Somewhere To Hide
Lets crawl
through the dry brush
and dip low
to slip
under low hanging
boughs
so that the drip
of mossy tendrils
and brush
of spiny needles
can hide us away
from the world
beyond
Month: January 2021
Balance Adjustments
Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was another of the guided meditations with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.
The topic of today’s meditation was about how to deal with intrusive thoughts during your meditation practice. The thing is, everyone has that “problem” and it doesn’t at all mean that you’re not good at meditation just because you have trouble getting your mind to stay still.
The interruption of thought during meditation is natural, and when they happen, that is when the true “work out” of meditation begins as that is when you begin to train your brain to learn something new. In this meditation, the method for dealing with those thoughts is not to push them away, nor fall down the rabbit hole they create. But rather to acknowledge it happened with a “That’s nice, but not now” and then set them aside. Of course, they might come back, but that’s when you rinse and repeat.
Today’s draw is the Justice card, which is traditionally about give and take, cause and effect, and finding balance in moments of imbalance. It can also at times be an indication of legal matters or the legal/justice system.
What stood out to me the strongest to me in the imagery of this card today is the woman on the right with the bow and arrow. In fact, she stood out so strongly to me that I barely even noticed her counterpart standing behind her.
She stands strong and ready, looking outward and alert. Sometimes, it is like the woman on the left… a time to look inward and allow vulnerability to thrive. And sometimes, it is like the woman on the right… a time to stand tall and be ready for anything.
The woman on the right is who I want to be, and who I gravitate towards. The problem is that now is a time of vulnerability for me as I struggle with this new rise of depression and seek to find my footing on uneven ground. The Justice card is about balance, and is here to make a promise. It promises that everything comes back around again in time. The depression… and the good times as well. Like scales set up outdoors will swing and shift, tip and dance in even the slightest breeze, so too does balance shift and tip with the goings on of life.
DECK USED: BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread 3
Something Important in Your Life
The Hermit – Healthy alone time. This isn’t the “retreat to lick your wounds” time or the unhealthy alone time that gives inner negative thoughts time to pick away at you, but rather the healthy alone time you need to stay balanced and happy.
The Influence of Fire Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time
Page of Wands – Seek out new ways to make the healthy alone time that you need happen. It’s important to pour some of your attention and interest into this endeavor instead of trying to ignore these needs, or half-assing at fulfilling them.
The Influence of Earth Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time
Knight of Coins – Patience and determination are important. You’re going to slip up sometimes but you need to make sure that you’re still going for it. Instead of using slip-ups to turn your inner thoughts unhealthy, accept that you’re human and everything takes time. Instant gratification is not your friend and it’s better to take bite sized efforts along the way than it is to barrel head long in and then starve for long stretches between.
The Influence of Water Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time
Four of Cups – You judge yourself too harshly for taking this needed time. It’s important to view that need for healthy alone time more as a need, and view it less as a frivolous action. You’re not “wasting time”, regardless of if it feels that way. That is your past talking. That is your inner negative narrative whispering in your ear. Be grateful and understand that healthy alone time is necessary… and not some disposable silly “fun time” that’s a waste of time or resources.
The Influence of Air Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time
Three of Swords – Don’t allow the air suit to cause you to ignore your need for healthy alone time. It’s not a luxury… even if it sometimes feels like it. You have to fight back against that slave driver in your head. You have to fight back and reclaim this personal time as yours rather than something you’re stealing from somewhere else. Don’t allow your head to play games with you that make you ashamed of your needs and what’s healthy for you.
DECK USED: PARACELSUS’ DREAMS TAROT
Gideon’s Challenge
Life Among the Cracks
Tiny little leaves
that climb
between the rocks
in vibrant splashes
of green and purple
preening
among concrete’s
sandy cracks.
If it weren’t so cold
I could sit
and admire them
for hours
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)
These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.
The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?
Earth – King of Cups, Violet atop Trumpet Vine – You need to be honest with those around you concerning the invading depression that has become more difficult to manage lately. Open up to let them know what’s going on with you. Your home life and love life are both suffering from a lack of communication at the moment. Stop hiding (and hiding from) what’s going on and speak up.
Air – Queen of Cups and Cosmos – Start with Z. She will help you to see things more clearly and be able to communicate them more clearly to others. You struggle a lot with the “I dunno” issue when trying to speak about your emotions and depression when you’re “in the moment” of the experience. She can help you to untangle your thoughts enough to get them out more coherently.
Water – Seven of Pentacles and Lotus – Focus on doing the things that connect you to your faith this week and create balance. Your morning devotional and meditation are important. Take a more spiritual cleansing approach to bathing, etc. This is not spiritual bypassing but rather using your faith to motivate you into better self care when you’re struggling emotionally.
Fire – Knight of Pentacles, Aspen atop Pomegranate – Give some of your control over to those that can take the weight for a bit while you get through this hurdle. It’s not permanent, but they can handle it in the short term while you look at the long play and bigger picture beyond the current moment.
Waning – Wild Card – The chaos will ease if you let it, but it’ll take following the advice laid out in these cards to make it happen. Otherwise you’ll just continue to stagnate in the inner conflict and chaos you’ve been trying so hard to ignore.
Waxing – Thaw – Release your emotions from the frigid ice you’ve held them in and let them flow.
Take Away – The cards are right. I have been struggling and trying so hard to push back against the depression that’s managed to slip in under my skin. I tried so hard to not allow it to gain ground and to push back against it. But It’s here and I can’t deny that. I need to be open about it instead of trying to hide it. I need to share and allow myself to let others in to help me… no matter how fucked up that feels right now.
DECKS USED: GUARDIAN OF THE NIGHT TAROT, FLOWER ESSENCES DECK vol. 1 & 2, FACETED GARDEN ORACLE
Inspiring Changes
Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timing for my piriformis stretches. The topic of today’s guided meditation was about envy.
I don’t really remember much of the actual guided meditation. I just remember that it was about looking beyond what people have to the people themselves. Life isn’t about things, but about people after all.
Today’s draw is the Tower card, which is traditionally a representation of sudden and sometimes violent change. This isn’t the calm and steady organic change that comes with the Death card, but rather it is sudden and without warning.
When I drew this card this morning, I had thought the message was about tearing down old to make room for new, and perhaps it still means that… although considering what went on today and the racial slurs that are currently spray painted all over my car? I’m thinking this could very well have been a warning, regardless of the fact that the question was about being provided with a positive message to provide perspective.
Perhaps… the perspective here is that we need to do some renovations on our security in the building so things like this are less likely to happen. I’ve spent time speaking with the police, and going through security cameras, etc. Maybe once things have settled down it’s time to call a security meeting and look at making some changes for the better.
Sometimes crap ass shit has to happen in order to light a fire under the ass of change. That’s today’s message.
DECK USED: HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT
LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Something I should know about my current passions/desires.
Reading Summary: You’re going to have to move forward with patience (Knight of Pentacles) because you have a lot of conflict (Five of Wands) surrounding your feelings about the past (Six of Cups). Collaborative help from others (Three of Pentacles) will keep you moving forward and in control of your direction (The Chariot).
Take Away: This message is an echo of this morning’s bonus read. It speaks of making sure I’m moving in the right direction by working with those I love and that want to support me. It’s about allowing them to step in and keep me afloat when the influences of my past slip in to start screwing with my head and my heart. If I want to stay on track with my passions and desires, I can’t go it alone. I need the help of others to help keep me on track and healthy while I move forward at a slow and steady pace.
DECK USED: MAGICAL NORDIC TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can you bring more of what you want into your world?
Reading Summary: Be clever and “beg borrow and steal” (Seven of Swords) all the positivity and fun you can get (The Sun). It’s about going after what inspires you (Knight of Wands) with forethought and strategy at your back (Page of Swords).
Take Away: Go after the fun. Focus on those things that really “light my fire” and get me going. Use my mind, my wit, and the full force of my skills, abilities, and faculties to go after those things that have the potential to bring positivity and fun into my life.
The key here is twofold. First, that I put myself “all in” to going after these things. And second, that I focus on those things that truly foster my happiness and positivity.
DECK USED: TAROT OF THE DIVINE
Gideon’s Challenge
The Lake
Breathless
sweaty
muscles ache
and burn
as the flush
of ascention
heats the flesh
and the water
looks so
inviting
Don’t let
the beauty
fool you tho…
it’s cold.
Twisting the Leaf 