I had to adjust this topic a bit (the original prompt is at the end of this post), as I do not have the urge to look to external sources of authority to tell me what to do. In fact, I have authority and control issues that cause me to rebel against such controlling behavior from other parties. The prompt mentioned that there are so many external authorities that there is a struggle in knowing who to listen to, etc. I have very few “authorities” over my actions… in fact even my employers are more collaborators than any form of authority figures.
SO… for this prompt. I am going to use the one single authority figure that -is- a part of my life, and with whom I have found a balance between authority and independence that works. That would be my partner, Gideon.
Where in my life do I benefit most from having an authority figure in my life?
Six of Spades atop Four of Diamonds – In helping me stay grounded and away from those things that are most harmful to me. I am self-destructive. Those tendencies sometimes rise up and whisper insidiously in my ear at the worst of times. Gideon is there in those times to help me stay on the right path, and does so in a way that doesn’t make me feel the searing sting of rebellion… such as when he made the request that I stop drinking.
Where could I use a better balance between his authority influences and my own need for independence?
Seven of Hearts – In my struggles to find balance and harmony by making the best choices for myself that I can. I need to consult with him more during these times when I am confronting these choices and get his input. Not so much to give him the choice instead of me making it, but to make sure that I have his perspective and input on what the best choices available to me are.
How can I begin establishing that better balance?
Three of Clubs – Work more closely with him and I will be heading in the right direction. I understood this from the card that previously came out concerning balance and his input. I need that input. Sometimes? I really suck at turning to him when I need to. It’s stupid and a part of those self destructive tendencies.
Why do I need this outside authoritative energy in my life?
Three of Diamonds – To counteract the poisonous influences of my upbringing by providing me with support. It’s something I can’t do alone but needs to be worked on together.
How does this authority figure in my life influence my self-care?
Queen of Spades – He works with me and supports my self care goals by being “all in” with helping me to make them happen. He does not lord over me but works with me so I do not get my back up and rebel against that authority, making that authority less offensive in his approach.
DECK USED: CABINETARIUM PLAYING CARDS
Original Diviner’s Den Prompt: This week it was brought to my attention that I have trouble trusting myself to make good self care decisions– I tend to try to find some kind of external authority to validate my decisions on how much I should work, eat, rest, exercise, etc. The problem with this is that… There are SO MANY external authorities. This may not be an issue for you– if not, feel free to ignore or adjust this topic as necessary. But I know I’m not alone in this— if you would like, join me in my shadow work this week around this topic.
-Who/what do I look to as an authority on my daily choices (food, exercise, rest, worries, self care, etc)?
-Is there a healthier place to look to for those choices?
-What resources would I need in order to better trust myself to make self care decisions?
-This week, what is one self care choice I can trust myself to make well?
Twisting the Leaf 