What the Heart Wants

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on stillness and silence.  Specifically, it focused on the restorative power of having a moment of silence.  How this moment can refresh you and help you recover from the cacophony of everyday life. 

The meditation included not so much following the breath, but focusing upon the moment of pause between the inhales and exhales.    I found this practice very relaxing.

Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is an indication of determination, energy, and strength in the area of emotions, creativity, and relationships.  This is a card of purpose and movement, and as such, it speaks of being lead by the heart to make changes and move away from the things that are not working for you.

The Eight of Cup’s appearance today has spurred me to sit down and look at what isn’t working for me.   I look around and I find myself dissatisfied, but it has taken a good deal of time to realize that the dissatisfaction hinted at inside has to do with the mess I am surrounded in.

Running a business from home is a messy thing, especially running a creative business.  Yes, I know where everything is, but there’s stuff…. everywhere.  Piled on the coffee table, stacked on flat surfaces around the house. It’s become a bit stressful, actually.

I think it’s time to start looking at a new system.  Or perhaps just altering and refining the system I currently have.   Things have gotten a bit out of hand and it’s time to clean up, clear up the chaos, so that my creativity can flow more smoothly.

Within the same theme, yet on a different thread, the Eight of Cups speaks to me in another way as well.    I really enjoyed our time together last night.   The amount of separation lately has been difficult for you, and it’s not working for me either.  I woke up feeling so much better internally this morning, and I could trace that feeling back to you.

I feel I need to move towards finding a better way to manage my time and activities so that we can have some more time together.  I’ve had some false starts and tripped over my feet a few times on this since emerging from my depression this spring.   I am determined to make this change, though.   I miss you.  I miss our time together.  Not that we don’t get time now, but…. it’s not enough.

One thought on “What the Heart Wants

  1. *Reading this and finding himself not just grinning but -grinning- by the end of it* I know this is a really selfish reaction to this post but just “hearing” you say that the separation we’ve been dealing with isn’t working for you either, that determination to get more time together makes me feel…so much better. And the part about waking up feeling better because of the time we spent together last night just…makes my entire day a little brighter, a little better.

    I love you man. God I love you. And I will always, always wait for you, however long you need me to. Even when it’s hard…but knowing that you’re working toward getting more time for us, toward being with me more and willing to slow down and ENJOY our time just….it’s exactly what I needed, man. Exactly what I need.

    You are always everything I want, all that I need.

    As for the chaos and clutter, that never, ever works for you. You require things to be neat and orderly, organized. It is part of who you are, part of that compulsion of yours that I so adore. I understand your need for this, not because I echo is, but because I know you and I know how your needs work. You’ll get it done. I have faith in that. Both in organizing your work space and living space as well as making time for us.

    Liked by 1 person

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