Month: March 2020

Holy Fury of Chaos

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I found it difficult to stay on track with the guided meditation.  In truth?  I can’t even remember what the theme of the meditation was about.  Just too much going on in my brain, I think.  It was all I could do to realize when my mind was straying and bring myself back to center again.

Knight of Wands - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Knight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a beta energy, personality, or person influencing the areas of one’s drive, ambition, and passions.

What I see in today’s card is chaos.   Aggression too, but chaos.  So much fucking chaos.  In fact, when I first saw this card today, there was so much chaos that I had a really hard time making out what the depiction in this card actually is.

The message in this card isn’t about the picture so much as about that chaos.  I couldn’t write this post yesterday (I’m writing it a day late and will back-date it here in the blog) because I couldn’t find… the message.  I couldn’t find the positive as all I could see was the confusion and chaos.

Today, I have the message.  Yes, the perception of chaos is still there and yes, it’s completely on match with everything that went on yesterday from being (temporarily.. I hope) laid off from all of my jobs other than the farm to the sudden tank in my online sales, the loss of medical benefits, the break in at the food bank and them being cleared out of everything they had, the lack of ANY food (or supplies to even make food from scratch) in grocery stores… every part of the stability I work so hard on and struggle and strive for so damned hard and depend on for my balance… ripped out from under me like a rug.  And thus… chaos.

The message here isn’t only about the chaos tho.  It’s about the Knight of Wands in a moment of chaos.  It’s about not giving up and pushing for your dreams even when things are difficult.  It’s about… not breaking under the strain that chaos can create.

I can do this.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: Where would I most benefit from releasing control during this liminal time?

Eight Coins Tarot

Reading Summary:  These cards are about making the choice (The Lovers) to let go of my top space and allowing the natural balance of our relationship (Two of Cups) to fall back into place.  I don’t have to have all the tools all the time (The Magician Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve already made the choice to do this.  It’s time for us to fall back into balance and I feel good in letting you take back control.  I still think it’s kinda crappy that that top space doesn’t allow for giving the kind of aftercare I want to provide you with… but that last card makes it clear that it’s okay I don’t have all “the tools” and feels like a direct reflection on that perceived shortcoming.

DECK USED:  EIGHT COINS TATTOO TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve on where I am emotionally in the week ahead?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary: Work on staying grounded (King of Coins) and connecting with my strengths (Emperor) and focusing on my composure (Queen of Swords).

Take Away:  With everything up in the air and feeling so chaotic right now, the advice here is to tap into those grounded  emotions and calm composure in order to keep things calm and somewhat level emotionally.   I am more than capable of making it through these difficult times as long as I don’t allow myself to fall under the shadows of confusion, fear, or a mentality of victimization.  I am the solid foundation in my life when the world goes mad around me.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DEGLI ANIMALI

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I better manage my inner critic?

Law of Attraction Tarot

Reading Summary:  Recognize when I’m being a dick (First Card) and take time to find a better approach (Second Card) that involves taking charge without lashing out (Third Card) at myself.  (Interpretation off imagery alone.)

Take Away:  My go-to way to motivate myself and push myself forward is to beat myself up and lash at myself like a bastard farmer whipping the ass of an oxen to make it pull the plow.  That lash, in my case, is my inner critic.  The cards indicate that I need to work at finding another way to motivate myself that doesn’t include beating myself up in the process.   So much easier said than done… but they’re not wrong.

DECK USED:  LAW OF ATTRACTION TAROT

 

 

Weekly Creativity Prompt – Character Creation

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Pull up to three cards and use them to… create and/or describe a fictional character.

Tarocchi Di Hokusai

One of The Nameless

Even in his youth, he was already an old man.  His grandmother saw it the first time she looked into his infant blue eyes, and even once that newborn shade darkened into a dark shade of brown, she wasn’t able to look back again.

It wasn’t just that his eyes were filled with an age he had yet to have lived, it was the desolate coldness in the rich brown gaze. There was a darkness there that went far beyond color.

As he grew up, he had no friends. It wasn’t that he wasn’t good looking, or even that he had some mysterious appeal.  It was just that he didn’t want them.  He felt no connection to them, and thus preferred to be alone.

This made him a perfect candidate for recruitment after he’d left the military, and the agency that picked him up trained him in skills that the military only hinted at, then began sending him on the kind of top secret missions that changed the world, one assassination at a time.

DECK USED: TAROCCHI DI HOKUSAI

Large and In Charge

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Today’s meditation has not yet happened, as I was running a bit late this morning and I really wanted to get my drive done and over with as early as possible.   Somehow, when I meditate, even though I’m only meditating for about ten minutes?  It takes something like thirty minutes.  I’m not sure where that extra time goes, but I just couldn’t spare it this morning.    I will meditate before bed tonight, though, for sure.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of authority, structure, “the establishment”, and control.

The thing is, what I saw in today’s card is… control.  And what I read from today’s card is that in order to ensure my own safety I need to be in control.   This comes through to me in the parade of little people-creatures below the hands and the bird, as well as the way that the bird spreads above them, large and in charge.

What this meant for me today was that in my trip up north and over the border, I took extra measures to project authority, and an unapproachable demeanor.  This included not just posture and the projection of energy (which is really my strong suit, to be honest), but also that I wore one of my “scary” face masks (similar to this) in order to intimidate those around me into giving me space and staying out of my way.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to prepare for the impending seasonal shift?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Get my ducks in a row (King of Swords) and make sure things are stable as far as resources go (Four of Coins) so that if I need to step away for a while, I can (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  Considering the situation going on in the world in the moment, it appears that the spring is going to be a bit of a struggle resources-wise.  The cards are telling me to plan and get organized, make sure everything is as prepared and stable as I can make it…. just in case.

DECK USED:  LES METAMORPHOSES DU JOUR TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I emotionally at this time?

Fenestra Tarot

Reading Summary:  Although I’m projecting a sense of being large and in charge (The Chariot), and trying to grasp at that energy and claim it as my own (Page of Swords), I’m actually on the cusp of a shift back to my regular low-key self (Two of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve been topping in our relationship for a bit now and it’s been really comfortable for the first time in a long time. I hate how I always seem to “fizzle out” after the energy peaks between us in roleplay, though.  Now that we’ve hit that peak,  I can feel the transition shifting  back the other way, and the whispering need to hand over the reigns is returning.

It always makes me feel like a bit of a failure when we get to that pinnacle point and then on the other side of it… I can’t seem to maintain that control and dominance.  It feels like I’m failing because it makes me feel like I’m not providing the aftercare that is needed.  I’ve been told this isn’t the case again and again, and yet… that feeling remains.  It makes the transition a bit more difficult than it needs to be, I think, so I really need to find a way to get over it.

DECK USED:  FENESTRA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: If I listen to my intuition more, what could I change?

Goblin Tarot (RWS Edition)

Reading Summary:  Less need for quick defensiveness (Eight of Wands) because of a more developed sense of inner strength (Strength) provides the ability to step forward as an authority and guide to others (Hierophant).

Take Away:  So when reading your intuition, it’s important to jump first and ask questions later.  Sometimes my logical brain gets in the way.  It doesn’t happen often because I have a very strong trust in my intuition, but it does happen now and then.  When it does, it’s usually because my brain has jumped so fast that I end up confused between which message is from where.

If I am more speedy about snagging that intuitive message before the brain can interject to mess things up, my strength in intuitive matters will continue to grow, which in turn will assist me in helping others in finding their own inner voice and their own path.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT (RWS EDITION)

Open Mind, Open Heart… No Walls

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1EXqUjKyraQ3_bjXxPF4-dLhWWNpAE1bbD8QjOBu9ThecPKKYXPrbC9fRUC7p3hi9SPGTgbR9Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long and focused on fostering trust in yourself,  your decisions, and your intuition.   We all have moments of self doubt, but some more than others.  And the more you devalue yourself, the harder it is to find that trust.

The guided meditation spoke on how sometimes, when you are feeling it that difficult to connect and trust your perceptions or your judgement, it’s okay.  To build that trust back up, that first step can be as simple as accepting that things could be worse.  Whatever choices you have made helped you avoid those scenarios that could be worse than the one you are now in.   So take a breath and be kind to yourself, and give yourself a little credit.

Seven of Cups - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Seven of Cups, which is traditionally a card that is a representation of being overwhelmed by choices, or having so many options that you need to take a moment to make the best decision available to you.

The cards in this deck seem to do this to me a lot, but what I see most in this card has more to do with the open mouth of the fish at the woman’s feet than with the cups or the traditional meaning.   The strength of the draw to that open mouth speaks very strongly to me, and has its own voice that blends with that of the card’s more common interpretation.   That is to say, the message that I see conveyed in this card today is that sometimes the obvious answer is not the right answer.

I don’t think that this is in reference to any one aspect of my life in the moment, but I do see a great deal of value in the reminder.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in habits and routine that we forget to look around and see if there’s a better way.  Perhaps it’s time that I do just that.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What might that readjustment look like in action? (Built off yesterday’s cards.)

A Darisa Tarot, The Lomisht

Reading Summary: To connect more strongly with my emotional side to the point where I can more easily communicate what’s going on, I need to do what I do in order to connect with my intuition (Eight of Wind), and ensure that even when I am feeling at my worst I am reaching for the sun (The Sun over Ten of Wind).  This will foster a stabilization and clarity of thought that will make room for me to build that stronger connection (Liege of Wind).

Take Away:  Lots of swords here… the cards are an indication that a lot of what’s holding me back from connecting and communicating my more emotional self is the overbearing demands of my mind.   Much like with when people struggle connecting to their intuition, I am letting my mind overpower and essentially “speak over” my emotional voice.  In order to be able to better connect with an express my emotions therefore, I need to harness the mind and force it to step back.

DECK USED:  A DARISA TAROT – THE LOMISHT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What area of my life needs some extra attention?

Reigning Rouge Tarot

Reading Summary: These cards are referencing hidden emotions that are preparing to spill over (Ace of Cups), because I haven’t taken enough time looking ahead and planning (Three of Wands) which is going to end up feeling like I shot myself in the foot (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  Yeah…. I’m going to have to do some digging on this.  Preferably before I get to the shooting myself in the foot part of the equation.  I think the lack of foresight is going to be about the upcoming issues caused by the current health scare going on.  It’s going to screw me over (just like so many others) when I can’t make income and that is sure to effect me pretty negatively on an emotional level.   I’d like to address the emotional side of things before the cup actually tips over and everything spills out in a mess, I’m just not sure if that’s going to be possible.

DECK USED:  REIGNING ROUGE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Ask the high priestess card “How can I listen to my intuition more?”

Luna Sol Tarot

Reading Summary: Work at not falling into bad habits that promote the blocking my intuition… things like anxiety (Nine of Swords) and hiding behind inner walls of apathy (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  Those inner walls have slowly been coming down over time as you dig and play sledgehammer at them over the past twelve years.   Over the last few years, it’s become very apparent that those walls had muffled more than just my emotions, but also my intuition to an extent.     Anxiety is one of the triggers that makes me try to erect those walls and hide behind them, because I feel the need to appear calm, even when I am anything but.   The advice of the High Priestess is to not retreat. Do not resurrect those walls.  Do not hide behind those walls that remain.

DECK USED:  LUNA SOL TAROT

 

Hidden Threads of Inner Strength

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IMG_3125Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon stepping outside one’s comfort zone.  The guided meditation spoke on how sometimes we need to step outside our comfort zone, and how as we do this again and again, our comfort zone begins to expand, and our ability to handle discomfort increases.

I think that everyone needs this reminder from time to time. It’s easy to want to nuzzle down into what’s comfortable and wall yourself into those places. The thing is, though, that it’s important to to step outside of those comfort zones… because life is meant to be lived, and a part of living a rich and fulfilling life is experiencing new things.

High Priestess - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the High Priestess card of the Major Arcana.   The Major Arcana cards deal with “big picture” themes that are not pared down into specific aspects of the human experience.  Traditionally, the High Priestess is a representation of intuition, the subconscious, and other hidden things connected to one’s senses, motivations, and spirituality.

Two things in this card’s imagery really stand out to me.  First is the bird cupped in her hand that whispers into her ear.   The other is the Catherine the Great quote wrapped around her wrist.  The full quote says “I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.”  The quote’s presence holds special meaning for me in reference to this card.  It speaks of having an inner core of steel beneath a soft exterior.

The message in today’s card is about inner strength.  It’s about the inner strength that intuition can create within someone that trusts that inner voice implicitly and allows it to help guide their steps.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: Where would I benefit from readjusting my trajectory at this time?

Jonasa Jaus Tarot

Reading Summary: Let go of the shit that’s holding me back (Six of Coins) from making the steps forward into new territory (Ace of Swords).  Shit that’s holding me back? The stuff that has triggered my need to guard myself (Nine of Wands).

(The connection between the Six of Coins and the Nine of Wands is in the color coordination between the two cards.)

Take Away:  The fearful mindset and fog that resulted from it from “the letter” caused a bit of a mess for me and made me very “defense oriented”.  It’s time to let go of that mindset and stride forward confidently once more.

DECK USED:  JONASA JAUS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What in my life needs changing?

New Choice Tarot de Marseille

Reading Summary:  Emotional communication (Two of Cups) is not my strong suit, but instead of ignoring my emotions or refusing to try (Four of Cups), it’s time to examine my methods (Four of Cups Rx). I need to allow my development to move forward and mature into something new (Death)

Take Away:  Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by falling back on old habits.  If I want to continue to learn to connect to my feelings, I need to communicate what is going on with me emotionally rather than ignoring it or shoving it away. 

DECK USED:  NEW CHOICE TAROT DE MARSEILLE

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
OK, so in my opinion the original question for today’s prompt was not phrased well… So I rephrased the original question in two different ways and here are the results for each.

Question: How can I keep myself safe while using my intuition?

Tarot of the Golden Wheel

Intuitive Interpretation:  Trust.  These cards are about trust, and taking action based on that trust.  My intuition is an authority that weighs above thought and sparks from those mysterious insides rather than the brain or the physical.  Being safe while using my intuition requires absolute trust.

Question: How can I keep myself safe by using my intuition? (ie: How can I use my intuition to keep myself safe?)

Tarot of the Golden Wheel

Reading Summary:  You have all the tools necessary (Magician), you just need to be willing to listen to your intuition (Knight of Cups).  Allow your gut to sing, and avoid overreactions (Temperance).

Take Away:  This is something that I already do, as I’ve been using my intuition as one of those way in which I navigate the world for a very long time.  Over the past twelve years, my intuition has become stronger and stronger, which to me means there is a clear connection between emotions and intuition.  I don’t claim to know or understand that connection or how it works, but as I’ve become more in touch with my emotions and torn down more of the walls that I have hidden my emotions behind, my intuition has become stronger and less muffled. 

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE GOLDEN WHEEL

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Self Care Saturday

Earth – Five of Cups and Wren – You possess all the resources and skills needed to achieve my goals.  Now is a time to set aside apathy and move away from those things that are causing distress.  Instead, pay attention to what needs to be done and what needs to take place including in what areas you need to step back from, and use your innate skills and adaptability to take the steps needed to get there. Judicious self restraint is advised.

Air – Emperor and White Swan – A return to strength can be healing.  It’s more than possible to maintain control and steady footing while allowing light in to heal wounds created within the darkness. That self possession and control can often look like it is in contrast to the light of healing energy, but they aren’t.  Both reside within you and can work together as one.

Water – Hanged Man and Dove –  Releasing the past and opening up to the present is the theme of this week when it comes to my emotions.  It’s time to seek out a new perspective, moving forward into that new view is essential to adaptation and growth.  Take time  to examine closely the “outside the box” options that may be available to you or help you in finding balance on your path forward.

Fire – Eight of Wands and Eagle –  The symbol of the eagle is one of awakening power, knowledge, vision, and spiritual growth.  Combined with the Eight of Wands, there is an indication here that these cards are about advancing in those areas at high speed over the next week.  Sometimes when we are growing and developing, different aspects of ourselves develop at different rates.  These cards indicate that there will be a significant growth spurt in this area, and that I need to keep my eyes open so that I don’t miss anything.

Waning – Snake – Rigid adherence to a chosen path and analytical thinking. As the cards above have touched on, this week will be about moving away from these themes and embracing a mentality of adaptability while allowing the heart to have sway in the decisions taking place.

Waxing – Monkey – Unrestrained dexterity and adaptability. Don’t get so sucked in to that rigid way of thinking that you miss the bus on the growth taking place this week.  You’ve made the choice to move forward… now is not the time to look back.

Take Away – More forward movement towards healing and finding balance.  More growth.  Full speed ahead, this week is going to be filled with bits and pieces of growth… golden nuggets that will in develop into essential puzzle pieces in the new reality I am forming with each step I take.

DECKS USED:  ANIMAL TOTEM TAROT, DIVINE FEATHER MESSENGER ORACLE, PAOLO BARBIERI CHINESE ORACLE