you catch yourself belittling or berating yourself…. stop.  Realize and recognize.  And let it go.  You don’t need to hear it rattling around up there in your head.  You don’t need to keep punishing yourself…. Promise.

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

LionHart’s Reap & Sow Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Something good I have achieved {for myself} so far this year?

Stolen Child Tarot

 Reading Summary: In order to take better care of yourself (The Empress), you’re allowing others (Six of Oak) to play a larger role in your endeavors and responsibilities (Three of Oak).

Take Away:  When it comes to sharing responsibility or work, I have a real problem. This is something I’ve been working on a great deal for the last year.  Not just going easier on myself and making self care an essential part of life, but allowing those around me to shoulder some of the burden, some of the work, and some of the responsibilities that I have always worked so hard to take on on my own.

The thing is?  It’s not healthy to do what I’ve been doing for so long, the burn out cycles and overwhelm, the constant intense pressure.  It’s not good for me.   And it makes those around me feel closer and more connected when they get to do some of the work and take on part of that responsibility.  I know this… but it’s still hard.  At the same time? I acknowledge that I have come along in massive strides in this area over the past year.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What loss do you fear the most?

Mystical TarotReading Summary: That in some fit of inspiration and drive to move forward and do more, I will tear down everything I’ve worked for.  (The bracketing of the Ten of Pentacles by the King and Queen of Wands.)

This is also communicated in the lack of blue in the queen.  With the Queen in the past, the Ten of Pentacles in the present, and the King of Wands with his blue shoulders in the future, what we see here is a representation of potential growth… and thus a fear of losing that potential and growth.

In both interpretations, it is a loss of stability and security that is the issue.

Take Away: To lose my home. To lose my business. To lose these things that I worked so hard for. To lose the ability to take my passions and create stability from them.

No matter which direction these cards are read in, what it boils down to is stability and security .  My life is filled with passion and drive, but through it all there is a stability that I always push towards and build upon.  As I grow and progress, that stability becomes more stable and steady.  But there is always a risk of …. well, taking a risk, and losing it all as a result.  That risk rides in the heart of the flame of my need to explore my creativity and my passions.  There is no amount of stability and security that can take that risk away as it is a part of the process.

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I worked extra hard on getting my orders done early so that I could get some extra sleep tonight, since I have that hospital appointment tomorrow evening after my long-ass drive.

Gideon’s Challenge

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The Mysterious Farmer

Fresh paint
and a newly tended field
and yet
never a soul in sight
Who cares for the farm
in the forest valley
and do they only
work at night?
Always well kept
tidy and clean
and yet not a soul around
surely it’s not ghosts
that do all the work
and yet not a soul is seen

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Morning Bonus Read – Crown Energy Center

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Seventh Sphere RWS Tarot - Crown Chakra Tarot Reading

My crown energy right now.

Five of Swords – I have a headache and have been feeling a bit more “under the knife” with my inner dialogue lately, so it fits that these swords are coming from above, sharp and pointed… and aimed at the delicate lilies below.  Although not the traditional read of the Five of Swords, the imagery here speaks volumes to me both concerning what’s mentioned above and the attack on my more mature relationship I’d begun to have with my inner dialogue lately.

Tension I’m currently holding in this area.

Ten of Cups – There’s a certain amount of pressure (self inflicted) to put out the appearance that everything is okay.  And most the time it is.  But at the same time? It’s not.  The fact that I pretty much fell apart last night after time with Gideon makes it pretty clear that everything is not exactly as perfect as I’d like people to believe.

How I can release this tension.

The Moon – Stop allowing uncertainties and insecurities to take root and stir that inner dialogue.  You’re spending too much energy trying to see the shit you’re fucking up on, and not enough on reminding yourself that that insidious inner voice is an asshole and a liar.

Something trivial that I need to let go of.

Six of Wands – Don’t worry so much about what others see.  You are pretending everything is fine, allowing others to see everything is fine when it’s not… and there’s too much energy going into appearances instead of into digging out the problem and what’s causing this imbalance.

How I can be of service to others.

The Hermit – By taking the time to actually do the work needed to find the problem, shine light upon it, and bring it up to the surface to be dealt with. Sometimes the only way to do that is with some in depth soul searching.

How I can improve my connection with my higher self.

Four of Cups – Soften that cold shoulder you’re handing out to your higher self lately, and allow your higher self to come sit beside you instead of taking a back seat.  Vulnerability is hard and it’s okay to stumble and back track sometimes in your journey.  Take some time to get back in touch with yourself, and let the higher self return to the table.

DECK USED:  SEVENTH SPHERE RWS TAROT