Losing My Way
Melty and
disorganized
each little
angle
and sharp edge
rounded smooth
as water
drips
and the drop
is drawn down
down
down
to become lost
somewhere
below.
Month: January 2021
Morning Bonus Read – 7 Questions from Inc.com
The prompt for this reading came from an article on Inc.com called 7 Questions Every Leader Should Ask Themselves at the End of the Year which reminds us that “whatever chapter of life you are in, ongoing reflection and goal setting will help you turn into a better version of yourself, no matter what happened in your past.”
1. Who or what would you like to praise?
The answer to this can be acknowledging or praising anything: a mentor, a family member, or an inspiring figure. It doesn't matter. The important component of this question is understanding why you want to acknowledge them. So often we aspire and respect others because there is something within them that we aspire to embody within ourselves.
Garden – Those that I interact with. Those in my social circle. That includes those that I interact with over social media, friends that I keep in contact with over the internet, and the wonderful community I am a part of at Tarotholics. I’ve never had so much positive social interaction with others as I have over the past year, which is really interesting considering how much of our time around the world has been stuck in-house and on lock-down.
This positive interaction isn’t about me, but rather about the community of others that I find myself in and the wonderful support that they offer to each other (and to me) every day. It is truly breathtaking to me.
2. What would you like to praise yourself for?
Take the time to really get clear on the strengths you exhibited throughout the year and how you want to continue to grow them moving forward.
Ship – A large part of the past year has been on working on my self care, and a huge part of that process is in the relationship that I have with Gideon. Although we live nearly 2400 miles (over 3810 km) away from each other, these efforts toward my self care and the time I’ve spent throughout the year with Gideon has only made our relationship that much stronger. His support has helped me in those self-care goals, and supported me through the year in all of my different endeavors, and I hope that I have done the same for him and that he feels the same… because I feel that we are stronger (and happier) than ever.
3. What would you like to let go of moving into 2021?
When you get really honest about what is holding you back, your future won't feel so heavy. This could be letting go of anything from a partnership, a project, an employee, to even a mindset. Look at what or who drains your energy most.
Scythe – Pissed off customers. Ugh… even when I bend over backwards trying to satisfy them, sometimes you just get those customers that want to be not just pissed off, but also abusive. I wish I could say it didn’t hurt, but if I’m entirely honest? It does. It hurts when I can’t make someone happy, especially when it’s my job to make them happy. Id like to leave dissatisfied customers in my dust as I move into 2021, but unfortunately you can’t please everyone all the time, so there’s sure to be some no matter how hard I try.
4. What did you love most about 2020?
Reflection isn't only dedicated to mistakes or regrets. Spend some time celebrating your biggest wins and the highest moments within your year. While 2020 was a hard year for most, perhaps your biggest win was recognizing the value of connection with others or the importance of your family. Find gratitude for what you have in order to create more positive moments moving towards the future.
Letter – This card is an echo of what is said in the first two questions of this spread. It involves the connections that I’ve made with others. The ability to write with Gideon every single day, to connect with people about like ideas and interests. It’s in the writing… in the communication. For me, all communication is writing, due to my mutism. And it is in that communication and connection that I truly found a great deal of joy this year.
5. What would you want more of, or want to be different in 2021?
Review which aspects in your life you want more of, and then outline what changes would elevate your life in that area.
Clouds – When I started off the year last year, I went through a few months at the beginning of the year where I struggled with a fog of confusion and uncertainty. This year is different, and I’m so thankful for that, but I still feel a hint of that fog this year once again. Just not as severe or all encompassing. Hopefully that means it will clear more quickly and not be so severe.
6. What would you need to feel complete closure in 2020?
In order to start the new year with a clean slate, pinpoint what unwanted doors are still opened and then shut them for good.
Dog – Quality time with Gideon. I need to spend more time with him. I need to sink into his presence and the security of his arms around me and the trust that I feel in him. This is what has been lacking so far in the transition into the new year. I keep being pulled away and so we haven’t had much time together yet… and I need it. I can’t make the transition complete without that time together.
7. What’s next for you in the week ahead?
While it is very valuable to look at the big picture, there is also great treasure in being present and assessing your immediate needs. When you can look at life from a birds-eye view, it becomes easier to then zoom in and see what you need on a granular level. Tuck the larger vision of the year into your mind and begin to make daily decisions based on this overall landscape.
Key – Positive energy and success. Everything I need to make this week a positive experience and a success is within my grasp. Make sure to lean into the optimism and use these tools not just to slide back into work with grace, but to defeat that small remnant of fog and send it packing.
DECK USED: AURUM LENORMAND
Tending Wounds
Today’s meditation was a little different than the norm of late. Instead of doing a guided meditation or using a timer, I settled in with my earbuds and my favorite meditation music playing, and focused on a little poem/quote that I saw on Casper the Boy Diviner‘s Instagram this morning. He wrote it, and it really spoke to me.
Sometimes I forget that not everything is about self improvement and moving forward. It’s important to remember what we’re doing now… right here in the now. And that’s what this little poem said to me today. I think that much of the time, I spend far too much time trying to strive for more and better instead of enjoying what and who I am in this moment.
Today’s draw is the Ace of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of the seed of new beginnings in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition. This can arise in the form of new relationships, new emotions or feelings, or new creative ideas among other things.
What stands out to me in this imagery is that the blood moon is bleeding. Honestly, I wouldn’t normally associate this card with the Ace of Cups, because… it’s red. I’m not entirely sure why I feel that way about the color red, but it just… I dunno.
Anyway, what I see here is a moon bleeding. Blood on the moon bleeding into a dark ocean. And to me this speaks more of endings than it does to beginnings. Perhaps I would feel differently about this imagery if I read the guidebook for this deck, but I’ve yet to dive into the book.
The good thing about endings is that beginnings come afterward. But first you must lance the wounds of the battle that has passed and wash away the cuts and bruises. Here, this is what I see. I see a representation of that time at the end of a journey when you finally get to take a shower, tend your wounds, lance the infection out of the wounds that became infected, and then move forward after. Here in this image, I see that lancing taking place… the preparation that must come before the beginning can… begin.
This card’s appearance today is a reminder to take time off to breathe and recover, to make sure that your wounds (especially those inner emotional ones) are being tended to properly and are healing.
DECK USED: BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT
LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Something I am asked to work on during January.
Reading Summary: More self-restraint (Knight of Wands Rx) on the things that I am obsessed about (The Devil) will in the end make me happier (Ten of Cups) rather than feeling so uncertain (The Moon).
Take Away: Uncertainty is bred by allowing my addictions and obsessions to run wild. This isn’t just about things that cost money like brand name cookies and decks, but also addictions like working too hard, pushing myself too far, etc. This month I’m asked to work on “slowing my roll” a bit, and a bit of a breather so that I can find balance and help my self find a comfy happy space. This is not one of my strong suits, but I am doing my best… and will continue to try.
DECK USED: NEON TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How have you grown over the past year?
Reading Summary: Don’t worry so much (Temperance) about what other people think (Six of Wands) and just go for it (Eight of Wands).
Side note… I’m almost burnt out on the new years themes now.
Take Away: These cards are about being myself and allowing others to see the true me rather than the diluted and carefully restrained impression of me that I usually show.
I’ve always been very, very aware of my issues concerning social norms and ability to socialize “normally” with others. It has never been one of my strong suits.
Over the past year, as I’ve spent less time trying to please others and more time just trying to express myself clearly and do what I enjoy (as well as take care of myself) I’ve found that I’m far less hesitant to step in and offer my two cents or show parts of myself, my interests, and my personality that I would have otherwise kept hidden away from the world.
DECK USED: BRIDGETT’S MOSAIC DREAM TAROT
Gideon’s Challenge
Snow Angels
A whisper
so quiet
even the creak
of branches
sounds
thunderous
by comparison
as mossy beds
are buried
beneath
tufts of white
that land
on chilled cheeks
parted lips
and
closed eyelids
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Year Ahead Spread 2021 – January thru March
This spread is a predictive spread that is very commonly used as a bit of a preview of the year ahead. The question asked for each of these positions is…
Tarot Card: The theme of the month in question,
Oracle Card: What to focus on for the month in question, and
Affirmation Card: A ray of hope to hold onto for the month in question.
This reading is simply a brief exploration of the current trajectory of my path and energy for the year ahead. Like all predictive readings, nothing here is written in stone, it’s more of a look ahead just to have an idea of what to anticipate and what to work at avoiding.
As an experiment, I have decided to do my year ahead reading a little differently this year, and will only be pulling cards for the first six months of the year in today’s reading, and will interpret the first three months today then the next three months at the beginning of April. I will then revisit the spread at the end of June to do the following six months. I feel that this might help in ensuring a more accurate reading for the second half of the year.
2021’s Theme – Justice – This card is calculated through mathematics, and is not drawn randomly. My card for 2021 is the Justice card, with the theme of having to acknowledge that what you put out into the world and what you do in your life reflects back to you in turn. Good begets good, bad begets bad. Following that inner moral compass will be especially important this year and possible a bit of a challenge.
January’s Theme – The Devil – Temptation and finding your balance within your addictions and bad habits is going to be the theme of January. There’s a lot of bad habits and other addictions that got a bit out of control toward the end of the year last year, and now is the time to address and correct those issues before they take root.
January’s Focus / Advice – Guidance – You’re not in this alone. Make sure that when you need help or added perspective, that you reach out to others to provide you with those things. You have a variety of wise people around you that can help you when you’re struggling to understand, or need a little help with finding your footing or the right direction to go in.
January’s Ray of Hope – Dill (Enthusiasm) – Combat the negative not with just optimism, but also with enthusiasm. It can be hard, when feeling overwhelmed, to stir up that eagerness to get different things done, but you have the power within you to set yourself on the right track if you train your focus and your interest into the project and allow it to sweep you up into the process.
February’s Theme – Five of Arrows (Swords) – Your issues with scarcity and feelings of failure are going to be a bit of an issue for you this month. Keep in mind that this is temporary and something you can walk away from and heal from… but in the moment it’ll feel pretty bad. Although the theme of this month is defeat, being forewarned is to be armed and there are things you can do to ease up these influences in your life this month.
February’s Focus / Advice – Integration – Coming together with others can help in finding the support you need during this time. Although the issue is different from what came up in January, the advice here is very similar in that you need to be open to not just reaching out to others, but connecting and working together to find mutual support. A burden shared is a burden halved, as the saying goes. Share your burdens so that they are not so heavy upon your own shoulders and in turn you will be able to help others in the same way.
February’s Ray of Hope – Ginseng (Endurance) – You are strong and healthy, and with others to help you with your burdens you will find that you are more than strong enough to make it through to the end of the troubles that are weighing on you. Take things one step at a time and you’ll get through to the other side no worse for wear.
March’s Theme – Mother of Arrows (Swords) – Communication is key through the month of March. As the darkness lets up, connect with others to share what you’ve learned from your experiences, and to gain knowledge and understanding from them in turn. You are starting to feel strong and steady once more, and will need to make sure that you stay on the positive side of things. Keep your chin up and your eyes forward.
March’s Focus / Advice – Listen – Listening is an extremely important part of communication. Don’t forget that you have as much to learn from others as you have to share with them in turn. Take time to be still and quiet and not just listen, but actually hear what others are saying. For communication to be truly successful, your ears and mind must be open.
March’s Ray of Hope – Ephedra (Expansion) – Knowledge and understanding, as well as a healthy and supportive community, grow through clear and honest communication. Open up and share, accept what others have to share in turn, and all will grow from the experience, becoming better than before as a result.
DECKS USED: THE BRADY TAROT 2ND EDITION, TREE WHISPER ORACLE, MAGICKAL HERB ORACLE
Adding Flavor
Today’s meditation was skipped. Not intentionally, but apparently I fell asleep within the first minute or two and took an impromptu nap. So…. no meditation today, just a bit of extra sleep.
Today’s draw is the Four of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of stability and making grounded decisions pertaining to one’s health, home life, finances, resources, or manifestations. It can also be an indication of being miserly or valuing money or resources above all else.
What stands out to me the strongest in this card today is the representation of the four elements within the square/circle of the four pentacles in the imagery. The character in the card embraces one of those pentacles, and beneath it is the symbol for the element of fire indicating that the coin/pentacle he holds and all that it represents that is his greatest passion. That doesn’t change that the other four symbols are present, with earth resting to the man’s left, air at the man’s feet, and water to the man’s right.
The message I see in this card today is about where your passions lie, and how no matter where that is? Everything around you and everything you are in some way feeds into your greatest passions, rotates around those interests, and becomes a part of those things that hold your focus and drive you forward.
I have many passions, some stronger than others, and some far more long in the tooth than others. These passions permeate my life, and it’s important to be aware of this and how it might skew perceptions and opinions.
It is one more thing in so much that makes each and every person’s perspectives unique and no matter how hard you try to keep those passions to yourself for one reason or another, they will leak out into the rest of your life in small and subtle ways. Today it is important to acknowledge this and take pleasure in knowing that these things are a part of who you are and a part of what makes you unique.
DECK USED: HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT
LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What energy is available to support me this month?
Page of Coins atop Five of Coins – When you are feeling discouraged and plagued by doubts and fears related to scarcity issues, remember that you are more than capable of learning a new way of do things and adapting each new situation that comes along. Don’t be afraid to dive into being the student to find a new path forward if the one you’re on has too many potholes.
Seven of Cups atop Nine of Coins Rx – Here there is a reiteration of what is said above. Again we see feelings of uncertainty around finance and resources and the stability you cherish so much. Life requires money, but be sure to remember that the ways in which to handle your money and make it work for you (as opposed to the other way around) are endless. Look over your options during these times of struggle and uncertainty, and seek out the opportunities that will fit your situation best.
Knight of Swords – You are strong, intelligent, and ambitious. Sometimes, that ambition can sneak out in impulsiveness, but as long as you keep that impulsive nature under control, you a are more than capable of learning what you need to learn and going after what is needed to re-establish your sense of security.
DECK USED: PARACELSUS’ DREAMS TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread 1
Someone Important In Your Life That Has Had A Lot of Influence On You
Roy de Deniers – This is a man that has taught me what responsibility and stability looks like. He is the head of the home, the stability beneath his family’s feet, and the rock they depend on.
Their Negative Influence On You and Your Life
Quatre de Bâton – He taught me what uncertainty within a home looks like and how those within a home might pretend to show the world a stability and camaraderie that isn’t truly present beneath the surface. He taught me that alcoholism can eat away at what would otherwise be positive and strong.
Your Negative Influence on Them and Their Life
Valet d’Épée – I made him feel like he had much to learn when he wanted to feel that he already knew all there was to know. This created a sense of vulnerability for him that he struggled with, and still struggles with from time to time. I do not fit the mold of the prejudices that his experience thus far in life have created in him and this is uncomfortable for him, but he has learned (and is still learning) to adjust to the new perspective I provide him.
Their Positive Influence On You and Your Life
Huit de Deniers – This is a man that has taught me what responsibility and stability looks like, and the value that lies in honing one’s skills and having an expertise (or many) under your belt. He taught me the value of hard work is, and the benefits that hard work can bring. He has also taught me many of the valuable life skills that I needed when I struck out on my own in life and help me to the present day.
Your Positive Influence On Them and Their Life
Neuf d’Épée – I gave (and give) him something to worry about. This isn’t usually seen as a good thing, but in this man’s life, as he ages and his children go beyond adults and through middle-age, he finds himself feeling useless and un-needed. I give him the security of knowing that he is still needed, because I am younger and he took me under his wing, I haven’t yet reached the age where he feels I no longer need his help. Because he worries about me and feels that I still need what he has to offer, he pushes to be stronger and hold on a little longer.
Twisting the Leaf 