Month: January 2021

There’s More Waiting

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Today’s meditation was skipped.  No excuses, I just didn’t end up doing it.  I was entirely and utterly unmotivated to the point of actual avoidance. 

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - The SunToday’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally a representation of joy, success, fun, and play. 

I love the representation of the May Pole on the sun card, as the May Pole is a celebration of the sun’s reign in the sky and the first stirring of energy that rises up within the first breath of summer.

The card and it’s imagery is a message to remember how much I’m missing while I’m wrapped up in the darkness of my depression, and how much is waiting for me to enjoy and celebrate once I manage to pull myself out and back to even ground.

Although I can’t just “pull myself up by my bootstraps” and force the depression away, remembering that there’s fun and play and joy out there to return to helps in keeping the depression in perspective.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Ask the cards to tell you about something funny that will make you smile.

Tarot de Marseille Anima AntiquaOkay so, a few years ago my friend J and I were hanging out and the guy said the most rediculous thing.  In the middle of talking, I sneezed.   I have horrible allergies, and I have a habit of holding in my sneeze a bit when they happen because otherwise I often end up with a sore throat or snot everywhere.  Neither of those experiences are worth letting the sneezes loose, so I suppress them just a bit.

When J saw this, he turned to me with fully earnest expression and told me that I shouldn’t hold in my sneezes. That it’s important to let them out so the pressure doesn’t build up in your head during the sneeze and result in your eyeballs popping out.  And that that’s why when people sneeze they close their eyes, but it’s not enough and you have to let your sneezes out too.

It was so hilarious that I laughed for a good five minutes, and for months later every time I thought about it I’d start cracking up again.  Thinking of it now still makes me chortle a bit. The look on his face was just so earnest and guileless.  He really believed it and was so worried for me… and all I could do was laugh.

DECK USED:  TAROT DE MARSEILLE ANIMA ANTIQUA
 

Daily Self Kindness

Today I managed to actually do a bit of play with Gideon even though I had to do orders.  It was really nice and something I haven’t been able to do in a really long time (work on an orders day).  It wasn’t a long play, but I really enjoyed it a lot.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Cloudy SunsetJust A Little More

Day’s end comes
with sinking sun
and as light dies
time to sleep
arrives
but I don’t
want it to end
lets play
a little longer
as greedily
I seek
just a little more time
with you

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Personal Reflection

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IMG_8910Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for the piriformis stretches.  As a side note, I’ve done a number of different types of meditations through the Calm app, but somehow keep going back to the ones narrated by Tamara Levitt.  I like her voice, which is unusual since I usually find voices somewhat distracting.

The topic of today’s meditation was about resisting change, and it really had a good point.  Everyone says that they struggle with change, and yet when the change is something good like getting a raise at work or moving into a nicer neighborhood and a bigger, safer home?  There’s no growing pains at all involved, and no resistance.  It’s only when the change is uncertain or bad that we fight… and in fighting cause the ride to become that much more bumpy as a result.  It makes me wonder what would happen if we didn’t resist the negative changes quite so fiercely or fear them quite so much…. just how much smoother would things be as a result? Would we recover quicker?  Adjust more easily?

Heaven & Earth Tarot - JudgementToday’s draw is the Judgement card, which is traditionally an interpretation of how you feel about how your life is going and what you’ve done along the way.  It’s about ascertaining the worth of your life, your moral compass, and your integrity.  Where the Justice card might ask “what have you done lately?”, the Judgement card asks “what have you done with your life?”

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the open arms that reach not up, but outward as if to embrace the Archangel Gabriel above and the judgement taking place.

This, to me, speaks of needing to be willing to open up and look at yourself openly and honestly.  It means taking off the rose colored glasses and self-delusions and really look at what is going on with you, what you’ve done with your life, and where you can improve upon yourself moving forward from this point. 

This can be a hard process, and one that a lot of people can’t deal with… but what I see here is a call for honesty.   Honesty with the self.  Honesty to confront those things that we are uncomfortable with or ashamed of in ourselves, embrace those things, and begin the work towards something better.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How/where can my journey benefit from a loving approach?

Ink Witch Tarot

Reading Summary:  In finding a better balance (Two of Pentacles) between the running of my business (King of Wand) and my home life responsibilities (The Emperor)

Take Away:  Ahhhh, yeah.   I’m a motherfucking slave driver when it comes to both of these aspects of my life and I have very little understanding or tolerance for slacking, falling behind, or not keeping things on target and on track in both.  This cutthroat attitude is not always healthy, and a bit more of a loving approach could definitely help in this area.  It might be a good idea to draw some cards at some point on just how to go about instilling a more loving approach to these topics at some point, but I definitely acknowledge that doing so would benefit me and my journey forward.

DECK USED:  INK WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread 2

Mystic Masters TarotWhat we see here between the cards in this reading is the carry over of pink through the three cards in the spread.  In this case, the Temperance card speaks the loudest here due to it’s greater saturation of pink, and then spreads it’s influence to the other cards in the spread to highlight the aspects that carry the most weight in each of the other two cards.

Where am I in my journey of depression right now?

The Magician – It’s about the table… not the tools. Before you can start the climb out of the pit, you have to sit down and take stock of where you’re at.

How can I be proactive at climbing out of this depression at this time?

Temperance – Patience.  This isn’t something you can push or force, but rather something you have to have patience about and let run its course.

Page of Cups – It’s important to make sure that you are vocalizing your emotions and getting them out there. This is still a learning process for you and it can make the speaking about your feelings a struggle sometimes.  Just keep trying.

DECK USED:  MYSTIC MASTERS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took the time to clean my keyboard and work table today.  It’s been a bit groady for a while now, but in order to get it really clean it needed to have a hot wet cloth lying on top of it for a bit and then a scrub brush scrubbing… and honestly?  I’ve been putting it off for some time.   I also have been doing a bit of smart-boy work throughout the day while in play with Gideon so that I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed and pushed on orders day tomorrow.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Conifer TreeI Am The Evergreen

Porcupine quills
should hurt
but in the
winter cold
the prick of needles
is only
a touch of pressure
upon the skin
I am brittle
but strong
and I will
continue to grow
thrive and survive

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Liminal Spirits Oracle, Mosaic Dream Tarot, Heart Path Oracle Cards

Earth – Nine of Wands, Monkshood atop Gateway – Your ways are often unorthodox, but you find your path forward just fine with your more creative methods and perspectives.  It might feel right now like you’re at the end of your rope, just remember that a lot of this is perspective.  The poison that kills can also be the poison that heals… it’s all in how you look at it and what you do with it.

Air – King of Cups and Snail – “Curbing bad or dangerous behaviors before they cause irreparable harm or damage.”  This was one of the lines in the guidebook for the Snail card, and it resonated strongly.  It’s important to make sure that you are communicating with Gideon and being open with him about how you are feeling and the thoughts swirling around in your head.  Let him help you in curbing those thoughts before they become behaviors that could cause damage or harm.

Water – Eight of Wands, Honey Bee atop Forest –  “It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, but rather a sign of strength.” Again, a quote from the guidebook, this time in relation to the Forest card.  The Honey Bee and the Forest cards are both cards that indicate community, and the harmony of living and working together. The Eight of Wands indicates that now is the time to reach out to those around you for help. With the depression on your shoulders, you can’t do this alone right now.  Allow the others to help.

Fire – Nine of Swords and Snake – You’re at risk of spending a lot of time worrying about the unknown.  Keep in mind that just because you don’t know the answer or don’t understand  something doesn’t make it a bad thing.  Good things are birthed out of the unknown as well… so take a breath and try not to let your negative inner narrative run you ragged.

Waning – Spiritual DNA (Serious Alchemy is Afoot) – Don’t worry about the small stuff and all that needs to be done.  Don’t worry about the effect that your depression might have on the future of your business or your endeavors. Stop worrying about what might happen or the “butterfly effects” that could be triggered by this temporary psychological dip.

Waxing – Slow and Steady (Standing at the Threshold of Something New) – Instead of worrying about the repercussions of your depression, focus on the climb out of the pit and finding the fresh air and sunlight once more. It’s a journey, and like all journeys it takes time.  Just keep trying… keep looking for the positive.

Take Away – This week’s reading is about surviving the depression and about coaching me in what I need to do to keep myself from sinking deeper.  What to worry about and what not to worry over, what to seek out and what to avoid. It’s a road map to help me find my way in the darkness.

DECKS USED:  MOSAIC DREAM TAROT, LIMINAL SPIRITS ORACLE, HEART PATH ORACLE CARDS

Reaching For The Light

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IMG_8900Today’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with an added interval timer for my piriformis stretches.   Again, I was tempted to skip my meditation today, but I managed to push myself to do it anyway.

The topic of today’s meditation was about distancing yourself from your thoughts during your meditation practice so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of their sticky grip.  Instead, the guide offers the technique of labeling your thoughts when they arrive.  Essentially catching yourself and saying “thinking” and then allowing the thoughts to drift off.  Doing this each time so that you do not become emotionally or otherwise invested in the thoughts, but instead see them just as thoughts and then set them aside.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Nine of CupsToday’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of wallowing in one’s “feel good” feelings.  It’s about contentment and taking pleasure in one’s good fortune, as well as feeling emotionally satiated.  It can also be an indication of gluttony.

What stands out to me the strongest in this card’s imagery is that there is more than one person in the card and the figure on the stump appears to be sharing her wealth of goodness with those below.  Normally, this is a theme that I would expect to see in the Ten of Cups, as I usually consider the Nines of each suit lean more into solitary themes.

In absolute honesty, though, this looks a lot more like the Six of Pentacles to me.  But that’s just me.  It’s just that the imagery seems to lean so very heavily into sharing and generosity.  What is being shared here, though, is not money or resources.  It’s happiness, pleasure, positivity, and the sweetness of hope.  Those below reach for it, seek it out… and that is where the message lies in today’s card.  It’s not really about the figure on the stump… it’s about the people below.

Today’s message is about reaching for the positivity.  Don’t wallow in the dark.  Don’t sit on the sidelines and allow the negativity to have its way with you.  Instead… reach for the light.  Reach for the good, the positive and the hopeful.  It may seem out of reach, but it’s closer than you think.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: In what area am I asked to nurture myself right now?

Zolar's New Astrological Tarot

 Reading Summary: The anxiety and depression that you’re feeling (Nine of Swords) requires some nurturing (The Empress) and  that you seek out the positive as much as you can (Mercury) instead of focusing on the negative and letting it drag you down (Justice Rx).

Take Away: I’m currently struggling with what is starting to become clear is a clinical depressive episode at the moment. The cards here indicate that this is exactly the area where I need nurturing at the moment, and I need to make sure I’m leaning into self-care and self-kindness, as well as focusing on the positive and the light as much as possible in order to help in combating the darkness of the depression’s influences.

DECK USED:  ZOLAR’S NEW ASTROLOGICAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is a very positive thing in your life you are overlooking?

Mundane Magick TarotReading Summary:  You’ve done this before, again and again (Seven of Coins Rx atop The World).  You have all the skills, all the knowledge, all the tools that you need (The Magician) to make it through your depression and come out the other side (Death).

Take Away:  *Takes a breath.*   Yeah.  That’s true.  This is not the first time, and I can do this.  It’s not permanent, nor is it even especially long lasting.  It just needs to be worked through so that I can get to the other side of it and then move on from it.

Once the depression is over, perspectives will shift, experiences will shift…. life will shift.  And a whole different and lighter reality will take the place of where darkness currently exists.

DECK USED:  MUNDANE MAGICK TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I made a new character to play with Gideon instead of trying to burrow into myself and take a (not really needed) nap.  It’s something new so I don’t feel the pressure of trying to fit into the skin of an established character during a time when am barely fitting into my own skin.